Freestyle Noting Aloud - log + a few Practice Videos

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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

Freestyle Noting Aloud - log + a few Practice Videos

Posts: 1734 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Decided today to restart my Noting practice. Sat for 45 minutes and it went like butter as per usual with this practice, as for me it seems to decimate the hindrances very fast.
Im following Kenneth Folk's teaching and using the Freestyle Noting Aloud. I have got some fine results with it last year so see no reason to change the method for now.

As Im jobless now and looking after our little 4 yo boy I will need to organize practice in the early morning or/and late evening. Weekend is easier as my partner can look after our son during my practice time.

May this practice be of benefit to countless beings.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Made this short video after my main sit. It's a demonstration for those wondering what this Aloud Noting is. 
Now that I look at it, it seems so uncool to sit on a chair and speak aloud while having open eyes emoticon so not what meditation ought to look like emoticon 

Such a fantastic practice this is. Glad I restarted it as I haven't been practicing it since July last year. 

By the way that Champagne bottle on the floor is empty and used for the New Years Eve emoticon cheers! 

https://youtu.be/9FeajWRJcXA
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Brandon Dayton, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Interesting to watch this in action. The casualness with which you do this is not what I expected. I feel like I need to be holding super still whenever I meditate.

I was actually trying this this morning and I found that I would lose the mindfulness of sensations as my attention was taken up by the vocalizations. Have you ever run into this? I'm used to noting in my mind, where it goes very quickly. Maybe I need to slow down when making the switch to noting out loud.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Yes all sorts of stuff can arise. Also what you mention. I hear myself hence "hearing". When I vocalize then there is also "vibrations" in the head and throat. Dryness in the mouth as it's open often etc.
One object is being Noted Aloud and several more could be simply noticed at the very same time. All depends on the Stage ones mind is in.  

Yes at times there is a remembering/planning thinking process going on parallel with let's say "seeing" and one can get slightly under the radar depending on the stage mind is in at that time. 

What I do is keep eyes usually focused on one spot. This can change and move to another spot (dirt on the floor, or else). I find this helps with adding some concentration to the soup. 

I do keep the body legs and arms in same position and NEVER do I scratch an ITCH emoticon Itch is such a great object to observe all the way from razer sharp unpleasantness to bubbling vibratory sensation of rather neutral feel. 

At times there can be a question "Am I sure that I'm noting matter of fact ???"  Then I look and listen and re-engage into Noting Aloud matter of fact. 

All sorts of sensation and mind states arise emoticon It's a circus in there emoticon what a show! 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Mental states including attention are subject to change. We might desire to investigate a certain sensation, apply profound mindfulness to it, just to notice that the attention has shifted over to the hearing of a bird chirping outside, which again goes like ; hearing, comprehending, imagining, feeling (might not be in this order but I'm not a master nor do I aspire to be one). 

Then there is annoyance with the fact that attention has gone elsewhere. It's unpleasant/frustrating. This is only if we insist to solidify on any particular object. 

I find it easier to just Note whatever is flowing , popping up in this-ness. Not as right or wrong. All I do is keep awake in the present matter of fact , accepting manner. 

Hope this clarifies a bit. 
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Brandon Dayton, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Tried this out a bit more today. I'll give it a whirl more in the future.
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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I went to visit Kenneth Folk in San Fransisco some years ago, back when he was feasting from the teat of his uber-wealthy techie patrons out there. He took me to a little non-wealthy, non-techie sangha meetup in a dive bar and we sat around in a circle, on chairs, doing just what you did in your video. I hated it, but I played along. I just wanted a beer. I can't get into this kind of thing but I do believe it's very helpful for some people. I'm just not them.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Yes. I had the same impression back in my Shamatha days. 
This changed last year. As it was not Shamatha that got me out of DN but Noting Aloud did.

Yes it can be boring BUT ONLY if you are NOT Mindfull sir ;) If you are on top of it tap tap tap tap that very Boredom will pass away very fast just to be exchanged with a sound of a bird chirping outside or the high pitch frequency in your ears or the itch or swallowing or ... 
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Noting doesn't do a helluva lot for me these days but I do use it periodically. First, doing it reminds me of climbing the mountain and second, it can be a great grounding tool.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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What's your favorite tool? 
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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No tool at all!
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Chris Marti:
No tool at all!

Ah I see dear sir. In that case I shall bow to you Mr. Arahant. (Do you now get freebies wherever you go? ) 



smiley alert!!!


whooooooo emoticon 
T, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Are you just grabbing the thing that is most obvious in your awareness in that moment? Assuming that other things are also present in your awareness, but just labeling that most obvious thing.

Is that correct?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Yes, myriads of stuff is arising and noting all at the same time is rather impossible as we can't process so much info. 

Noting is a tool to keep one engaged without loosing the stream of consciousness, without getting lost in any objects for even a short moment. 

Anything that is predominant in this moment is normally being noted/labeled. 

