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meditation logging fun
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9/28/19 3:07 PM
I'm new again. 

Basic concentration meditation right now. Twenty a day creeping up to an hour again.  Unsure whether to focus on concentration path or insight.

Had an interesting experience while laying in bed listening to guided meditation.  I'm not sure how to describe it - a mindset change when Sam Harris mentioned something.  I was sitting on the edge, seeing subtle lights and closed eyed visuals and went over.  It carried over into real life for a few days.  I remember this experience.  It happened a lot growing up.  

Can barely focus on anything now.

concentration path seems the focus for this week.

lotta social anxiety regarding my place in society.  

RE: meditation logging fun
Answer
9/28/19 5:58 PM as a reply to ma.
First, you should ask yourself what you hope to gain from each individual session.
Are you trying to synthesis DMT or are you trying to astral project?
Maybe you're trying to have an episode of infinite spacial awareness?
Or are you trying to sort yourself out?
If that's the case, my advice is to close your eyes and narrate your habits over and work things out within yourself, because having a transcendental experience won't make anyone a better neighbor.
Do you know exactly what you want from this? If this is for leisure then concentration is a more fun route, helps you to maintain your stillness, which allows for an expanded perceptual field 

RE: meditation logging fun
Answer
9/28/19 6:50 PM as a reply to Mista Tibbs.
thanks for the reply

I want to say sort myself out, but there's a definite urge for infinite spatial awareness experiences.  I've been telling myself everything will be figured out with a big experience.

sort myself out for now, I'll have to say.  I'm numb and comfortable with my life situation and ashamed. I'm poor, working a hard job for low pay, and partially dependant.  avoidant and anxious.  Addicted to the internet.  I'm taking steps financially and career wise, but spend too much time wasting it.

concentration seems like the path to take, but that can lead to more avoidance.  I could notice myself moving to the breath when uncomfortable experiences arise in meditation.

awakening is a goal.  I just don't feel I'm capable of going in that direction now. 

RE: meditation logging fun
Answer
9/28/19 7:46 PM as a reply to ma.
Just read about the dark night.  Sweet.  I've got a map to look into.  I'm not sure my first a&p, or even if there is multiple, but I've for sure had some experiences when I was young and again on my first Goenka retreat.  

this is something I've been noticing on a micro scale.  I've been working away for weeks with no problem, aches and pain but they're easily ignored.  I've developed mental calluses.  I work in nature and when moving from one site to the next I had a moment of immersion and complete peace instead of the usual numb work ethic.  When I got back to it I'd had the hardest afternoon I can remember.  All my aches were bothering me, my posture, mentally screaming out, the work seemed pointless (it is, besides the pay check).  I called it early and have been in a poor state since.  

insight practice it is.  I'm gonna read up on mctb to navigate a bit more skillfully.


RE: meditation logging fun
Answer
9/28/19 8:35 PM as a reply to ma.
Meditation won't make you happier, unfortunately, it'll just make you better at meditating.
Sounds like you could benefit from incorporating some formal practice into your life... Have you tried going on nature trails around your area? Its very frugal and it may calm your tick for a larger experience. I work during the day and go jogging at night so I can attest that a change in atmosphere can be refreshing. If you think you might soon hit a depressive episode just remember that the opposite of depression isn't happiness, its vitality. You also have to be mindful of your health impacting your psychological trip, read up on the gut biome if you haven't already.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548
Another reason to update the grocery list and hopefully mitigate some more spending too, why not? emoticon

If you're as enamored with the internet as you say, then you can easily just replace some of those hours with simply staring at the sky! 
This is one of my favorite methods of meditation because of the emoticonCURRENT yearemoticon hijacking our minds.
Our brains are relatively new on the evolutionary scale and convenience of the modern era makes quantum entanglement look like slow mo
imagine just popping your mammoth into the microwave 10,000 years ago
ive made much lasting insights about my surface level self this way. The concentration you build doing this also helps tap into a fascination for life that some call childlike. Our minds crave stimulation but get bored too easily, thankfully we are here trying to be above the mind. 
Staring at the sky, you dont need psychedelics or any guru to know that life is vibrant and dynamic.

Breaking routine and developing a new habit can easily take 2 weeks