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Changes due to A&P?

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Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 1:50 AM
Apparently A&P does something to one’s functioning, right? So I’m wondering about the limits to that. A decade ago I had many instances of the traditional Kundalini awakening explosive stuff. What shot up through my spine was so forceful that I couldn’t stand up straight, and there were loud explosions in my head that only I could hear. I remember that I at the time had the impression that something happened with the way I functioned, but I can’t remember what it was or assess whether it lasted. It wasn’t remotely as clear as the changes that I have had after fruitions. Still, I have heard that there can be changes after an A&P event that can be mistaken for the changes due to fruitions, thus contributing to misdiagnosis.

So... If a person were to cycle the nanas for many years without reaching stream entry, would there still be changes due to A&P? Or is it just the first time? Somewhere in between?

Would these changes be lasting?

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 6:24 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
I'm very much looking forward to read answers that will be given to such interesting question!

For my part, the only thing I have in mind, is that the very first A&P will tend to make one become very interested in one's practice, and in the Dhamma as a whole. One of my first teachers, a monk in the Mahasi lineage, said that crossing the A&P once will make you encounter the Buddha's teachings for many lifetimes to come, even if one stops meditating. Although in Pragmatic Dharma there's no emphasis on notions of future life, what this teacher said connects to the idea that after an A&P experience, one will feel a natural and long-lasting connection to the Dhamma.

A few years ago I spent 45 minutes or more with my brother guiding him in vipassana exercises. At one point he got an obvious A&P experience, tingles rising up his spine all the way to his crown, feelings of calm rapture. Knowing my brother well, I can say it changed him. After a while he expereinced harsh vibrations going to bed with thoughts of disantchantment (dukkha nana I suppose) toward his dogs and all he was doing with them: he works with dogs as his primary occupation in life (got a dog food company, used to train dogs professionally, owns 8 of them, talks of dogs all the time, etc). So this was unusual for someone who is passionate about dogs. He had reflections like; "it all feels empty, these dogs will die, we don't own anything in life", and the like. He had never talked like that before the A&P event. And although he is an extremely busy man, he said he had it in the back of his mind that one day he'll take up meditation seriously. I suspect that the A&P he had, and not my occasional discussion on meditation with him, is behind that change. 

I haven't reached stream-entry yet, as understood here and in Mahasi vipassana, but there is not a day that meditation is not felt as my priority. I think A&P effects are long lasting. Still, looking forward to what others have to say on this.

Thanks for rasing this question!

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 6:28 AM as a reply to Ben V..
One more thing: About misdiagnosis.

The impression I get is that if it's A&P without getting SE, then one has a sense of incompletion and a strong drive to complete the job (that's where I feel at). Whereas after SE, people seem to feel a sense of completion about the meditation, until the next path kicks in of course. But A&P does not give the sense of completion at all, just a sense of wanting to complete a meditational task, even if that task is not clear yet for what it's about.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 7:02 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Are you worried that you have misdiagnosed stream entry?

I'm curious to know about what kind of changes you've had after fruitions.

I've also been wondering about this topic. Over the course of my life, I have had a few shifts in how I see the world, both big and small. It's interesting to try to map those shifts onto specific events. (There is part of me, though, that wonders...why?...why am I choosing to spend precious moments of my day thinking about this? what need is that serving...?)

I've had those loud explosions too...I hate when that happens! I'm not sure exactly what specific changes come from them, except maybe slight changes in the way I perceive sensation in my face.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 7:16 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Yes, the first A&P seems to serve as a permanent perspective shift for a lot of people.  

My first, or most prominent A&P was more vastly more earth-shattering and life-altering than any other shift since.

I wrote about it in my first post here: https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/6983378  

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 12:25 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
I appreciate the responses very much. I am currently on a hot spa date but I will get back to you in 24 hours or so. Best wishes, L

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/13/19 9:06 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Yes, I've had major permanent shifts at various points, including multiple ones at A&P before stream entry, even after having many A&Ps and cycling through the dark night many times.

