Johan:
My teacher and I believe that my current threshold is somwhere in the dark night on first path.
During everyday life I've been noticing that I am a lot more fidgity. I am biting my nails and lip, drumming on tables, twitching my feet etc. It is quite an annoying feeling of restlessness. I do believe that I am experiencing more stress/anxiety than I did half a year ago, but it's hard to know for sure since the effects of meditation pratice has been increasing slowly. However, "fidgetiness" usually stems from being stressed or uptight so I guess that is an indication that I am experiencing the effects of the dark night during eveyrday life.
So my question is: Is it common to get an increase of "fidgetiness" during everyday life when one's threshold is in the dark night?
Hi Johan,
I'm sorry I missed your post the first time around. Welcome to DhO, if you haven't given up on this sangha.
A real dark night will threaten to leak into your daily life in innumerable ways. How could it not affect your "daily" operant self? You're all in on the Path and the Path has turned sort of horrible; it's going to affect your mood and energy. So job one: don't let the dark night fuck up your life.
Job two: hang tough, letting go of your hopes as they are revealed by self-knowledge and practice to be empty and actually harmful in ways. The dark night is a winnowing of spiritual bullshit. Let the trashcans fill, and don't panic. The effect is toward humility, gentleness of practice, the capacity to let go and surrender and trust.
But yeah, it can make a person peevish and ornery sometimes, and restless and agitated and ready to just go three rounds with any spiritual concept that wants to put up a fight.
love, tim
