Angel C's Practice Log

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Angel C, modified 11 Months ago.

Angel C's Practice Log

Posts: 7 Join Date: 3/21/20 Recent Posts
Hello all, I practice only concentration. At least for now. I have a big tendency to learn more than I can put into practice, so to put an end to that I don't really know a thing about mindfulness, I'm taking things easy.

Today's practice

I notice the same pattern, again and again, I peak on my concentration around the 10-minute mark, I maintain it for some time until some thought or some big sound outside makes me follow it. Then I lose my concentration a little, I come back, then I lose a little more...until I fall into I guess it's sopor. My mind gets non-sensical, constructing weird stories, just as when you are about to fall asleep. Then the timer bell sounds and I go on about my day. I practice every day for 30 minutes, and I've been practicing for two weeks, maybe a little less.

I'm pretty happy about today's practice, as I reached a state of concentration new to me, my mind was pretty clear for what I perceived as a long time, I felt very peaceful. Something I noticed, that I guess I have to get past it, is a "build-up" to "something" that I resisted. It's difficult to describe...I felt like I was about to get even more concentrated, but that would mean to lose some control over myself somehow, so I resisted it. Any idea about this?
Thank you all, may you have a nice day.
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Angel C, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Angel C's Practice Log

Posts: 7 Join Date: 3/21/20 Recent Posts
The same thing happened today. I achieved a very strong presence with my breath for what I perceived as a long time, then thoughts about the day and the duties ahead completely disturbed it and I fell into "sleepy" thoughts.
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Angel C, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Angel C's Practice Log

Posts: 7 Join Date: 3/21/20 Recent Posts
It's getting worse. Today I was all over the place. I guess it's normal to have better and worse periods of practice. It's frustating because I feel I was so close to the 1st jhana, I even had something that I only can account for as piti, which lasted for a couple of hours after the meditation was over. I was super-excited, and now I can't concentrate at all. Maybe this is part of the problem, the excitement of progress and the frustation of not getting more and not getting it now. As anything, I hope I learn how to remain relaxed and a little less atached as time goes on.

Any tip on how to solve this particular problem of frustation would be appreciated.
Good practice to you all.
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Angel C, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: Angel C's Practice Log

Posts: 7 Join Date: 3/21/20 Recent Posts
30 min today, I became really focused on the breath, and at some time I started to feel only present, calm and "empty", to the point were I thought I was going to die. I immediatly realized it was a foolish thing and "laughed", but only to my insides, if that makes sense. I'm sorry if this whole post is weird, but today's meditation was that just, plain weird, and now I even have difficulty trying to remember the experience and putting it into words

. Anyhow, after I realized that I was not going to die I decided to just stay like that, and I started getting weird little movements on my belly and muscular contractions over different parts of my body that right now I don't remember. I was fighting between letting it be or resisting it and trying to go back to the breath, and eventually it calmed down. I was super calm and a little lost because I didn't know what to do, if I should keep on working towards the jhanas, or just exploring that state of calmness as I found it extremely peaceful and interesting; then the timer ringed and I decided to stay a little more in that state, trying to follow Leigh Brasington's method to enter the first jhana, but I just couldn't do it so I decided to open my eyes.

Overall I'm confused now, but really calm and looking forward to my next session.

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