These kind of shifts can happen at any point in the cycle - each of the stages is its own insight and sometimes it takes many many rounds to really get it.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 9:16 AM as a reply to Ben V..
Ben V.:
I'm very much looking forward to read answers that will be given to such interesting question!

For my part, the only thing I have in mind, is that the very first A&P will tend to make one become very interested in one's practice, and in the Dhamma as a whole. One of my first teachers, a monk in the Mahasi lineage, said that crossing the A&P once will make you encounter the Buddha's teachings for many lifetimes to come, even if one stops meditating. Although in Pragmatic Dharma there's no emphasis on notions of future life, what this teacher said connects to the idea that after an A&P experience, one will feel a natural and long-lasting connection to the Dhamma.

A few years ago I spent 45 minutes or more with my brother guiding him in vipassana exercises. At one point he got an obvious A&P experience, tingles rising up his spine all the way to his crown, feelings of calm rapture. Knowing my brother well, I can say it changed him. After a while he expereinced harsh vibrations going to bed with thoughts of disantchantment (dukkha nana I suppose) toward his dogs and all he was doing with them: he works with dogs as his primary occupation in life (got a dog food company, used to train dogs professionally, owns 8 of them, talks of dogs all the time, etc). So this was unusual for someone who is passionate about dogs. He had reflections like; "it all feels empty, these dogs will die, we don't own anything in life", and the like. He had never talked like that before the A&P event. And although he is an extremely busy man, he said he had it in the back of his mind that one day he'll take up meditation seriously. I suspect that the A&P he had, and not my occasional discussion on meditation with him, is behind that change. 

I haven't reached stream-entry yet, as understood here and in Mahasi vipassana, but there is not a day that meditation is not felt as my priority. I think A&P effects are long lasting. Still, looking forward to what others have to say on this.

Thanks for rasing this question!


Thankyou Ben for your thoughtful reply!

I’m not sure when my very first A&P experience was and whether it created a connection to the dharma and dhamma for me. The first one I’m absolutely sure of (the explosive Kundalini stuff) was about a decade ago, but I didn’t meditate at the time. It was more like it forced itself upon me at a difficult time, and it was a terrifying experience. I did meditate a bit a decade before that, though, and at that time (as a teenager) I had both blissful and scary meditative experiences, the latter which made me abandon the practice. As long as I can remember I have felt some vague calling, but I thought I was the type of person that should stay away from meditation.

Then maybe a couple of years after the explosive Kundalini stuff, I had developed lots of chronic pain, dizziness, complicated allergic reactions, and other symptoms that no doctor could make any sense of, and as I googled my symptoms I found a page warning people from Kundalini awakening, describing practically all my symptoms, whereas I could tick practically all the boxes in the description. I had never heard about Kundalini at that time and didn’t know what to believe. A couple of years after that, I came across Kundalini Yoga and thought that I might as well try it as I already had all the symptoms I had seen warnings about. I loved it and had another A&P event on my first session. This time it was a very positive and transforming experience, or rather the start of a set of experiences that continued over time. After that I did som Kundalini Yoga periodically and meditated inconsistently and without any method whatsoever. Some very positive life changes occurred at that time. Then the bliss faded and life got in the way and I didn’t make more of it, until September last year when I took up a daily practice (embarrassingly enough thanks to losing access to Netflix).

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 9:56 AM as a reply to Ben V..
Ben V.:
One more thing: About misdiagnosis.

The impression I get is that if it's A&P without getting SE, then one has a sense of incompletion and a strong drive to complete the job (that's where I feel at). Whereas after SE, people seem to feel a sense of completion about the meditation, until the next path kicks in of course. But A&P does not give the sense of completion at all, just a sense of wanting to complete a meditational task, even if that task is not clear yet for what it's about.



Thanks for your further input!

