one thing 'i' had understood by the onset of 'my' renewed practice of actualism (which the memory of an entirely unexpected pce of several hours' duration had shortly before then made exceedingly clear) may as yet not be apparent to some of those practising today who are close but not quite there, and may be worth indicating in some detail.
something which may be relevant to consider is that with the abeyance of the feeling being (the feeling of being) is the abeyance of all feeling of existence. the actual world - whether as experienced in a pce or an actual freedom - is simply not felt to exist; for this reason, the experience of what is actual may be (and has been) described as an experience of derealisation[1]... which experience (of reality's absence) most notably differentiates what is actual from what is real[2].
it is entirely possible that what is keeping 'me' from the extinction precipitating an actual freedom is that 'i' am attempting to stay in the present moment, and thereby do 'i' remain grounded in the real world (however close to its precipice 'i' may stand). in the actual world, there is no present as such to stay in ... neither 'i' (the intuition of my existence) nor 'my world' (the intuition of reality) have existence here in actuality. to be actually here, and now, is to be nowhere in particular, and nowhen in particular[3].
another, semi-related, tip: in a situation where you find yourself facing an option you mightn't ordinarily choose (or even necessarily see), and its choice seems strangely sensible (or even counter-intuitively so), it might be.
tarin
[1] the two mentions of derealisation here:
http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/articles/attentivenesssensuousnessapperceptiveness.htm[2] correspondence on reality and what is real:
http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/selectedcorrespondence/sc-real.htm[3] practitioners with vipassana experience: cf. the investigation of sensations that imply space and those that imply the sense of time.