| | I got to thinking about human nature today (and in general, the past few days). On one hand, I do think that people's general instinct is towards happiness, but that the means to achieve that are often very distorted. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel a little pessimistic about people and their nature. I've noticed that:
-People want to express their pain and sadness, and they will readily spill this to you in so many ways. Not that this is so terrible of a thing, but it really doesn't at all seem like anyone wants to hear about your own pain and sadness. I have some great friends, I can't doubt that, but almost always, no matter who I meet, there is a sense that no one really cares to hear about my own troubles. I just moved in with some friends, some of whom I haven't really spent much time around. I've had some really heartfelt conversations with a few of them already, where they are expressing a lot of pain, sadness, unsureness, and doubt in life. I've really tried my best to listen, and I actually do think about these people quite a bit, really hoping they know I care, and really hoping they can find a way to be happy. But I'm painfully realizing that none of these people are interested in hearing me in the same way I hear them. It's like when I mention any of my sadness, it turns them off or something. I've never really even gone much into depth with it or droned or anything like that. I'm usually fairly happy, and quiet, and usually all ears. But I've noticed that when people ask how I am and I even briefly say that I'm so-so, or not having a good day (and trust me, I rarely respond like that anyways), people get turned off or something and change the subject.
-People love to talk, but they hate to listen. Most people I have ever met will always be shifting the conversation towards expressing their own feelings and thoughts, and people will really only be drawn to talk about in things that related to them, their lives, their interests, their thoughts.
-There is something so dog-like about human socialization. If you're being energetic, upbeat and happy, people will "let you in" to the circle. Even if you're not acting sad though, especially with a big group of guys, just being quiet and not engaged in whatever "shooting the shit" is going on, they seem to single you out, shoot down the few things you say, ignore you, not wait for you when the group is moving about, and in general get really uncomfortable with the only person or people who are not meeting the group on energy level. There are times when I'm in great form and I can "shoot the shit" all day, be a social wizard and all that, but there are also days where I'm quiet, preoccupied with something, have some kind of issue on my mind, etc... Must those who are quiet and reserved always suffer alienation and degradation? Must they learn to be energetic and socially acrobatic, always filling in quiet spots with whatever junk comes to mind? Do people even realize the extent to which they segregate and alienate others based on simply following the social order of the group?
When I'm happy, everything is great, I fit in fine in basically any social setting, I empathize well with others, and people seem to genuinely like me. But when I'm sad or even just quiet or reserved, it seems like people just let go and lose interest, like they want nothing to do with me or just don't really care about me when I'm not at my best or most energetic. The problem with this is that I so strongly feel the urge for others to care about me when I'm not feeling well, but it seems like when I'm not feeling well, others let go. Must quiet and reserved people adopt artificial aspects of personality in order to have better social lives or something? Why is listening so rare? Is the outlook on human nature really as pessimistic as I'm making it seem here? Have I just really, in my 20 years of meeting so many people, never found the right friends or something? Is there something wrong with me, or is my natural, unforced personality too detached from social norms for people to care to bother? Must people force some artificial persona on themselves in social situations in order to make friends? Or maybe there is something I'm expecting from friendship and people in general that I can't get?
These questions are all floating around in my head. I don't know if any of them are important, or if maybe I'm missing some important premise, leading to my own sense of something being wrong in human nature when maybe human nature is not as bad as I'm making it out to be. |