Shri's Log

Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Intro
I am 28 years old normal guy who recently got interested in dhamma. I seriously started meditating since September 2019, but very dilligently since January 2020. I have attended one Goenka 10-day course where I spent most of the time stressing about why I am not able to get to the subtle sensations, purifications, etc.

Motivation
Goal is freedom from suffering. Daily motivation comes from the already gathered momentum (steady practice since 2-3 months). Also I have faith in the teaching.

Current Practice
Noting, 1 hour session, twice a day.

Motivation To Log
To have something to track how practice changes over time. I also tend to have weak memory of what happens in a sit, writing it down helps me compare current experience. I pubish this on Dho to seek feedback.


Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Recent logs in reverse order -

March 17, 2020
  • 50 minutes @ 11:00 AM
  • Started out with a lot of negative feelings or what I currently understand as ill-will.
  • But the session was to the point, very alert, felt that corrections were made whenever there were distractions, detecting loss of equanimity etc.
  • Lots of thoughts coming and going, of different weight/force. Proliferation happened only for a few.
  • At one point breath was very very subtle, for around 2 minutes.
  • Overall there is a general sense of the body and background awareness of sensations but attention/awareness tends to be more interested in thoughts or mental objects. 

March 16, 2020
  • 50 minutes @ 8:00 AM
  • 50 minutes @ 12:30 PM
  • 35 minutes @ 6:00 PM
  • Morning and afternoon sessions were focused, attention seldom leaving sensations.
  • Noting thoughts & sounds was quick and non-verbal, helping with distractions
  • Got stuck in a loop of finding the self for a while, which proliferated but not too far away from breath.
  • Evening session noticed that sometimes I do intentional breathing when I am trying to go for sensation clarity. Will watch out for this in next sessions.

March 15, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 6:00 PM
  • Started the times after the pre-practice routine which took 8 minutes.
  • The sit felt very different, and felt better quality of concentration and clarity.
  • It was easy to stay on the breath even without counting.
  • The breath often did not remain the only object of attention, but it was always close, and clear.
  • Noted a lot of thoughts at early stages, but still felt I was missing a lot more.
  • Balance between awareness and attention (introspective) still needs stability, but it feels that I have at least something to work with.
  • When the attention was stable on the breath, trying to find the joy, generating feeling, it felt a little weird and forced.
  • The sit was kind of enjoyable and interesting since it was new.

March 15, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 9:45 AM
  • First third of the sit had an energetic mind, but also vigilant noting and correction of distractions but not continuous attention on breath sensations.
  • Tried to fine tune attention and awareness, always tended to over attend or under attend breath in order to balance.
  • Last third felt continuous but forced focus on breath. Was able to note hindrance of restlessness and aversion to sitting.
  • Thought proliferation was very limited.
March 14, 2020
  • 51 minutes @ 8:50 AM
  • Very little dullness and almost no mind wandering.
  • Small intervals where breath sensations were very detailed.
  • Mind felt very nimble yet never left the breath sensations, although sensation clarity varied.
  • Ended session with doing nothing for 6 minutes. Felt little weird doing nothing and also I realized how little I know about the mind without relying on second hand information. Doing nothing was almost like noting without labeling, as my attention kept switching between sensations thoughts and feelings and little mind proliferation and then realizing it.
  • Although alert the mind did not seem calm.
March 13, 2020
  • 48 minutes @ 11:45 AM
  • Practiced TMI + noting distractions.
  • Memory of early practice is weak but felt it went well.
  • Attention to breath sensations and counting and very quick in noting distractions and restarting counting. It was sort of fun. No time to feel bad about anything because everything can be noted.
  • Most notes were ‘thought’ or ‘thought proliferation’ or ‘doubt in method’.
  • Started seeing outside light through closed eyelids, and tension building in the upper body, chest, shoulders, eyes. Noted anticipation/secretly wishing for something to happen.
  • After the above, I switched to only note and not be attentive to breath sensations for around 5 minutes.
  • Very soon mind went into complete scatter mode with some noting in between. From then on I switched back to breath + noting, but thought distractions were very strong.
  • After the last bell, just sat and observed everything without any set method. Did this for 3 minutes.
March 13, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 8:45 AM
  • Started with Metta for self. Set intention to let any feeling to come and go without me trying to change it.
  • Very interesting for 30 minutes, without any forgetting at all.
  • Very sharp perception for distractions and could recognize how thought always accompanies sensation and is giving constant commentary.
  • Penetrating sensation and looking at it in detail was done better than most of the sessions overall.
  • Was constantly looking for things I could log in this journal which might be a hindrance.
  • I find myself noting a lot recently.

March 12, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 5:00 PM
  • Although explicit attention to sensation was divided, the session felt very good for the first 25 minutes.
  • Required less effort than usual. I had an unacknowledged intention to try this.
  • Was able to catch the looking at what it was doing, example was able see the mind catch itself being distracted by some thought or some sensation at a earlier than normal.
  • Also was able to not indulge in negatively reacting to state of meditation.
  • Last part of meditation was full of distractions Attempted to notice the feeling of being restless and craving to hear the end bell.
March 12, 2020
  • 49 minutes @ 9:00 AM
  • Sensation not sharp.
  • First half of the session was able to remember before wandering started.
  • Last half had mind wandering and dullness.
  • Last 5 minutes were good, and had the feeling of being able to hold attention (even though sensations were muddy) without too much effort or will.
  • Noticed my approach is very ad hoc. Need more structure to it. Will take notes from TMI and stick to them for a few sessions.
March 11, 2020
  • 33 minutes @ 5:30 PM
  • Sensation very muddy, probably due to dullness.
  • Lots of distractions, counting was becoming mechanical. But still helped.
  • Able to remember to note hindrances.
  • Discomfort due to leg falling asleep.
  • Ended due to phone call.
March 11, 2020
  • 35 minutes @ 12:00 PM
  • Practiced in the office.
  • Sensations of breath were sharper than usual.
  • The attention was resting well on the sensations, although there were gross distractions making the breath go in the background.
  • Used counting to aid attention, this seemed useful and also it was tricky to not force counting or stop it from being mechanical.
  • Ended session to pee.
March 11, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 7.15 AM
  • Practiced attention on sensation of breath.
  • Goal is to minimize gross distractions (when breath goes into the background).
  • Duration and clarity of attention on the breath better than yesterday but still fragile.
  • Fairly quick to notice wandering and correct.
  • Remembered to make sure attention is on actual sensation when correcting.
  • Time went quickly, and there is a very weak memory of the practice itself.
  • Mild discomfort in lower back at the start 5 minutes, leg fell asleep at the last 5 minutes.

