Note, I'm not enlightened, but this is just my experience throughout my practice for a while.
Brian K.:
I wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't suffer either way if i stayed or left, you feel me?
My girlfriend just broke up with me for this very reason. It's like you quoted her word-for-word.
For the last 2 years or so, she's been on the fence. I think in a way similar to the post from Trent, I have become more able to care, listen, respond, because there is less of me, and more available attention to give her. And, at the same time, there was less romance, bonding, and this "suffering if she left" type of connection (for the same reason, that there was less of "me" involved.) So, I think she was really confused, always going back and forth: "it seems like he cares about me, but I'm not getting the love I need." She even said some things to the effect of: "if you're not going to suffer without me, then why be with me at all?" I had to laugh, sometimes, because basically I would respond: "maybe I
enjoy being with you?" and it's just that simple. I think it confused her to some degree.
Although, I have to admit that you are absolutely right - in terms of mainstream thought. If someone doesn't suffer when they lose something, society says that means they probably don't care about it, they don't love it, or they don't appreciate it. This is revealing of the relationship between love and sorrow.
At any rate, she broke up with me now, so I can't say it is any kind of success story. She has practiced meditation from time to time, but I think she is (like me, probably) stuck cycling through the pre-path territory. Sometimes she reminded me a little of Cypher from the Matrix. I think she has wanted to take the pill which would put her back in the Matrix. So, she is dating some other guy now, where she hopes to get the love she "needs," and if she can put herself back in the Matrix, and she is happy about that, then I suppose I will be happy for her.
It's possible that she might have stayed if I didn't have as much Dark Night stuff, but I can't say for sure.
I'm currently wondering if I will be able to make a relationship work, or if I'm actually full of shit, and actually more narcissistic than before (though I don't think so.)
I am quite curious, however, if anyone has made it work in a relationship with someone who is not a practitioner themselves.
Also, I'd say that you don't have to be fully enlightened to get a sense for what it might be like. All you have to do is take your "self" out of the relationship for a minute and see how it's different. Or to quote Richard, "Make all of your identity unimportant, for now..." and then see how that changes things.