| | Author: telecaster Forum: Dharma Overground Discussion Forum
About 30 years ago after energetically practicing moment to moment awareness I had a few subtle insights most of which are impossible to describe but I'll try -- I could see that my idea of a permanent separate self or personality was not quite true, that it was kind of a fantasy created by thoughts (this didn't bring any peace or significant life change that I can see - just confusion really)
I could see that thoughts were just these empty things and nothing more and that they had nothing much to do with what was really going on in reality even though myself and most others live as if they are real
I could see that an understanding about what was really going on was related to sometimes but ultimately separate from religion, spirituality, books, rituals, robes, spiritual status, etc. (I think a lot of people think zen, vipassana, buddhism, etc, IS the truth)
I could see that everything ends and I surmised that someday there would no longer be Buddhism, Christianity, etc. and that someday there would be no entity left in the universe that had ever heard of such things.
IHowever, this has mostly faded (with revivals from time to time in which I would practice strenously and go to various zen and insight day long retreats) but I've spent a lot of time not practicing meditation, awareness (and engaging in various compulsive/addictive behaviors) But, I do remember when all of this was strong with a kind of longing nostalgia.
Lately after looking over the enlightenment "maps" I've wondered if I ever entered any stage of any map, you know? I NEVER had any profoundly dramatic experiences, just subtle insights here and there. But, I'm always looking around and thinking and deciding to start practicing more formaly because i know there is fruit to be had.
Does it seem like I ever got anywhere significant, or just scratched the surface? |