March 10, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 5.00 PM
  • Practiced attention on sensations of breath.
  • Spent most of the sit half asleep. Attention not clear and very fragile, very easily distracted into day-dreaming.
  • Time went quickly, and there is a very weak memory of the practice itself.
  • Guilt due to indulging in weed and stuff.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
March 19, 2020
  • 50 minutes @ 10:50 AM
  • Started out with very little resistance from the mind.
  • Concentration was continuous and clear for about 20 minutes, with the sensations of breath, and also noticing all the other stimuli.
  • Then suddenly I noticed I had some tension built up in the face area which I allowed to relax. This led to a super comfortable state, which also led to thought distraction for around 5-10 minutes. Remembered to just remain equanimous but could not really settle in.
  • Keep noticing the thread in mind that the observer is looking at everything (aka noticing the observer trap). Not actually looking at the observer, but since every other object in experience is being objectified as thought, sensation etc, the only thing left is the objectifier. This particular noticing feels like a thought + feeling (+ optional emotion).
  • Last few minutes were back to regular concentration on breath and noticing distractions etc.

March 18, 2020
  • Morning and evening sessions were tough.
  • Concentration was weak and I ended the evening session 2-3 minutes short.
  • This led to the rest of the day being a little under stress, not too bad, but I felt I had to be vigilant not to get give into feelings of anger, depression, confusion etc.
  • Sleepiness throughout the day took a lot of attention.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
March 20, 2020
  • 50 minutes @ 9.45 AM
  • Mind could not calm down for concentration to be steady on the breath.
  • Gave up after 30 minutes and switched to noting with short labels.
  • This helped a lot to limit thought proliferation and awareness started to become sharp and noticing a lot of subtle movements: sensations, sounds, patterns and depth in the visual field, and occasionally emotions of fear (during the visual patterns) and anticipation.
  • Perception of certain types of objects seems slow and weak as compared to speed of noting. Example it takes 4-5 seconds to actually break down a thought/signal of a sensation into actual sensations, but it is very easy to note that there is some sensation there.
  • This delay is significantly short for thoughts, emotions, sounds and sights.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 20, 2020

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March 20, 2020
  • 55 minutes @ 11:30 AM
  • There were short stretches of solid attention on breath, and the rest of the time went noticing distractions and also mind wandering due to interesting insightful thoughts which seemed important for practice.
  • Spent a lot of time contemplating this idea: mindfulness/observation/attention/awareness whatever cannot be done without a self. That is to say: if there is an observation there has to be an observer. And if something is being observed it cannot be self, it is just an object of observation. And mindfulness is a remembrance of this idea.
shargrol, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1535 Join Date: 2/8/16 Recent Posts
Just wanted to say that this sounds like good practice Shri!  It seems like the combination of both breath awareness/relaxation and gentle use of noting is working for you.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Thanks for the encouragement shargrol. In fact, I have adjusted my practice & attitude based on the tips from your postsemoticon
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 22, 2020

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March 22, 2020
  • 60 minutes @ 9:40 AM
  • First 45 minutes were full of thoughts and I could not stick to more than 5 breaths in a row. Mind felt energetic and restless.
  • Last 15 minutes switched to noting. Which was started out with very quick short notes, around 2 per second I think. The contact with the actual objects of noting was very shallow, but attention kept switching quickly.
  • In the last 5 minutes settled into a more calmer noting (1 per 2 seconds), which felt more natural.
  • Overall an unusually distracted session, but happy that I did not get frustrated and was very interested and willing to work with the experience.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 23, 2020

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March 23, 2020
  • 60 minutes 8:00 AM
  • Started out with heavy dullness.
  • Concentration was weak throughout the hour, but some short stretches with good clarity of sensations and general awareness.
  • Could notice aversion for distractions and mind proliferation, and made corrections.
  • Realized that my usual self-talk is very strict and harsh and leads to frustration.
  • Is low self-esteem and not liking self the reason for interest in meditation since it promises transformation of self and questions its importance.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 23, 2020 PM

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
  • 60 minutes @ 5:00 PM
  • A lot of thought activity related to a busy day. Disconnected to actual sensations. This went for around 15 minutes.
  • Following breathing sensations calmed the mind activity, and as clarity increased kept relaxing the tensions held in the body, mostly face, forehead & eyes.
  • At one point concentration became very smooth and easy, and there was very clear awareness of lots of stuff going on. Body feels light. There are very lightweight thoughts which come  and go very very quickly, and a lot of it like a narration, or labelling of stuff going on. Tried to notice more and drop effort lost into this narration for some time. This went on for I guess 10-20 minutes maybe more..
  • Concentration dropped in the last 5 - 10 minutes switched to just sitting and not doing anything.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 26, 2020

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March 24, 2020
  • 35 minutes @ 9:00 AM
  • Lots of frustration and craving for practice to progress.
  • Kept chasing intellectual insights and going in directions which lead to mind wandering and loss of awareness.
  • This reminded me of the mini version of the state I was at the Goenka course, the difference is that nowadays I am able to notice this state as just a state of mind and not roll in it.
  • It seems that practice has regressed in terms of focus and mind wandering is happening again. Will go over tips in TMI to counter this before the coming sits.
  • 45 minutes @ 4:00 PM
  • Started out with an explicit resolve to not forget and keep gently being with the breath and whatever comes up. This was to make sure I keep the session going into mind wandering.
  • This seemed to work.
  • Went into a state of good concentration again where the body feels light and full / inflated, especially arms and upper body, the state is pleasant. It is easy to keep at the breath, and be aware.
  • I am not 100% sure about the level of dullness, will check next time. TMI talks about pleasurable dullness at this stage.
  • When this happens the body is absolutely still, and movement of breath, heart beat , abdomen etc is detectable. Breath is never out of awareness.
  • I am not what effect moving the body will have on this state, will try next time.
  • This continues for 10-15 minutes and the unusual sensation in the body fades away, but the concentration and awareness remains.

