Where to from here?

Matt L, modified 12 Years ago at 7/7/11 10:31 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/7/11 10:15 PM

Where to from here?

Posts: 41 Join Date: 11/4/10 Recent Posts
Hello internet!

I am writing this thread because I don’t know where to go from here.

I have some history written into this thread here (thread was not started with the history intention). My experience in getting path was a jumble of different influences without any knowledge of models. I didn’t know that was what path was (although a bloke I speak with told me that was what enlightenment was, his tradition is Zen) until I started typing and reading here. With hindsight the stages of insight are very clear.

Since that thread I have read most of MTCB. I have used it more as a reference for certain experiences in meditation (A&P, DN, equanimity, equanimity regarding formations, formless stuff, fruition) rather than as a novel front-to-back reading. I am now relatively familiar with the majority of the terminology used.

Anyways, basically since a few months ago I have been compelled/dragged into (insight disease I will assume) bringing practices into daily life as often as possible. There is always a thread of awareness paying attention to experience whether it is in the background or foreground.

Also I am unsure about where I am on these paths. I suspect 2nd path with some 3rd path stuff. 3rd path stuff being emptiness/luminosity in real time (below paragraph), increased ability since a few weeks ago to not get ‘stuck’ or drop things as they come if they’re not enjoyable (reduced suffering).

Since starting Vipassana, there has been a shift in my everyday experience that has been moving from an identification with an impersonal Awareness to a disembedding from that and experiences of emptiness and luminosity arising (particularly during A&P). I refer to emptiness as in seeing that everything has no essential essence in an obvious non-conceptual way. This emptiness (started showing up 3 weeks ago) was what brought the ‘new territory’ type stuff, which shook my center a heap, made me see the identification with as 'seemingly' impersonal awareness that was going on. I am happy to explain my experiences of phenomena if it helps.

Insight stages are confusing as I seemed to jump through a whole cycle yesterday and there seems to be cycles within cycles going on. Noting quickly I can jump through the DN painfully but quickly. Further cycles don’t appear to be as ‘strong’ or intense as pre-path – I think I probably don’t blow them up as much now – which makes it confusing as to which one I am in. They’re more like a theme to insight in everyday experience.

As inferred I am not a technical meditator but am adept at the everyday stuff as that was pretty much my ‘practice’ pre-path.
My goal is to get to MCTB 4th path then pursue AF.

Currently my practice is to try and see what is missing being seen. Trying to see what sensations make up the importance given to certain phenomena for example the sense of center, the felt sense of distance.

Questions:

1) Where am I at path wise?
2) How do I move forward from here?

Thanks!