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Dark Night Or A Shit Life?

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Dark Night Or A Shit Life?
Answer
11/9/19 9:55 AM
Hey everyone, first post here and I apologize in advance if this turns in to a wall of text but I would really appriciate you clever people's thoughts on this. emoticon

Essentially I feel like I am cursed, despite not believing such things exist. Everything in my life seems to conspire against me the more that I meditate. The further I progress along the medative path the more I feel like life is almost 'punishing' me for doing so. I am cautious against developing a victim complex and am on guard for that, but many other people often say to me how I seem to always get the worst possible luck and so this is something that other people notice about my life and not simply just entitled screeching lol.

Currently I am dealing with a (non terminal) brain tumour, a digestive disease, my father has had a stroke and is now very disabled, I have lost work that I had and despite tons of applications and months of searching no one will employ me, in an attempt to make up for this obvious financial pressure I decided to start working from home with my own company, and have since had my brand identity stolen by a larger company who I was in communication with, and then later one of my products stolen and repackaged by another larger company. Furthermore, I am living with a controlling and manupulative Christian fundemantalist so I can't even practice my meditation pubically and need to do so in secret.

So here I am, with health problems, no money, a disabled father who needs care, my ideas being stolen and then garnishing success for others, I have lost most of my friends and have never had a romantic relationship, so I have no where else to go except stay in these difficult circumstances. No one wants to employ me and I can't even do a lot of things work wise because of my physical health. Plus with my health conditions I am regularly at hospitals and so can't easily move country or run off to some monestary abroard for refuge. I have horrible visions of hell and nightmares each night when I go to sleep, and these increase in regularity and clarity the more I meditate.

Needless to say, I am sick of this game/world and I want out. I don't understand the spiritual realm (if it even exists) but my meditation practices have shown me glimpses of no-self and non duality.

With this in mind, is suicide a fair option? Considering there is no self there to kill in the first place, I essentially feel that my life is just a write off and gone wrong and therefore like a sickly or injured animal, the humane and ethical move would be to put me down? I don't enjoy being alive and so I am just curious to get you guys thoughts on this matter, as clearly some of you guys have a decent grasp on both the materialistic paradigm of suffering and the more mystical and spiritual side. I don't see how my existence is in any way needed or relevent to the comsic game and I find the rules of this universe deeply offensive to my being. What say you? Chalk it up as a bad job?

I have had many concepts put forward as explanations to this seemingly outrageous run of bad luck/suffering and most have some degree of logical confusion to them.

"It's the dark night" is of course one, and I don't fully know if it is or not. How can you tell if your suffering is spiritual/karma based as opposed to conventional suffering? Is Karma even real? I have heard "When you start your spiritual path you have to pay of your karmic debt" as one explanation too but again I have no evidence that karma is even real or how this could even be measured or proven. Other explanations have varied from saying that this is a 'hell realm', or that it is simply 'bad luck on this incarnation' or that 'in some way it is needed for the larger picture'. All of these are difficult to fully analyze or evaluate and all are based on suppositions that are unproven in some way or another.

Is the world/universe/God just a brutal dickhead or what? What's going on here? I often find myself lamenting all three. I have no ill will towards living beings but I certainly harbour some reservations about the game they are in.

I appriciate any responses anyone can offer in regards to this, and thank you for hearing me out! emoticon

Splooge

RE: Dark Night Or A Shit Life?
Answer
11/9/19 11:58 AM as a reply to Splooge.
Sorry Splooge. Yes life is hard, often unpleasant, unfair. For me meditation is largely about learning to accept it as it is, which reduces some of the suffering. Trying to alleviate others' suffering also seems a worthwhile way of spending our short time here. I agree with you that looking for explanations such as 'dark night'/karma etc are not helpful. I hope your situation improves soon. 

RE: Dark Night Or A Shit Life?
Answer
11/9/19 12:10 PM as a reply to Splooge.
With this in mind, is suicide a fair option? Considering there is no self there to kill in the first place, I essentially feel that my life is just a write off and gone wrong and therefore like a sickly or injured animal, the humane and ethical move would be to put me down? I don't enjoy being alive and so I am just curious to get you guys thoughts on this matter, as clearly some of you guys have a decent grasp on both the materialistic paradigm of suffering and the more mystical and spiritual side.


If you legitimately feel this way then PLEASE SEE SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY. Or visit online or call the suicide prevention hotline at:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

I'm locking this thread now due to the dire nature of the original post.

Chris Marti
DhO Admin