March 26, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 8.30 AM
  • Fairly good attention and wide awareness. In the last 5-10 minutes went into exploration.
  • There were many distractions but not a lot of mind wandering. The breath sensations were always close.
  • Could notice visual parts of awareness and attention, and how they are always so difficult to detach from, in the sense, it is easy to distance from / observe sensations, sounds, even thoughts but how I have always missed the visual field. It is still extremely difficult to stabilize attention to be able to discern this part of experience. For example when attending sensation of breath there is always this visual field which is accompanied / modified, but not really noticed unless it is very flashy.
  • This also seems to be related to the sense of space, shape of the body, my location within the body, the direction of attention.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 28

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March 27, 2020
  • 45 minutes @ 10:30 AM
  • New standards set for concentration in terms of clarity of sensation and exclusive attention, although not 100% continuous.
  • Very low level of effort went into this session.
  • Was really able to be with the sensations and ignore everything else.
  • Did not give into intellectualization and interesting thoughts.

March 28, 2020
  • The depth of feeling the breath sensation has improved (same as the last two sessions). Feels more exclusive and having a more clear discernment between sensation and everything else.
  • Sat for 30 minutes resolving to maintain this level of attention on the breath.
  • Last 10 minutes completely switched to noting with a short label. This felt great overall, relaxed, clear and non-sticky attention
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

March 28, 2020

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Last 2-3 sessions (45 minutes each) I have spent 5 minutes on relaxing and breath concentration, and the rest of the session noting stuff that comes up. I start by noting the easy stuff, like sounds and gross body sensations and keep noticing more and more subtle things. I attempt to directly experience the things, and not intellectualize / interpreted experience.
I see the session going in phases, within some of which I am able to notice very subtle phenomena like very short lived thoughts, interesting body sensations, constant sounds (I might have developed Tinnitus emoticon ). But also phases where there was mind wandering, but those are short. I will continue to dedicate fixed time to noting for a few sessions.
In general, off-cusion life feels much calmer internally. I am able to recover from indulging in disruptive emotions and thoughts much quicker. It also feels that I am more self-honest and able to chill and not take myself too seriously; still working on this though.

Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

April 1, 2020

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Following structured noting as described here. It feels relaxed, silent and sensitive. Noting verbally seems a lot of action and I drop verbal noting at 40 minutes in. The subtlety of perception varies. Mental chatter is very sparse and low volume. The general mood is almost always very close to neutral almost pleasant. It was easy to be physically still, but intentional movement (got up to pee) did not disturb the zone. 60 minutes go by quickly. Catch urge to do something when it becomes quiet.

Tinnitus continues. It is not annoying yet, actually a little interesting.

Read:
https://unfetteredmind.org/six-ways-not-to-approach-meditation/
  Found it useful for noting various states of mind during a session.
 
https://www.hillsidehermitage.org/appearance-and-existence/
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

April 6

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Not a lot changes from sit to sit, so I have decided to not log every session. I have increased the duration to 60 minutes, but do not make it till the end bell every time. The sessions are relaxed but feel lacking structure. The practice feels natural but also more susceptible to mind wandering than practicing concentration on breathing sensation. 90% of the times loss of mindfulness is due to intellectualization, i.e. thoughts that put sensations / mind states into some sort of framework and then proliferate on it, thoughts trying to understand practice. There is aversion to these thoughts, or craving for a perfect session.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

April 20, 2020

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
I have been incorporanting Ken Mcleod’s suggestions emphasis on relaxing in the experience while being attentive. It is working for me in terms of being equanimous and not maintaining ill-will towards phenomena that arise.

In terms of structure, I am dividing each session into 1. breathing relaxing 2. noting sensations, 3. noting feelings and urges, 4. noting thoughts, 5. freeform noting. I seem to do well on relaxing and noting sensations, but feelings-urges and thoughts are very slippery. Urges are detectable but I tend to get lost is thought frequently. For feelings, I am able to discern broad moods and the occasional fear, anxiety, pleasantness.

For thoughts, I seem to never note “I am thinking x”, it is always “I just was thinking x”. The closest I can imagine I can come is knowing thinking is happening, noting is too disruptive. If someone reading this has some thoughts about this please let me know.
Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
April 26, 2020
Able to maintain steady practice twice a day, but giving up before the end bell a a few times. Sometimes the session just seems pointless even though it starts out ok. No clear signs of improvement or deterioration in noting ability. Most sessions have periods of calm mind with a sense of space and it is very easy to note a lot of subtle things, and some periods of overwhelming thoughts. Some sessions never settle into a smooth period and I end up giving up, but I will set an intention to not preempt the session no matter how lame the session seems. Noticing the urge to give up and trying to recognize the domain of it often leads to calming the thoughts.
The urges to do something i.e. move, open eyes, or interesting thoughts are quite interesting at the moment and is a major blind spot, i.e. I do not seem to note a lot of these urges.
Earlier thoughts about the practice itself and trying to figure out intellectually have decreased. There is humbleness and acceptance that my usual tool (thinking) for solving challenges is only a phenomena. I still find myself subscribing to certain models but become aware that all understanding is subject to change.

Reading:


April 28, 2020
I started out the last few sessions with an intention to not drop the verbal noting, because I was settling into non-verbal noting and it seems that I was getting into this state where attention would not seem alert and a bit too relaxed and eventually losing it. Keeping up the verbal noting worked well for the energy level and did not feel boring. The rate of noting varied, but if left alone I tended to note at every out breath.
The sessions have become almost easy. Morale fluctuates, but it is not too bad. The overall mood towards practice is on the darkside, but it is not too unpleasant.

Shri, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
  • Sessions feel far less mechanical than before and I am able to appreciate how the noting method automatically keeps me grounded and prevents mind wandering.
  • Each session I am trying to keep the stream of notes continuous and recognizing how the stuff comes and goes on its own. This is my attempt at noticing the 3C nature of things. I do not see the dukkha in most of it yet.
  • During the rest of the day, I frequently remember to be grounded and aware of moods, feelings and motivations. Frequently there is a mistrust of these moods, feelings and motivations which sometimes becomes disorienting and demotivating.
agnostic, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1602 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Hi Shri,

Good detailed log thanks, it seems to me that you are noting all the right kinds of stuff.

