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Hibiscus Kid's Log #3

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Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 4/29/20 2:56 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 4/28/20 8:33 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 4/29/20 6:24 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Chris Marti 4/29/20 6:23 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 4/29/20 6:25 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 4/29/20 5:47 PM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/8/20 6:49 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/11/20 6:32 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/12/20 7:46 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/12/20 6:17 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/13/20 2:22 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/14/20 6:40 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/17/20 6:43 PM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/18/20 3:34 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/18/20 5:18 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/18/20 5:15 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/18/20 7:43 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/19/20 6:57 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/21/20 3:31 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/25/20 5:36 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/25/20 7:13 PM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/27/20 4:25 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/27/20 7:42 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/27/20 5:04 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/28/20 7:37 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/28/20 9:28 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/28/20 9:53 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/28/20 6:26 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/29/20 4:48 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/31/20 10:13 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/31/20 6:36 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 6/1/20 6:36 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 6/1/20 8:10 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 6/1/20 8:28 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 6/1/20 8:44 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 6/1/20 8:50 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 6/1/20 9:01 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 6/1/20 7:38 PM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 6/2/20 7:21 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 6/2/20 8:01 AM
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RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/15/20 7:38 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/11/20 8:29 AM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/11/20 2:08 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Papa Che Dusko 5/11/20 2:05 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Hibiscus Kid 5/11/20 2:21 PM
RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3 Sam Gentile 6/2/20 11:44 AM
Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/29/20 2:56 PM
The intention of this log is to report phenomenology/direct experience of my meditation sessions. I will not be mapping or reporting any of this in terms of the nanas. 

Less philosophy & conceptualization, more practice & direct reporting. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/28/20 8:33 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
4/28/2020 - Evening walking meditation outside - 45 minutes

Relatively slow walking (not retreat-style-slow though). Noted footsteps ("stepping, stepping or left, right"). Mostly placing of the foot was known: springiness of the grass, feeling of pressure/texture of flip flop, cold blades of grass poking at my feet.

Noted sounds - birds chirping, cars, police sirens, sound of my flip flop hitting my heel, rustle of leaves- 'hearing, hearing'.

Sights - movement in the periphery as I move through space, change in light, various objects, mostly looking at the ground - 'seeing, seeing'.  

Body - pain in joints and muscles (having just gone running), hunger, thirst, the bodily/felt experience of various emotions, calming down about 10 minutes into the session, cool air on my face - 'feeling, feeling, cool, feeling, touching, pain, pain, aversion, posture, hunger, aversion, etc.'

Emotions - mostly neutral, some awkwardness doing walking meditation in public, bits of sadness, fear - 'sadness, resistence, neutral, fear, icy, hollow, annoyed, constricted, etc.'

Smells - flowers, cut chives, fresh cut grass, musk from the brook that runs by my house - 'smelling, smelling'.

Other - Intentions to look towards where sounds were coming from, aversion to certain noises and sensations, drowsiness getting stronger throughout the session, losing concentration/mindfulness, getting lost in thought, eventually getting it back. Always trying to come back to 'stepping, stepping'. Sometimes noting 'planning' (planning what I'd write here or eat for dinner), practice thoughts, judgements, doubts, etc.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/29/20 6:24 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
4/29/2020 - Morning Sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath ('in/out' or 'breath, breath'). Did not really anchor attention anywhere specific - sometimes the breath was known at the abdomen (changes is pressure, movement, tension, abdomen rubbing up against clothing, etc.) or at the nose tip (subtle vibrations, coolness, rushing, etc). Generally aware of the breath and whether it was an in-breath or an out-breath.

Morning meditations are done after I've had some coffee which means I'm usually a bit wired and the body contracts easily meaning reactivity is the primary flavor.

Noted lots of frustration/annoyance due to a variety of triggers - mental images/memories, practice thoughts/expectations, doubts, impatience, lack of interest, planning my day, worrying, getting caught in thought loops and dropping the technique, lack of interest, discomfort in body due to hunger and needing to pee.