I have never had the sense of completion from something that I’m convinced was A&P. When I had what I believe was stream entry, I knew from this forum and from the litterature and the dharma talks that stream entry is only the beginning, and I was enjoying the meditation and therefore just took it for granted that I should continue. I had difficulties finding direction, though, and I guess I erroneously thought ”been there, done that” about a lot of things, embarrassingly enough.

This thread and reflecting about what Daniel says about A&P has made me wonder whether what I have been thinking about as my fourth and latest fruition was really an A&P moment of the more transforming kind. I’ll write more about that in my reply to JC. If that’s the case, then I did have a sense of completion from an A&P moment. That was presumably after stream entry, though, and it was very much about getting more parts of ”me” getting on board with already made insights.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 10:27 AM as a reply to spatial.
spatial:
Are you worried that you have misdiagnosed stream entry?

I'm curious to know about what kind of changes you've had after fruitions.

I've also been wondering about this topic. Over the course of my life, I have had a few shifts in how I see the world, both big and small. It's interesting to try to map those shifts onto specific events. (There is part of me, though, that wonders...why?...why am I choosing to spend precious moments of my day thinking about this? what need is that serving...?)

I've had those loud explosions too...I hate when that happens! I'm not sure exactly what specific changes come from them, except maybe slight changes in the way I perceive sensation in my face.


Thankyou, Spatial, for sharing! Your practice log was partly what made me ask these questions in the first place, if I remember correctly. Wasn’t it you who found during an A&P event in a drawing class that your ability to draw suddenly improved remarkably? During a recent A&P I could suddenly climb gracefully and confidently (despite my fear of heights).

Nah, not worried. I don’t think that it was a misdiagnosis, but if that were to be the case, then that means that there are even more goodies in the goodiebag. In any case, it is probably wise to keep an open mind rather than clinging to a specific view of what happened. After all, misdiagnoses do occur, and I want to see things for what they are. Thus I can’t just make up my mind once and for all. That would be contraproductive and very much a case of clinging.

It’s too soon to tell for sure that the shifts are permament, of course, but I’ll report what I have found so far:

- Because of being autistic, I used to have great difficulties with eye contact, especially intense eye contact. That disappeared instantly and suddenly, and the difficulties haven’t come back. I don’t get panicky overwhelmed by sustained eye contact anymore. That’s huge for me. On a workshop I attended directly after the two initial fruitions, there were exercises that involved intense eye contact for a long time, and for the first time ever I was able to take part in that with no problem whatsoever. On my date yesterday I still had no difficulties with eye contact, thankfully, because Jeeze, people’s eyes are beautiful!
- I also used to feel very awkward in social gatherings, minglings, but that has disappeared too. It did so in one instance - the two initial fruitions. Several people who are close to me kan verify that sudden, huge, and so far lasting, change. It feels so much easier now that there is less of ”me” interfering. No reason to be self-conscious anymore. The self-consciousness isn’t entirely gone, though; I’ve got to admit that I was very nervous about talking to Daniel a few days ago.
- I used to get very nauseous from noice, like in the laundry room. That has suddenly disappeared. I had a chronic diagnosis on that too.
- I used to have chronic difficulties processing sounds - distinguishing sounds from each other and determine the direction from which they came - but that has suddenly disappeared.
- I seem to need less time to prepare mentally for stuff, and it’s somewhat easier for me to accept changes (which is also something that is troublesome for me as autistic). That was a sudden change for the better, but all of it didn’t last.
- I suddenly don’t get sexually frustrated anymore. Sorry for being explicit, but that seems significant.
- I think my peripheral vision has increased quite a lot. However, I’m not sure that this came with the assumed stream entry.
- Different processing of light and colors. Especially during and directly after meditation, it seems like my brain doesn’t adjust color perception to light conditions as before.
- Better access to jhana. That was most obvious in what I believe was the review phase. Then as the new insight progress started again, there was less access, but now access is growing again along with new insight stuff happening.
- Increased complexity of meditation experiences. In the review phase there was like a buffet of all the favorite experiences at the same time. As the insight progression started again, that went away for a while. Then, as the progress continued, I noticed that there was clarity on a more complex level and in more areas than before in those stages.
- My tells for when it’s time for refill on the ADHD medication changed suddenly. It has taken me quite a while to find new (much subtler) tells. Of course I still have ADHD and need my medication. Now it takes longer time before obvious symptoms arise, but if I mess with the regular regime of medication, my executive function will eventually fail me.
- There was a temporary loss of performance anxiety, but unfortunately that didn’t last.
- For a while it was like I saw people’s vulnerability and imperfection and was filled with awe of its beauty and of how precious life is. That feeling didn’t last either. Still, I think the experience has changed some of my conditioning, maybe not in the karmic sense, but in a pragmatic sense with regard to my attitudes in daily life.
- Directly after the fruitions, sensory input was overwhelming. Immediately after the fruitions had occurred I needed to rush away to a yoga class. It was very clear then that something had happened to my senses. All impressions seemed to scream at me (in a distinctly different way than in autistic sensory overload). That has never happened after any other meditation session. Thankfully, that settled down when I came home again and rested in a dark room.