An itch arises and of course the attention immediately goes to it. Suddenly attention moves to the chirping of a bird outside. Image impression of it. Then there is urge to come back to the itch to observe it (urge/intention as mind state with a certain feel) etc ... 

Then there is wondering what else there is to be noted as Interest, as Curiosity (mind states). Could be whatever really, warmth in the hands or wetness in the mouth. 

So it's not important to stay with any object for too long as it's important to Notice the interplay with all the mind states and sensations. 

No time for contemplating too much during the practice. That is labeled as Thinking and noting moves on. 

Please do note that all this stuff depends on the Stage ones mind is in (3C's, AP, EQ whatever). 

Noting will speed up, slow down, get wide, sharp, dissolving, ... 

There is no time here for self-validation to take place if one is really on top of it. As Ingram said 1-10 sensation per second. 
As I Label one aloud I also Notice other arisings too without labeling them. 

So there is lots of Noting but much more Noticing also. 
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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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There is no particular way that meditation should look like. I often meditate while going about my daily business. I like that I can meditate during job meetings. That makes them more productive. It's great that you have found a practice that you love. It seems to work well for you. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
There is no particular way that meditation should look like. I often meditate while going about my daily business. I like that I can meditate during job meetings. That makes them more productive. It's great that you have found a practice that you love. It seems to work well for you. 

It might work well for anyone really. It's observing thisness without being torn up by hindrances. 

Sure thing, Satipatthana in all positions and situations. Love this sport emoticon 
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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Yeah, I know. I have done some of it. I just don't love it the way you do. Like Chris, I find it grounding, though. I have always preferred letting awareness do its own thing without so much active involvement, when available. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Yeps I did that letting awareness do its thing during my 2 years of Shamatha and it led me all the way to DN. Then all went to a shit storm and I lost it. Stopped practicing for years until I mastered enough courage to plunge again into it all but equipped with freestyle noting aloud. 

Shamatha was fine during initial stages and was Super Cool during A&P but in DN it failed utterly. I simply did not know what was my head and what the tail. 

This Noting stuff is just hammering each and every moment no falling pray to hidrances bleeding in. 

I find it being so apt at following the stream of consciousness without laps throughout the sit. 
I find this aspect being the most important of all. 

But that's just me. 
yves tumor, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Papa Che Dusko:
Yeps I did that letting awareness do its thing during my 2 years of Shamatha and it led me all the way to DN. Then all went to a shit storm and I lost it. Stopped practicing for years until I mastered enough courage to plunge again into it all but equipped with freestyle noting aloud. 

Shamatha was fine during initial stages and was Super Cool during A&P but in DN it failed utterly. I simply did not know what was my head and what the tail. 

This Noting stuff is just hammering each and every moment no falling pray to hidrances bleeding in. 

I find it being so apt at following the stream of consciousness without laps throughout the sit. 
I find this aspect being the most important of all. 

But that's just me. 

Hello, your story looks similiar to mine.Can you please give more information how samatha led to DN, what did you experenice during DN and how noting method saved your practice ?
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Hello, your story looks similiar to mine.Can you please give more information how samatha led to DN, what did you experenice during DN and how noting method saved your practice ?



bon jour, messieur tumor! Welcome to the Dharma Overground (DhO, in local shorthand, though by the DN it appears your have a certain fluency already in the dialect of the tribe).
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Hi there!

I pracitced Shamatha as Calm-abiding, calming the body with each in and outbreath, whole body breathing rather than only focus on one spot. At that time I knew NOTHING about the 16 stages of insight.

My practice started as usually they start; not that easy to sit, lots of pain, lots of stiffness, lots or body jerks until one day (6 months into the practice) "my" Mind literally fell off far far into the background still rumbling and mumbling but very far away, and what was Here in this moment was clear open awareness in the body with its sensations. After that meditaion wnt on fire. I thought this thing is the best thing in the world and EVERYONE should do it! emoticon

This period of easy and long daily meditations went on for a quiet a bit and I felt like a Mighty meditator.

Then one lovely day all went to shit (excuse my french) and I totally lost my Ultra Concentration, my breath was gone and I started to PANIC! I tried everything but failed utterly and I was this Not-so-mighty meditator any longer and I had NO CLUE what was going on and no one could tell me anything about it.

So I continued to practice Shamatha anyway and could find the breath at times but there was so much negativity in me I just could not understand what happened with all that joyful bliss I had before. And I was so good at this joyful bliss emoticon

Then one internet friend who practiced Zen told me about DhO and Ingrams book MCTB. It was the first edition in 2011. Read through it and found where I was but I simply could not get used to that dry uncool noting vipassana so I resumed Shamatha and this led to an eraly EQ I assume because I REALLY LIKED IT and wanted to keep it, to stay in that state as it was sooo lovely compared to DN crap. 
This of course led right back to RE-observation with vengance and I rolled up the mat never to return to meditation again ... this was in 2012 october I think.