Investigated body sensations of fear, sadness, disgust, annoyance, anger - how these manifested as sensations in the body (mostly the abdomen and sometimes around the head). 

Sometimes I'd be contracted, but it was difficult to discern any particular emotion. Just an overall reactivity. 

Overall, this meditation was characterized by feeling drowsy and attention was not very vivid or clear. Lots of frustration/reactivity and lack of interest. Spent a good portion of the session drifting off in thoughts. I was able to get back on the horse in the final 10 minutes - interest returned, investigation was easier, attention was more stable moment-to-moment.  

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/29/20 6:23 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Nice to see this new log - and good work!

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/29/20 6:25 AM as a reply to Chris Marti.
Thank you, sir!

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/29/20 5:47 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
4/29/2020 - Evening sit - 30 minutes

Noted the breath at the nostrils ('in/out') and the associated sensations - the rush of air and subtle vibrations. Throughout the sit, the sensations would increase or decrease in strength, at one point disappearing completely. If the nostrils were not apparent, the in-and-out breaths were known at the abdomen along with changes is tension, movement, pressure.

Impatience from the start of the sit ('impatience, tension, unpleasant') - an energetic giddiness in my abdomen near my diaphragm. Difficult emotional material starting with mental images ('mental image, thinking') and then pangs of anxiety, fear, sadness - noted and known in the body. 

Lack of motivation, lack of interest, boredom all noted appropriately. Cravings for junk food and beer were particularly strong, even while writing this the abdomen has a fist-sized, giddy energy at the diaphragm that is pulling at me ('craving, yearning, energy, contraction'). 

Drowsy - noting 'tired, drowsy' and knowing the associated sensations around my eyes/head. Knowing of how attention became less vivid, shrunk, and the thought space took over. Slowly nodding off. 

Some frustration with losing the breath as often as I did - concentration was rather weak during this sit.

Other sounds, sights (a light in my eyelids), body sensations (pressure, touching, sinking) were noted as well.   

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
4/30/20 6:53 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
4/30/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath with attention on the abdomen ('rising/falling'). Changes is pressure/ tension and movement were known.

Lot's of excitement, anxiety, contraction, impatience, frustration, etc. were known in the abdomen and noted appropriately. Knowing the associated sensations of giddiness, energy, tingling, heat, coolness, hollowness, etc. as well as the clarity, volume, and orientation in space. Knowing the change in these sensations as the abdomen moved during the breath. 

Noting 'tingling' in my hands and feet. Noted tingling/prickling around the crown chakra region. Noted pressure from my legs and butt. Noted hearing. Noted seeing. 

Many thoughts and fantasies noted as well ('thinking, mental image, fantasy, memory, etc.') Noted planning. Noted wondering. Noted mapping. Noted progress thoughts and practice thoughts.

Also, and I have had these for months now - little 'blips'. Probably had about 6-12 of them during this session. These blips often occur when I'm lost in thought or slowly gettting pulled in by thoughts and then snap back to the sensations of the present. Like waking up abruptly. These blips occur in the region of my head (sort of behind the eyes, sometimes set further back in my head/brain). After these blips, random muscle contractions in my back as well as twitching in my extremities. One of these blips was preceded by a small bolt of energy traveling up my face to and behind the bridge of my nose. It's almost like when you turn your head really-really-quickly to look at something, but while your head is whirling around, you're not seeing anything.

Over all, a session with relatively good concentration. Not getting lost in thought as much - when mind wandering occured, I could be aware of it and hang with it to a certain extent. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/2/20 10:00 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/1/2020 - Did not practice

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/2/20 10:07 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/2/2020 - Mid-morning sit outside - 30 Minutes

Noted the feeling of the breath at the abdomen ('rising/falling' or 'breath, breath'). Sensations of pressure/tension and movement were known.

