tarin greco:
Beoman Beo Beoman:
Yeah I think I actually realize that now, which makes me think last night I had the 2nd path fruition.
description of before/after?
Certainly, here is what I wrote:
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took tarin's advice and tried noticing watching, inclusiveness, and
'center' all thru the day. sat down to do candle meditation, but closed eyes
shortly after, no red dot appeared, and i kept going as usual.
while at work i think was A&P, was very energetic and such.
dark night i didnt notice. then equanimity as i sat here.
this time was calmer than last time [where I felt I was close, my
heart started beating liked crazy, etc]. . i just noted center, "me", awareness, inclusiveness,
background when I could, etc.
again felt frustratingly close. a few build-ups and come-downs. i think at
some point i entered one of the formless realm as vision opened up. (i now
think this happened earlier). at one point everything got much brighter and
whiter, maybe was 6th jhana? not important.
at some point i start noticing impermanence of the 'me'. Like i'll be looking,
and i'll think me is what's watching, but then me changes to be something
watching that, at which point if notice it changes again, etc. I got pretty good
at keeping track of that "me" changing.
had to go to bathroom so i get up and go. try to note awareness
during this time, or me, or watching. as i sit back down i think "where was I? ah yes, watching..."
then i had what might have been 2nd path fruition. It was a brief flickering with eyes open,
my body twitching a little bit... no bliss wave... unsure whether i was twitching or was fruition.
i tried remembering if i was there during the flickering, but i couldn't tell.
i kept my eyes open, tried to keep noting the same things. the background was very shaking
at this point - might have been a jhana. I also got the strange feeling I got after stream entry,
being like "is that it? i don't know, I feel the same..." but something felt different.
I closed my eyes, and i went back to A&P as far as i can tell. lots of white
flickering, etc. then it calmed down - dissolution. then some murky stuff, then
back to what i thought was equanimity, where I was before. sounds like a Review eh?
I also didn't perceive "totality" the same way as I did before.
before I would think "inclusiveness" or "totality" like while sitting in the bathroom,
and i'd perceive everything i was feeling as one "moment". experience would actually
feel total and solid when i tuned into it.
Now, when I try to do this i notice it is actually made up of lots of little moments. i can't get the
whole totality as one moment anymore - whenever i try to think it, i just notice all the little things
making up the totality, with a feeling of "totality" on top, but separate from the rest. makes me think 2nd path.
didn't get another Fruition yet, time to sleep, but will see how it goes.
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Ah I also practiced the jhanas again, and found I could get into more solid 5th - 7th jhanas, and could
actually get 8th jhana. 5th being: wide open space, but this time i also imagined it around my body,
and it expanded there. 6th being less refined than 5th but filled with 'consciousness-stuff' i suppose.
7th the whole thing just turns "flat" and it's as if nothing is there. 8th then takes the 7th and makes
it a bit "murky"... that's really the best description, like a fog or something.
tarin greco:
how is right now compared to before you completed (what you think was) another path?
tarin
I don't feel particularly different if not thinking about anything, same as after 1st path. however, trying
to experience totality is different, as i said before. it also is easier to perceive 'watching', 'center',
or 'the watcher' as just another sensation. again i am unsatisfied, as now it just seems like there is
an even more refined sense of "me" still out there, beyond all the stuff i'm currently perceiving. i take
it that won't go away until Arahatship though?