Some interesting practice notes.

Adam Bieber, modified 9 Years ago.

Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 88 Join Date: 6/1/10 Recent Posts
I began actualism practice two weeks ago after I crossed what I considered to be 2nd path. Since then, I have been on a roller coaster. At first, It was hard for me to decipher what a PCE was as I thought it was going to be some big explosion of consciousness but when I got what I considered to be PCE's (a) I had gotten similar experiences while practicing for enlightenment and (b) it was more about a simple delight that caused space to become 3-d and make objects more interesting in that realm. Intermittently, as I try to get the PCE and EE more perfect, space becomes more 3-d and wavelike, palpable stillness increases, and I can watch my "self" butt its head into the space/mind, which "I" use to perceive the world.

I believe I am in almost a constant EE as I mostly have no self speaking while I act and it turns into a PCE when my body loses affective feeling, which to me is a heavy negative emotion that I guess I can call sorrow. Usually in an EE, this sorrow is strong and present and in a PCE, it is gone. Many times I have trouble because I think I am in a PCE or even an EE and this sorrow does not leave, which sometimes I think manifests as feeling and other times appears more subtle.

I realized that every memory from the past has an emotional component and began, with my mind, trying to cut a tie between the thought and emotion. These have led to more perfect PCEs. I feel like I am in a PCE a lot of the time but the PCE can become stronger in degree. I am losing "my" identity entirely and I think my "self" has been going a little nuts with complaining and trying to scare me. I think this is the dread that I have been reading on the actualism website. I dread losing this identity because I am scared that "I" Adam will be nothing left. I will forget my past. I will not exist. I need a little help to get over this dread of losing an identity entirely but have definitely decreased it dramatically.

I believe that I don't have an identity when my thoughts are blank and my mind is still because there is no self speaking and telling me who I am and in these states, perfection increases. One main thing that limits this perfection is sorrow that I feel, which is a constant inhibitor.

Also, My PCEs are usually strongest at night before bed, where I feel like I am in a new world. Sometimes I get these PCEs during the day and other times i get PCEs during the day that are not quite as strong in degree.

Also, this morning I had the strongest degree of PCE yet. This one way beyond any other before and my identity freaked out and I fell out of the PCE within minutes.

Any opinions or advice is welcome.
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tarin greco, modified 9 Years ago.

RE: Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 658 Join Date: 5/14/09 Recent Posts
Adam Bieber:
I began actualism practice two weeks ago after I crossed what I considered to be 2nd path. Since then, I have been on a roller coaster. At first, It was hard for me to decipher what a PCE was as I thought it was going to be some big explosion of consciousness but when I got what I considered to be PCE's (a) I had gotten similar experiences while practicing for enlightenment and (b) it was more about a simple delight that caused space to become 3-d and make objects more interesting in that realm. Intermittently, as I try to get the PCE and EE more perfect, space becomes more 3-d and wavelike, palpable stillness increases, and I can watch my "self" butt its head into the space/mind, which "I" use to perceive the world.

I believe I am in almost a constant EE as I mostly have no self speaking while I act and it turns into a PCE when my body loses affective feeling, which to me is a heavy negative emotion that I guess I can call sorrow. Usually in an EE, this sorrow is strong and present and in a PCE, it is gone. Many times I have trouble because I think I am in a PCE or even an EE and this sorrow does not leave, which sometimes I think manifests as feeling and other times appears more subtle.

'i' am 'my sorrow'.


Adam Bieber:

I realized that every memory from the past has an emotional component and began, with my mind, trying to cut a tie between the thought and emotion. These have led to more perfect PCEs. I feel like I am in a PCE a lot of the time but the PCE can become stronger in degree. I am losing "my" identity entirely and I think my "self" has been going a little nuts with complaining and trying to scare me. I think this is the dread that I have been reading on the actualism website. I dread losing this identity because I am scared that "I" Adam will be nothing left. I will forget my past. I will not exist. I need a little help to get over this dread of losing an identity entirely but have definitely decreased it dramatically.

hmm.. 'i' need a little help, eh?


Adam Bieber:

I believe that I don't have an identity when my thoughts are blank and my mind is still because there is no self speaking and telling me who I am and in these states, perfection increases. One main thing that limits this perfection is sorrow that I feel, which is a constant inhibitor.

'i' am 'my sorrow'... and thus sorrow is ('my') 'identity'.


Adam Bieber:

Also, My PCEs are usually strongest at night before bed, where I feel like I am in a new world. Sometimes I get these PCEs during the day and other times i get PCEs during the day that are not quite as strong in degree.