... lots of bleedthrough during several years of no practice ... many people hurt ... me hurt ... lost ... more lost ... 

start of last year got sick and tired of it all and realised there is no way back to life as I knew it before the meditation and the ONLY WAY is going back to practice, forward! After watching Kenneth Folks freestyle noting videos I decided I try that as noting is also what Ingram describes but I felt really like shit and needed somthing that is very efficient in cutting down those hindrances very fast. Noting Aloud as suggested by Kenneth Folk did exactly that and more. EDIT; I forgot to mention that Kenneth was kind enough to work with me over skype for 5-6 months, providing guidance.

During my old Shamatha there would always be periods of some daydreaming, even if about the practice it self but the mindfulness continuity was not as constant as in Noting Aloud. I am a very visual and audible personality (art painter and musician) so for me having eyes open and hearing my voice constanly which was also conected with the actual object observed was really a game changer. 
Now I can say ; I did really sit for 45 minutes and practiced. During shamatha days I could sit for longer periods but not sure I was always awake. I would be rather in some joy/bliss chiling out or some narrative about the practice itselfbut also mindful of course.

Thats about it. I hope I gave you the answer you hoped for.
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Wow, thank you for this, and thank you yves for the question that drew this out of him. Beautiful.
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Papa Che Dusko:


Then one lovely day all went to shit (excuse my french) and I totally lost my Ultra Concentration, my breath was gone and I started to PANIC! I tried everything but failed utterly and I was this Not-so-mighty meditator any longer and I had NO CLUE what was going on and no one could tell me anything about it.

So I continued to practice Shamatha anyway and could find the breath at times but there was so much negativity in me I just could not understand what happened with all that joyful bliss I had before. And I was so good at this joyful bliss emoticon

Then one internet friend who practiced Zen told me about DhO and Ingrams book MCTB. It was the first edition in 2011. Read through it and found where I was but I simply could not get used to that dry uncool noting vipassana so I resumed Shamatha and this led to an eraly EQ I assume because I REALLY LIKED IT and wanted to keep it, to stay in that state as it was sooo lovely compared to DN crap. 
This of course led right back to RE-observation with vengance and I rolled up the mat never to return to meditation again ... this was in 2012 october I think.


... lots of bleedthrough during several years of no practice ... many people hurt ... me hurt ... lost ... more lost ... 

start of last year got sick and tired of it all and realised there is no way back to life as I knew it before the meditation and the ONLY WAY is going back to practice, forward! After watching Kenneth Folks freestyle noting videos I decided I try that as noting is also what Ingram describes but I felt really like shit and needed somthing that is very efficient in cutting down those hindrances very fast. Noting Aloud as suggested by Kenneth Folk did exactly that and more. EDIT; I forgot to mention that Kenneth was kind enough to work with me over skype for 5-6 months, providing guidance.

Looking back on the hellishness of the dark night years, how do see see that period now?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Funny you ask this emoticon ... I havent really thought about it ... let me see ...

... it seems a bit like another life. Like a memory. There is compassion for all those going through such experience. There is wish to be of service to those who walk this path. There is gratefulness to those who teach this Dhamma. 

... and one word keeps popping up constantly so I will not exclude it; ACCEPTANCE. 

I'm sincere.
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Papa Che Dusko:
Funny you ask this emoticon ... I havent really thought about it ... let me see ...

... it seems a bit like another life. Like a memory. There is compassion for all those going through such experience. There is wish to be of service to those who walk this path. There is gratefulness to those who teach this Dhamma. 

... and one word keeps popping up constantly so I will not exclude it; ACCEPTANCE. 

I'm sincere.

Chris said, answering his own question on what meditative practice allows us to bring to this world wide crisis: patience, and acceptance. Are there really two of you?

Thanks, Papa-ji.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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This might just work. As soon my partner came back from work I've got time to sit a 45-er and now that its done we can focus on making some dinner.

I will not talk much about practice unless I feel some clear shifts taking place. So far there is mucho itching, numbness in the bum, high frequency in the ears, stiffness in the neck, sense of the watcher behind the eyes, irritation with the repetitive mind states and sensations, gladness when itch arises as its a very clear object to pay attention to and there is clear change from sharp itch to throbing/bubbly itch sensation that is wider.

Will post each day when I sit for the minimum of 45mins. 

Off to make some dinner now!
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Sat a 45-er today. Have a headache all day long and sitting with it was ok actually. That pulsating migrane pain. Lots of seeing, lots of itching, stiffness, some restlessness, many thoughts about this forum (sign to engage Noble Silence/Talk). Might even update this thread every few weeks instead.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Oh boy oh boy do I dislike these early stages. Neck stiff, migraine like headache, throat sore, lower back pain, general agitation, high pitch ear frequency. Argh... 

Back to practice. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Love the experice when the persception of whole body either starts to shrink or get larger. Today while sitting it was shrinking. Only a few days ago it was getting larger (I like that as I feel like a Super-man graahhh).

Migraine-like headache and neck stifness and throat sorness and lower back pain remain all day. Got to realise, during the sit, that ALL these are on the LEFT side! Even the high pitch frequency was stronger on the left side.

