Hi Jane,
To your questions:
"Now as a mother myself, I can verify that it is not a good thing to identify our own egos with our kids--but the Buddha valued compassion for a reason. So I'll ask you this: would your freedom survive intact the experience of watching your child die a miserable death? In other words, is there a limit?"
The word compassion means, literally, to "suffer" (pati/passion) "together" (com).[1] Were my child, or any person for that matter, to die a miserable death, and I were not to die that same miserable death, the experience of "suffering" that miserable death "together" would be little more than a delusion. I cannot suffer my daughter's death nor can she suffer mine. But to the question, "is there a limit?" the answer is no. There is never a reason, even the death of one's child, that one should suffer. My suffering would not stop her death nor would it resurrect her. Of what use, then, is my grief to myself, to my (presumably deceased in this scenario) child, or to anyone who knows me?
Furthermore, there are people dying every single day, every single moment--children and grown ups too--and our experience of those is far less pronounced, in general, because they are not related to "me."
There is a story about the Buddha and the mother of a dying child. A woman, who had a child very late in life, experiences the death of her child. And she is so distraught by this death that she refuses to release the child's body for burial or cremation. Everyone tries to reason with her to no avail; finally realizing she will not listen to reason, they send her to the Buddha. She arrives there and lays her child's dead body before him, begging him to perform a miracle for her. Realizing the illogical state of her mind at that time, the Buddha tells her, "Alright, I will do something for you. Go and collect a bowl of rice from a house where no one has died and return here." The woman is very happy and goes out to collect the bowl of rice. But every house she goes to she is turned away for someone who lived there has died. She goes through the entire town seeking a house where there has been no death only to discover that there is no such house. By the time she is done, she realizes the futility of her grief and regains some peace.*
***
Jane writes:
"I never heard of AF before coming here, but I know that Buddhism has been around for a long time. I tend to trust an established tradition of many centuries' standing over a reclusive Australian (or American, or German, or anyone) claiming individual insight, even if he thinks his insight can be successfully brought to others. I also am not impressed when a woman who claims to have attained freedom talks in her journal about dreaming about Richard in a manner that makes her sound like a groupie. Again, I'm not saying she *is* a groupie, but that she appears so to me. (I trust you recall the specific comment I'm referring to.) "
Perhaps before dismissing actualism on the basis of its newness you could try to cultivate a few pure consciousness experiences and take a look around for yourself.
As to my being a groupie, I am inferring (and correct me if I am wrong) that if I had written in my journal that I dreamt of having coffee with Richard, or taking a walk with Richard, as opposed to having sex with Richard, you would have reached a different conclusion about my being a groupie? (I draw this inference on the use of the words "in a manner" to be specifically about the sexual content of the dream.) If my inference is correct, then it seems to me that you value sex in a way that doesn't apply here. Your perception of me as a groupie, then, has more to do with what you think about sex than it has to do with what I've written about Richard. You could examine your assumptions around sex, what it means to you, what having sex with someone implies in your mind, and what conclusions it enables you to reach.
Jane writes:
"I offer these remarks with every respect for you, enough respect that I am willing to tell the truth about what I see. If one of your goals is the enlightenment of others, then it might be helpful for you to know how one of those others (me) is responding to what is offered here. I also am aware, although I haven't read the older posts, that I may be reopening some wounds. I am not out to stir up trouble."
I appreciate your honesty. I don't know what wounds you refer to, but I assure you there is no need to be shy on my account.
Stefanie
[1] http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=compassion&searchmode=none
*This is a story I have heard on the 10-day Vipassana courses I sat at S.N. Goenka centers.
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