Hi Daniel,
Sure thing!
Daniel Leffler:
I have a couple questions about your Actualist practice if that's ok as I'd like to support my own personal practice and development
"There are no positive feelings (as in emotions/moods/affective states) when actually free"
Is that your personal experience or your belief? Since you do not claim AF (Virtually Free?) I'm wondering if this has been something you've glimpsed but only temporarily?
It's true, I'm not actually free. It's based on my experience of PCEs, my experience of actually free people (I visited Richard & Vineeto in Australia) and what's written by actually free people on the AFT site. So I am extrapolating somewhat, not having the experience of actual freedom yet, but the PCE definitely is almost there, going by reports. So yes, in the PCE, there are no affective states, not even feeling happy. But the experience itself is remarkably pleasant, wondrous, enjoyable, etc. The way I experienced it was that there is literally nothing to do, except to enjoy the moment - that's all you have to do if life were always like a PCE.
Daniel Leffler:
Is there no love, compassion etc there?
No love or compassion either, no. 'I' am entirely absent, so too is anything 'I' am - which is among other things any emotion. It's really something else.
Daniel Leffler:
Equanimity? (Which feels like an affect to me).
Yea I would say equanimity is affective. There isn't equanimity either. It's much more vivid and sparkling than that.
Daniel Leffler:
What about instinctual body fear (like someone jumping out of the shadows quickly to attack you or a snake trying to bite you?) It sounds freaky to be honest, but I am open minded, or so I like to think ;)
I haven't experienced this for myself so I can't answer from my own experience, but I can link you to something Richard wrote. Did you ask this question after having read the AFT by any chance? He literally describes an instance in which a snake comes out at him (
link). What happened for him is that he still had the instinctual reflex ("These eyes instantly shift from admiring the dun-coloured cows [...] and see the green and black snake [...] which had not only occasioned the abrupt halt but, it is discovered, had initiated a rapid step backwards"), but none of the instinctual passions that usually come with it ("[...] an instinctive response [the stepping back] which, had the instinctual passions that are the identity been in situ, could very well have triggered off freeze-fight-flee chemicals.
There is no perturbation whatsoever (no wide-eyed staring, no increase in heart-beat, no rapid breathing, no adrenaline-tensed muscle tone, no sweaty palms, no blood draining from the face, no dry mouth, no cortisol-induced heightened awareness, and so on) as with the complete absence of the rudimentary animal ‘self’ in the primordial brain the limbic system in general, and the amygdala in particular, have been free to do their job – the oh-so-vital startle response – both efficaciously and cleanly.").
Daniel Leffler:
"...everything is not impermanent, and the emotions and ego are indeed "Self"
What in your experience is not impermanent? Scientifically and/or spiritually?
Matter isn't impermanent. Speaking scientifically, matter and energy are neither created nor destroyed. They do constantly change shape and reconfigure, though. Also I'd say space and time aren't impermanent. Plus, everything is actually remarkably stable - a cup for instance - even if eventually, over many years, it will degrade.
I would rather say that 'I' am impermanent, and to attribute that characteristic to the physical universe itself, is to project 'my' qualities onto the universe.
Daniel Leffler:
Assuming ego and emotions disappear in AF does the Self actually exist until AF occurs and demolishes the Self, or is it all an illusion to begin with, along with emotions and the ego from the start?
I'm not really sure how to answer. It's a bit weird. So, in a PCE, I only experience what is actually there, and the self is nowhere to be found. It is as if 'I' never existed. This is quite a trip! And it's remarkably freeing. It means no matter what 'I' get up to, all of it can be wiped away in just a moment. So 'I' am never so strong and persistent that 'I' can't disappear at a moment's notice. However, then the bizarre thing is that 'I' come back, and then that experience of actuality is far gone again. Then 'I' am felt to be very real. But I wouldn't say 'I' actually exist. I don't know if illusion is the right word... but I guess that would be the proper word for experiencing something that isn't actually there, right?
Daniel Leffler:
I really don't want to get too philosophical here, I'm just hoping to make sense of the training and practice - thank you!
Hope it helped!
Cheers,
- Claudiu