Adam's Weekly Practice Post!!! (yay)

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adam ,, modified 13 Years ago at 3/5/11 3:28 PM
Created 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 5:28 PM

Adam's Weekly Practice Post!!! (yay)

Posts: 105 Join Date: 2/19/11 Recent Posts
Hello actualizers! I'm Adam, a 17 year old actualism practitioner, I'm going to write a little diary entry type thing each week, with four sections, What I did, What I learned, What I want to know, What I want to do. I do this so that people can critique my methods/things I learned, and help me out with questions/goals. Also maybe people could learn something from my practice.

So.

Week one:


What I did:

Well, since last Friday when I started actualizing, I've done basically two things. Firstly, I wallowed about in misery, trying desperately to get a PCE, thinking it was a matter of pure effort. Getting frustrated. This lasted for about 2 days. Then came a much more productive period, five days of forgetting about PCE, trying only to become as happy and harmless as I possibly could in the present moment, investigating whatever stood between me and that happiness/harmlessness.

I just asked, as frequently as I could HAIETMOBA? then, discerning how felicitous I was, I took one of three paths. If I was upset or irritated (low felicity) I'd focus on investigating what it was that was causing my state. I classified everything into eight categories. Either social desire/fear/aggression/nurture or instinctual desire/fear/aggression/nurture. I'd then ask myself, is this feeling necessary? Is the thing I want/fear/hate/love truly good/bad? Is it not just an agenda of the social/instinctual self? Is it worth this thing to miss out on the present? When I'd convinced myself fully that the answer was NO to everything, I would show myself how silly it was to go around getting irritated, when I'd shown my self in every documented case that that irritation was silly, unnecessary, misguided, a function of self, and unpleasant I was happy again.

Then If my answer to HAIETMOBA? was that my experience of this moment was just so-so or neutral, and I couldn't find and investigate any specific reason for this medium level felicity, I'd just try to look at everything non-dually, I'd reflect on how the universe was totally perfect in every way, and that right now I was subconsciously labeling things as imperfect, and that this was silly, unnecessary, misguided, a function of self, and the cause of my neutrality.

Then if my answer to HAIETMOBA? was that my experience of this moment was good, I'd focus on sensuousness, naivete, and wonder.

What I learned

I learned that I should just try to be happy and harmless in every moment. I learned that the universe is totally perfect, and that we would always experience it as such were it not for our selves creating standards to further their agendas which allowed for the possibility of imperfection in the universe. I learned that practice is a lot more important than thought. I learned that I never HAVE to be irritated or worried about anything.. ever, that being irritated/worried was a waste of this moment of being alive.

What I want to know
1. What is a so called excellence experience, does it fit what I'm calling 'high felicity?' What are some signs of it?
2. Is there any practice that I can do outside of the constant investigation/HAIETMOBA etc.? Like the Actualism equivalent of formal meditation?
3. What should I do differently?
4. Why have I yet to experience PCE? Right now when I find my self in high felicity, and try to focus on sensuous, naivete, and wonder, which I've heard is the way to PCE, I feel... something, some manifestation of pleasure, and I feel like my thoughts sort of drop away and my senses become clear and I like it, but there is no "wow" factor, and as soon as I stop thinking about it it goes away.

What I want to do
1. I want to keep my practice up at school, often times in school I have such a strong social identity, I'm constantly trying to protect it and "be cool" etc. I often lose attentiveness and only in hindsight do I realize I was freely socially desiring/fearing/aggressing/nurturing, and following through on those impulses with actions. I want to maintain attentiveness at school and not get irritated as much.
2. I want to have my first PCE.
3. I want someone to respond to a post for once xD
Trent , modified 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 7:01 PM
Created 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 6:47 PM

RE: Adam's Weekly Practice Post!!! (yay)

Posts: 361 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
adam j. hunter:
Hello actualizers! I'm Adam, a 17 year old actualism practitioner, I'm going to write a little diary entry type thing each week, with four sections, What I did, What I learned, What I want to know, What I want to do. I do this so that people can critique my methods/things I learned, and help me out with questions/goals. Also maybe people could learn something from my practice.


i like the way you put this post together; the frequency, length, specificity, organization and content is quite practical.

adam j. hunter:
What I did:

Well, since last Friday when I started actualizing, I've done basically two things. Firstly, I wallowed about in misery, trying desperately to get a PCE, thinking it was a matter of pure effort. Getting frustrated. This lasted for about 2 days. Then came a much more productive period, five days of forgetting about PCE, trying only to become as happy and harmless as I possibly could in the present moment, investigating whatever stood between me and that happiness/harmlessness.