Sleepiness can be noted. Sometimes it is actually just disatisfaction (anger) with the meditation and noting will cause it to vanish. Sometimes it is due to lack of sleep, in which case you can stop fighting it and try to accept it/relax into it. It's actually a very valuable exercise to watch the mind falling asleep and see how the ego starts to dissolve and oberseve what the subconscious throws up as the ego loses its grip. Sometimes you will get a power nap or hypnagogic bounce and go back to meditating with more awareness.

Feeling disorientated and demotivated can feel like practice is not going well, but it's the opposite - your practice is going well because you are noticing these now. Same with fluctuations in mood. Keep it up!

Along with MCTB, if you haven't already read it you might benefit from Chapter 5 of Mahasi Sayadaw's Manual of Insight which can be found here. Chapter 5 is called "Practical Instructions" and is very similar to the booklet which is published separately called Progress of Insight I think. I found it a very inspiring personal account of what noting feels like and where it leads ...

Cheers
agnostic
Shri, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Hi agnostic, thank you for the tips!

I ususally note very large "states" like sleepy, foggy mind, clear mind etc. but never noticed an associated emotion. I very recently read about meditating before sleep to observe the mind just as you say, I will try it out.

I am currently reading MCTB  and will checkout Manual of Insight Ch 5 as well. I was avoiding getting too deep into these books because I noticed some time back that a lot of thoughts were about matching my experience to the accounts in these books emoticon. But I think it is time to continue reading them.
Shri, modified 11 Months ago.

Rupa

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Spent some time noting intentions. This is a blind spot, goes unnoticed all the time. There is always a subtle agenda, and something feels like a momentum about many situations in a session. For instance, the intention to notice 3Cs of phenomena, or intention to relax.

I read something which was quite mind blowing yet so simple and obvious: What I consider as body is an inaccurate assumption. I have only know how the body looks, feels, etc. But these senses are limited to their domains. My mind automatically creates an object which connects all the information from these 6Ss. It is an assumption that there is a body, this assumption may be true or not does not matter. The mind is very clever at covering this up. This idea is fascinating and at the same time gives a feeling of vulnerability (fear). That there is this thing, body, and I am subjected to the million bad things that can happen to it. Yikes! Anicca..

And not only that, these mind concepts make up my entire world and life, such an elaborate illusion. My entire world in a way inside me. It also feels lonely, as people in my life are also part of this illusion. This is maya?...

This cleared up my understanding of nama-rupa. Rupa is transalted as form, and by form I understood the material, as in matter. But then according to the above, there is absolutely no access to matter, we can only access stuff at the 6Ss. So it seems my understanding that rupa is matter is totally wrong. And now that I check the definition of form - the way something appears, this seems to make sense, as form is only the way of appearance, and not the thing that appears.
Shri, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
An unusual state comes in meditation 30-40 minutes in which is tough to describe but I will give it a shot:
  • Is mildly pleasant.
  • Body has a lot of super fine buzzing, it feels full of “energy”.
  • No dullness, very alert, distractions seem impossible.
  • No effort goes into being centred. The usual “doing” has almost stopped or volume has been turned down. Only short bits of thoughts now and then come.
  • Labeling seems silly and mechanical.
  • Aches and pains do not have the usual pull.
  • This lasts for 5-10 minutes maybe.

This is followed by a sense of "dropping into the body", this happens rather quickly, within 2 minutes. Start feeling the unpleasantness of pains and aches again. Feel the weight of the body. Feels unpleasant, but not too bad. There is a tendency to indulge distractions.

agnostic, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1602 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Hi Shri,

Nice insights on mind-body, senses and anicca. Definitely can feel a bit disorienting at first, but it settles and you find yourself able to live in both worlds - both real and not-real ("I know this is not real but I can play along with it").

Buzziness is pretty common, if you can find the more relaxed pleasure beneath it that can be a pretty nice place to hang out and take a rest from the strains of insight (& life!)

All the best
agnostic
Shri, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Hi agnostic,

"find the more relaxed pleasure beneath", is this related to Jhana? I had given a similar instruction a half-assed attempt some time back. I will try it out again.

Thank you!
agnostic, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1602 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Shri:
Hi agnostic,

"find the more relaxed pleasure beneath", is this related to Jhana? I had given a similar instruction a half-assed attempt some time back. I will try it out again.

Thank you!

Yes, these are the jhana factors of piti (rapture) & sukha (pleasure/happiness), but they arise long before jhana, when the mind starts to get concentrated.
Shri, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
  • Sessions continue to feel fresh and natural.
  • From time to time I suddenly am aware of my point of view from which I notice and acknowledge stuff. Sometimes it is the feeler of the sensations in the chest, throat, sometimes it is the thinker of a thought. Sometimes it is the listener of the thought. Noticing it clears this. But with every note, the head pops up again but from different places.
  • I am also very unclear about the memory or context of any given moment. There seems to also be a little working memory (not long term) which at every moment is available and provides me the context of what is going on. Is this just another category of thought, but just that it is not as unpredictable as other thoughts?
Shri, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
May 30
Morning
  • For the first 20 minutes practiced with eyes open and gaze on the floor. It felt a little confusing but interesting to see how vision goes into the background while attention switches between sounds, sensations etc.
  • Mind wandering still was the theme of the sit.
  • There were patches where attention was nimble and alert to the movement of the mind.
  • Was able to notice large blocks of states: worrying, work thoughts, practice thoughts etc.
  • I am not able to describe what has changed recently but sits do not feel correct. It seems I have forgotten how to practice and I am just fumbling and catching myself lost in some mechanical noting or mind wandering.

May 29
Morning
  • Lots of mind wandering. Missing to note emotions of worry, depression.
  • Recent trend of thoughts around doubt in the self of being capable of practicing rightly and not just fooling myself.
Evening
  • Lots of wandering probably had attentive noting for 20 minutes out of the hour.
Shri, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Logging after a long time, but I have practiced consistently. I have been trying to keep things simple and be close to the noting method for the morning 1 hr. Sticking with noting in the domains of sensations, feelings, moods (mind states) and thoughts. And dedicating set time for each domain.This has vastly helped with the mind wandering and intellectualizing. In terms of phenomena I am able to observe the 3Cs at the surface level:
  • Phenomena come and go on their own. In a sense I am subjected to them and conditions can change anytime. Everything is unreliable.
  • There is assumed ownership of certain thoughts, moods, feelings. This sense of ownership vanishes when seen calmly.
  • I do not really see dukkha in everything. Only when there is an investment due to the above ownership.

