Long Story of my Continuing Journey

James Pucyk, modified 10 Years ago.

Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 4 Join Date: 6/2/11 Recent Posts
This is a little bit of a tale, but my experiences have been a little unclear as I reached them without formal practice.

When I was in my first year of university, in the summertime, I was basically by myself, I had lots of time to reflect, but towards the end of the summer, I had an experience that was quite out of the ordinary. At the time I knew little of Buddha's teachings besides the limited pop-culture view. In September I was laying in my bed, reflecting, for a while I got deeper and deeper, I don't remember the exact sequence, but I had a mental image of a bright universe after a while, my conciousness filled it, I felt I was in a library of sorts, multi-tiered, I could go to any section, I realized things that were profound, yet so simple, like what I would term Karma, how energy flowed, I basically felt saw the true nature of a lot of things, I saw how we are all energy, not this or that specifically and how that energy migrates over the universe. I realize now I was meditating deeply, the profound nature of these things I experienced stuck with me.

Fast forward to year two of college. I became, what I enjoy doing even today, a musician, by a chance meeting with a highschool friend in a music store on campus. The afterglow of the event still was fresh, I walk around with my head held high, things really never got under my skin. I continued to muddle along, as I have been more introverted, at least at that time, I continued to reflect on my "experience", not meditating, explicitly, just reflecting. I started working at the same time, did well in school.

Over the next year I cultivated what I termed at the time as my "state of mind", which was a laid back way of approaching problems; i..e don't let them get to me. Overtime I continued to reflect on things, I was basically incorporating these changes into my life. At that point I heard about the teaching of Buddha, by a chance Sunday morning television spot, I was intrigued. The more I thought about the deeper it effected, no longer did I view the world in such a happy-go-lucky way, the 4 noble truth lodged themselves in my head, I started seeing them around.

I continued to go about my way, but overtime I noticed darker things about reality that shattered my tranquil state, a little after this kicked in my life became hectic, i.e. I was working almost full time, in school and working with a musical group, things became more overwhelming and at the same time, I was noticing these darker sides of things, things to do with suffering, impermanence, it was very much a Dark Night, but it manifested itself in a fury, my everyday life had a shadow, I looked around and felt deeply negative, I didn't know what was going on, I knew it was very existential in nature. The nature of things in my mind, which was much more focused, typically, had become scattered, focusing on things had become almost impossible, I felt I was an empty shell, things lacked permanence, little had meaning, the world seemed to be covered with a truths that few acknowledged.

Overtime however, I start to re-orient myself and the fog became clear, I simply looked around, reflected and observed things, then one day, as far as my memory goes, the fog lifted, I was left with a sense of equanimity and peace that I have not realized. I remember issuing a challenge to do the very best I could at everything I did, I experienced a time where even the darkest things of this reality, impermanence and suffering became sources of motivation, I saw how advantageous it was to live in the here and now and did so as well as I could.

This state of mind was manifest every waking moment of the day, I was completely laid back about things, let everything go that I could, was highly reflective. This led me to a time where I experience something more profound that anything I ever did. My friends and I were in a park, walking around and I felt all of reality alive, bright, rapture and bliss were deep and unrelenting, I was completely in the moment, over the coming day it faded as I fatigued, but it stayed alive, Friends described me as "sedate", chilled etc, in general, as the bliss and rapture faded, equanimity continued.

Since then, I decided to go into a graduate program, which I finished and focused on a career (which was delay by 2 years due to lack of opportunity in my field). I made the vow to get my career up and running, which I did, with much success, by focusing on those things. My new focus was a new attachment I now realize and that derailed me from my path, years later, I lost a lot of what I was feeling due to my lack of balance, but 2 months ago I discovered Daniel's work and started formally practicing, with great result. I have found my life is/was riddled with attachment to silly things that compounded in my head, I am getting good result.

I am looking for more insight to what I experienced before.

Thanks


EDIT: I forgot to add before my termed "Dark Night", which may or may not be the right term, I had a lucid dream, the most lucid I had ever had. I was on a school bus, and went lucid, I decided to get off the bus, I was in a desert, walked off the road and realized I was fully lucid, so I started jumping until I jumped so high the earth was a dot and I woke up.
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Bruno Loff, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 1094 Join Date: 8/30/09 Recent Posts
Hi James, welcome to the DhO!

As you probably already guessed, you were going through the stages of insight:

Deep stuff epiphanies etc - A&P

Dark stuff feeling bad etc - Dark Night

Equanimity peace etc - Equanimity

I should point out that the deeply felt stuff and mystical epiphanies and so on are really not the point (that's more like getting a prolonged high than actually understanding stuff about reality, although it might not feel that way), just an important and temporary stage.

The natural thing to do is find out if you've got stream-entry or not, and if not go for it.

And have fun!
James P., modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 4 Join Date: 6/2/11 Recent Posts
Thanks Bruno for your input I figure the stages were similar to that and I needed to get it off my chest. It's also great to find this community and have this cleared up quite a bit.

