Hi guys & gals, I was hoping that you could help me make sense of this particular state:

I work as a Corrections Officer, and I have a lot of downtime at night; as usual a few years ago one night I was sitting meditating. I had previously experienced Jnanas but because at the time I had a limited contact with spirituality I didn't know what Jnana's were. In this particular case, the Jnana ended up being the highest state I have achieved, before or since.

I was meditating cross legged, still and quiet, when all of a sudden out of nowhere, a panicky thought came jumping in to my head "holy crap! I have to lock up and get to my next duty post!" I turned around to look at the clock on the wall to see if I was late and right away I realized something was definitely not normal. My next thought was "okay I'm out of the chair and I am moving around here, but I am still deeply meditating, what's going on??"

The symptoms:

For the next few days it was as if I was in a deep meditative state, yet I could still walk around and interact with people.

I basically had no thoughts what so ever, just boundless stillness. The odd-observation would arrise mentally, but there was no conceptual thought process at all.

My heart felt like it was run over by a bulldozer, just gushing with outflowing. Like the pictures of old-time saints with the glowing hearts and whatnot. My heart felt very distinctly folded "inside-out" and it felt like there was a "spike" of stillness running vertically between my abdomin and head which had pinned my heart in this inside-out position.

My peripheral vision was radically widened + I had the distinct feeling that I could see with my heart as well as my eyes. The depth and detail of even the most common objects were astonishing. Everything had a three dimentional-quality, I felt "outside" with everything I was seeing. And an accompanying feeling that the experience was far too much information to fit in my brain, but since I was "outside of it" there was no problem with the amount of detail that was being inturpurated.

I noticed nothing extraordinary in my other senses; mostly just expanded optical sensation, open heart, a lack of thought, and vast stillness across the board.

The state, although very peaceful, seemed to make people around me very uncomfortable for some reason; I don't think I was imagining this. I had a few people actually turn their backs to me, almost like they couldn't bare to look for some reason. That aspect was very puzzling.

Because I was untrained, my technique of meditation never had anything to do with the breath or with following the breath, but in this state I had the constant and unavoidable observation of my own breathing (everything was so still I couldn't help but notice my breathing; it was overwhelmingly obvious).

Another note on breathing: strangely enough, for several days the hallmark of the state felt as if I was "holding my breath" even when I was clearly breathing. Playing upon this feeling I tried purposefully to restricted my breath and when I did so my body did not rebel; I recall that out of curiousity I effortlessly restricted my breath for 8 to 10 minutes on several occasions without any reaction from my body, and with no noticeable after-effects. It felt like I could have restricted my breathing for far longer if necessary.

A few times out of habbit I went to sit and meditate, but then instantly felt that there there was no point in doing so. I was firmly established in this state, standing, moving, lying down; it felt like sitting still would not enhance the state any further.

I had no interest in listening to the spiritual lessons and lectures that were normally a part of my daily ipod routine, and I wondered how a spiritual teacher could sucessfully discribe a state like the one I was in (although at the time I didn't realize it was just a state; I assumed I had attained "you know what..." *blush*). Hehe, to be honest though, it does still strike me as being completely beyond discription to someone who had never been there + spiritual teachers have one of the toughest jobs in the world!

The first night I remained in this state even while I was sleeping, and when I woke up I was stiil in this state and I remained so for the entire waking day.

The second night I went to sleep and when I woke up the state had ended completely.

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I have since attained this state many times, but never harmonized in it for more than a half-hour. I can attain Jnanaic states earmarked by no thoughts almost at will, (either on or off the cussion), but the particulars of the other (presumablly higher) state I just described sort of come and go and I don't have mastery over them at all. This other "higher" state was very exceptional in my limited experience with Jnana. Again I should mention that I am an untrained practitioner, not a yogi by any strech.

When it chooses to happen, I usually enter into this "higher" state when I am focusing on my mudra, and when it presents itself the state is usually only aparrant because my sense of vision becomes exceptionally clear and expanded, and I have the feeling of holding my breath even though I am still breathing. My heart opens sometimes, but never remotely to the degree of that particular incident years ago.

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I appreciate that these states are transient in nature, so be it. I am just wondering what "level" Jnana this might be or if it can even be put into those terms?

Also, what part of this state was Jnana, and what part was the experiencial by-product? Was I getting the gold mine, or the shaft?

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Thanks in advance. I look forward to receiving some advice and training from you folks, the sky's the limit + thanks for being there!

Mike.