The mental image of the solid body becomes secondary during formal sits. Primarily there are these sensations, some solid, some vibrations, and there is this perceived position in space and the sum total of everything is the body.

In the evening sits for 1 hr I am practicing the full body breathing / energy body practice using Rob Burbea Jhana practice instructions. I am getting some piti 5-6 instances of <5 seconds in the form of electric buzz in back near knees, back of neck. It feels like goosebumps and I get that sometimes when hearing some good music or having an exciting thought. It is relatively easy for me to stay with the whole body while breathing than staying at the tip of the nose or the stomach. I get this piti although much shorter and infrequent during noting as well. I always feel it building up one second before it starts and always gets going at the end of the in breath.

I have reduced the amount of Dharma talks obsessions a little. I feel a little humble and settled down, almost a little depressed by some standards. I also contemplate the spiritual bypassing aspect of my practice and have been considering formal therapy to go along this. Humbling also means that I am not being irritating to my family and friends about taking up meditation and using the dharma approach to every problem and conversation. Self-talk has been vastly gentle since I started all this, and calming down the negative loops that start spinning now and then.

Martin, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 294 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
Hi Shri,

You mentioned using "Rob Burbea Jhana practice instructions." Can I ask where you found those instructions?
Martin, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 294 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
Thanks so much, Shri!
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 11
Morning (noting):
1 hour
Mind felt sharp and accurate in dissecting the experience into the domains.

Evening (breath):
Unusually difficult to settle the mind. Might be due to late and heavy lunch and lack of sleep. Tea is having little effect nowadays.Many thoughts were about the mobile game I played in the morning. Doubt also came in now and then about different definitions of Jhana. Repeatedly broadened the awareness, tried counting breath, but it was one of those sessions which just drags. Did not get frustrated. A few times attempted to really explore the state of the mind which is just out of distraction; it feels pretty close to the mindful state. It was a pleasant surprise to find just 4 minutes left when I checked the timer.

July 12
Morning (noting)
  • Shallow mindfulness for ~25 minutes on surface level gross objects.
  • Did not note every second as intended. I often forget to note every second and end up noting as things come up. It does not feel a problem as such.
  • Tried to look for dukkha. This felt interesting and got the energy levels at a good spot.
  • Noticed how I fumble to get rid of them or feel tightness in my chest and throat, which is not always unpleasant.
  • Noticed how I consider objects (touch, smell, thought) to be out there, and feelings (pleasant unpleasant etc) to be within me or behind me.
  • Last 15 minutes noting 'thoughts' was very charged, energetic. Mind was very quick to process stuff. Noticed the automatic perceptions that arise with 6S input.
  • Tried to see that these perceptions / ideas / concepts are not solid, just images created out of its tendencies and habits. Basically 3Cs.
  • Longer and stronger waves (piti?) while doing the above. Once this was almost unpleasant in the head, so maybe not really piti. But other than that mostly pleasant and interesting.

Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 13, 2020
Morning (noting)
  • Stayed with a lot of unpleasant sensations, anxiety about work, doubts about practice etc. in the first half.
  • Played with intentions of good will for self and unpleasant phenomena.
  • Noting of mind states started to bring a lot of equanimity, which brought things to a calm and clear state with noting of thoughts.
  • Multiple waves of strongish buzzing, originating at different places in quick succession, dissolved tension in the body.
  • There is some craving when this happens to make it last longer and an inclination to play with it.
  • Noting perceptions (thoughts) brought energy to the practice and seems to trigger some piti. The section that I read yesterday in Seeing That Frees which talks about the idea of being with phenomena just the way they are which implicitly assumes that there is a perception of things which is accurate and true. Acknowledging that what I am noting is just a perception and fabricated seems interesting right now.
Evening (breath)
  • Very distracted trance like sit.
  • Ended session 6 minutes early.
  • Started out a
July 14, 2020
Morning (noting)
  • More than usual effort was required to keep away from mind wandering.
  • A heavy feeling of weight in the body, large solid sensation, but not a lot of dullness.
  • Sensation seemed far away in comparison to this heavy sensation.

July 15, 2020
  • Looked at the delay between a sensation and it’s acknowledgement. Noticing the delay felt interesting and fresh.
  • Noticed states of mind: intentions to notice fast, open and receptive mind, wanting a sensation, wanting to stop the craving, concentrated mind, spread out mind, looking for the next thing to note, etc.
  • Noticed all notes have a perception, a certain way of looking at it.
  • Get into a state where it feels like attention is solid, very much connected with the body (can feel the whole body). Can detect tiny movements like small thoughts, intentions etc.
  • Get into a state where the body is allowed to rest, and breathe through it, surveying it to see where I am holding the tension (in head, mouth area, neck mostly). After a while like a field of sensations. It feels amazing how I can “move” it and control it and how I take this ability for granted.
  • Include simple breathing and sensitive to the whole body and relaxing in between when it starts feeling a little mechanical and tight.
  • A sense of good will naturally developed a couple of times in practice. Subtle but it felt different.
shargrol, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1535 Join Date: 2/8/16 Recent Posts
Good practice Shri!
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 16, 2020
Off cushion
  • Mood of disgust since a few days.
  • This mood is an old friend visiting after a long time. I used to call this depression.
  • Disgust about the job situation, in relationships, about the usual narrative pattern in the head, about listening to my goto youtube/podcasts.
  • Motivation to practice is good though. There is inclination to remain in seclusion and being silent, doing simple things.
  • Noticing the narrative in which ego is inflated and feeling disgust. Looking at past behavior and noticing the same thing. Past conversations with family and friends.
  • Noticing conflict between "doing the right thing" vs "being authentic".
  • Noticing how quickly I snap to some or the other view.
July 20, 2020
Off cushion (past 2-3 days)
  • More than usual mood swings.
  • Feeling dread of daily life responsibilities.
  • Noticing less 'religious' approach to practice.
  • Seeing tendency to follow rules (some self-made), like practicing every day, not doing something, making some resolution, and torturing myself about it.
  • I have become very sensitive to unpleasant mind states and emotions; and dive right into it to see the mischief. Even when I fail to stop the reaction I am mindful of what is happening.
Morning (noting)
Don't remember much since it has been 12 hours.
  • Intended to label for each note if possible. Was suspecting if I was getting lazy about it.
  • Labeling fails for thoughts, and little images, inner voice that come to mind, resorted to non-verbal for those.

