wylo .:
Supposing you are in a potentially minor confrontational situation with a housemate/good friend where you know they wont budge, even if you are right( as in technically and factually right, as oppose to "opinion-right")
And suppose this situation constantly repeated itself with the same person...
Do you think its good practice to simply lose , i.e. swallow the pride every time , drop any ill will or desire to stand ground and let the other person "win" and accept that thats the way they are?
I must stress, what Im referring to is very very very menial stuff here where if I completely stood my ground it would be ego serving behaviour even if I am right, admittedly Id a big story written out about myself and a friend, but it was all a bit ridiculous so I deleted it.
All Ill say is that we run into the same VERY minor stubborn confrontations about stuff quite a bit (cleaning in the house, buying small stuff , being corrected over silly things etc). If I thought I was being used or being taken advantage of it would be a different story , but thats not the issue. He is completely fair, just honestly doesnt pay attention at times and then is convinced he is right after he makes an assumption of it and so wont clean certain things or buy things etc.
I know you could make the argument "hold up the mirror to your face and write that again", but really I know for a fact when I am right in these situations, as in I could probably make a technical argument with proof about it if I wanted. But these things are so menial that itd be ridiculous to confront someone about them every time.
Does completely surrendering and losing and accepting hes like that actually reduce my own irritation over it? and increase my compassion and joy? Or is that simply another way of putting up with it, and continuing the irritation, even if its only ridiculously mild. The friend is great, and a friendship worth having.
Bhikkhu Analayo excerpts from the
AN Book of Fives, putting away malice, top of page 140,
here