Me again
A lot seems to have happened since yesterday. Tarin advised me
Howard
My practice at present involves being aware of a largish space and then observing my attention flitting from object to object within that space. I attempt to observe the 3 characteristics of each object before my attention moves to the next object as best as I can. I do not differentiate between objects, sounds, fluctuations in the visual field, physical sensations, thoughts in my head, moods, flashes of memory; I just follow where my attention goes.
Tarin
note the largish space - if you're aware of attention flitting from object to object within that space, there is no doubt that your attention is flitting to that space too and you are simply not noticing it.
Oh yes indeed, flit it does and so damn fast. I observe my "big space" and just catch my attention dart out to "sample" the another sensation and flash back. Its so fast, I'm struggling to catch what is being sampled some times. Sometimes I can't see the sensation with any clarity until after the event has occurred. I also notice, especially with my sight that when my attention flits away briefly my sight appears unchanged, but when it goes for longer my sight dims a little and feels like it needs to be "refreshed." Two things fall out from this.
I feel helpless and obsolete. (note the helplessness)
If I'm observing the sensation after its "happened" or it appears to "dim" it not attended to, it must be memory. So how much of what I think is current, "present" awareness is actually memory, even if only of events occurring micro-seconds ago.
Tarin also advised me:
Howard
Recently, I’ve been getting in to some fairly rarefied space, with physical and mental (?) sensations that I have not fully explored yet, so I don’t feel confident describing them here. However thought processes virtually grind to a halt here. This is a pain, because one of the reasons I’m accessing this state, is that I’ve been trying to observe the sensations of verbalised-in-the-head thoughts. But by doing so, they stop all together and elevate me to this new place as a by product. It’s a very nice place to be, and I am exploring it diligently, but a big chunk of my thought processes are still most defiantly “self” at the moment and resist all my attempts to objectify them. Very slippery too, I’m too slow. Any ideas?
Tarin
note what presents as 'self' without attempting to objectify it/objectify them.
I have concocted so many clever plans schemes to trap and analyse my thought processes over the years. This suggestion looks like the equivalent of a shall child hitting these sensations on the head with a squeaky hammer. But, as with all of Tarin's advice, it works like a dream. Such a relief to just dump all that stuff in a big box marked "self". A box that is shrinking before my eyes.
Something else. I not sure about the clarity on this one so this is a bit tentative. When my attentions flits to a new object there is a definite accompanying sensation of shock or anxiety. I varies in intensity but I am seeing it maybe 60% of the time for sensations I can actually register. I have a suspicion that it is happening for stuff that I miss too. Also if I operate a primary object to "measure" my "flitting" attention against there is a micro sensation of relief when my attention returns to the primary object. Does this make any sense? It may be circumstantial or an object of my "will". Not sure yet.
Howard