Also, this morning I had the strongest degree of PCE yet. This one way beyond any other before and my identity freaked out and I fell out of the PCE within minutes.

Any opinions or advice is welcome.

there's no degrees of pce, just degrees of how 'i' feel about the pce.

tarin
Adam Bieber, modified 9 Years ago.

RE: Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 88 Join Date: 6/1/10 Recent Posts
thank you, I need to rethink some things.
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Beoman Claudiu Dragon Emu Fire Golem, modified 9 Years ago.

RE: Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 2198 Join Date: 10/27/10 Recent Posts
Your experience is really similar to mine. I feel like i'm always in some degree of excellence or another, just based on heightened visual perception mostly. but pretty as everything is, if i'm perfectly honest, most of the time there is a twinge of some affective feeling or subtle worry or some bodily feeling (like pressure in my head that is more apparent in jhana) that indicates im not in a PCE. (also i'm able to feel really shitty but still have the visual perception there, though i'm not enjoying it, so i know it isnt an indicator of PCE, for mea nyway). i have felt like i've been in this mode before, like a while ago in childhood, or definitely while rolling. i know what you mean about things becoming more 3D - i particularly like looking at people and the way their clothes bend. do you also feel like everything is crisper and cleaner and more separated in a way? like normal-perception i'd be walking and i'd see people but not very clearly, they'd be blurry or whatever, but now walking around it's all so clear. still not a PCE as far as i can tell, though.

about space becoming wavelike - i believe when it starts being wavelike, youre on the right track (the attention wave Dan was talking about becomes apparent), and what you must do is attempt to see everything regardless of the way your attention is shaping it (in a wavelike way).

i also identify with your dread, very much so. reading this thread really helped there. im not nearly as afraid of it now, think im making good progress. think it has to do with intuition, like Trent was saying. need pure intent and active attention to overcome it.

Also, this morning I had the strongest degree of PCE yet. This one way beyond any other before and my identity freaked out and I fell out of the PCE within minutes.

like Tarin was saying, as soon as your identity freaks, you're already out of the PCE. no degrees to it. as soon as you feel a twinge of sorrow or dread or whatever, you already know you're not in the PCE. lack of thoughts doesn't mean lack of identity.

so ya maybe some of your experiences were PCEs, i know not, but youre probably on the right track, and just gotta keep going.
Adam Bieber, modified 9 Years ago.

RE: Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 88 Join Date: 6/1/10 Recent Posts
Hi Beo,

it does seem like were going thru similar occurrences. When I EE, the external world is definitely clearer and crisper. The most amazing thing for me so far is the way space appears 3-d. Sometimes space moves and other times it is just vibrantly there and visible. Most things take a beautiful (in EE) background to this enhanced space. At first, I thought a PCE was when this visual perception arose but now I realize that this occurrence is above being normal but can definitely involve affective feeling. Also, I am learning that anything I feel is my identity, whether it be sorrow or a story in my head.

I seem to PCE several times a day when I do HAIETMOBA but with tarin and your advice, the PCEs seem extremely short and mostly I am in varying degrees of EE. I think I am in a PCE when my body goes from having an affective feeling to completely blank and light. There seems to be another quality of a PCE that I can't put my hands on if it is a PCE. Looking around at objects and really focusing on the visual sense can put me in a PCE or reciting HAIETMOBA deeply. When I recite this, I can feel myself (i think) sucked into a PCE but then having an identity quickly swoop in.

Whats helped me so far is not caring about where I am and that I should be in a PCE and just relax into the moment. Relax into the EE with HAIETMOBA and really try to make it excellent instead of having a negative affective feeling. The identity to me now is any thing I feel when not in a PCE. I think I am going to keep up with having the wavelike vision (its awesome) and not worrying about having a PCE but doing HAIETMOBA a lot to make the PCEs stay longer. Today I had a good day with it and want to continue this practice for the long run. What are your main experiences that convince you of progress?

Im definitely into sharing advice and experiences.
Adam Bieber, modified 9 Years ago.

RE: Some interesting practice notes.

Posts: 88 Join Date: 6/1/10 Recent Posts
Delight is increasing. Sorrow is decreasing. Anything that I feel is my identity. I try to be attentive when I remember and immediately I get what I consider/think is sensuousness. Today, the 3-d space wavelike vision was so vivid that objects behind/in the space were actually moving but I think it was the space that was moving and making objects appear moving. I just try to go deeper and deeper into the How of HAIETMOBA. Its working!