'Claims to Attainments' seems like an inappropriate place to post this, but given the options it's the most appropriate.

I just want to say 'Thank You' to Daniel, to Kenneth, to Nikolai, and everybody else I've never talked to, but benefitted so much from.

I've posted a grand total of three times to this forum, the first was my A&P (a google search for 'blue light, meditation') brought me here a year ago. So, yeah, longtime lurker. And that's my point, really. Internal squabbles be damned, there's so much good information here. I just felt the need to express my graditude, for being a light in the dark.

Not looking for validation, just wanted to say "Thanks" and "Done is what needed to be done."

Hey, you are welcome. This place helps all of us, me included. I am glad you are here and got something out of it and participate. It is the group that makes this place what it is.

Daniel

Now there's a classy declaration.

Be well, and from everyone here (and most especially Daniel, who brought this forum into existence), you're welcome.

That you would even bother to include the "done is what needed to be done" makes me strongly suspect you have not, in fact, done what needs to be done. Unless you're referring to the suffering, craving, conceited sham-Arahat of MCTB. In which case, congratulations, you're still doing a hell of a lot better than the vast majority of beings out there. But if you've managed to come so far so quickly, why limit yourself now? Why not have confidence in the claims of the guy who started all of this that craving and aversion can truly be eradicated and all forms of suffering extinguished? Seems to me like you're in a very good position, given the speed you've progressed at, to prove Daniel Ingram wrong and contribute something towards the realigning of the standards of this community (broadly speaking) with those of Buddhists over the centuries.

And ... "I" just disappeared. In a totally new and terrifying way. Like, seriously, my small self just vanished. I'm trying to hold on to the insight, but am absolutely terrified by it at the same time.

Fuck previous claims, this is nuts.

Anyone know any good teachers in Arkansas?

Seriously. I've been through Dark Nights, but this feels like legitimate psychosis.

Happy new year, btw.

Haha that is why i think that 'feeling like one is done' should definitely not be a benchmark to declare "doneness", always give it a bit of time cos the honeymoon period of profound changes can shift and change and even revert. A feeling is impermanent.


Care to add some detail to what's going on at the moment?

The dhamma is deep. Our conditioning can be very subtle and the mind is such a trickster.

Take time to understand that the mind and its concomitant states (thoughts, perception, impressions) are not you.

If your perception changes on its own accord, then good. If not, it does not matter. The path to enlightenment is gradual learning, gradual practice and gradual realisation.

Although, I must say that gradual is relative; it can be seconds for some and decades or lifetimes for others.

With metta,

Brandon

Thanks for the responses. Was kinda freaked out and needed to vent at someone other than my spouse.

Recently, I've been trying to stabilize the entire field of awareness as my meditation object (on and off cushion) ... Kind of an "awareness watching awareness" thing. For a day or two, I guess, I'd started to accept the "tone" of that experience as what it feels like to be a self. Then, yesterday, while watching that "tone" and trying to hold on to it, I completely saw through it. "Holy shit, there's absolutely nothing there. There is no "I"." Fwiw, I've been able to "access" that experience of emptiness every time I try to call it up.

Congratulations, I'm very happy for you.

Of course you need no external validation and any that you get will still not satisfy your mind, but still I would like to offer mine. And I've shared (and still sometimes do) the feeling of 'psychosis'. Frankly I don't think the difference is that big, for me it's more a question of functionality. Your emptiness manifesting seems at least from this perspective similar to acquiring a whole bunch (all?) of mental illnesses. Autism (unfiltered intake of sensations), manic episodes (absurdly high energy levels and speed of mind), schizophrenia (paranoia, hearing/seeing things that “are not there”) etc etc. A lot of extremely intense sensations will arise and can be interpreted as painful or 'negative' in other ways until seen through.

There's also the huge process of integration. How to integrate the different 'levels' of knowing in a way that allows for a well functioning 'personality' that we can pretend to be. How do you consolidate the knowing that everything is void/emptiness/stillness/nothingness/whatever with the illusion of a separate self that still persists? Quite an interesting challenge, especially knowing that there is nothing to do about it and no doer.

From this perspective the key is a sense of humor. Last night my personality got upset playing a computer game, which is quite hilarious since the same personality has completely come to terms with death and could calmly accept being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The mind, ego etc are funny and irrational things, especially so since they pride themselves on their rationality.

Anyway, welcome to the world of the awake.

Namaste!

Be careful there, Mr. Wilson. In reference to your last statement, awakening is not about being able to "access that experience of emptiness" and able to call it up at will. (If that is what you think awakening is — and I'm not suggesting that it is — then you are still seriously deluded.)

It is about making a profound change in your total perception of reality and being okay with that. Because, that just is the way things are. And you are seeing it, perhaps, for the first time. You need time, as Nikolai suggests, to be able to process this. The implication being: give yourself that time.

Continue your practice, be ever more mindful, and contemplate in seclusion (meaning within yourself) your new discoveries in light of the Dhamma. (This would be a good time to begin reading the translated discourses, if you haven't already begun to do so. A lot of answers can be found there that will help you to make this transition a smoother transition.)

I have been reading and contemplating the work of third path heavily lately and seem to have found a few nuggets that I am still trying to turn into a direct practice. I looked behind the doer/agency and saw the controlling aspect. I then looked within the controlling aspect and saw that there was a selfing process entangled with selection. In selecting anything including 6 senses, space, "stabilizing", "tone", "access", "nothingness", states or nonstates there seems to be a fundamental aspect that needs to be addressed. I currently select to see reality as it is and in doing so I momentarily stop the things that obscure this baseline state. Therein resides the problem, the need to select.
This is my current understanding as it is; more contemplation and practice with this may illuminate an even deeper level to address next. If anyone has advice as to a direct practice to catch the selecting happening with more clarity I would be most appreciative.
Thanks,
~D

This seems to much like a hijack of the original thread...gonna move it to this thread - third path please help
Thanks,
~D

My recommendation, for what it's worth...

If you're having some profound experience of emptiness, and you're freaking out a little over that, then try to see that the freaking out is also empty. In other words, it's also conditioned, and so it's not terribly meaningful in and of itself and will pass away once its condition passes away.

It's probably also a good idea to gently explore whatever feelings of anxiety arise and to try to see exactly how it is you know that you're feeling anxiety. What's are the mental components? What are the physical components?

There's a temptation during a freakout to solidify it - "I'm freaking the fuck out!" - when in fact it's a complex phenomenon: different sorts of sensations with different causes coming together to create the appearance of a particular thing happening to me. I would look into that as persistently as possible and to see how all those things, too, are also happening as components of this entire field of awareness.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.