experiencing coming out of fog, things looking clear. what was that ?

brian watson, modified 10 Years ago.

experiencing coming out of fog, things looking clear. what was that ?

Post: 1 Join Date: 6/1/11 Recent Posts
Hi from Brian. New here and first post.
I live on an insight dharma community. Been practicing for 30 years. After I first started practice a couple of years later some doubt emerged. " what am I thinking doing Buddhism ? how could I be so gullible thinking this would solve my problems " then my mind spontaneously rested on my breath, and I thought " mind you it feels good when this happens".
Next thing I had a huge physical release, muscle groups that I never even knew were tense, e.g. my perenieum relaxed massively, as well as more obviously tense areas, I just kept witnessing with awe as my body went into an ever deepening letting go. Simultaneous to this, my perception changed and it was like I came out of fog. Still in the same room but everything was immediate and vivid to my perception. I remember picking up my alarm clock and holding it and staring at it as I could not believe how immediate and clear it was. I remember thinking " its like I've come out of fog". Along with this was a sense of nothing to worry about, I remember thinking of the four directions and thinking north south east west there's no problem, i will never have to worry about any thing again, and basking in a deep sense of equanimity, healing ( and astonishment ).
I went to bed eventually and next day there was a feeling of great welbeing and integration and relaxation of mind / body but the experience of awakening was over.
It has never recurred. There was no dark night experience that I recall.
I was left with deep faith in the Dharma, but still remain as prone to suffering and stress as the next Dharma bum so I guess I did not get enlightened, just some sort of transient insight.
My practice now is mostly breathing meditation or pure awareness, a la forest sangha tradition keeping the precepts and contemplating anatta and dukkha.
My real teacher is the meditation. But maybe im being complacent. I dont see what I could do much different.
I experience ( very ) subltle bliss during practice and some joy post practice, practice feels very even, but there is no sense of breakthrough, like im parked up somewhere being patient.
What was that big experience ? A+P ? Should I continue with my practice as it is ? Your thoughts please.
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Ian And, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: experiencing coming out of fog, things looking clear. what was that ?

Posts: 782 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
brian watson:
I live on an insight dharma community. Been practicing for 30 years. After I first started practice a couple of years later some doubt emerged. " what am I thinking doing Buddhism ? how could I be so gullible thinking this would solve my problems " then my mind spontaneously rested on my breath, and I thought " mind you it feels good when this happens".

I was left with deep faith in the Dharma, but still remain as prone to suffering and stress as the next Dharma bum so I guess I did not get enlightened, just some sort of transient insight.

My practice now is mostly breathing meditation or pure awareness, a la forest sangha tradition keeping the precepts and contemplating anatta and dukkha.

My real teacher is the meditation. But maybe im being complacent. I dont see what I could do much different.

I experience ( very ) subltle bliss during practice and some joy post practice, practice feels very even, but there is no sense of breakthrough, like im parked up somewhere being patient.

Hello Brian,

Listen. I'm not going to be easy on you. Quit living in the clouds and come back to down to earth. I don't know who you've been listening to, or whose teaching you're following, but whoever it is you need to slow down and take a good,... long,... hard... look at where you are and where you've been.

You say you've been practicing for 30 years. That means, depending on when you started, you must be in your forties or fifties. Which means the better part of your life is gone. . . kaput. It ain't coming back. Period. And time is getting short. As a matter of fact. . . you don't have that much time left if you want to graduate from this school we so quaintly call our "life on earth." If you don't buckle down and get serious about this, you're heading for another trip back to this hellhole for another go-around. Is that what you want? I mean, is that what you really want? If not, then get your head out of your ass and straighten up and start paying attention.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being unfairly harsh with you. But anyone in their forties or fifties who comes to a forum like this and puts forth the kind of soliloquy you just put forth deserves to be slapped in the face and told to: "Snap out of it!"

Do you really think that the practice is ALL about MEDITATION and what meditation makes you FEEL? I mean really! Grow up. There's no excuse for this kind of view (unless you've been totally brainwashed or your brain is messed up from an overuse of recreational drugs).

What is it that you think enlightenment is, anyway. From what you said above, it doesn't sound as though you have any clue. And that, in itself, is very sad. Especially for someone in their forties or fifties.

Whose teaching have you been following anyway? Or have you just put this whole practice together out of the thin, oxygen deprived atmosphere of your own head.

"My practice now is mostly breathing meditation or pure awareness..." That's a good place to start. But what Gotama taught is a whole lot more than just following the breath in meditation and feeling good about that. Meditation is only a TOOL . . . to be used by the wise in order to discover "things as they are." And how are "things as they are?"

Things are anicca, dukkha, and anatta. Do you even know what those concepts refer to? If not, then you're just wasting your time. Put another log on the fire, take another toke of your favorite weed, and forget about ever becoming enlightened. Cause it ain't gonna happen. Not in this lifetime, it isn't.

If you feel like you've just been hit over the head with a club, then good. Maybe it'll knock some sense into your head.

If you really want to get serious about your practice, I would suggest that you return to the basics and begin reading and thinking about (and I mean seriously contemplating) what Gotama had to teach in his discourses. You may discover that that is the missing piece of the puzzle you've been messing around with and not putting together for some thirty-odd years. That's why I asked a few sentences ago: "Whose teaching have you been following anyway?" Because if you're following anyone other than Gotama, then who knows where you're headed...?!?

A good place to begin your search might be in some of the books and ideas mention in the following thread: Essential Books from Theravadin Resources. In particular, the digest of the main teachings near the beginning of the thread, namely:

The main teachings to focus on coming to understand and realize are the following:

1. The Four Noble Truths

2. The Noble Eightfold Path

3. The Five Aggregates (this is especially important for insight into beginning to understand the teaching of anatta)

4. The Three Characteristics of Existence (also known as the tilakkhana or anicca, dukkha, and anatta)

5. Dependent Co-Arising (or Dependent Origination) — paticca-samuppada)

Other important teachings to become aware of during the course of practice include:

1. The Five Hindrances (especially as they pertain to meditation — sensuous lust, aversion and ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and worry, and skeptical doubt)

2. The Seven Factors of Enlightenment (these also as they pertain to the meditation technology — of mindfulness, investigation of states, energy, rapture, tranquility, concentration, and equanimity)

3. The Five Spiritual Faculties (the Indriyas — of faith, energy, mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom)

4. The Ten Fetters of Existence (as they relate to the path and the fruit of the path: self delusion, doubt, clinging to ritual and observances, sensuous lust, ill will, greed for fine material existence, greed for immaterial existence, conceit, restlessness, and ignorance)

Try contemplating some of these concepts while you're busy "feeling good about meditation" some day and see what they do to stir up some level-headed thinking in your brain. You might just find that you're not as "unenlightened" as you may think you are.

In peace,
Ian

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