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RE: Mapping Metta practice, first try

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Mapping Metta practice, first try
Answer
9/18/14 1:50 PM
Motivation:
In December 2013, I went on a Metta retreat with Bhante Sujato, which was great. I've been practicing according to his instructions for 9 months, and although the transformation went slow and almost unnoticably gradual (except for 3 distinct points of letting go), I think it was (and still is) definitely worth it. Since the retreat, I've only been practicing the first person (myself).
Also, I recognize that developing Metta and thus removing anger to myself was certainly what I needed now. When I started, I was caught in anxiety for quite some time. Now it's over, and that's only a side effect of many good changes.

So, I'm wondering why
-few people on DhO actually talk about their Metta practice or don't do it at all
-newcomers with problems are usually told to go practice insight meditation and reach stream entry as fast as possible, when it is obvious that lots of their issues are probably due to other conditions which will hardly change by experiencing a fruition or two.
My speculation is that Metta is largely ignored because
1) a great part of the psychologized Mushroom culture dharma is so obsessed with it
2) MCTB talks little about it
3) It's hard to find detailed information as Metta. Compare that to descriptions of how to attain Jhanas or the Progress of Insight. Maybe that makes it easy to write it off as a practice without real lasting effect.

1) ...Nothing to do here.
2) I do recognize that MCTB does indeed mention Metta, and recommends it under certain circumstances. Maybe it would be a good idea to mention it more often in MCTB 2 because I think it's something people need to realize. (Or I'm just over-generalizing from my own experience. I actually don't know how valuable the practice of metta is, if you're not an anger type) At least I only really noticed the recommendation when I was rereading the book for the third time some months ago.
3) Hey, this is actually a problem I/we could do something about. My Metta practice (http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/5131630) log was my first small step in helping Metta gain world domination (IS really needs it. Once IS is removed, there will still be a lot of anger around...). By now, I feel that I gain some experience with the patterns of the practice. So I thought to myself: "Why not just draw up a Map of Metta, share it, and see what comes back?"
So, this is my first attempt at creating a map that describes what happens in Metta practice. Maybe this is only valid for my own experience. (In this case, take this as a very brief summary of my Metta practice log...)

Possibly I will look on this in a year's time and think "what the fuck did I think I was doing here, it's just so blaringly obvious how completely wrong and unhelpful this is." Also, 9 months of practice obviously don't qualify for mapping anything.
So I hope, others with experience in Metta will contribute. Maybe we can create a better map together or decide that no map can ever describe Metta appropriately. (If the Progress of Insight needed 1000years development time, I guess we can't expect to be finished with this in 2 weeks.)
Also, it may be completely skewed, because I had the idea after I tried to find similarities between the progress of insight and Metta practice.

I will describe a few stages here. In my experience, you are for quite some time caught in the first and second stage. Stage 3 is the turning point. I think it's not possible to go back once you've been there. Then, stages 1-6(especially 3-6) chaotically appear in seemingly random order. When you're in the process, it's rather useless to try and discern "ah, now I'm in the 5th stage of Metta". The patterns become more obvious only after you're done with the Peace stage. In hindsight, the described phenomena are still remarkable. The Peace stage is the end of the cycle. No going back after this one.
I've gone through this process three times now. Each cycle took 3 months, with daily practice 30-120minutes, and 5-20 days of self retreat with 4-6 hours/day.

1) Learning to swim:
You're trying to learn Metta. Great idea. You're saying the words, and you often remember to do so. Sometimes you don't, and you're somewhere off. Sometimes the feeling of Metta appears, sometimes it doesn't. It seems that there's not really much you can do here except come back to the words time after time. This stage is pretty neutral. Not much interesting happens here.

2) Getting a handle:
It becomes easier to stay with the words. Also, they seem to have more meaning. The feeling of Metta comes up easy, and saying the phrases of Metta is usually enough to call it up quite reliable.
While it's easy to stay with the words, you also notice how other intentions become mixed in the words.
Your task is to nudge the words back in the right direction. Otherwise you'll be saying "May I be happy" with a grim face and a brutal tone of voice which probably leads nowhere. These intentions can be anger, doubt, boredom, more anger, anger in other form, insults, making yourself seem ridiculous, sarcasm, irony...
This is the first step in getting familiar with the anger, which will finally be removed. But it's not clear enough yet. Only further practice will uncover the whole dimension of this anger, so you realize how important it is to get rid of it.

3) Disidentification:
The anger becomes really visible. Before, it was a side effect of the words, somewhere in the background. Now it's obvious. Maybe you can hear thoughts of anger, maybe you feel attacked by anger (like someone is throwing stones on you), maybe you start to cry as a result, maybe you feel your body tensing up. The anger is there, it's alive, it's wild and it's not just going to disappear if you don't learn more about it. Of course, the anger is also a behaviour which YOU do, but at this point, it can seem like a foreign animal which is a bit out of control.
(This is a bit like the misery stage.)