Lots of tension, anxiety in the abdomen ('anxiety, tension, aversion, stress, fear, tingling'). Drowsy ('tired, drowsy, dreamy'). Back and legs on the chair ('feeling, pressure, touching').

Sensations of temperature and wind ('feeling, prickle, heat, aversion, feeling, cool, refreshing, enjoy, ddesire, feeling, cold, aversion, warmth, cozy, pleasure, hot, aversion').

Sounds of cars, birds, people walking/running/walking ('hearing, urge to look, hearing, imagining').  

Impatience, planning, etc. noted as well. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/2/20 8:04 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/2/2020 - Mid-afternoon sit - 35 minutes

Noted breath at the nostrils ('in/out' or 'breath') knowing the sensations of air rushing in and out, tiny vibrations, temperature.

Lots of anxiety and impatience. Racing thought loops. Fear. All noted as such. 

Eventually became drowsy and started dozing off. Noting 'imagery, dreams, drowsy, waking, etc.'  

Played with the idea of making focus on the breath fun akin to 'cup-and-ball'. Experimental, not too forceful, seeing if I could hit a groove. Lightened up my attitude a bit but still plenty of aversion.  

Quit the sit early (intended to sit for 60 minutes). 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/4/20 6:41 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/3/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath ('breath', 'in/out', 'rising/falling') as attention alternatedd between the nose tip and the abdomen at different point throughout the sit. Sensations were not very clear: just a general knowledge of breathing in or out.

Lots of impatience, anxiety, fear, sadness, drowsiness, mind wandering, planning, annoyance, dreaminess, etc. all noted appropriately. Aversion to many sensations noted as well.

Noted body sensations of sitting on the cushion, pressure in my bladder, tingling in my hands and feet. Noted twitching extremities, and discomfort. 

Concentration was not terrific during this sit. In the latter part of the sit, I chilled out a bit although impatience was as strong as ever. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/4/20 6:50 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/4/2020 - Evening sit - 60 Minutes

Noted breath ('breath' or 'in/out') examining sensations in the abdomen or nose. More of a freestyle sort of noting this evening.

Noted body sensations, thoughts, sights, sounds, reactivity, etc.

Concentration was good for about 20 minutes and then I started to doze off.

Constantly falling asleep and waking trying my best to note dreams and sensations while awake.

Last 12 minutes I was awake and stayed with the rest of the sit pretty well noting the breath and impatience and urges and such. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/5/20 6:37 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/5/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath at the nostrils ('breath, breath') and related sensations were known.

Noted body sensations, sounds, various thoughts, plans, mental images, mapping/practice thoughts, etc.

Concentration was fairly good and I gelt engaged in the session until I started to get drowsy. Happy little fantasies bubbled up and then I started slipping into sleep here and there.

Felt a bit emotionally neutral if not a tad happy. 

All in all, not as much reactivity or contraction during this sit. If reactivity arose, I'd go back to the body and breath, not proliferting it via thought loops and watch the reactivity pass on its own. Lots of ease and relaxation noted. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/5/20 5:15 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/5/2020 - Evening sit - 30 minutes

Noted the breath at the nostrils ('breath' or 'in/out').

Noted body sensations ('pressure, touching, comfort'), noted practice/mapping thoughts, noted joy, noted ease, noted intentions to ground attention in the felt sense of the body, noted mental images, etc.

Overall nice and laid back, plenty of ease, any reactivity stood out like a sore thumb and was welcomed and investigated with curiosity. There was sort of this cold, giddy/tingly, hollow feeling in my abdomen when the reactivity did arise which felt similar to depressive episodes. Interesting to see what thoughts bubbled up during that point in the sit and how my overall attitude changed.

Concentration was fairly good although I did get a bit dull/dreamy towards the end.  

 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/6/20 7:00 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/6/2020 - Morning session - 60 minutes sitting & 30 minutes walking

Sitting portion:

Noted the breath at both the nostrils and the abdomen ('breath, breath' or 'rising/falling' or 'in/out'). Movement of the abdomen, changes is pressure tension, vibrations/rushing, and temperature were known.