Evening (breath)
  • Very few distractions and mind easily staying with the breath and also with the overall experience.
  • Same buzzing a few times, starts out shy and then intensifies, and then dissipates throughout the body, leaving the mild subtle buzz throughout.
  • Try to switch from breath to this buzzing sensation but it does not last that long.
  • In the last 15 minutes, stretches (3-4 mins) of mind happily riding the breath, feeling of satisfaction, enjoying the rhythm. This gets interrupted by the acknowledging mind, but it is not too hard to get back into the rhythm.
  • Doubt popped up here and there, but did not stay around long. There seemed to be momentum which pushed away the doubt. "Finding the joy in the practice", although I used to consider fabrication, certainly works.
Sam Gentile, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1059 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Have just started reading your log and you're doing a great job! I especially like how you integrate and log your off the cushion activities, moods, feelings, etc too. Keep going!
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Thank you for the encouragement Sam emoticon
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 21, 2020
Off cushion
  • Work related stress is lower than average overall. And recovery from stressful times is much quicker. I know that stressful thoughts are because of unhealthy investment in the situation.
  • Noticing tendency to copying traits, habits of my people I idolize.

Morning (noting)
  • Tried to keep a steady stream of labels again.
  • Stuff happening at a much higher rate than I could label.
  • Mindfulness felt a little shallow, it seemed there was a lot happening but my attention was not quick and accurate enough to see it.
  • A loud sound instantly creates a sensation of fear in the chest, like a drop of ink falling into a bucket of water, diffusing and then vanishing.
  • Mind created a few stories and intentions that I noticed I had already bought into. The shift from being mindful to taking ownership of a story was so short that it was quite amazing.
  • ~90% sensations are neutral. And after a while it feels like even 99% are neutral. Even aches and pains start to feel neutral.
  • A solid sense of self felt unpleasant. This comes into notice once I start noting feelings. There is always this feeler of the feelings, always a different one even.

Evening (breath, noting)
  • Stayed with breath. Kept it simple.
  • Allowed anything to come and go of awareness, also allowed a little room for attention to become wide and narrow based on what felt 'better'.
  • Greed for piti, and doubt one in a while.
  • Light buzz throughout the body.
  • Last few minutes, I was detecting distractions very early on. And correcting, almost watching myself do it.
  • Noticed subtle anger at one point. Not the usual explosive one. It is the kind of energy one has when one is typing very fast. Maybe it's not really anger but has that same 'productive energy'
  • Tried to see if I could let the thoughts come but still be with the breath. Just loosen the grip on the attention a little. Not sure if attention works this way.
  • Practiced 12' noting after the final bell since I had energy.
  • Very quick sharp mind.
  • Investigated if phenomena are really empty. This felt interesting but could not keep it up for a good amount of time.
  • Investigating mood put in a weird perception: the eye, the one looking flipped and fell inside the body, somewhere in the torso, and then was looking in the upward direction seeing/feeling the sensation of tightness in mouth etc in my head.
July 22, 2020
Off cushion
  • Feeling calm and cool when I am alone.
  • Shift into a mindful state very easily at will, aware of the field of body sensation, the mood, the current story that I am playing a part of.
  • I can see the momentum of restlessness, how in it's pressure I do harsh things, cannot stop myself, have to retreat to calm down.

Morning (noting)
  • Solid start, attention was steady wherever it moved or I moved it in the 6S.
  • Resolution was high as well, sharp. Pulsing, throbbing itches. Fast vibrating sensations were clearly noticed.
  • Investigated what really makes the sensation of thirst unpleasant. Seems to be a basic property of the sensation.
  • When looking very closely at a sensation there does not seem to be a pleasant/unpleasant side of it.
  • At one point there were too many phenomena in the 6S and attention was not switching from one to the other semi-automatically like it usually does. Felt overwhelmed and noting seemed impossible and effortful. There was awareness and phenomena could be observed as  distinct but all seemed to be at the same resolution.
  • Almost negligible mind wandering.
  • From time to time awareness of the state of the mind.
  • Negligible mind wandering.
  • Awareness of thoughts from time to time.

Eventing (breath + noting)
  • Was able to stay with the breath for 10-15 minutes with minor distractions.
  • Then got intense anger. Anger flared when sounds of speaking came from outside.
  • Tried to calm down by long breathing etc.
  • Tried to let the anger be and started to investigate.
  • Investigation turned into noting quickly.
  • Anger vanished pretty quickly once I got into the noting rhythm,
  • Noticed the actual sensation and its note/ack there is some delay.
  • Felt like there is another attention which I access once in a while that is receiving the sensations in real-time. And when I note and investigate I am working with a copy, which is a thought.
  • Tried to 'sync' with this 'real' attention.
  • After doing this, sensations came at a high frequency.
  • The direction in which the inner eye looks kept changing. As if the camera is suspended in space and there are small particles which collide with it one at a time changing its orientation at a fast rate.
  • Flickering, like seeing a movie reel but frames are not adding up to create a smooth picture.
  • Mostly neutral sensations.
  • The speed dropped here and there when the mind paid attention to some thought.
  • Resolution was pretty low and maybe a little lagging too. As if the sensation were not perceived.
  • A couple of times the  mind zoomed out a little and it felt like I am "fabricating" the experience to be fast.
  • When things slowed down, noticed eyelids were flickering at a steady frequency 5-10 Hz.
  • The usual buzzing waves in back and arms.
  • The usual tinnitus was quite loud whenever I was noting it. It usually becomes loud during sits and at times multiple frequencies.

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SushiK, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 116 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Hi Shri.

I'm amazed by the precision of your log.
How many minutes for your morning and your evening sit usually?
Do you make mental notes during the sit for what would be worth of including in your log or do you do it right after from memory?

