Internal Battle

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Steven Star, modified 10 Years ago.

Internal Battle

Posts: 2 Join Date: 10/18/10 Recent Posts
I have been meditating for years now but only recently did I start turning it into a daily practice. For an hour a day at sun set, I sit. During my sittings I have been concentrating on my breath and my body, trying to relax both . While I’m doing this my mind races with reasons I should not be sitting. It is turning into an internal battle between my “daily self” and my “meditative self”. My mind run with excuse to avoid mediation, things I should do before I meditate, what if I’m disturbed during my mediation, I should check this, I should check that. My internal checklist starts to pile up and I fell that I’m torn between these two states of mind. Almost as if I have to put my check list in a cage and listen to it bark, scream and wine while I’m trying to meditate. I’m still at peace in my mind even though it is distracting. I was hoping that I could get some advice here to shut up this beast and tame it to behave. I’m running out of options. I have even tried to do everything before I meditate hoping that everything would be done prior. Setting an alarm to give myself a dictated time to meditate, and a dedicated time to do other things.
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boeuf f, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Internal Battle

Posts: 60 Join Date: 2/4/10 Recent Posts
Welcome!

Only you can set yourself on the cushion....

But it would be helpful if you specified what type of meditation you are doing. Saying that you "meditate" is a little like saying you like "sports"--there's a huge range of practices. It sounds like you're doing some sort of concentration practice.

When your mind is racing, there is likely an emotion powering that racing (anxiety/fear). Vipassana practice would have you attend to it and investigate its sensate qualities rather than trying to shut it off/out.

Are you familiar with vipassana? Have you read Daniel's book? You can buy it or it's available as a blog or pdf here http://www.interactivebuddha.com/

Regards,
Bruno
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Steven Star, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Internal Battle

Posts: 2 Join Date: 10/18/10 Recent Posts
Thanks a lot, i'm looking for a book to start me out! emoticon
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Bruno Loff, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Internal Battle

Posts: 1094 Join Date: 8/30/09 Recent Posts
Steven this happened to me, except I was utterly convinced that meditation was the way to go, and that was enough to overcome this kind of silly obsessive thinking before a meditation session.

One way I think of it is like this: the purpose of meditation is to remove some mechanisms of the mind; these mechanisms naturally have some defenses, which are in place in order to prevent their own demise; restlessness, anxiety, boredom, confusion, hesitation and doubt have all appeared to me at different times in my meditative career, wanting to pass off as an excuse not to meditate. Sometimes I bought into this kind of argumentation, but then later I would realize I had just fallen for the same trap I wanted to get rid of.

I guess my point is simply: that's normal, and if you want the enlightenment thing, you can't let that stop you.

What to do with it? You have actually come across a great object of investigation. Isn't it fascinating that your own mind rebels like a rabid dog when you decide to do something with it? How does that happen exactly? How does this crazy rebellion manifest itself, moment-by-moment? That's amazing stuff!

Do read Daniel's book, it's really great.

Bruno

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