Went for a 3km jogging after the sit (last time I did that was ... a few years ago emoticon  ) 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Sat a 45-er today and all was very calm and very concentrated. Noting voice was very slow and laid back but Silent Noticing inbetween was much sharper and the noticing had an intimate feel with the objects, cosy even.

I managed to make a short video after the sit so to capture the dynamics. One can certainly hear/see difference in energy/dynamics between the 2 vids I posted.

I will try and do these short vids every so often, so we can kind of observe how things change with time depending on which stage one's mind is in. Some folks might find this useful, or not. BTW, did some commenting in the vid which I dont really do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbdJDQCw3aQ&feature=youtu.be
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Sat a 45er today;

Not much body nastiness this time. Lots of visual stuff. Eyes open and the room turned into a darker image and very much 2D as it was a drawing on a paper. Center was clear but the periphery was blurred. The whole session had a Jhanic feel, very concentrated, fast, calm, the noting voice was very rhythmic tap tap tap tap and at some point became whispering.

The spot where I rested the eys wanished a few times.

Subtle vibrations in feet and hands. Preassure in the right head side. The whole sit had a bit of a sadness to it. Dunno; could be review of dissolution or some mixed up stuff in the 3C'. Matters not. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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45er sit today. 

@Steph S 's avatar popped up in the image space a few times and it felt pleasant emoticon not sure what that means emoticon

First half of session was calm, slow but deep noting and soaking into the object, then last half went into a more confused jerky, not-behaving attention or urge to be mindful of somthing fully, yet something else would pop up in the meantime and there would be this "hit and miss" feeling which was rather unpleasant. Sense of someone trying to do it and failing utterly.

2nd half was covered in scenarios and images about some stuff from past or this forum. Also some annoyance with the repetitive patterns to be observed (comparison from previous sits and even the sits from last year as Im using the same location).

Some neck stiffness, sore throatness, preassure on the left side of the head, bubbling vibrations in hands and arms itch here and there. 2 body jerks (arms and neck).
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Another 45er sit today. 

Lots of itching. Stiffness and pressures mostly on the right side of body. 

I have been playing with Intention for a long while and found it to be curious and fun. 
I would Intend to pay attention to only one object. To keep the attention on seeing the spot of dirt I was looking at without loosing it or curious to see how long it takes for attention to shift to something else. I've made a short vid afterwards just to demonstrate it. It's a fun insight into how intention is also subject to change and that one is no control of where attention will flow. 
Here is the vid for those interested;
https://youtu.be/NGk5bNAanWE
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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I'm enamored of your video - and your willingness to post them in public.

Keep it up! Post all the smileys you want.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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emoticonemoticonemoticonemoticonemoticon
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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sat a 45er

Very strong high ear frequency throughout (on the verge of being unpleasant). Itching on several spots at once, changing, vanishing. Hands vibrating pleasant. pain in lower back (also vanishing in a pulsating way). body jerks not often, one every so often. preassure on the right side of head. posture slouching. a few sharp pains in muscles, leg and arm. some jerkiness between intention to note fast or slow and the attention on its own moving from one object to the next. Letting into what felt most natural (went with fast noting no matter the details off each sensation/mental state). Hands touching did have LOTS of vibratory details, pins and needless and pulsating, this was very pleasant.
This sit was a bit more chalenging sit as the restlessness creeped in from the musslcles it seems and there was an image impression of the timer (which is out of sight). Hindrance passed fast though with the noting. Acceptance was applied.
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John W, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Hey Che thanks for sharing, definitely feel like I can relate to some of these pain and pressure symptoms. I think you're totally right that the periods of more pain and agitation are the 'dark before dawn', so maybe a hopeful sign of a coming fruition of some kind.  Interesting that you notice them being more on one side of the body.  I have noticed the same thing (for me it's usually more in the face region/bridge of the nose and tends to be on the left side).  Wondering if you have any thoughts around why these tend to manifest more towards one side of the body?  I feel like there's some sort of internal balance at play here and the pressures occur when your inner energies are realigning -- could it be wisdom vs. concentration "the two wings of the bird"? I don't know.  It's very interesting though.  When you do reach that climax / fruition it always feels balanced across both sides.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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I honestly have no clue what if anything is balancing out emoticon I do assume strongly these are all symptoms of the early insight stages. 

They suck all right emoticon but that's the name of this Vipassana game Sweet'n'Sour ball of rice, then you get a shot of Tequila and Ars kicking, then a desert a flat pancake with fragments of all that tequila puking on top of it and the lights out emoticon 

Honestly I try not to ponder anymore what is happening for what reason. It's happening, so far I know, and I'm not moving away from the point of Thisness. At least while I practice. Off cushion I do allow attention to freely soar the vast sky of awareness like a white beautiful pidgeon ready to drop a large poo on top of the one admiring it! emoticon (this one is for Tim FF) 
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John W, modified 1 Year ago.