Have a nice day
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Hi Sushi, each of my sit is 1 hour. During the sit I don't think about logging intentionaly, but sometimes thoughts about logging come to mind, if I am mindful I just mentally note it. If I write the log right after the sit, I can ususally put in more detail than if I write it later.
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 27
Morning (noting)
  • Trying to really feel the solid sensations makes them fuzzy or sometimes diluted, or change their center.
  • Noticed that I try to fit the experience with my current mental model. Like, I was trying to notice how phenomena appear and disappear out of nothing.
  • Lot of body pain and unpleasant sounds in the last 20 minutes.
  • Felt like these sensations are "beating" me up and I am sitting through it, almost getting a weird subtle contentment out of it.
  • More than usual thoughts pulling attention.
  • Felt very "close" to the phenomena.
July 28
Morning (noting)
  • Revised practice instructions.
  • Started with simple breathing for some time to settle down.
  • Steady pace of notes throughout.
  • Not a lot of time between phenomena and also felt sensations are very close to me.
  • Mind building up stories and notes breaking them down, resetting mindfulness.
  • Noting a sensation and noting the thought around/about the sensation.
  • Investigating a piercing itch changes the perception of its "size".
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
July 29
Off cushion
  • Reading mctb2 7 factors of awakening section. Found it very useful.
Morning (noting)
  • Mind was interested in practice.
  • Noting at a steady pace.
  • Trying to investigate thoughts and the state of the mind and any other accompanying  sensations.
  • (had an early morning meeting in which I presented. I have stage fear and noted the following)
  • Tried to investigate the feeling of nervousness, anxiety.
  • Felt like the sensations in the chest obstructing the flow of the breath.
  • Felt like the body is independent and doing it's thing.
  • Tried to really experience the reactions in the body, but they faded.
  • It was quite interesting to see the mind-body system react to a situation on its own and I am just looking at it and having little say in it.
  • (sat another 30 min after the meeting)
  • Observed body and mind calming down from the excited state earlier.
  • Tried to work on improving the resolution of noting, and noticing the mental echo each sensation makes (tips from mctb2 section).
  • I have a tendency to hunt for "insights", which leads me to verbalize certain thoughts, pursue them, and try to lock them down. This breaks the flow of notes and I end up psychologizing for a few minutes. Including this idea which came to me during the sit emoticon. This habit seems to affect my behavior off cushion.
July 31
Morning (noting)
  • Structured for 15-20 minutes.
  • Notes lagging after sensations.
  • Lots going on in the mind in all domains.
  • Mind settled down. Opened up into space.
  • Lag in the notes very small.
  • Felt I occupy a large space.
  • Things really settled down and felt very present with the body.
  • Equanimity, but also uninteresting, but a little pleasant. A feeling of what do I do now?
  • Felt quite stable, thoughts and urges were dropped very quickly if they came.
  • Became aware of the "background", a sort of point of view, a little vague. Perceived a drift in the point of view.
  • Resumed noting again.
  • Body started to feel extremely heavy, mildly unpleasant but interesting.
  • Switched to noting thoughts and sensations that change (breath, itches, etc). Had heard this in a talk about noticing different elements.
  • Rumbling and pulsing within the body, 4-5 Hz.
  • Bright visual field.
August 2
Off cushion
  • Work related stress.
  • Mild shitty feeling.
  • Giving into impulse to game and binge TV.
Morning (noting)
  • Set intention to be in sync with sensations, reduce the lag.
  • Started with breath for 5 minutes.
  • Followed structure.
  • Mind got into sync. Jumping from sensation to sensation, felt natural, quick, non-sticky, no time to think.
  • Attention jumped from sensations on its own.
  • Let the mind do its thing but lightly hold on to being mindful. I usually (have to?) put more effort.
  • Intentionally directing attention also worked.
  • Focusing on the visual field was quite nice, weird patterns, flashes, not very colorful and unrecognizable.
Shri, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
August 6
Off cushion

Morning
  • I used the frequency in my ear instead of the usual breath as the anchor for attention.
  • Off cushion energy and mood has been poor but mood during sit has been even.
  • Noting whatever is not the frequency felt quite interesting.
  • There was some piti after a long time for a short duration.
  • Using the auditory attention anchor also made noting the verbal narration very effective. Many times this narration goes undetected especially at the start of the sit.
  • There is not obvious identification with this sound and there is no sense of a possibility to control it. Tried to see that all other phenomena are just like that.
  • This session, noting thoughts was quite good. I am playing with letting thoughts do its thing recently.
Sam Gentile, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1059 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
I'm still reading and you're doing a good job. May I sugest a couple of dmall things? I suggesut having a time for each sit (how long you meditated and what style). I would suggest focusing on your bodily sensations in your noting and list those too. HTH. May you practice diligently.
Shri, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
Thanks for the tip and the kind words Sam, will do emoticon 
Shri, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
August 9
On Friday after a late morning sit took the day off and sat multiple times through the day, also did a couple of walking meditations for 15 minutes in between sits. Yesterday and today I sat many times as I had a lot of energy and motivation emoticon. Worked on the following inspired by the MCTB: The Seven Factors of Awakening:

Mindfulness

Usually during the start of the sit, my mental label clearly lags from the 'actual sensation' and is actually attending the mental impression of the sensation. This also happens mid session accompanied by dullness. Intentionally being in sync tuning in to the sensation available in attention in real time gets rid of this dullness. The mind is a bit jumpy and there is no investigation of sensation when this happens, but it increases the energy levels.
Notes: itch, sound, ringing, swallowing, saliva, tension behind eyes, release tension, pulsing, chirping, sight, saying.Frequency: 1-3 labels per second 

Investigation

After doing the above a while mind gets into a stable state, there is balance, mind is quick to switch and focus on different objects, but not jumpy. At this point I am able to see how almost all seemingly solid sensations are vague, pulsating, waves, flickering etc. See how the perception & feeling (pleasant, unpleasant) that comes with sensations.

Interesting idea in MCTB is that seeing thoughts also can be deconstructed into 6S sensations. So noted stuff within thoughts, although this was not done in real-time since the thought breaks when I start noting it, so this is more of an investigation quality than mindfulness. But deconstructing them also seemed to touch the investment of the self in the thoughts.