Oh, you have had the loud explosions too? Interesting. Yeah, scary stuff, at least in the beginning. They eventually stopped scaring me. They also gradually became milder. They did come back again several years later while I was doing Kundalini Yoga, but with access to that framework I didn’t resist them. I remember that one time during a yoga session I felt that there was a blockage in my head, rendering the exercises somewhat painful. Then there was a relatively mild explosion, and after that the blockage was gone.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 10:34 AM as a reply to Nick O.
Nick O:
Yes, the first A&P seems to serve as a permanent perspective shift for a lot of people.  

My first, or most prominent A&P was more vastly more earth-shattering and life-altering than any other shift since.

I wrote about it in my first post here: https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/6983378  



Thanks Nick for sharing! That was beautiful.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 12:48 PM as a reply to J C.
J C:
Yes, I've had major permanent shifts at various points, including multiple ones at A&P before stream entry, even after having many A&Ps and cycling through the dark night many times.

These kind of shifts can happen at any point in the cycle - each of the stages is its own insight and sometimes it takes many many rounds to really get it.



That’s interesting and very good news. Lots of opportunities for transforming insights then! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

I think I have had a far too binary view on this. Thanks goodness for development!

I would appreciate your input on something. It’s about what I thought was my fourth fruition, described below. It differed quite a lot from the other (prior) three and was much less clear. I found it very transformative at the time, and that’s why I thought that it too was a fruition. Now I’m starting to think that it was perhaps actually an A&P event instead. Does it sound like it to you?

The first three occurred on March 20th (two of them) and March 25th, and this event was on April 12th. After the first three I felt very unsolid in a way that I grew attatched to, and as that feeling faded away I subjectively experienced it as a sudden stagnation of energies that were supposed to flow freely, and it started to hurt. I also had my tics coming back (I have Tourette) although I had previously learned that the compulsions were only falsa alarms and that there would be no uncomfort if I let go of them. My body was suddenly contracting again for no apparent reason, and it contracted weirdly fast. I felt that the delusive self was trying to get back in charge, although I knew that it didn’t exist, so I asked for advice during the online retreat Immersion, about working with new layers of something that had already been resolved. In the conversation that enfolded, with Eduardo Zambrano, I was reminded that I needed to get ”all the Pollys” on board, and being frustrated wouldn’t help with that. They needed to feel welcome and safe. Thus I did metta on all the different Pollys. Initially I felt lots of tightness and pain in my body, but I didn’t get annoyed. I truly felt compassion for all those parts that were resisting, and I totally forgot about any striving apart from really making them feel safe. I forgot about my ”self”, my body and everything. Then there was sort of a fall, and the next thing I knew I was back in my body, wondering what happened. Then I remembered that there had been tensions in my neck that hurt and found that they were completely gone. After that I felt the rest of my body and remembered that there had been tensions there as well, and they were completely gone too. I was soooooooo relaxed. It felt like true mercy. I felt safe and calm and grateful and had no desire to meditate more for a while. I felt done. Not done done, but done with that particular task. I didn’t need to have any more meditative experiences from that retreat. Instead I engaged in the conversations and contributed with some basic answers to questions from beginner meditators, and I made some friendships. I felt as if I had been saved.

