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4/12/19 9:30 AM
hello dharma friends,

I have recently been introduced to buddhism and am very fascinated by the map/teachings offered here. I have been reading about and enquiring into impernanence today. Has been an interesting discovery thus far.

The normal mode/way of experiencing here is a formless and yet "beingness" kind of emptiness. If it had any location which I am not sure it does, it would be in the central channel/center line. It is always untouched, free, and unperturbed , no matter what happens on other levels.

The dharma challenge I have been facing lately has been that although I am untouched from within this depth, the nervous system kind of "freezes" and easily gets stuck in fixations, especially if there is a lot of incoming sensory information to process or I engage in continious and strenous physical movement (and thus have the experience that I can't rest solidly into the depth of stillness I normally do). 

Upon reading about impermanence, I have been exploring it all day, although I am not sure I understood the instructions about it in MTCB. I have simply been exploring to open and let go every time a self/fixation/thought forms around sensations. 

What I discovered thus far is that it doing so somehow "increases" the brain and nervous systems capacity to receive and process information/sensations without fixating, getting stuck and forming a self around any particular sensation or piece of information. 

The thought I had was that it is almost as if I am "riding sensations" or some part of the brain is released and sensations are flowing very intensely and freely. I came home and as I searched I stumpled across a 3 minute video by Shinzen Young where he quite closely describes the experience I was discovering:

 still don't know exactly what it is that has been discovered, but it seems to be the way to "release" and liberate the subtle duality and fixations that has formed within me around the formlessness I normally experience myself as.

The formlessness feels separate from sensations and experience, and I suspect that this is the construct that is making my nervous system tighten constantly in times of movement and infromation processing, as I am somehow trying to hold on to a "deep" and "still" way of being, while exluding the intensity and ever changing surface of sensations .

It also feels groundless in a new way to "leap" into the aliveness of sensations in ths way.

I would love some pointers, reflections on what you think  is being discovered here, any practices I could use to explore further and other thoughts, as at the moment I know I have stumbled upon something essential, but it is still unclear what it is.