Noticing 3Cs still feels a little unnatural. It is like "using insight as a method" from Seeing that Frees book.
  • Noticing sensations as impermanent is obvious in a way, like sensations are changing, flickering etc. Also noticing the apparatus that makes the experience of a sensation is impermanent, so that feels a little more significant.
  • Anatta makes little sense for almost all sensations. But sensations of tension in face, behind eyes, clenching of mouth, sensations in the chest and tummy accompanied with emotions, seeing anatta is effective. Anatta in thoughts and urges is cutting edge at this point.
  • Dukkha is the most vague amongst the three, it does not apply most of the time. Seeing dukhha in pain is obvious but does not do anything for me. Seeing urges in the mind as propelled by dukkha seems to disarm the urge. Like seeing the urge to open eyes and look at the clock, or the thought to get up early since the mind is not at cutting edge etc. Doing this brings compassion for the self looking at these little urges trying to make things better in their own way and not knowing anything better.
Equanimity
Recently sits have not suffered from too many hindrances. There is greed for fireworks and aversion from time to time but not a nuisance. Seeing dukkha helps sometimes. But in general things are pretty equanimous, maybe I am not reaching the tough parts of the mind? I am playing with loosening the control and letting things happen.

Shri, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
August 10
Morning, noting, 60'
  • Lot of anxiety and related thought proliferation. Mind never got settled in the practice.
  • Lot of doubt on my ability to practice.
  • Noted only breath, body sensation & sounds to keep grounded, but probably did not sustain more than a 10-15 seconds, before papanca.
  • Thoughts about work, fellow practitioner's logs, comparison, lack of progress in practice, sense of being phoney in practice, thoughts about logging.
  • Body sensations, itches, pulse in torso and hands, weird vibrating which if paid attention to superficially felt like a higher frequency (5-10Hz), but when focused on seemed a lower frequency (3-4 Hz).
  • Sensed the self in the anxiety and the depression, it felt like a large block of stone, and sensations in the chest, and restricted breath flow.
  • Recognized the suffering I am creating to get rid of it. Let the aversion be there as I was just making things worse by trying to dispel it.
  • The end bell brought some joy emoticon

Evening, noting, 60’
  • Some frustration and anxiety off cushion so came to the sit in such a state. Cranky mood.
  • Resolved to keep it simple and follow basic instructions
  • Started with following breath and freestyle noting at each out breath or so, mainly body sensations and sounds.
  • Mind restlessness and anxiety slowly came down.
  • Notes: itch, sounds of people outside, tinnitus in left side, thoughts about practice, thoughts about work, restlessness, bubble-like sensations in lips, hands and elbows, pain in back, tension in facial muscles, heart beat pulse in hands and torso, buzzing
  • Lot of involuntary micro movements.
  • Investigated irritation mind state when people were talking outside.
  • Mindfulness became a somewhat autopilot and required far less effort than before, almost cutting edge just the mind was still a little edgy.
  • Dropped verbal labelling and let the attention experience phenomena on its own.
  • Sit became a enjoyable and relaxing.
  • Twice got the nice electric goosebumps, I sensation were prominent in knees, back, upper neck front. The second time it happened a lot more body parts got the sensations.
  • Relaxed and dropped the effort and enjoyed the feeling of calm state of body and mind, this must have lasted 3-4 minutes.
  • Resumed labeling again and it felt level of mindfulness dropped a little. But attention became solid again quickly.
  • The papanca party in the mind was not too bad most of the time but still far from the cutting edge.

Shri, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
August 11
Morning, noting, 60’
  • Settled the mind with gentle noting and breath following.
  • Kept it simple throughout and just noted the most obvious thing at bit fast rate 2 per second.
  • Mostly body sensations, sounds and thoughts.
  • Mind wandering was very low.
  • Some practice related thoughts and work related thoughts here and there.
  • Catching intellectualization early. At this point felt like attention is half-assing noting and thinking.
  • Noting fast felt a little fun.
  • Noted watching myself note in an unmindful way.
  • At the very end attention was breaking down solid phenomena on its own, ususally I linger on a sensation a bit for this to happen.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 1059 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Shri:
August 11
Morning, noting, 60’
  • Settled the mind with gentle noting and breath following.
  • Kept it simple throughout and just noted the most obvious thing at bit fast rate 2 per second.
  • Mostly body sensations, sounds and thoughts.
  • Mind wandering was very low.
  • Some practice related thoughts and work related thoughts here and there.
  • Catching intellectualization early. At this point felt like attention is half-assing noting and thinking.
  • Noting fast felt a little fun.
  • Noted watching myself note in an unmindful way.
  • At the very end attention was breaking down solid phenomena on its own, ususally I linger on a sensation a bit for this to happen.
Very good! You may want to list those bodily sensations, sounds and thoughts if you remember them
Shri, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 61 Join Date: 3/3/20 Recent Posts
August 11
Evening, noting, 60’
  • Started out with deep longer than usual breath.
  • Noted: children sounds outside, tinnitus, pulse here and there, itches, stuff in the visual field, work thoughts, micro thoughts, unpleasant building of saliva, sensation of swallowing saliva, tension in facial muscles, pleasant sensation of releasing that tension, intention to focus, sound of mental labelling, etc.
  • Attention prefered sounds when left alone.
  • Dropping into body sensations felt nice and soft.
  • Mindfulness did not get stable, frequent short mind wandering, but did not go too far.
  • Reverted to follow the breath with gentle noting.
  • Tried to see the start of body sensation clearly, it was always weird as a sensation would come from the background but the starting point not clear. Was very slippery to sustain.
  • Start and end of sounds is relatively easy.
  • Pulsing in right half of body, lower back, elbow, there was a auditory aspect to the pusling.
  • Breath became discontinuous and lost the usual flow.
  • Eyelids flickering, eyeballs flickering tiny bit.
  • Tried to see what sensations are there in real-time. Stuff happens way too quickly and labeling or even clearly perceiving and distinguishing one sensation from the other felt absurd.
  • Dropped noting and just tried to keep the balance.
  • For some time felt energy building up, felt like posture straightening and stretching with each in and out breath.
  • Shortly some piti washed from the back through the body. 5-10 seconds, maybe longer not sure. Not exactly pleasant, mind kind of freaks out and tries to “do something” about it. I always see piti coming, and it feels like I trigger it with a deep in breath and it starts at the end of it.
  • Buzzing in the body after the wave, the pulsing, tinnitus became more prominent, overall pleasant.
  • Got up to pee. Rest of the sit mind wandered and a lot of logging thoughts, just followed the breath again and calmed down.
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SushiK, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Shri's Log

Posts: 116 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Interesting the way you keep your practice flexible: dropping the noting, getting back to it, exploring some sensations, ect.

I should try that sometimes emoticon