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Relating wisely with others.

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Relating wisely with others.
Answer
3/31/11 5:15 AM
Hey DhO
Lately I've been having a strange little challenge when it comes to relating with average everyday people, particularly the age group of about eighteen to thirty.This post may be full of what seems like judgements. I'm sometimes around people who can behave a bit thuggish at times, talking about who's ass they want to kick, who they'd like to kill, how many "bitches" they've fucked, always yelling out car windows at people calling people faggot, or calling situations or inanimate objects "gay", being racist, sexist, and sometimes plain ignorant, dishonest and outright cruel with their speech. It may sound like I'm talking about a bunch of awful people but this is just regular people. The thing is they misbehave in these annoying ways one moment and then you can totally bring them down to earth and see their genuine side, which can be pretty remarkable sometimes. Where I face a challenge is when these folks are being totally nice to me two seconds after they behaved in a way that was totally inappropriate, I'm pretty good at being brave giving kind critique like "hey man, when you do that your spreading negativity" but sometimes these people seem to literally not even understand what I'm saying! I also know where they're coming from because I used to be sort of like them in my drinking days, they're just way too interested in themselves. I don't have any real question with this post I'm just wondering if anyone else faces similar challenges of feeling WAY different from peers and such. I don't have a problem with being different it's just kinda strange how the dharma and recovery has changed me in such drastic ways, and now I always see opportunities to reach out and help others, it gives a mix of joy and disappointment. I hope this post isn't too negative but I sometimes wonder why I feel like I'm surrounded by obnoxious jerks. Anyone else feel like that, or am I just overly sensitive and obsessed with myself in my own weird way?

Peace!
Robert

RE: Relating wisely with others.
Answer
3/31/11 10:47 AM as a reply to Robert Scott Johnson.
hi Robert,

yeah those healthy changes can do that to us, you're not alone. are you afraid of being too judgemental, too conceited in your Dharmic Holiness, too contemptuous, and afraid that if you’re not careful you might one day be swallowed by your noble superiority complex and never find a way out of it? (you mindfully practice humility by saying you feel way “different” from them instead of “superior” hee hee)

since no one will read your mind anyway, what if you go the counter-intuitive way sometimes and just entertain all those contemptuous feelings –jack up their volume! might as well explore them thoroughly if they’re there! what happens if you allow yourself to see those people as even lower creatures and far more "inferior"?

see those people the same way you would see fish swimming around pooping about! (pooping out their ignorant cruel speech, for instance.) notice how loooong the string of poop that comes out of each fish is, and how they seem to vary in chunkiness and elasticity. and their mouths move without anything of substance coming out, just occasionally some bubbles, blup blup

see them the same way you would see frogs toads and lizards crawling and hopping around, burping ribbit ribbit blughhhh, all just doing whatever is in their nature to do, just as any other part of this natural universe does...um...including you.

notice your beliefs, assumptions, and expectations about how a toad should hop or stay on your hand a certain way but the stupid toad just prefers to pee.

and yet you still have the power to interact with all them creatures and affect them in skillful and helpful ways with your behavior, since they're live froggies, not dead veggies.

peace yourself!
jill

RE: Relating wisely with others.
Answer
3/31/11 8:45 AM as a reply to Robert Scott Johnson.
I think the more you progress the more you realize how "messed up" most "normal people" really are. to the point where they don't even realize they're being negative! people like being angry, like insulting others, love to hate things (ever heard someone rant and rant about a bad movie? does that experience really warrant such a huge reaction? or do they just looooove to have such a strong opinion of it?), etc... hey this is all stuff you were doing earlier, yourself! looking at others and seeing the suffering they are blindly enduring/causing, remember how you yourself were before, use that to build confidence to see how far you've come, and know that there is even more to go.

RE: Relating wisely with others.
Answer
3/31/11 8:47 AM as a reply to Jill Morana.
TJ Broccoli:
and yet you still have the power to interact with all them creatures and affect them in skillful and helpful ways with your behavior, since they're live froggies, not dead veggies.

hehe, froggies

RE: Relating wisely with others.
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Answer
3/31/11 8:13 PM as a reply to Jill Morana.
Haha, good stuff Jill! Another good way that I've looked at this sort of thing is just realizing that this behavior is where these peoples sensate universe has brought them, and indeed we are all just acting upon our nature, wether it be grand and wise acts of infinite virtue, or bragging about and committing root defilements. One interesting tidbit is that I'm actually starting to become friends with alot of these people, and it's sometimes very welcome to have a time to kind of help others act more civilized, but still the superiority complex sure could get huge for some in this situation! For me it's almost a mix between superior/inferior cause everyone else is trying to act all tough and everything and I'm just trying to be good and honest. A sense of humor has helped a bunch with this too.

RE: Relating wisely with others.
Answer
3/31/11 9:24 PM as a reply to Robert Scott Johnson.
Robert Scott Johnson:
Another good way that I've looked at this sort of thing is just realizing that this behavior is where these people's sensate universe has brought them, and indeed we are all just acting upon our nature...


yeah that's what it comes down to. and in the process of integrating that realization with every moment of experience, finding different tools to shake up the old "i should" and "they should" habit of seeing people that sustains the aversion, agitation, disappointment, or anger, which become harder to notice if they have been reduced to very subtle traces but are still evidenced in the feeling "i don't know why i'm so mentally tired from dealing with people all day".

Beoman:

hehe, froggies

Woe, you see it really vividly!!! a metaphor for the way i experience it looks more like this:
frogaloids