The sit started well enough - concentration and motivation were good, noting precisely and rather quickly without having to force anything - impermanence was the obvious flavor. Noted body sensations of pressure, touching, temperature, constriction, vibrations/tingling in the hands, muscle twitches, etc. Noted thoughts of all types - personal dramas, fears, practice thoughts, future thoughts, planning, scenarios, doubts, etc. Noted about a half dozen small blips as described in the post about morning sit of 4/30/2020 above. 

Eventually, I became bored and impatient (noting these and going back to the breath/body). Thoughts started to become more vivid as I got lost in mind wandering. Eventually realized this and double-downed on returning to the breath, trying to keep it close at hand. Yet another sit with plenty of reacitivity. 

Walking portion (outside): 

Noted the feet as I was walking ('stepping, stepping' or 'walking, walking'). Changing sensations of pressure and touching in the feet were known.

Noted temperature, sounds, sights, tension in the body, planning, fantasizing, craving, future thoughts, tiredness, headd pressures, etc. 

Concentration was rather good during this walking session - some part of the mind seemed to be connected to the feet a majority of the time. The session helped to relieve lots of the impatience and resistence that 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/7/20 7:05 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/6/2020 - Night session ~ 25 minutes

Was shooting to sit for 45 minutes before bed, but fell asleep multiple times so I decided to quit early and get the rest I needed. 

Mindfulness of breathing + noting while awake...

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/7/20 7:26 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/7/2020 - (I turn 27 years old today!) - Morning session - 60 minutes sitting & 30 minutes walking

Sitting portion:

Noted the breath at the nostrils or in the abdomen. Changes is pressure, tension, vibrations, rushing, prickling, etc. were known.

Noted body sensations, emotions, reactivity, and thoughts of all sorts. 

Concentration was good for a while, then there was quite a bit of mind-wandering, then extra effort (grounding myself in the body), and eventually I was a bit more concentrated by the end of the sit.

Walking portion:

Noted the foot steps and noticed associated sensations in the feet.

Also noted sights, sounds (attraction, aversion, mental images associated with these), thought loops, other body sensations (and resultant mental images of the body in quick succession), etc. 


All in all: Thoughts about progress and doubts were especially strong today. Very sticky - takes me a little while to realize what's going on and then to note appropriately.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/8/20 6:49 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/8/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath at the nostrils mainly.

Motivation before the sit was nonexistent, but sitting wasn't so bad at first. Concentration and interest ramped up early. Noting boddy sensations, sounds, the sight of my eyelids, thoughts, and emotions.

Mind wandering was pretty strong - dragged into thought loops quite a few times. Trying to be gentle but noting frustration when realizing what happened and coming back to the breath. Noting practice-thoughts, progress thoughts, doubts and judgements about meditative ability.

Abdomen felt really tight/constricted. Lots of reactivity, frustration, anger. Feeling the uncomfortable tingling in the abdomen and how it changed with the breath. Seeing the associated chains of thought and how the mind wanted to go off into thought instead of sitting in the muck. Noticing how indulging in certain narratives would ramp up the associated reactive sensations/tensions/emotions in the body. 

So much impatience and resistence to what was arising. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/9/20 8:43 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/9/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Freestyle noting mostly. Spent the first 45 or so minutes really lost in thought. Repeatedly trying to get back to the body/breath/noting.

Eventually switched to noting aloud which helped keep me grounded for the rest of the session.

Noted body sensations (touching, pressure, vibrations, feeling), thoughts (practice thoughts, mental images, imagining, wondering, narratives, etc.), sounds, sights, impatience, etc. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 6:32 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/10/2020 - Morning sit - 20 minutes

Didn't have much time to sit - from what I remember, it was sorta anxious, unclear, sleepy, etc. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 6:40 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/11/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath mostly at the nostrils. Concentration was relatively okay - I tried to increase it at points by narrowing focus. Noting was mostly freestyle. At one point, I was becoming extremely sleepy and switched to noting out loud... very interesting that I would start dozing off yet I was still noting out loud. 

