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VF or am I backing off? - question

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VF or am I backing off? - question
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6/1/11 3:11 PM
Since returning from my 3 week solo AF retreat - I have found it tricky re-engaging with the method on a whole-hearted basis; or certainly on the basis I was before.

I haven't experienced much in terms of arising passions - maybe no more than ten minutes of anything at one time - and nothing full-blown. I do experience what I might describe as a more subtle (though still affective) absorption in interior monolguing which draws me away from sensuousness - a bit like the slipperiness of the equanimity nana. Much of the time (with no effort) it feels like there's not much of me here doing anything, as if I am thinned out - though there is an ongoing affective sense of presence where there is an 'I' experiencing a world. I haven't really had any interest in PCEs. Nor am experiencing strong motivation for AF.

i think there might be two possible reasons for not engaging fully this last week or so.

1)I am backing off - the retreat opened up a very big space - and I am closing down and resisting at some level - which is somewhat familiar from my vipassana days.

2) I have actually moved to a more subtle way of working and am struggling with finding the right way employing the method, or motivating myself.

Does anyone have experience of this, or can they offer any advice?

In the meantime don't have much on today so I will head out among the trees and play around and see what happens.

RE: VF or am I backing off? - question
Answer
6/2/11 3:16 PM as a reply to richard weeden.
hi,

richard weeden:
I haven't experienced much in terms of arising passions


take care to discern clearly whatever arises ... if there is 'being' then there is passion; the texture of feelings will change from relatively gross to relatively subtle, and so what was once discerned as 'fear' (or desire, or aggression, or nurture) might not register as that anymore (perhaps because it doesn't feel like 'fear') ... but fear by any other name (or no name at all) is still fear.

richard weeden:
1)I am backing off - the retreat opened up a very big space - and I am closing down and resisting at some level - which is somewhat familiar from my vipassana days.


why are you closing down and resisting at some level?

richard weeden:
2) I have actually moved to a more subtle way of working and am struggling with finding the right way employing the method, or motivating myself.


motivations and feelings go hand in hand, and so the more one progresses, the less of both there is. pure intent is the key ... here's a paragraph particularly relevant to your situation:

richard:
It is the quality of pure intent is what pulls one forward with impunity ... pure intent transforms into action one’s determination to live a life full of gladness, peace and harmony with oneself, with a person of the other gender, and with all peoples. Pure intent produces total dedication – it is experienced as an irresistible enticement – and it makes it impossible not to do what is required (or to sweep an issue under the carpet and to let sleeping dogs lie) and to continue to conform to the long-failed dictates of the status-quo. Pure intent is not to be confused with being a ‘do-gooder’, or being full of ‘righteousness’, or being ‘moralistic’ or being ‘principled’. Pure intent is the quality that encompasses what morals and ethics aspire to but never reach. Pure intent is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe. Freed by pure intent from the very necessary social constraints – designed to control a wayward ego and a compliant soul – one can have generosity of character without striving. Pure intent guides one in each and every situation and circumstance – it is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze – until the primacy of ‘me’ as a psychological or psychic entity withers away.

With pure intent one will not rest until one has gone all the way.


trent

RE: VF or am I backing off? - question
Answer
6/2/11 8:53 PM as a reply to richard weeden.
Did posting this post cause dissipation/reduced generation of its cause?