| | Day 4:
As the momentum dies down, I'm no longer in possession of any angst, sense of self or whatever.
It all seems to have dispersed. Meanwhile some doubts and questions, similar to the Buddha's 14 "traps" arise. What was my attainment in the past? What is it now? Do I exist? Do I not exist? What is the nature of pain? Is remorse useful or not?
Thus far, these doubts continue to arise, overall though the angst is pretty much gone, along with any remorse. Sense of existence or being is also gone, or at least, immersed in it, I can see that it is not solid, or 'me'.
I feel much better, overall I think the point of practice is to stop procrastinating and start doing, start riding, etc. I'd like to end with a quick model that I came up with called the "influx destruction model" or "another simple model", it's based on my personal experience. It goes like this:
There are three stages, the Opener, the Trainer (or Learner) and the Adept (or Consumater).
I was an Opener for many years, essentially the Opener is anyone who is pre-path, pre starting on this journey, but is currently working on getting started. The influxes of he/she are intact, he/she may or may not be a good person, he/she may or may not have morals, may or may not practice hard etc. The point is, they have not started the process of existential death.
Openers can be anything, they can be moral people, intense meditators, spiritual adults (a la Jed McKenna), experience fabricators, dilly dallyers etc. Essentially they haven't actually begun the process, and maybe never will, but are perpetually (or not) on the edge.
The trainer's influxes are partially destroyed, he/she has begun the process that leads toward Enlightenment and is well on his way. A trainer's angst, sense of being and whatnot are now diminished, and he continues to work on this. Trainers are rare in the sense that they have actually taken the leap, whereas others have not.
Finally the adept is one who has exhausted his will, outflows (influxes), volition etc. He dwells in peace and has, without a doubt in his mind, put an end to becoming, ignorance and thirst. Dried are his outflows. |