| | Author: sean2.0
Last December, I did a five-day retreat. I spent most of the sitting sessions very uncomfortable with cramps in my back and pains in my neck. The teacher said that if the pains continued after I got up off the cushion, I should try a different seat, but if they went away, I should just allow my awareness to be aware of the discomfort and continue. Other than a few brief periods of peace, the meditations in that retreat continued to be unpleasant. But one morning as I walked from the meditation hall to the dining hall for breakfast, a moment came when awareness seemed to be at a distance from my body/mind -- not "up" or "down," or any other 3-D dimension, but more like a little distance along a new dimension. At any rate, that awareness was still fully connected to what I think of as "me," but it seemed somehow independent of me at the same time. It was aware of my aches and pains and thoughts, but it seemed somehow more encompassing of the entire setting. A few moments later, the experience subsided, and my awareness was again intertwined closely to my body/mind experience. Later that afternoon, I was back in the "everything hurts and is miserable" meditation mode I'd been in throughout the retreat. There were other moments of peace and quiet and profound happiness during the retreat, as well, so I don't want to over-do the discomfort, but the discomfort was certainly the predominant experience in terms of duration.
After the retreat, I went hunting for some explanation of the experience I had. I ran across Daniel Ingram's book, and found myself a little confused.
Based on how I understand the maps, I’m at about at the cusp of A&P. But when I hunted through the book for something akin to the experience I had, the only thing that seemed to fit was “Formations,” which is much further down the path than I think I am at present.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. |