Today's sitting (30 min) mostly a mixed experience, absorption, yes, but also lethargy. Things broke into a vibrational level yet it felt very uneven and chaotic. Every attempt to observe, see, or note, the object was met with the object transforming into something else. The speed at which this was happening was very fast, can't say how fast though. There was some sukkha-like energy, the senses turned somewhat inward, but mostly a lack of focus and drowsiness, caught up in thoughts and feelings, fantasies, dreams, visions, hallucinations, or whatever they were... I kept coming back to noticing the breath at the nostril tip, and kept coming back to just watching what it all was. Then I saw this bubble emerge, it was a bodily feeling as well as a visual sighting, and when it came up it rocked me with a significant energy bump. Any advice?

The last 24 hours I have been going through "past issues" with prior sanghas and teachers. That and searching the internet for who in this area to touch bases with: Bhante Gunaratana, Tara Brach, Anh-Huong Nyugen, etc. Also there is a big meditation science convention gathering soon that the Dalai Lama will be the key-note speaker at. (?) Anyway there is all this emotional baggage, and general chaos. These are strange, twisted, reactionary emotions, not serious or big emotions, or anything that would throw me off track, just annoying petty obsessions. My guess is this is a bit of the A & P stuff I had previously reported NOT getting. Having read in MCTB how object can be used in vipassana, right now the only possible object is all this chaos and getting bombarded with kundalini bubbles. Okay, that is do-able. Wisdom seems to tell me to hang out at DhO 2.0 and not be a "joiner" with other groups right now. Does that make sense?

Also there is this one core center of practice which is very solid. This is a bit of a mystery to me, more is yet to be revealed, it goes back to when I was in Big Sur in the early 70's. I probably forgot that Tassajara was just over the mountain, I began to understand my karma as having many tasks/events that looked at in a certain way have a practice potential. For a few years now I have been studying how ordinary work can be transformed into centering, calming, and practice. I know Dogen taught on this topic, and recently I discovered the Thai Forest is very much into it, got this from a fellow who writes to me from Thailand. Anyway I mention this because this is the one area not perturbed by the general chaos I feel yesterday and today. Somehow being on task changes the chaos into something more managable. Our normal Western way of work is all about "keeping the pressure on" when in actuality this creates a dislike of work and actually less work gets done. Maybe it is simply "Mindfulness of Working"

Any thoughts?

p e a c e

h a n s e n

Hi Eric,
All kinds of repressed gunk (trauma, etc) has been packed into this body that you are carrying around. Energetic blockages. Once you are able to start practicing at the energetic level (as you are now), you are releasing all kinds of stuff (what goes in must come out). The energetic body is starting to go through some changes. Kundalini, chakras, etc. You may experience these releases through any of the senses but the big ones are going to be (in my experience) around pain and emotions. Investigate these when they appear. They will also break up into vibrations. Thought storms are just another form of this. This stuff is being released and it appears to you as memories, thoughts, fears, desires all kinds of stuff.
Restlessness can be a big one – it is just energy if you investigate it.

Try to let it go on through. Knowing that it is just junk coming up that wants to leave anyway helps. I think it would be good to switch from focusing on the tip of the nose to a whole-body practice. Put about 20% of your awareness to hold a sense of the whole body and then the rest of it toward placing your awareness in that space (of the body) and sitting with the energy. Just let it do what it wants to do.

Google: 'Shinzen Young flow' (very important article to read). Once you have a sense for what 'flow' is – then you see the need to stay in the body and let it work on you.

“I have been studying how ordinary work can be transformed into centering, calming, and practice.”
That's a good practice. You need some practices that can ground you. If you find in your meditation that your mind wants to 'incline toward stillness' – just let it go and see what happens. Stillness is also part of the practice.

Enjoy those bubbles.

Thanks Chuck: I appreciate your tracking my posts and progress. I hadn't realized how much was going on until I began to write about it. You mentioned the whole body approach and the noting skills previously, I need to follow the suggestions.

When I went to work it was just as chaotic there, in several locations throughout the business. Not just me.

Every day is a fine day.

h a n s e n

Yesterday woke up to absolutely creepy dark dream, went back to sleep, needed more rest, then stunning beautiful vivid dream, I wanted to practice while knowing the dream was but a dream, but wanted a quiet place and figured I could get whatever I wanted since it was only a dream and I knew it but it was harder to negociate than I had anticipated. Anyway it was the first thought in my mind. When I got up I was saturated still with the gunk feeling, the subconscious crap. What I did was realized that (again) there is a suppression issue going on, like when I go into jhana states while sitting, then later forget them. I kind of rebelled against this and rallied to a good, clear, conscious, hour long sit with at least 3 aspects of jhana #1 and mild kundalini as well, a few bumps in the deep spots, but energized and focussed coming out of it and throughout the day. Then at work hanging very loose and being very decisive, even taking risks.
h a n s e n
p.s yes the whole body breathing seem to be very nice for me, thanks again
p.p.s. the "noting" is still in development, pointing in that direction but not really applied to it yet; need more study