I just asked, as frequently as I could HAIETMOBA? then, discerning how felicitous I was, I took one of three paths. If I was upset or irritated (low felicity) I'd focus on investigating what it was that was causing my state. I classified everything into eight categories. Either social desire/fear/aggression/nurture or instinctual desire/fear/aggression/nurture. I'd then ask myself, is this feeling necessary? Is the thing I want/fear/hate/love truly good/bad? Is it not just an agenda of the social/instinctual self? Is it worth this thing to miss out on the present? When I'd convinced myself fully that the answer was NO to everything, I would show myself how silly it was to go around getting irritated, when I'd shown my self in every documented case that that irritation was silly, unnecessary, misguided, a function of self, and unpleasant.

Then If my answer to HAIETMOBA? was that my experience of this moment was just so-so or neutral, and I couldn't find and investigate any specific reason for this medium level felicity, I'd just try to look at everything non-dually, I'd reflect on how the universe was totally perfect in every way, and that right now I was subconsciously labeling things as imperfect, and that this was silly, unnecessary, misguided, a function of self, and the cause of my neutrality.

Then if my answer to HAIETMOBA? was that my experience of this moment was good, I'd focus on sensuousness, naivete, and wonder.


sounds good. definitely keep reading the actualism site a great deal though; its good to reread over and over again. as you make progress, you'll see the pages with new eyes and thus glean more out of them, which in turn allows you to make more progress. you need to understand the whole system that the method above (and those similar to it) is a part of, and in excellent detail ... what is pure intent? ... what is attentiveness? ... what is altruism? ... what is sincerity? ... etc.

adam j. hunter:
1. What is a so called excellence experience, does it fit what I'm calling 'high felicity?' What are some signs of it?


it might be that. read around the actualism website.

adam j. hunter:
2. Is there any practice that I can do outside of the constant investigation/HAIETMOBA etc.? Like the Actualism equivalent of formal meditation?


to finish the path, you will need to be putting in 'formal meditation' effort all the time; constant and consistent attentiveness. work your way up to that, or as close to that as you can get.

adam j. hunter:
4. Why have I yet to experience PCE? Right now when I find my self in high felicity, and try to focus on sensuous, naivete, and wonder, which I've heard is the way to PCE, I feel... something, some manifestation of pleasure, and I feel like my thoughts sort of drop away and my senses become clear and I like it, but there is no "wow" factor, and as soon as I stop thinking about it it goes away.


not enough information available for me to answer yet (and i have been reading your other posts, too). can the senses be clearer? can the thoughts completely drop away rather than 'sort of'? can you be completely here?

adam j. hunter:
3. I want someone to respond to a post for once xD


oh, sup?

trent
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adam ,, modified 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 6:55 PM
Created 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 6:52 PM

RE: Adam's Weekly Practice Post!!! (yay)

Posts: 105 Join Date: 2/19/11 Recent Posts
thanks Trent, so basically keep it up and read, sounds good

it's very reassuring to have an AF person tell me it's good practice, although that need for affirmation... silly adam

I kept wondering if I was just doing nothing, although I had some good progress in life in general with this so that is reassuring as well
Trent , modified 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 7:14 PM
Created 13 Years ago at 3/4/11 7:14 PM

RE: Adam's Weekly Practice Post!!! (yay)

Posts: 361 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
adam j. hunter:
thanks Trent, so basically keep it up and read, sounds good


you're welcome.

adam j. hunter:
it's very reassuring to have an AF person tell me it's good practice, although that need for affirmation... silly adam


confidence is very important; use every chance you get to discover you have more of it. just be sure that you are honest and steer clear of pride (which i think can be confused for confidence).

adam j. hunter:
I kept wondering if I was just doing nothing, although I had some good progress in life in general with this so that is reassuring as well


if life is getting better and better, and it's making more and more sense (in every way that can be taken), you're on the right track.

trent