Since then I have had significantly less pain in my body. I stopped having pain during dukkha nanas which I had previously had, being a chronic pain patient and all. The attachment to nonsolidness went away. I’ll admit that I’m still fond of it, but I can appreciate feeling solid too. It doesn’t feel like stagnation now. The pain came back in the 3C nana of what I believe to be the next path, though. Then I had the headache from hell. I had never previously felt anything like it. But it passed.

Back to the event: I had what felt like an amazing afterglow. It was so lovely. When that faded, the next day or maybe the day after that, my mind started racing and I felt the need to construct a visual model. I’m not a visual person at all, but suddenly I could use 3D visualizations to make sense of complex experiences. I became weirdly eager about that, like hypomanic for a while. That lasted only a day, and then I was back to feeling very calm and rather tired. I interpreted that mind racing as A&P and the following calm and tiredness as dissolution in review. But maybe the A&P started earlier, although it was so incredibly calm and relaxed? The event did have that Halleluja feeling that is so common in A&P, but at the time I thought it was the suffering door. Now I don’t know.

Ah, anyway... whatever it was, it was exactly what I needed.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/14/19 10:52 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:

Thankyou, Spatial, for sharing! Your practice log was partly what made me ask
these questions in the first place, if I remember correctly. Wasn’t it you who
found during an A&P event in a drawing class that your ability to draw suddenly
improved remarkably? During a recent A&P I could suddenly climb gracefully and
confidently (despite my fear of heights).

Yes, that was me. I don't really know if it was an A&P event or not; I'm just calling it that because it reminded me of things that I associate with meditation, where there is a moment of sudden clarity, followed by a couple days of lots of "loose energy" in my body and more scattered focus. It seemed like it happened because I really zeroed in on the physical sensations I was getting when I observed the results of my drawing, and I synched up with it to the point where those feelings just eradicated themselves (finally allowing me to really connect with what I was drawing). Maybe the same thing happened to you with climbing.

It’s too soon to tell for sure that the shifts are permament, of course, but 
I’ll report what I have found so far:

It sounds like you've experienced lots of positive changes!

I can relate to some of it, but of course I have no idea how exactly it compares with your experiences. For example, large amounts of social anxiety have totally vanished (I think mainly because I just don't compare myself to others on a "status ladder" anymore...I still do get self-conscious and awkward at times, though...This feels like it has a more primal cause). Peripheral vision has definitely increased. I'm always aware of it when I'm in the supermarket and I can tell exactly who is around me without moving my head, and it's incredibly obvious how much everyone else can't do that.


Oh, you have had the loud explosions too? Interesting. Yeah, scary stuff, at
least in the beginning. They eventually stopped scaring me. They also gradually
became milder. They did come back again several years later while I was doing
Kundalini Yoga, but with access to that framework I didn’t resist them. I
remember that one time during a yoga session I felt that there was a blockage in
my head, rendering the exercises somewhat painful. Then there was a relatively
mild explosion, and after that the blockage was gone.

I actually just had a silent explosion this evening, while meditating. No sound, but a very discernible snapping or cracking feeling in the back of my head, followed by a release of a blockage. Now my scalp and face are tingling.

On my recent retreat, there were two events that were both very startling and uncomfortable. One was while meditating lying down, when I heard a gunshot right in the center of my head. The other was shortly after falling asleep, and I was dreaming that I was standing in line behind a woman who suddenly turned around and punched me in the face. I woke up feeling like I had actually been punched in the face. I remember it felt pretty violating.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/15/19 2:41 AM as a reply to spatial.
That does sound exactly like what happened with me and climbing. It was as if the body knew exactly what to do and knew it intimately without bothering to take it through any doer. It just did it on its own. Or it just happened. There probably was no doer at all.

