JULY 13 - SUNDAY
Notes: I have been trying to sit for 45 and 40 minutes respectively the past couple of days. I don't think I am able to sit for this amount of time and practice efficiently. Trying out 30 minutes for todays sits, 15sh to kasina and 15sh to vipassana.
MCTB Pages: 77, 127, 139
Morning Sit
Kasina (Candle Flame) - 13~ MinutesThe flame was tiny today due to the wax melting so I had to try harder to focus on it. I set the timer for 15 minutes allocated to kasina but felt concentrated after around 13 so I closed my eyes and started noting. Before that though, I watched thoughts arise, do their thing, watched my reaction to them, returned to the flame, and watched them disappear. After maybe 10 minutes of kasina, I noticed a subtle shift where my focus seemed to increase. At this point I didn't feel like watching the flame and closed my eyes.
Vipassana (Noting) - 17~ MinutesNoted bodily sensations, watched how the they became more and more subtle. Lots of movement going on in the right hand, lots of pain in the head (had a migraine after waking up today) so I used that as one of my objects today. Noticing the pain move around in the front left part of the head, noticed a dull pain right in the center of my forehead, as well as dull pain in the back of my head. Noted 'pain', 'feel', for these sensations. Also noted 'change' when trying to observe with the understanding of impermanence. During the end of the sit I began to note 'expansion', because the area in the front of my eyes grew in size, like room just got slightly bigger. It seems like this room is only in front of the left half of my face, thats the area I most notice this change in size. The crumbling effect of my body happened 4 times this sit. Still not sure what this is.
Evening Sit
Sat around 2 in the afternoon then watched the World Cup. Do not remember details of the sit.
COMMENTS
Noting Monkey:
[quote=Another thing I have noticed is my body going limp. Its almost as if my body "turns off" for a microsecond and I fall backwards or scrunch downwards, but a microsecond later my body would automatically catch itself and I would suddendly be aware what happened. This occurred maybe 5 times and this has happened in previous sits. Not sure what this is about.
]sounds like phenomena of arising and ceasing...
Interesting. This happened a few more times today. I have become more aware of when it happens, trying to be aware of what happened before the 'crumple' and what happens after. Will apply this mindfulness during my sit tonight.
Another thing to note, I rarely returned to my breath during vipassana. I prefer to note 'in' and 'out' for the breath, but my attention was in my body and in my mind much more than focused on the breath
Some people like to use the breath as a basis object, some use multiple objects. My experience is that after noting other phenomena is better to come back to the breath or (to other bodily sensation) because staying with the mind can be very slippery and easy to be lost in the content.
I prefer to come back to the body. It seems more stable, however when I come back to the body, it is either the whole body, or a specific part. I am still messing with how wide my field of attention is, need to figure out what works best for me.
Vipassana was difficult. I have no idea what I'm doing. Getting frustrated with myself and noting it. Seems like I am not going anywhere, but this is my second time actually attempting to give it a fair trial, there is no way in hell I am giving up. Also, reality seems to grind to a halt during meditation. It seems so slow and I think the reason is because my mind is constantly wondering "when will the timer go off? is this shit over yet?". I try to note these thoughts but they still have some power over me. Might be flaundering in the content.
Good conditions. Maybe here also better to try to come back to the body. Just note the thoughts after come back, more you follow the thoughts worst it will be. Just let the mind worry about time and stuff try not to get involved and sit the time you set in.
My mind has had a massive grasp over me for my entire life, thus I give lots of power and attention to the thoughts that arise. I definitely agree that coming back to the body is the right move. I have noticed that when the thought arises, I get sucked into, but after a few seconds I 'release' it, and at that point I am able to note 'thought' or 'thinking'. Does that make sense?