Yesterday I had an experience of deep serenity, where I felt I gain major insight on the nature of suffering, but I don't know what it means and where should I go from here, I need help from someone more experienced, please

So, I am very early on the path of insight, still trying to make my life, and thus my mind, more peaceful so I can more easily swim deeper on my meditation. I am currently living in a new city and dealing with anxiety and insecurities from moving to somewhere new and living alone for the first time in my life (I'm 19). The day before I had this experience of realization, I was feeling in pain because of these anxieties and insicurities. I dweled on it for a while, and I noticed that I tried everything to pull away from it and escape it, but I couldn't and it felt miserable. It felt like that pain was taking over me. At that moment I had the realization that pain and suffering is a part of this experience, it's ever preseant in varying degrees and trying to get away from it is unsatisfactory. I was very sad, but at the same time I was calm because I undertood that the way I should deal with suffering, at the moment it arises, is to stop trying to do all sort of things to run from it, and learn to be with it. 

The next day I was feeling the same kind of pain, and decided that instead of trying to fixed it immidietly and change and get away from that feeling, that I was gona get to know it better and learn to accept it. I dweled on it deeply for something like four hours, but not only in meditation, on that time I also went on a walk and pondered on it, and felt a growing experience of the suffering in life. I allowed it complitly. I felt the experience of suffering deepening and becoming more intense, but I wasn't scared as I was the day before, I just observed it and took my own conclusions of it. I had many realizations that I can't put into words because I just experienced them, they did not became a concept, they were just integrated in my awerness of things. After I came home from the walk I realized my expectations on the nature of suffering were wrong. I know I still don't undertand it deeply enough, but at that moment I had an experience of great serenity.

The experience felt like this; it was not like I didn't experienced suffering anymore, but I experienced in a way I had never before. I would't say I got over pain, but instead it was integrated in my experience and I felt much larger than it. All my anxieties and fears melt away because I could see right in front of me why they didn't make sense. At that moment I had no doubt in my mind, I wasn't conceptualizing anything and there were only clean thoughts, I wasn't creating any expectations nor even trying to describe or understand what I was feeling, I was purely seeing what was right in front of me in a way that was so pure and, I don't know how else to describe it other than untuched. I felt that I was experiencing something much bigger than suffering and than any joy and pleasure. I know that it wasn't an enlighment like experience because I didn't felt complete one-ness or lack of self, but I felt, without any doubt whatsoever, that I've saw at least a tiny facet of what the enlighten mind is. It felt so pure and true. 

After that moment of realization I talked with my grandmother (about generic life stuff) and it was the most meaningful conversation I've ever had with her. I felt I knew better than I ever had how to express my self and how to communicate with her in a meaningful way. There were no doubts nor expectations. Also, I think it's interesting to bring about, about two hours after that experience I was feeling intense pressure on the middle of my foreheand, to the point were it was painful, but not at in a debilitating way.

I feel that experience is still there with me, just now in a more minute way. I am having anxious thougts and conceptualization came back, but also I feel that I have a bigger understanding of them and things in general. I feel like I matured many years in one day. But now I'm scared, because I don't know what should I do next and what should I avoid, to make this experience as meaningful as it can be. Is this what a moment of insight is? This was the first experience like this that I had, so I kind of don't know what to do whit it exactly.

So I ask you guys, which have more experience than me, what this experieance means and what is it? How can I take this opportunity to grow? What should I avoid so that this experience doens't fall back into nothingness? And what are your recommendations as to the path I should take so this experience doesn't fall into confusion and wrong behaviour?

howdy pedro,
welcome here.  there is no way someone can tell you what you experienced given what you wrote down.  there are probably lots of people here how have mountains of compassion for any suffering you might have but the strength of this community lies mostly in its members' experience in meditation.

much of what you wrote is about your feelings.  these are legitimate and real but if you want the best help from this place you should talk about your practice, what you do, how long you have been doing it for, what you experience when you are actually meditating or experiencing as a result of your meditation.

this is not meant to delegitimize or make light of your experience but rather to help you to understand where and how this site can best help you.  others may chime in though and answer your concers directly.

you wrote that you had insights, great!  these can be intellectual or life changing fundamental insights due to meditative introspection.  without knowing how you arrived at these insights its impossible to really help.  on important note about these kinds of topics is "nomenclature".  we need to use precise language to describe these strange events.

the person who started this site wrote the book Mastering the Core Teaching of the Buddha and much of the discussion found here is based on the teachings and practices laid out in that book.  it is available online for free or you can buy it in the usual places.  have you read that? its not required but reccommended.

tell us a bit about your practice.

cheers

tom

Thanks for the answer Tom! Really helpful and I really apreciate it.

