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Very good feeling
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6/23/19 8:54 PM
Hey ya'll!

Two days ago I woke up and decided to do shamatha meditations instead of shikentaza.
I used to do shamatha on the breath, for about 1.5-2 years, before I changed over to just sitting with no particular agenda for about 2-3 months ago.

I used to get real calm and good doing shamatha, so I missed it. I started off by 35 minutes of shamatha on the breath, sitting, then laid myself on the ground and did an hour of breathing and focusing on what felt good. 

And it felt real good. Like mdma, just a few levels below. I could've laid there forever and actually wanted to.

I saw that most of my daily cravings for e.g. food was for this.

I didn't want anything else. Just this good yummy feeling-sensation.

On a side-note; I practice semen retention and had an erotic blast when I woke up and read a message I'd got. I'm also 11 weeks into a celibacy. That probably affected my meditations.. But, can anybody explain this to me?

What I found a bit surprising was that I saw how my cravings were really me wanting this, and afterwards I just wanted to relax more into my own body. Made me a bit weary and I questioned my pull towards it.
The good thing about it was that I understood that it, what I seek and want, comes from within.