4) Fed up with all that anger:
You have seen the anger in various forms for some time. It won't leave. You feel incapable of saying the Metta phrases without there being some form of anger. It's frustrating. As you recognize the anger in its entirety, you are convinced of the necessity of removing it.
Now, 2 things can happen:
- You practice with more enthusiasm and despair. Metta brought you here, so it will bring you out.
- You start to doubt if it really works. Instead of practicing Metta, you start to play around with other techniques. ("Insight Meditation may be uncomfortable sometimes, but at least it doesn't lead to this kind of anger...")
(This is somewhat similar to Desire of Deliverance.)

5) Have a break:
Now it's a bit more quiet. Somehow the anger isn't present that much. The feeling of Metta is there, and it's possible to enjoy it. But it's not stable yet. In this part of the process, the words and the feeling are re-stabilized.

6) Despair:
The anger doesn't really get stronger, but somehow there is some bleed-through. You go about your day, and have vivid visions of hitting the person next to you in the bus. You want to shout ridiculous insults to whoever is there. It's somewhat frightening.
You get some despair that you never will get out of here, but you keep practicing because what else could you do. You are in the process so deep that it's obvious that there is no way of turning back. Enthusiasm has lessened but somehow you still keep practicing.
(This is somewhat similar to Reobservation, but with much less of the "I'm absolutely not willing to sit down and meditate"-quality.)

7) Peace:
It's over. This may happen at any time when you're not expecting it. Maybe you haven't been practicing for a week, and suddenly you notice, that anger is no longer dangerous for you.
Anger still arises, but it has no power any more. It still has the same feeling, but you realize that this can't really hurt you. Maybe you are scared when it arises, but realize half a second later, that it's not necessary.
After some time, deep peace arises, and anger subsides completely for some time. You just dwell in the feeling of Metta, and it's wonderful. (this won't last long though. maybe only one session.)
You look at all this anger and know that it won't come back to power anymore. It's very relieving to know that you've just discarded a behaviour which isn't good for you or anyone else. You feel like a new person, although it seemed not to be a giant step from Despair to Peace. Usually, Peace happens, when you aren't actually highly despaired.
This stage lasts only one or 2 days, but the lack of old anger remains impressive for 1-2weeks.

(This is very similar to Equanimity, but it's much shorter and not really an impressive stage in and of itself.)

8) Backlash:
I'm not sure about this stage and have hesitated to include it here.
After the peace stage, I often become very irritated and other people tell me. This is somewhat weird becauce it co-exists with the relief from the Peace stage. I also don't really know where this is coming from, if it is a remainder of the old anger, or some now anger or (I guess this one) some reaction to the peace and vulnerability of the Peace stage. So this isn't really a stage in itself, but I include it as separate because it only happens some time after the shift to Peace. Maybe if you're psychologically much more sane than me or in a protected environment, it doesn't happen at all.

______________________________

So, that's it.
If you have more ideas or if this is helpful for anyone, that would be great. Metta for world domination!
Best regards,
Bernd.

RE: Mapping Metta practice, first try
Answer
10/13/14 6:30 PM as a reply to bernd the broter.
Glad you are beating the drum for Metta practice.   It keeps my core practice moving along smoothly.

RE: Mapping Metta practice, first try
Answer
10/13/14 10:57 PM as a reply to bernd the broter.
I find it useful for dealing with ruminating about enemies. Some people can really mistreat you and the amygdala is going to zero in on that. Metta can help to relieve the constant revenge thinking.

Here are some opinions and reservations I have on metta:
  • Being a doormat to domineering people. This is where an understanding of compassionate wrath can help so that anger is directed towards self-defence but without becoming a monster to defeat one. Many people I've talked to have rolled their eyes at giving love to all people and they might attack you more if you give them love. Narcissists (I've met too many of those) want serotonin from you, not oxytocin.
  • It's conditioned so if there's any lapse in practice the skills fade. 
  • It doesn't remove clinging like insight does, and you can cling to the practice itself.
  • Welcoming unpleasant thoughts/sensations did a better job than metta and it was just an attitude adjustment. This is especially when you note mind states and welcome them. Resisting of any kind is simply more aversion.
  • With a reduction of clinging compassion is easier to do (if you're capable of it because some are psychopaths and cannot develop metta no matter what). It's impossible to be compasisonate if you're irritated. When there's less irritation then compassion comes natural to people with normal brains who meditate. Irritations related to preferences are what block the metta from naturally arising.
  • Metta can be a form of repression if a person is simply pushing positive thinking on top of negative thinking like a blunt instrument.
  • Metta works better with insight in tandem just like concentration can aid insight. If you develop metta but don't cling to the results that should improve the practice. 
  • Giving metta to the 4 foundations of mindfulness / 5 aggregates I think has some real value similar to welcoming and helps break down the sense of self at the same time.
  • Seeing things as cause and effect instead of deficiencies can reduce a lot of stress when cultivating metta seems impossible.

RE: Mapping Metta practice, first try
Answer
10/15/14 10:27 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Thanks Bernd for your summary. Have you considered coupling Metta with energetic practices (Heart Chakra)? Also, Daniel mentions in MCTB that there's a concentration factor arising while chanting/praying (couldn't find the page, it's near to where he describes candle concentration practices), I think he mentions how ecos, voice distorsions and "automatic praying" are linked to jhanas.