About the social anxiety, much of it vanished before in a different way bacause I matured and I got my diagnoses and I came to see things in new light. This was different and felt like something more hardwired into my brain. It’s hard to explain. Social anxiety was the wrong term in the first place, because it was really an autistic hardwiring. That can’t be treated whereas social anxiety is treatable.

Cool about the peripheral vision, right? I sometimes find myself doing some correspondence on my ipad while walking fast, and I do see where I’m going and I see the traffic, but I also see people looking at me with contempt because they assume that I can’t see the traffic or them. I probably shouldn’t do that, but it’s so... effective. I used to be quithe the disaster in traffic without looking at my ipad. My peripheral vision, maybe all extrospective awareness, was definitely much worse than average.

I have those cracking sensations in my head too. I just never thought of them as connected to the explosions. I wouldn’t say that they are accompanied by tinglings, exactly, but something similar but smoother. Like thin silk veils being gently drawn out from my paranasal cavities. I used to have sensations of very light carressings of feathers in my face. Now it’s more often inwardly.

Ouch, gunshots and punches sound very unsettling.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/15/19 8:44 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
A year ago I had my most remerkable expirence since I started meditating. I dont know if it was an A&P event, stream entry, equanimity or just a profund insight. But this event change my life 180º.

I went back to my travel in southeast Asia where I was meditating for two months in thai and bruma, you can check here my report. When I arrived home I still had a month and I was meditating a lot, like 3-5h on my own, very easy, effortless and blissfull meditations probably I was getting 1-4 jhanas. I was feeling like levitanting and sorrunded for good feelings inside and outside the body all the time. Was winter and I got no cold I was feeling a warm sensation around my body all day, and usually when I feel the cold and Im not good at handle it.

At some point I had to make a decision in my life:  keep working in my last job on a warehouse that I didnt like it that much, just a job to make money and be able to substain myself or other side recibe a little subvention for the goverment and try to study something or trying to work at some personal project.

I dont know making this decision open a lot of doubt, stress and ansiety also made a post here with more detail of what I was going on.

So at some point tired of this madness that I was going on I dicided to make DOUBT my object of meditation. Instead of feeling the doubt was haunting me I dicided to haunt the doubt. emoticon

So every time doubt arrise I start to break what make doubt in little parts, start not stoping notting the doubt and all what makes doubt doubt. The sensations, feelings, thoughts, where it was in my body, the intensity, the speed if it was more dense, floating, compresed, expanded... like everything. Every time this mind pattern arrise wherever I was I just stop and I put all my will and energy to look at the 3 characteristic and all the qualities I can find on it. I was working on my sittings but also and mostly on daily life.

So I was keep doing this for a month and one day very randomly I was sleeping and  I was waking up by the sound of my thoughts, were the thoughts of doubt and anxiety followed by thoughts that were supposed to be ME tracking that doubt emoticon I mean "my real me". Was a very strong expirence and was not cognitive like "oh, there are these thoughts, this is no-self blabalba".

Was just a moment, just a second of realitzation of just seeing it. Was a mix of surprise, and eureka moment, like if I was a child that see something for the frist time but also if I got cheated and reckt all my life all at the same time. This was followed by strong bliss that flood all my body and then I felt I was floating and loose all the weight I was having. Then I felt like I was merging with everything and my bed sheets, my bed, the air, my room we where only one single thing.

All of these I describe happen in seconds and then I just feel so relaxed that I just fall sleep again. But the funny part starts when I wake up. I woke up and everything is the same but different, and...no thoughts, really I mean I can have perception, sensations or emotions, but my mind was having no thoughts almost all the time, if they come I can see them coming from distance and then fade away.