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Yeah, that's wise. Whatever happens is gonna happen and work itself out the way it needs to... eventually. (Or at least - I feel like it's good to think that it will). Just fun sometimes to speculate about these things IMO... 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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Specualting is fine as long it is Observed and Noted emoticon 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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Just remembering that I will face old age, sickness and death and nothing can change that. No matter what I do I have already lost. What I can do is walk the path of the noble warriors and face the stream of samsara heads on! No retreat in the face of unavoidable defeat!

... sits down ... brings mindfulness to the fore ... noticing ... seeing ... hearing ... tasting ... smelling ... sensing ... cognising ... feeling ... 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Sat a 45er but could have gone longer as the speed and ease of the practice went up 3-fold. 
Absorption was VERY strong. Strongest so far. In the visuals the whole room (eyes open as always) turned very dark and the perifery was not clear, almost totally black or very dark grey but the center of the room where I was staring at was clearer but also dark (color vanished utterly). The spot (no larger than 2cm) where I stared at was vanishing and re-appearing. The ear frequency was very VERY high pitch and loud but not unpleasant.

Actually nothing was really unpleasant, maybe a bit numb hardness where ars bones meet the cair but thats all.

The speed of the noting voice really fired up. I tried to calm it down a bit but it felt forced so I let it go and indeed there was more clarity when it was noting fast then when I would force it to slow down so I let it loose.
Words were more of a mumbling and many of the notings could not even be vocalised as the speed of noticing was faster than the mouth could say it. This is fine.

Throughout the absorption there was constant awareness of everything around and inside Lots of vibrations in the hands, arms, and lots of vibrations in the head, throat and arms and chest from vocalising. Awareness of the sitting posture was always there. 

This was indeed a very fine balance between absorption and vipassana ... awakeness dare I say.

Im not mapping this as Dissolution as in dissolution the center is not there Sure this tiny spot was vanishing but the periphery of the vision (the whole room that can be seen) was dark and unclear. Also here the speed was very fast and not chilled but rather on fire and very hot spots here and there could be felt. Concentration was very strong which was not the feel in Dissolution.

I say its 3C , likely the end of it as the pains are not really there. Will see how the body feels later and tomorrow after I wake up.

Here is a short video I captured immediatelly after the 45 minute sit so to get that feel on tape. I also commented a bit at the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgVW9PS9zlA
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Off cushion lots of neck stiffness, very high pitch frequency in the erars and general edginess. 
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Sat a 45er. (intro); half an hour before the sit I had a rather stressful situation. My 4yo son decied to hit our cat. I entered the room at that exact time, meaning he hit her knowing Im not there to see it. We have been telling him since he started crawling to be nice and only pet our cat and our dog. Any way, when he realised that I saw him in action he just gave me that evil smile. He actually enjoyed hitting her while she was eating her food. So I freaked and with rather high voice asked him why he did it? he just kept smiling. ... Any way, after me telling him that there will be consequences for this and then some crying we said sorry to each other and to the animals.

Then I went to do my daily 45 minutes session. 

Lots of body jerks, high pitch in the ears, pain in the right side of the back (middle of the back, ribs). Stiff neck, lots of thinking about the situation with my son. Saddness (sense of tearing around the eys), worry, forgivness, worry, self-pitty.
Some absorption via the visuals, room turning dark (loosing color) and the spot I stare at vanishing a few times. For the first time I noticed Purple mist surrounding the spot I stare at (spot is just a dirt on the beehive thats standing infront of me). This mist was dynamic/moving and it would vanish.

Right now after the sit there is an unpleasant preassure in the solar plexsus, stiff neck, high pitch in ears, sadness-tearing around the eyes, worry, snese of failure/self-pitty.
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Sat a 45er today. Too tired now to log and nothing much to tell. Very similar to above ... 

Tomorrow might be the first day without sitting since I've re-started the practice. Family schtuff in da way.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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Sat a 45er today and the practice took some interesting dirrection. I even made a short vid to demonstrate how it went.

NOTE; did not practice yesterday but something interesting happened in the sleep. Seems like I was mindful of a dream, seeing the dream images as separate frames, cut up and each frame would freeze for a short moment and then the next frame would move in and freeze and so on. It certainly felt like practice! This I never experienced before.

Onto today's practice;
Started with noting, very layed back, relaxed, calm. Freestye Noting Aloud kind of took a different route this time and started focusing on the Seeing Space (eye space) and there was this clear comprehanding of the space between the Noticer/Knower of this experience and the Objects and from this came about self-enquiery "where is this Noticer" The arising objects seemed either just up front or just behind or bellow or to the side but the Noticer was clearly not there as it was the Noticer Noting all the objects. 

It was not in the ears either, nor in the tactile sensations, nor in the soreness in the throat, nor in the itch ... I was tracking that distance between the Object and Noticer this distance and spacial position would always lead back to the eyes and not even behind it but at the very contact with the eye. All behind would be but the Image feel. 

This reminded me of what Kenneth Folk calls The 3 Speed Transmission; 
1. Gear - Noting
2. Gear - Who Am I (or in my case where is this I or Noticer)
3. Gear - Just Surrender

I know the 1st gear well but never really felt that 2nd Gear as clear as today. This is new and Im now ore interested in the 3 Speed Transmission that KF talks about. There could be something there in his triangulating between Mahasi-Zen-Mahamudra approaches.
I like this. 

