Adam Bieber:
Yes, it seems the house is like a hospitable cage where I can be comfortable and harmless but not extremely happy and joyous. The outside is best for that, where colors are abundant. The house might have a mood of passivity, where happiness is not heightened. The passions are most strong in interactions with family members as they seem to "project" their wishes and fears on me. I never seem to be able to relax into the actual when they "bombard" me with subtle or overt expectations. Around family, the passions' stronghold is incrementally decreasing but its just a bit frustrating that the only time I am not happy and harmless and thus enjoying sensuosness is around family.
Funny I don't have that at all, I have a very joyous time with my next of kin.
Just a tentative possible cause: could there be any underlying feeling of conflict between belonging to a family and geting AF (for any 'reason' whatsoever)? For instance, is AF something you wouldn't at all mind talking about with them? Do you think they would somehow discorage it? Would you be comfortable with gazing at the silverware, or contemplating the pattern on the living-room rug, in a state of wondrous fascination, in front of your family?