The insight that I experience was spontaneous, I wasn't trying to get to something. It wasn't intelectual because it was something I experienced deeply, and I arrived in it through allowing myself to experience the feelings I had and just observe what they were, without interfering with them. So, in a way, I was meditating, but without using any traditional nor especific method, I just remaind open and allowing.

Now talking about what I acctually practice; I have practice experience with samadhi meditadion, although limited, and some forms of exoteric meditation, like chackra balancing and others (which I did because I wanted to experience astral projection, something I still want to but I put that on hold for now). Some time ago I decided to focus on breath meditation to perfect samadhi, so I could later have a better aproach at vipassana and shikatanza. So I acctually have no previous propper experience with insight practice. This was my first insight experience, which I aproached only with the experience of breath meditation.

I have no clue on what nomenclature I should use to communicate what happened. I also never read the book, so I that's what I should do next! I can probably find many answers on the questions I have in it and also learn a better way to communicate my experiences.

Thank you again, for your constructive and caring response, Tom!

Que alegre!
excellent.  there are a million or more ways people come to these experiences, some spontaneous such as yourself, and some through more deliberate methods.  in any case it is your interest which matters the most and whether you choose chakra, yoga, vipassana, christian chanting or sufi dancing you will be working with your body / mind complex.

daniel's book is one of the best out there and represents a part of a movement called practica (or even hardcore) dharma.  it is readable and understandable and above all practical and i reccommend it highly.  it also does some comparisons of other schools of thought as well as a good study of the different basic philosophies out there.

Here is the link to that book.

There is also a spanish translation here if that is your preference.

Good luck, have fun and keep asking questions.

tom

Can't help but LOL at the title.  How do you know it was meaningful if you don't know what it means!?  

Just teasin' ya!  Cool experience.  Take the insights you gained and apply them to your life the best you can.

Thank you very much man! This is my first post here and I'm thrilled to have been wealcomed with such a positive response as yours!
 
Cheers and best wishes!

This is another sentence just to put some more exclamation points in here because three isn't enough!

Lol, that's actually funny. But I mean, sometimes you don't know whats happening and BAM, reality hits you hard bro.

What to do next?  I think you've already told us a very good sounding game  plan with your sentences above.  ;-P  But really, no one can tell you all the magic answers and what will work best for you.  The path seems to be a long series of cycles and ups and downs and processing through stuff.  There seems to be certain patterns of commonality between many people but as for the smaller details, you pretty much have to just hang on and see what happens.  But what you've described above is similar to what I think and to advice I've heard in other places, observe self honestly as much as you can, emotions, actions, motivation, intent, thoughts, etc.  One thing I've really come to understand more and more over time was how much I did and sometimes still do create my own suffering unnecesarily.  There was so much that I did without being aware of it, but over time I've become more aware of it.  Sounds like what you experienced was some of that as well.  Still there are times when I seem to see it much more easily than others when it seems more of a superficial understanding, but it goes in cycles and overall, my average state has slowly become more aware at least.  And I have a suspicion that insights often require some processing time before we can cycle back around to more or deeper insights. 

It seems to help me to try to maintain 'beginner's mind' which is a state of always being ready to learn more and not thinking I already know it all nor do I want to be worrying about being inadequate either.  It also seems to help a lot to try to be as honest as possible with myself about all my many foibles and bad stuff and whatnot as well as good stuff, not to bash myself or pat myself on the back but just to be observant and truthful to myself.  When I see things I am doing that are causing useless suffering, then I can choose to stop doing them.  I personally think all or at least a lot of the path is just seeing what was always there but I didn't want to see for various reasons.  A lot of it is like unlearning bad habits that were in the way, that allows more skillful ways to show themselves naturally.  But first you have to see and realize, that is the first step, awareness.