I recognize now that alot of the initial stuff I experience was concentrative Samadhi in nature, but pretty deep.

After reading Dan's stuff I got into trying to diagnose what went on and I feel this is correct and thank you for corroborating this. Funny part is my whole life I've felt drawn to Buddhism, even in church I found myself meditating more and feel rapturous, when I was an altar boy, but the image of Buddhism has always stood out to me for some inexplicable reason. Having said that I've always been a bit of an iconoclast and feel that all religions are paths to the same end.

I actually have the tendency to learn all I can about a subject when I get interested in it and I am very interested in establishing balance in my life and getting to the truth of things right now, it's a very strong focus, so I have read 3 books; Dan's, Mahasi Sayadaw's Progress of Insight and a Meditation book on Vispassana.

Things are still in the learning phase, how would I establish if I have achieve stream-entry?

I do feel I have abandoned the first 3 Fetters.
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Bruno Loff, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 1094 Join Date: 8/30/09 Recent Posts
James P.:

Things are still in the learning phase, how would I establish if I have achieve stream-entry?


If you have stream-entry, climb through the ├▒anas up to equanimity, and while at the peak of equanimity be mindful of the three characteristics and there will be a little *blip*, followed by a bliss wave, and it feels a bit like your attention is reset, as if you're suddenly jerked awake (it might be preceded by a spacing out, forgetting to meditate of sorts, if you concentration isn't good enough to see the entry clearly). This is nirvana.

Or else if you don't, have a hard time getting to equanimity, fumble around, fall back into dark night or A&P, get stuck there, etc.
James P., modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 4 Join Date: 6/2/11 Recent Posts
Thanks for the tip, I'll see either way.
James P, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 5 Join Date: 6/8/11 Recent Posts
In retrospect I believe the first experience I had, involved the akashic records as I recall emerging a library that was brilliant all pervasive, bits of knowledge was available to me for a short time. The more I research this the more it seems like this.
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Bruno Loff, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 1094 Join Date: 8/30/09 Recent Posts
The A&P experience can manifest in many different ways. For instance I have a friend who would "see karma" in his visual field flowing from person to person. I had the experience of having such a powerful charisma I could charm anyone and win any power game. Some people have out-of-body experiences, or are abducted by aliens... the list goes on.

As seductive as the experience might seem, you should be aware that buying into its content, being drawn to that kind of experience, believing it to be true, might eventually lead to delusion. We had a very recent example here at the DhO. Here is an excerpt of this thread:

Marius K.:

I said that I have an ambivalent attitude towards actualism and Richard, on one side because of what he did (his Self-immolation), as he left me without entrance into the 6th dimension, sort of precariously hanging on the cliff of K2 without any possibility of coming down. On the other side he (his zero) was instrumental for the successful penetration into our world of this alien life-form. I met a very interesting couple on a ferry-boat in the Whitsundays area, the presence of our 3 ids formed a triangle, Richard providing the zero that encompassed the three of us. That's the symbol for the Absolute, the real, ultimate one. The junction where our 3 H1 ids met became an all possibilities point. Via that point, as I was looking at the sun, this alien life-form entered our world. It is probably the Absolute ship, coming from beyond that all-encompassing darkness, straight from the 13th dimension. That meeting will prove to be one of the most important events ever to take place. She was caught on the BBC automated camera. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR6dsXjBv0Y.


The more Marius dug into his imagined cosmos, the more it seemed to actually exist.

I've posted a thread explaining how I think this kind of delusion happens, which should give you the tools to safely navigate this kind of mental territory.

Notice how in a dream you might feel that you can fly, and notice the similarities between that sensation and the sensations you describe:
James P:

I felt I was in a library of sorts, multi-tiered, I could go to any section, I realized things that were profound, yet so simple, like what I would term Karma, how energy flowed, I basically felt saw the true nature of a lot of things, I saw how we are all energy, not this or that specifically and how that energy migrates over the universe. I realize now I was meditating deeply, the profound nature of these things I experienced stuck with me.


It really is like a dream, except that, being a very powerful dream happening while awake, it really (really really) "feels true."


Edit: You could also read the sticky thread Diagnosing the A&P. E.g. the section on "Other powers".
James E P, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Long Story of my Continuing Journey

Posts: 31 Join Date: 6/17/11 Recent Posts
Thanks Bruno, I was locked out of my account and couldn't find an Admin link here, finally created a new one.

I agree it's A&P now that you clarified it. I have been researching the 5 Hindrances and feel that I have the perpensity to be sucked into one from time to time and I feel the Karmic implication there in, I am going to work to overcome it. I have had many A&P type experiences and until I cycle through again I don't want to claim stream entry.

Anecdotally, I feel I have overcome at least the first hindrance, doubt, additionally my mind is continually clear of thought, still as a pond and has been since I have "meditated" years ago. The only time I have thining issues is based on my aforementioned hinderance. I do remember explicitly thinking more and now, I really don't even in conversation, it's all unconcious, it's been like that for years. I am not dying to "know where I am", but I am just fishing that out there.

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