Here is the video demo but please do excuse my narrative as its not as clear in describing especially at the start of the noting self-enquiery into "where is this Noticer". I say sa it was "down there". What I meant is it is NOT down there, what was down there is the Object/Sensation AWAY from the sense of Noticer which always seem to be in the eyes or slightly behind the eyes but certainly not much as in the background there is more of a Image sense to it. So even there, there would be a distance from the "Noticer" and the Image in the brain. This will be interesting to practice some more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S3R-O9JxzA


Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: Freestyle Noting Aloud - Papa Che log

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Papa Che Dusko:
Sat a 45er today and the practice took some interesting dirrection. I even made a short vid to demonstrate how it went.

Onto today's practice;
Started with noting, very layed back, relaxed, calm. Freestye Noting Aloud kind of took a different route this time and started focusing on the Seeing Space (eye space) and there was this clear comprehanding of the space between the Noticer/Knower of this experience and the Objects and from this came about self-enquiery "where is this Noticer" The arising objects seemed either just up front or just behind or bellow or to the side but the Noticer was clearly not there as it was the Noticer Noting all the objects. 

It was not in the ears either, nor in the tactile sensations, nor in the soreness in the throat, nor in the itch ... I was tracking that distance between the Object and Noticer this distance and spacial position would always lead back to the eyes and not even behind it but at the very contact with the eye. All behind would be but the Image feel. 

This reminded me of what Kenneth Folk calls The 3 Speed Transmission; 
1. Gear - Noting
2. Gear - Who Am I (or in my case where is this I or Noticer)
3. Gear - Just Surrender

I know the 1st gear well but never really felt that 2nd Gear as clear as today. This is new and Im now ore interested in the 3 Speed Transmission that KF talks about. There could be something there in his triangulating between Mahasi-Zen-Mahamudra approaches.
I like this. 

Here is the video demo but please do excuse my narrative as its not as clear in describing especially at the start of the noting self-enquiery into "where is this Noticer". I say sa it was "down there". What I meant is it is NOT down there, what was down there is the Object/Sensation AWAY from the sense of Noticer which always seem to be in the eyes or slightly behind the eyes but certainly not much as in the background there is more of a Image sense to it. So even there, there would be a distance from the "Noticer" and the Image in the brain. This will be interesting to practice some more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S3R-O9JxzA


The video is marvelous, just such a lucid ride-along-with the inquiry. Sorting it out by relative direction, below, above, left, is so simple, but the reality of something making such distinctions without giving away its own location builds in awareness, not-this, not-here, that is there, where is here? How fascinating that one session like that could lead to you being able to relate to the full idea of the three-speed transmission, giving you experiential marks for 1 and 2, and i'll bet you're done plenty in third gear in other vehicles, on other courses and roads. Wonderful to be able to watch this all unfold.

You have such a sweet and gentle voice for these, too. I'm telling you Papa-ji, we could get rich on this shit, with the right marketing. There's a sucker born every minute, and there is still a huge untapped audience of spiritual suckers already milling around. We settled on 1% for me, right? I mean, if you're going to haggle, fine, I'll go as low as 0. I might pay you 1%, if you twist my arm. But not a penny less.
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1% is fine damn it! 

"giving you experiential marks for 1 and 2, and i'll bet you're done plenty in third gear in other vehicles, on other courses and roads."

Interesting what you say here. I never thought of this but during my Ki-breathing time and later Shamatha I might have touched on some 3rd Gear too, in a more experiential way. During the Ki-breathing I did get all the way to 5th Samatha Jhana of Infinite Space but had no knowledge about Jhanas. I only knew it felt utterly safe. I've never experienced so much safety as in that state. Nothing bad could happen in that vast space and that tiny sense of self in the center of it all was the one experiencing this. This could have been part of that 3rd Gear but I had no knowledge of Vipassana/Investigation then. 
Actually it looks more like 2nd Gear to investigate that tiny sense of self in that Infinite Space. Dunno. Matters not. All I really have is what is right here. 

My Path is a jerky one. Jumping to some higher states then dropping down into dark deep shit emoticon It's an upside down Path! It is what it is. 
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

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Papa Che Dusko:
1% is fine damn it! 

Done deal. I will mail you the first check as soon as i get some cash flow going here.

My Path is a jerky one. Jumping to some higher states then dropping down into dark deep shit

emoticon

It's an upside down Path! It is what it is. 


It's a beautiful, beautiful ride, and your jerky path in all its horrific acrobatics is a joy to behold.

love, t
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Sat a 45er.

Interesting sit;
Seems a bit confusing. What is what. Its like one stage is there and then another takes over but not in any linear order. There is clarity then there is no clarity, then there is clarity then no clarity (well, in no clarity there is clarity that there is no clarity) There is dropping into absorption and clear vanishings and then there is a sudden train of thoughts, then joy/calmness again and stilness spreading from warm pulsating palms, and so on.

