From the mystical journal of LordBuddha420:
"At the age of six I gained stream entry, or as it is more commonly known, Nirvana, without even knowing it and suddenly had a mastery of the Three CharacterS.
From that point on I was heralded as meditative prodigy of a magnitude not seen since the time of the Buddha himself.
Even in far off lands of the llamas, in the Alps of Tibet, they heard of my greatness and came to California to witness the Great White Messiah.
The robed mystics ejaculated fondly over my sheer natural ability of concentration, but I could see the envy in their dull, furtive eyes, and they begged me for my godlike, natural insight.
Around eight or nine, by way of my step-dad Chet, the wisdom of cannabis kicked down my olfactory sense door and nested within my third eye chakra and still whirls there to this day.
LSD at ten, but it had no effect, and so I have dismissed it as maybe something children could play around with.
By puberty, I was blessed with the most perfect countenance. Perfect flowing, blonde locks, perfect teeth, an all-round perfect physique that would put a certain ex-governor of California to shame, just by inclining my mind into the 13th jahana in downward dog.
This was when, too, my super powers arrived.
They came right when I was shredding the gnarliest tidal wave that almost destroyed the west coast. It was here that my super powers came to me after a particularly rapturous explosion of all my chakra simultaneously, and I dispersed that tsunami of sheer doom with a sharp glance and a partially raised eyebrow.
Of my magickal repertoire is the usual trite psionic abilities and unawakened are familiar with: telepathy, telekinesis, flying, teleportation, healing, etc. However, these are the powers available to lesser semi-sapient things.
My pure posture, charisma and presence was my Greatest Insight and is truly the height of a post-vipassana technique I call the Blue Avatar!
The ladies can’t help themselves swoon at my majesty and gibber within their pitiful reptilian minds, “OMG A MEDITATOR, hnnnnnnng!”
They do their best to ignore me but I know, I KNOW, that they are extremely impressed by my impeccable lotus position upon a surfboard.
With but a snap of my fingers any of these swimsuit models would do my every bidding, BUT, I am a humble man of the humblest humility, and besides, there was no time to indulge in such baseness as my vegan, life-coach once, correctly, advised.
Every word that pours like organic honey from my mouth is PURE DHARMA.
I had self-published many corrections to the Buddha’s discourses, and yet, the salvador dalis recognize not my teachings and label me a heretic.
Those sorry fools! Let them tremble in their icy Spanish caverns! See what I care!
By nineteen I realized the world doesn’t deserve my guidance and so I mostly live in a lost Egyptian pyramid in the center of the Sahara dessert and occasionally in the replica of Shangri-La conjured a hundred furlongs beneath the ice sheets of Antarctica.
I have perfected self.
A super self.
One of many layers and such complexities that no mere mortal could ever hope to achieve.
The 9001th Power I call it.
A have transcended all conception of universe, multi-verse, anti-particle parallel realms of ineffable quantum flux in a place where all I breathe is pure vacuum where no photon has ever touched.
Find me on Fortnite at LordBuddha420.”
