In summary of our conversation:
If you have stream entry: learn how to have Fruitions again. If you don't have stream entry: get a Fruition. The instructions are the same:
Work up sequentially from 2nd to 3rd to 4th vipassana jhana as we discussed, from seeing the truth of your objects and vibrations in 2nd to thing getting around to the background in 3rd to seeing it all in 4th.
When in the 4th vipassana jhana: investigate the Three Characteristics of all phenomena, feel the synching sensations and allow things to sync, but in feeling the tension of the synching process one understands suffering directly, in seeing the sensations that seem to drive the process, one feels suffering directly, in seeing each of those sensations arise and vanish, one perceives impermanence, in seeing those sensations happen on their one and be observed, one perceives no-self.
Do this for more and more core processes' sensations: investigation itself, the motion of what appears to be awareness itself, anxiety itself, fear itself, anticipation itself, analysis itself, drama itself, space itself, peace itself, unease itself, irritation itself, doubt itself, wonder itself, all the sensations that appear to be Subject/You themselves, all the sensations all through your skull, heart, gut and back, all sensations in the volume of the room you are in all together fluxing as they do. If you aren't getting a Fruition, it is because you are missing something like one of these categories or something closely related: this is a clear Gold Standard. Use it well. Synch/investigate/integrate more and more stuff as objects until everything that you think is you is now perceived as object all through everything. Do this many more times than you feel should possibly be necessary. Incline to Nibbana and what is outside of time, the universe and the cycles but get there by being exquisitely present to it all, including presence itself. This advice works all the way to the top.
Really maintain continuity of high-intensity, every-second mindfulness when getting up off the cushion also, when walking also, and for all sensations without exception from the moment you awaken in the morning to the moment you go to sleep at night.
Re-read MCTB: Learn the Vipassana Jhanas and the qualities of these, learn the stages of insight with particular attention to the Equanimity chapter, make sure you review the Seven Factors of Enlightenment and maximize your skill at all 7 at all times, make sure you review the chapter on "Was that Emptiness" and make sure you read about Review Practice and what that is like, and also give particular attention to the Chapter called The Three Doors.
In that vein: do not underestimate yourself: you have substantial horsepower and it is probably just a case of knowing exactly what to do with that and what you are capable of, which I suspect is already substantially beyond what you currently believe.
Also: talk with whoever there really knows this stuff about your practice as we just did.
Resolve and Incline: resolve to attain Fruitions (this is good advice regardless of whether or not that event in Thailand was one). Incline the mind and synch and investigate all and vanish. Do this again and again. Resolve every time you sit down or stand up, as Fruitions can happen when walking also and doing other things.
"Let it go" should be replaced with: investigate and perceive clearly and see all the sensations that make up reality flux and vanish completely one after the other many times/second.
Allow this entire field of perception to directly know itself as it already does simultaneously and completely.
Get in touch with other people who are path-winners here and talk with them if they are available and willing to get other perspectives on how to do this and on what you have already done: there are a good number and it is valuable to have perspectives beyond my own, as you never know how someone might say something that just happens to work for you and click. Perhaps some will read this and contact you.
Do not be afraid to play with what is possible and to test out what you are capable of as we talked about: try calling up stages, states and the like whenever you feel you are up to this and it makes sense. You may surprise yourself.
In determining "where you are": memorize the standard criteria such that doubt is minimized and clarity about this is maximized for yourself and on your own power, as this knowledge alone satisfies beyond what anyone else says about it.
Best of luck in Burma and avoid mosquitos,
Daniel
