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Love
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2/13/19 5:55 PM
Okay, I may have posted in the wrong place.   

I am getting this feelings of been filled with unconditional love, to the point I can smell it, taste it even  Many times I also smell sandelwood even though there is no sandelwood present.  

I also get a image of what is happen miles away to people in my life (along with a narrative) - at first I though I was losing my mind but it has since proven correct.  That is, what I was seeing was actually happening to people in my life.

I also have little desire to practice, nor do I have any desire to take part in the world - it seems like depression but I'm not depressed - in fact sometimes I feel quite blissful.  

I cannot practice beyond listening to the heat sutra but practice used to be a focus of my life, now, other than the heart sutra it all just feels like nonscence.

RE: Love
Answer
2/13/19 8:36 PM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Hi nick,

You got to this good place by reading the heart sutra?  Is there any aspect of your current state which is not as you'd like it?  Thanks.

RE: Love
Answer
2/14/19 12:20 AM as a reply to Right On Track.
Hi Right on Track,

Thanks for your response.  

Yes, finding myself not sleeping, hyper reactive and behaving quite out of character.

RE: Love
Answer
2/14/19 12:22 AM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Oh the heart sutra is the only form of meditation I am able to do, after years of intensive insight practice.  

RE: Love
Answer
2/14/19 6:05 AM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Hi Nickol,

What you're describing does sound an awful lot like the insight stage of the Arising and Passing Away (A&P) (intense bliss, reduced need for sleep, spontaneous psychic powers) but what you say about "behaving quite out of character" makes me concerned that it could also be a manic episode or that you're on the verge of one. It can be very difficult to figure out which is which. Do you have a local teacher or mental health professional that you can check in with?

Here are some other resources that may be helpful to you: 
http://integrateddaniel.info/meditation-and-mental-illness/
https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/wiki/health-and-balance

RE: Love
Answer
2/14/19 12:26 PM as a reply to Andromeda.
Hey there,

Thanks for your response.  I looked up the A and P and it is certainly not that.  I've lost desire to practice altogether, other than thn listening to the heart sutra.  I also to be honest dont have the faith in the practice I used to.  I relate to what this is saying but was there a few years ago I think.  

The out of character stuff is anger and complete lack of interest in life and yet at the sametime filled with all this love.  The psychic stuff *if we are gonna call it that* sounds delusional but has been actually going on years.  It is basically - getting information about what is happening at a distance which then prove to be true.  For example.  I was meant to be somewhere but had forgotten.  I got the image of the person I was to be meeting in my head and them frantically searching for me.  I then retrieve voice mails from the person frantically wondering where I am.  It's things like that.  

I am thinking of going back to the monastry I practice for a while to ask some questions - but thanks - your response forced me into some further research.  emoticon 

RE: Love
Answer
2/14/19 1:13 PM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Well, the A&P is followed by the dukkha nanas aka "dark night" phase (which often comes with anger, emotional reactivity, lack of interest in life and practice, other difficult stuff) and people can go back and forth between them. If you do searches on those terms, you'll get plenty of good info. Also, the term "dark night yogi," which refers to a person who has crossed the A&P and entered the dark night but not yet made it through to the next stage of equanimity. Reading the chapter on insight in MCTB2 might be helpful here.

But going back to the monastery where you practiced to ask questions sounds like a really great idea. If you're a dark night yogi, the only way to get through is to continue to practice, but having an in-person teacher to help you with that is by far the best thing.

RE: Love
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2/15/19 7:31 AM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Can you post a copy of the translation you read please?

Also, in what ways are you not behaving like your usual self?

RE: Love
Answer
2/15/19 10:13 AM as a reply to Right On Track.
Hi there,

Yes, I listen to it in Tibetan and chant along but read the English translation via this - https://plumvillage.org/news/thich-nhat-hanh-new-heart-sutra-translation/ - I do have a conection to both lineages.  

In terms of not been my usual self - I'm reclusive - completly disinterested in anything the world has to offer and yet deeply upset by it all when I allow myself time to think about it. And yet as I say that there is a paradox because I am deeply in love with nature and humanness at the same time.  I also have periods of intense anger which are impossible to sit with but which the heart sutra helps with.  I also at times, in spite of a great deal of compassion practice I've done over the years, I find myself *at times* having absolutely none what so ever - then this can shift too.  The only way to describe this is as a paradox - love and hate - peace and suffering etc and the extremity of it seems to result in absolute exhaustion.

In terms of my usual self - its vanished!

RE: Love
Answer
2/17/19 1:15 AM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Thanks.

Sounds like your mind has sectioned off unacceptable emotions (the painful ones).  Have you heard of Rick Hanson's HEAL formula?  The 'L' can be used in such instances.

RE: Love
Answer
2/17/19 8:45 AM as a reply to Right On Track.
HI Right on Track,

Yes, I think that's exactly what has happened.  I got to a point I got so overwhlemed with suffering - not suffering that I could even pin point as mine but *the suffering* it would make sense I am mentally refusing to feel it now.  For example - one retreatI I found myself collapsing on the floor *really out of character!* and weeping for hours.    

I will look at the Rick Hanson's stuff, I have heard of him but not the formula.  

RE: Love
Answer
2/17/19 8:46 AM as a reply to deleteaccountplease thereisnofacility.
Thank you - right on track emoticon