It feels if all my life I was gravitating arround thoughts, like the moon gravitating arround earth and now the thoughts were gravitating arround me. Also a pleasent bliss, calmness and peacefullness follow me all day long. I was working on that warehouse, thought work, waking up 5 am and doing heavy work moving weight and stuff but these sensations and feelings didnt fade. Even when I was tired I was feeling good, I mean I was feeling tired but at the same time the sensations that make tired had another quality of contention and pleasentness.

Also I had some kind of allucinations, the color were more vivid, I saw texture of things moving if everything was alive. Sometimes the all the shadows and lights merged seperately and create a "new object", everything was very randomnly and unexpected. Its hard to explain, was just seeing it and when I realized disappear. This things keep the next two months and slowly fade away before going back "to normal". An exemple of Im talking about (the shadow and light thing) :



But for me the most important was the change I have inside me, this no-self expirence open something really deep inside me, and I can see myself as never before. I saw really clear my desires, my motivations, what I really wanting to do in my life.  This was really wierd, having a no-self expirence but at the same time seeing as never before who I was, at least at psychological level. At some point I felt I was driven by a unstoppable force that push me on the direction of what deeply wanted and starts to take out all was not needed. 

So I quit that job and I did a lot of changes in my life and start working on the direction i wanted, to be an professional Illustrator. One day very randomly I recived a job offer of the type I was looking for ( Illustrator ) without looking at it, a friend that was in thailand on holdiays just resend me and offer he saw on internet then I applied and they hired me and is where Im working now. 

At some point I relaxed a lot my meditation practice, going to 1h, to 40 min and then 20 min, trying diferent stuff etc. Becouse I saw that the most important inisght I had happned in daily life. Now I saw that was a mistake and sitting practice is very important. Right now I feel to start over again, having hard time to be able to meditate 20 min ^^u. Maybe I will start a log here emoticon

So my conclusion, A & P, stream entry, insight ... who cares ... yes,  human nature try to classify experience and try to understand them, I do too. But with the time I saw is pointless is just trying to feed one part of me that needs to know.

All this changes that happen in my life is becouse I keep up my meditation, I keep up my inner work and the benefits I have are immeasurable. The relase of suffering, how I learned to open, accept and embrace life as it is, how do I grow emotionally and mentally, how do I learn to love and sustain myself that's what it matters, not an attiment. And some stuff I need to put hard work on it (self), but other stuff just happen as a collateral side of keep going with my meditation practice and it just happen (no-self).

So lets have fun and keep the practice up! 

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/15/19 8:45 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
- My tells for when it’s time for refill on the ADHD medication changed suddenly. It has taken me quite a while to find new (much subtler) tells. Of course I still have ADHD and need my medication. Now it takes longer time before obvious symptoms arise, but if I mess with the regular regime of medication, my executive function will eventually fail me. 

Linda, there was someone over at the /r/streamentry reddit group who was asking about ADHD medications and progress on the path. They may find your experiences useful. https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/cbwqlb/questions_theory_and_general_discussion_new_users/etla4v8/

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/15/19 8:45 AM as a reply to Jordi.
Thanks for sharing, Jordi! That’s really cool. Hm, maybe I should meditate on doubt too. I can relate so much to that kind of anxiety.

I will definitely continue to practice, and I find it very helpful to have a log here, both because of the valuable feedback and because of the accountability.

RE: Changes due to A&P?
Answer
7/15/19 8:47 AM as a reply to Ostaron.
Ostaron:
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
- My tells for when it’s time for refill on the ADHD medication changed suddenly. It has taken me quite a while to find new (much subtler) tells. Of course I still have ADHD and need my medication. Now it takes longer time before obvious symptoms arise, but if I mess with the regular regime of medication, my executive function will eventually fail me. 

Linda, there was someone over at the /r/streamentry reddit group who was asking about ADHD medications and progress on the path. They may find your experiences useful. https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/cbwqlb/questions_theory_and_general_discussion_new_users/etla4v8/



Oh, okay. I’m not a member there. I have never used reddit. They are welcome to contact me here if they have questions.