Hi,
Bruno Loff:
Basically I don't want my parents to suffer because I've "eliminated suffering." If you where to report to me, for instance, that you have stopped maintaining the relationship with your parents, or that you don't care anymore whether they are happy or sad (and please tell me if that is the case), because everything is "perfect" to you, then I would conclude that the longer I take to reach this perfection, the better, and would try to hold out at least until my parents' death. If the fact that life is oh-so-enjoyable that nothing can really make you sad etc etc would imply, in your behavior, that you would act unconcernedly towards those whom, not having a "perfect" experience, still feel affectionately towards you, then I would hold out, suffer some more, for these people's sake.
I choose to continue speaking with my progenitors mainly due to this; which is why I mentioned it as a favor to them. It is my choice whether to do this or not because I do not exist in relationship to other people, things and events but rather I am actually alive as a body in the world of people, things and events. To put it simply, I care about people, and a relatively short phone call every month or so is a small thing to do, especially given how much care and time they put into me.
Bruno Loff:
But since I AM suffering quite a lot, to the point I have so little enjoyment, so little sense of fun, and since from what I can ascertain, you seem to maintain the relationships with your friends and family, then I might consider putting some effort in moving forwards with the whole meditation thing.
Part of 'my' motivation was in seeing the suffering of 'my' friends and family and knowing that the only way 'I' could help myself or them end such suffering was to free myself and lead via example. This can be a great source of altruistic motivation.
Bruno Loff:
1) My ascertainment is that, behaviorally, whether you feel "bonded" or not, however it is you value things, or in general choose a course of action, it seems that you find "good reasons" to maintain these relationships, and "no reasons" to break them. Is this correct?
Correct, I choose to maintain the association with them for the simple reasons above and because they are friendly people whom I enjoy the company of.
Bruno Loff:
2) How on earth it is you are able to make any sort of judgement between good reasons and bad reasons or no reasons, given that you also say everything is perfect, is still a mystery to me. This mystery holds me back tremendously, with fear, not so much for myself anymore, as I have hinted so many times, pretty much since my first post that you answered so long ago. To make it concrete, using the eating a baby thing as a metaphor: although I see that you won't eat a baby (you even "almost spill orange" juice at the thought, as if shocked though of course you're not "feeling shocked"), it is unclear to me "why not?" I think this might even be unclear to you.
Perfection does not mean physical perfection. For instance, I have a stomach ache right now, which is uncomfortable, and which if it persist may lead to the administration of some sort of medicine. But regardless, I am experiencing this moment as perfect just as much as it will be perfect if my stomach no longer aches. This moment is without opposite, complete, whole, and so forth; not infallible, not physically perfect, or whatever.
Hah, I almost spilled the orange juice because it was in my mouth when I read the statement and laughing when there are liquids in the mouth can lead to, in this case, orange juice being all over the place. I held it back though, in one of those moments where a person can suspend their laughter for the sake of quickly swallowing the aforementioned liquid, often followed by some coughing, followed by laughter or whatever.
Bruno Loff:
3) Please, if you have any insight on what this sense of fun and discovery is, what originates it, and how to bring it about, please share. I hate this sensation of "disenchantment," and I hate the utter lack of enthusiasm that I've been having the past few months. Maybe the ball is in my court, but now what, how do I swing?
'I' began having fun again when 'I' discovered 'my' dormant naivete and thereby successfully quelled 'my' resentment for being alive. This allowed me to freely enjoy the inherently interesting aspect of life as well. As for lack of enthusiasm, perhaps you would find it beneficial to turn on the television, flip to a news web site, or to view something else reporting the world news. A vast majority of what you read or watch will tell the tales of the suffering of humans all over the world, which is only the tip of the ice berg. Further realizing that the only person you can change is yourself and that the suffering and cause for that suffering both personally and impersonally is 'you' (I am not implying that you directly cause the suffering of the world) may lead to a motivation that perpetually gains momentum until it becomes enthusiasm, and from there, perhaps enthusiasm leads to "obsession" and by then you will be well on your way.
Best,
Trent