| | Hi all, Before I go on , ill just briefly say where Im at, after a big abdiding awakening and insight into no "me" a year ago, I worked and worked at it, until I hit what I now genuinely beleive is MCTB 1st Path in mid/late March.
Heres my issue, My whole life Ive been overpreoccupied by things, its always been the same pattern.. -> new interest -> excitement that this will be thing I become super succesful/rich/even famous for -> over obsession and over preoccupation -> relatively impressive results/growth in that area -> harsh realization and gut wrenching feeling that you gotta be a master at that to be really the best. -> Lessening excitement , increase in suffering and bitterness -> Get bored and stop after having learned loads about it and having made very good progress. -> overall a sense of bitterness for a while .. .. ,. -> new interest (THIS ONE WILL BE THE ONE). -> and so the cycle begins again
This played out several times over my life until enlightenment presented itself to me. A completely different opposite take on how my life should be lived, not to mention an answer and a reason for my previous behaviour and what I was looking for, i.e. the fundamental knowledge , (even if I dont fully experience it yet), that there is literally nothing outside of this very moment that make you more content.
Now, my biggest fear was that I was turning this into the same old same old, like above^^, new interest -> passion -> results ->then potential bitterness and a realization that Ive destroyed my ambition in life, ive destroyed my ability to improve anything else in my life, as in , basically despite all the insight, all the peace, the lack of fear, and growth in genuine inner confidence Im becoming a small bit crap "at life". Im getting lazy with my business, Ive made no effort to meet the opposite sex, Im not challenging myself in other ways.
The thing is Ive sort of justified this a bit by telling myself this is fundamentally the most important thing I could ever do in my life, that my own suffering, my own fear, my beleifs/ideas and whatever negativity is still lingering is the root cause of why other things have failed in the past.
People always say "It doesnt solve your problems", but I call bullshit on that to an extent, yes it does, most of my problems were fear based/negativity based/beleif based, and these "bases" are falling apart. Ok, it hasnt solved my conventional problems , im still broke, Im still single etc etc but my justification is that by getting this done, then I can start working on other isues, with ease and confidence, as oppose to fear and blockage.
My question is, am I being really really naive? Should I be so over-preoccupied? I love being really preoccupied by something, but unfortunately it always results in the neglection of other things. Am I getting it all wrong? that despite the sense of freedom the majority of the time, despite the peace, despite the reduction in fear that essentially Im weighing waaay too much importance on this as being the answer to other stuff?
Have any of you ran into this problem ? Finding a balance, trying to find a way to motivate yourself back into the conventional world? |