The distance between the "eye space" and the body sensations and other seen objects "in the room", lost the sense of "distance" which were there before but now there is no clarity of "distance". As its all in the same "place". This is interesting as now the eye space and that which was seen, was in the same "place" as the warm sensation of hands and its after image.
Actually there is no sense of "place" hence it feels a bit disorientating and unpleasant. Ok, I can assume its all in the mind but Im yet to have some clear insight into it. 

Right now noticing a preassure in the right side of the head, stiff neck on the right, stiff in the right side of the shoulder blade, and right side of the lower back a bit. Preassure frequency in ears is abit of a pain in the ars and there is clear agitation from audio stimuli.
General unpleasantness.

EDIT; aslo general tendency of the eye sight to go into slight diffused focus.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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I will just throw this into the pot also;

Im noticing something off the cushion. As if Sensation would Freeze into a frame as soon there is contatct with it, in form of Noticing it. This would make investigating it impossible as its frozen and has not that vibratory appearance. 
But then I looked closer and it seems that ONLY the Image Impression of the sensation is gone frozen and the sensation itself is still flowing.
This frozen image impression can feel rather "confusing" as mind relies heavily on it to make sense of the sensation which still is flowing normaly. In case of mind states arising heavily this can also be a confusing time, like "what was that? , what was this, wait, wait, what? , can you repeat that again?"

Not sure if this is what Ingram calls "Jerkiness" as it really can feel that way because the sensation-flow is going on and yet image impressions seem like frozen frames which have no organic feel to them. Imagine a Ballerina dancing with a Robot.

p.s. had a migraine last night , right side of the head, right side of neck, right shoulder blade was really painful. Needed painkiller and massage which helped.
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

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emoticon
Not sure if this is what Ingram calls "Jerkiness" as it really can feel that way because the sensation-flow is going on and yet image impressions seem like frozen frames which have no organic feel to them. Imagine a Ballerina dancing with a Robot.
This kind of metaphorical flight is way out of bounds on a stringent practice log, you mad and dissolute poet. Just the facts, ma'am.

But damn, man, that IS good poetry. emoticon

love, tim
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Poetry is overrated! See no difference beween my ars and mind expressing them selves! 
They are both product of my imagination. Why oh why would I favor one over the other?

emoticon 
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

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emoticon

that's the man i know and love! you scared me for a second there. Put your guitar in the mix and you'd have had a song.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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Ah yes. While my guitar gently weeps. 

My amp is cabinet-less at the moment after selling some gear. The new cabinet shall arrive this Tuesday together with a tube screamer style overdrive pedal emoticon Excited to plug my axe into it and hit that first chord and let it ring out!

Hunting for that perfect tone! 
Tim Farrington, modified 1 Year ago.

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Papa Che Dusko:
Ah yes. While my guitar gently weeps. 

My amp is cabinet-less at the moment after selling some gear. The new cabinet shall arrive this Tuesday together with a tube screamer style overdrive pedal emoticon Excited to plug my axe into it and hit that first chord and let it ring out!

Hunting for that perfect tone! 
Let us strike out together then, on this quest! I will carry your axe! and scribble down notes from your lyrics before you do that vipassana blitz thing and destroy them as lyrical and lovely!
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It's too late I'm afraid. I'm walking right now towards my meditation hall to shred this confusion to bits or be shred by it ... ... ... 
Tim Farrington, modified 12 Months ago.

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Papa Che Dusko:
It's too late I'm afraid. I'm walking right now towards my meditation hall to shred this confusion to bits or be shred by it ... ... ... 

it was just a matter of time . . .
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Year ago.

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Sat a 45er. 

Sat with confusion and as soon I started with noting aloud the confusion lifted. There was looking at the mind terrain. There was slow noting aloud with "there is" curiosity but with very laid back, acceptance manner of observing. 

There would be a few urges to note faster but also letting go of it and noting according to the terrain. Laid back, matter of fact, slow noting. Likely 1-3 sensations a second. 
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Tim Farrington:
emoticon

that's the man i know and love! you scared me for a second there. Put your guitar in the mix and you'd have had a song.
Ok Tim! Here you go! (No more complaining about my dry practice ok?! ) emoticon 
https://youtu.be/ATpYIMtMPXU
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Off cushion;

have very strong stiff lower back pain (right side of the back) to the point of applying Tiger Balm on it and took one painkiller. There is still some residue stiffness in the right shoulder blade and neck but not as much.

Breathing is even, out and inbreaths are almost the same in lenght, calm, long. Mind seems clear with a sense of mild melancholy. 
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Just sat a 45er. 

Very unpleasant session throughout. Hard to track attention. It's here , then there somewhere then woah, where is it, is there, ... it was all over the place. Clarity's gone to bits. Many itches in form of insects crawling on or under the skin. Unpleasant. 

