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SW
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4/19/11 9:52 PM
Where is Stephanie K. Dunning's path to AF notes?

RE: SW
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4/19/11 9:54 PM as a reply to Adam Bieber.
Also, its difficult for me to remain happy and harmless around family. Any advice would definitely be appreciated?

RE: SW
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4/19/11 10:24 PM as a reply to Adam Bieber.
Adam Bieber:
Also, its difficult for me to remain happy and harmless around family. Any advice would definitely be appreciated?


I'm having the same problem as you. I'm mostly happy and harmless anywhere except at home (around family). I think it's just something to investigate as to why that is the case. There's distinct vibe or mood as I approach the door to my home that is quite obvious, but I can't figure out why it occurs (is your problem something like that?). It envelopes me after a while and I really struggle to maintain attentiveness. It's hard to remain attentive when I'm talking with my mother or father (there's a sort of almost submissive atmosphere going on there; perhaps an issue related to authority). Maybe it's just the conditioning from my culture or my relatively unhappy family history. But the more I investigate the more I notice that my family doesn't really do anything to harm me. They are just applying their own well meant methods of trying to make me "good" (not that I'm really off the chain or anything). In the end it's all the "me" that's causing the harm. The intent to be harmless (and happy) really matters here if any change is to occur. But I also have a lot of free time so I just go out and I'm perfectly fine outside (literally right outside...sit on my lawn lol). And from there I can investigate as to why I'm not happy and harmless inside piece by piece. Once the issues or beliefs dealt with, there may occur as I call it "unsupported feelings". It's almost as if one is exposed by being only the feelings and applying attentiveness during these times causes them to dissipate (not necessarily instantly).

Well that's from my experience.

RE: SW
Answer
4/19/11 11:25 PM as a reply to ManZ A.
Yes, it seems the house is like a hospitable cage where I can be comfortable and harmless but not extremely happy and joyous. The outside is best for that, where colors are abundant. The house might have a mood of passivity, where happiness is not heightened. The passions are most strong in interactions with family members as they seem to "project" their wishes and fears on me. I never seem to be able to relax into the actual when they "bombard" me with subtle or overt expectations. Around family, the passions' stronghold is incrementally decreasing but its just a bit frustrating that the only time I am not happy and harmless and thus enjoying sensuosness is around family.

RE: SW
Answer
4/20/11 5:52 AM as a reply to Adam Bieber.
Adam Bieber:
Yes, it seems the house is like a hospitable cage where I can be comfortable and harmless but not extremely happy and joyous. The outside is best for that, where colors are abundant. The house might have a mood of passivity, where happiness is not heightened. The passions are most strong in interactions with family members as they seem to "project" their wishes and fears on me. I never seem to be able to relax into the actual when they "bombard" me with subtle or overt expectations. Around family, the passions' stronghold is incrementally decreasing but its just a bit frustrating that the only time I am not happy and harmless and thus enjoying sensuosness is around family.


Funny I don't have that at all, I have a very joyous time with my next of kin.

Just a tentative possible cause: could there be any underlying feeling of conflict between belonging to a family and geting AF (for any 'reason' whatsoever)? For instance, is AF something you wouldn't at all mind talking about with them? Do you think they would somehow discorage it? Would you be comfortable with gazing at the silverware, or contemplating the pattern on the living-room rug, in a state of wondrous fascination, in front of your family?

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