-Meditation Log-

* November 11th, 2010 - 5:30 am to 8:10 am

Seated on recliner, soles of feet touching one another. Beginning with a balancing, holding each nostril with ring finger. Moving to small cosmic circuit; attention to lower dan tien, drawing energy in upon inhalation, pulling energy through dan tien, down below base of spine, and up to crown chakra, then energy flows down through third eye, throat, heart back to dan tien, this closed circuit of energy gains momentum with each breath cycle, concentration deepens alongside.
The sense of the body becomes vague. The feeling sedated, or immersed in thick syrup, is a very good way of describing this. My hands touching feel like a single mass of sticky sensations, buzzing / tingling, the body feels like globs of sticky sensations, thick and heavy but a field of sensations / vibrations , 3-d tv static visually, tingles all over..

Observing the breath, noting rising and falling. Eventually spaciousness seems to open up, expand. The breath seems to pulse or ratched, i note falling or rising, for each pulse / sensation of the breaths movement. The pause at the bottom of the breath is noted as "sitting" with each sensation of it. I direct my investigation towards the ending of sensations, the quick moment each sensation seems to pass away, I catch this and feel a sort of surge like energetic effect, the intensity or energy seems to push me on. I keep noting rising / falling / sitting for each sensation of it, continuing w/ emphasis on paying attention to the cessation of each sensation.
Some insights seem to arise from investigating the moment of passing away of sensations. A sort of imagery or perspective of all sensations extending from a singular base in interwoven tendrils arises, then they are pulled back into the "ground" or the void.

EDIT: i investigated a corollary to the sensations extending from ground.. where following the passing away of sensations, i felt as though i had "tasted" the ground, like a "wetness" .. not sure if anyone will know what i'm referring to.. i'm curious about this insight as well.

Each observation of the passing away moment of sensations seems accompanied by a gutteral energetic "jolt" or surge.
Other sensations become prevalent over the breath, I note sounds, a dog barking, pain in my knees, tension in my face, with emphasis on the passing away or cessation of the sensations. Investigating body pains becomes quite intense, i keep noting, discomfort, discomfort, occasionally returning to the breath as it takes precedence over sensations. In between periods of intense pain sensations, spaciousness seems to expand, alongwith a feeling of equanimity, all of which is noted. These sort of waves of equanimity and spaciousness allow me to stay with noting the pain, even as it becomes intense. I occasionally mindfully adjust my position, without losing momentum.

A visual phenomena like a strobe light ( 5-10 hz ) being held in front of my eyelids comes and goes, i note strobing. At first this strobing elicits feelings of excitement, which pushes it away, "equanimity" deepends and i allow the strobing to remain, noting it, noting it faster as it seems to increase. I investigate feelings of mental echos, I note feeligns of tension, pressure.. that seem associated w/ the strobing. Another complex 3-d phenomenon, visual.. like a torus turning in on itself, switching perspective, flipping of the mind...

I have seemingly partial insights but without adequate wholeness / clarity, into some link between fundamental suffering, and the strobing, and a link it may have to the continued construction of a self and the back and forth / echo this entails. I note desiring for fruiton, grasping towards cessation. spaciousness and equanimity again seem to deepen in waves. I allow noting to cease, abiding in spaciousness and equanimity. I investigate sensations very quickly, like a laser in a laser show jumping to many sensations all over.

Although I feel as though I could continue indefinitely, I stop the practice to get some sleep, I have plans at a specific time and reached my time for sleep. I have great dreams, filled w/ joy and humor, vividness, spiritual themes, playfulness, positive dreams.

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THIS is an example of a typical meditation session, altho this session was longer for me, the intention is to do at least 3 hrs ( likely more if possible ) per day. I have started recording details of my sits to try and track my progress, perhaps to help point out areas to myself that may be lacking, or get a sense of where my barriers are; to get a focused sense of direction for further progress. I figured I'll post them from time to time.. maybe they can be of benefit to others, any comments are welcome. ( If anyone can lend any insight into what this strobing may represent I'd be interested in hearing ) ^__^

**The sense of everything being tv static / vibrations constantly popping in and out of existence, is there for me 24/7 ... my mindfulness of it varies throughout the day but I feel as though I start from this point all the time, at least visually. Meditation quickly brings me to where the body stops feeling solid and seems to dissolve into these vibrations as well.