Eyesight blips were present but this time felt violating. I'm not entirely sure but I think I could sense the Blip this time moving inwards in a very jerky fast way, and felt violating as if something has been thrown at you. Imagine someone throwing a stone into your eye. Very unpleasant. 
In past sessions this Eyesight Blip would move from right to left. 

Vibration in the palms was very "contained" there was some sort of vibration going there but could not describe as clarity was not there. It felt rather unpleasant. 
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Sat for 45 minutes. Freestyle noting aloud (eyes open) started with a normal pace and "there is ..." phrase before labeling the noted object. 

Absorption was there and then gone and back again a few times. There was this murk / darkness in the seen and at some stage there was a round cloud in the middle of the seen surrounding the spot I was staring at.

The eyesight blip was present throughout and had a different movement this time. It's as it was moving from outside in and more towards the right eye. This was caused some curiosity. 

Restlessness was perceived several times in form of body numbness followed by an urge to get up and image impressions of my smart phone (tuner). This wanisged after a few noting labels. This restlessness usually stops very fast and there is just that lingering image impression of it there. Then even that vanished just to be replaced by something else (hearing, itching, anything really). 

The lower back pain did arise on the right side but would vanish as soon i would zoom in to investigate it. And if I kept the focus there it would not arise. 

Sitting posture was obvious throughout and so was the short In-breathing and long out-breathing. 

Hands had that "contained" vibration again. I checked if there was some tension in the muscles there but both hands were relaxed and yet felt as if some tebsion was there. 

I could perceive more vibrations in the feet and legs today. Actually could feel vibrations on almost the entire body. 

Generally this session had a unpleasant feeling tone. Noting voice had a tone as if in anguish but accepting it all. Very low and humble. It was certainly not a proud hip hooray look at me shooting these aliens like a cowboy emoticon 

Sitting time will remain 45 mins once a day as there is no feel to increase this for now. 

EDIT; in case I didn't mention body jerks did arise afte maybe 5 or 10 minutes into the practice and remained until the end. They were not so unpleasant this time. 
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

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emoticon
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;) 
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Off the cushion;

emotional reactivity, heavy feelings, lots of presence in the eyes/behind the eyes almost absorption-like but more into selfing-thoughts-feelings rather than Jhana-like. Im remembering to pay mindfulness to the nose (periferal vision) and commiting to the human realm. Some kind of preassure on the ears and jaws. Soreness in the throat. Strong stiffness in the neck. Tensed energy in the arms and tingling in the legs/feet. General restlessness and itching/crawling antsy-vibration under the skin.

Will try and sit at least twice today as today I have more time for myself. I find that the increased sense of suffering increases the desire for sitting practice.

Keep watching! Armies of Mara are shooting countless arrows! Turn them into falling petals! Keep watching! Watch Forrest watch! 

emoticon 
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

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Papa Che Dusko:
Off the cushion;

emotional reactivity, heavy feelings, lots of presence in the eyes/behind the eyes almost absorption-like but more into selfing-thoughts-feelings rather than Jhana-like. Im remembering to pay mindfulness to the nose (periferal vision) and commiting to the human realm. Some kind of preassure on the ears and jaws. Soreness in the throat. Strong stiffness in the neck. Tensed energy in the arms and tingling in the legs/feet. General restlessness and itching/crawling antsy-vibration under the skin.

Will try and sit at least twice today as today I have more time for myself. 


emoticon 

amen
I find that the increased sense of suffering increases the desire for sitting practice.

amen

Keep watching! Armies of Mara are shooting countless arrows! Turn them into falling petals! Keep watching! Watch Forrest watch! 

I'm WATCHING!!!!! Petals everywhere, a blizzard of petals.

Still watching!

love, tim
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Sat a 45er. 

Acceptance of the non-clarity, letting attention do what it does jumping from one object to the next , watching gently objects popping in and out, lots of "don't know" labelings. All noted with a whispering voice. 
Memories from today. Some scenario spinning. 
Stiffness in the neck and upper back left side close to the spine and low back on the right side. 
Eyesight blips were not present as often but did arise with no particular clarity about them. 
Generally, acceptance of the unpleasantness. 
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Sat another 45er today. 

This time noting aloud felt out of place. Noted silently without laps in mindfulness which was accompanied with acceptance of all the unpleasant body sensations and feelings and mind states associated with it all. 

Some comparing thoughts about my early Shamatha practice from 2010 arose. All this reminds me of the experience back then. 

Lots of body jerks in the 1st sit today and in the 2nd sit also. Less towards the end of 2nd sit when I realized that this "contained" vibration in arms and legs and back and neck is numbness and soft pins and needless sensations. 
Back was slouching and causing unpleasantness but I just accepted it and let it all be as is. 
Ear frequency is loud and high pitch. 
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Off cushion;

got suddenly VERY tired and VERY heavy. Got hot flu-like heat and that heavy flu-like tiredness and just needed to lay down. Went to bed early and slept for 2 hours (just woke up recently) Feel better now and that flu-like feel and heat is not there.

Likely results of the today's two sits. Still stiff in the upper back close to the neck on the left side.

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