Meditation Background
-started january this year, only concentration practices: anapana, kasina, mantra
-tried to intergrate vipassana: 4days body scanning on a goenka course in april, two weeks ago i started again with body scanning plus noting, and noting of the other sense doors (not in combination)
- meditated maybe every second day on average, on each of these days maybe for 2 hours

What I think is mind & body &/or concentration side effects:
-I don’t seem to recognize M&B and the the next 2 nanas during mediation, but when especially when I am out in nature following things happen
- sometimes feeling of unity; I stare at something and just have to stop walking; feeling of absorption
- world gets bright when I concentrate; especially now in summer I have to wear sunglasses, to avoid hurting my eyes
- just staring at trees, they change form: move in a wobbly kind of way, get flat
- complex structures of bushes change shape completely, like they get a 2D shape with 3D protrusions, the protrusions are the parts which are moving, so only the moving parts stand out, the rest is flat with changed colors
- in sunlight I seem to be able to tint everything with either blue or red and look around in this tinted blue/ red world
- wind blowing through grass: at one point my perceptions shifts, so that the moving gras parts seem to be connected, like big invisible fingers moving bits of the grass around, looks completely stunning, I am just standing there looking at the grass
- watching a video e.g. a guy talking in front of some background, the foreground objects shifts a little to the outside, 2D images get a 3D effect

what i think is a&p:
- head is moving upwards, posture straightens, body feels light
- solid sensations are more easily penetrated: lots of pulsating, flowing, vibrating
- upper lip/ anapana spot: little very fine bubbly sensations everywhere, breath touch point is vibrating/ bubbly, overlaying the finer faster vibrations are a little grosser ones which change in synchronisation with the breath, slower at the ends
- visual field: lights appear, sometimes so bright that my eyes seem to be contracting, nimittas are sometimes representing the area on the upper lip (a strip in front of me with 50-100 little lights going on/ off all the time)
- sleep: is disrupted, can't sleep maybe once a week since march or so; during sleep i seem to can't drag the focus away from the upper lip, its glued there, while eyes are open darkness above me is filled with lights, sometimes objects around me seem to be built completly out of little lights (rupa kallapas?), sometimes I take sleeping tablets to get over it
- green/ red light worms are flying around in nice circles

What I think is Dark night
- Anapana spot vibrations loose fine vibrations, move into a harsh rat-tat-tat-tat, I don’t know why,but it reminds me of old world war II machine gun firing
- Off the cushion I feel a little bit irritated, nothing special, no thoughts are connected with it
- Vibrations in stomach area, I know them well, fear, which is the most sure thing for me for identifying dark night, nothing special either
- If I activly search for vibrations they I often find them at my extremities, sometimes they seem to be a little painful, more like needles stinging me, but I am not sure about that
- I seem to get over all of this through 20 minutes of meditation or concentrating on walking sensations when I am walking around

What I think is equanimity
- Calm
- Space above me gets vast, especially if I am lying around looking up with open eyes
- Simoultanously I have the feeling, that I get very little and am not able to move
- Last time a was lying on my arm it got numb, i thought maybe I should move it but could not find the strength to do so
- If something interrupts (phone ringing last time) I can’t answer; if I search for sensations around my body, body seems not to care too (no body sensations appear as a reaction)
- Anapana spot: dark night machine gun firing gets a little softer but now, every burst is filled with microsensations
- Fluttering at third eye, sometines with extremely fast microsensations within it, like magnesium burning (tssssssssssss)
- contracting-expansion at crown area, vibration
- visual field is strobing at the periphery (from what is in sight to black, rate maybe 5?/s), when I am concentrating on an object at the center strobing starts to take over the whole visual field
- when I am concentrating to much one pointedly , perceptual changes start (things start moving around, change color & shape) and/ or a blue nimitta appears
- sometimes eyes get turned up to the third eye area, but I do not know If I provoke that or not, because I start thinking something will happen if I do this
- off the cushion I feel relaxed