Other than that, sit felt rather plain, bit of impatience, many practice thoughts, not much happening at the moment. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 8:29 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hibiscus Kid:
5/9/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Freestyle noting mostly. Spent the first 45 or so minutes really lost in thought. Repeatedly trying to get back to the body/breath/noting.

Eventually switched to noting aloud which helped keep me grounded for the rest of the session.

Noted body sensations (touching, pressure, vibrations, feeling), thoughts (practice thoughts, mental images, imagining, wondering, narratives, etc.), sounds, sights, impatience, etc. 

I find that Noting Aloud does exactly what you describe. Keeps both feet on the ground throughout the session. Sensation after sensation, feeling after feeling, mind state after mind state. Not much chance to lift up from the ground and fly in the dream land. 

I do find that pace of noting aloud can slow or speed up depending on the stage or/and states of mind. This feels good when the balance is struck. Still I find that noting aloud works all the way through the maps. In EQ it will go slow as there is much more all-inclusiveness and ease of noticing. 

Each stage has its tempo and noting aloud voice becomes both mantra-like and the stick used by the trapeze walker, balancing the spoken word, and the breathing, with the energy and clarity/or lack thereof. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 2:08 PM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
Yes, my personal goal is to be engaged and note consistently during each session. Noting aloud can facilitate that moment to moment consistency and I use it where appropriate. Your log actually helped resurrect my interest in noting out loud. 

That being said, I don't pay attention to noting speed, inclusiveness of attention or try to figure out where I am on the maps as much during this period of my practice. That sort of stuff used to drive me crazy and got in the way of just experiencing what is happing right 'now' because I always conceptualized it and tried to fit it into some stage. I see a lot of other practitioners do the same - they get a tingle near their 'third eye' or a have some idea/philosophy about reality and then they need to figure out whether that means they are in A&P, Dark Night, EQ, etc. Why can't a tingle be a tingle and a thought just be a thought? If you looked through my old logs, I did tons of that sort of thing - looking for sensations/experiences to clue me in to where I am on the maps. It still happens now as a force of habit, but I notice it as more sensations and drop it. 

I know that in a few years I'll probably understand where I am on the map in any given moment/session, but for now it seems a bit besides the point. I'll let my teacher do the mapping for me hehe

Apologies if this came off ranty, but if we were talking face to face, you'd see me say this with a smile on my face emoticon

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 2:05 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
That's ok emoticon 

I do see how my reply could look like it's focusing on mapping. My apologies. I also tend not to think about maps but only what's now. Tap, tap, tap ... whatever that is. 

What I meant to say is that at times clarity will not be there which is also fine but can feel unpleasant and noting more than 1 sensation per second (approximately of course) is all we get. I find that slowing down helps instead of trying to see clearly more sensations. I find it helpful to use K. folk's "there is ..." phrase and while saying it with no rush note the first sensation that is clear. 

And at times there just are heaps of clarity and mouth can't even say so many noted sensation so I note it all and mumble the words. I guess here one could also just shut up and note silently or simply just notice. I prefer vocalisation as it also provides extra stuff for noting. 
As far as I see it, we use our mouth a lot during waking hours and so our eyes too. I keep em both open and engaged during the sit emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/11/20 2:21 PM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
As far as I see it, we use our mouth a lot during waking hours and so our eyes too. I keep em both open and engaged during the sit emoticon 


Ahh yes, I've watched the videos you made of a few of your sessions. Good stuff! 

Thank you for the pointers my friend! emoticon

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/12/20 7:46 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/12/2020 - Morning sit - 75 minutes

Woke up at 2 am and couldn't sleep so this sit was really sluggish.

Noted the breath at the nostrils ('breath, breath' or 'in/out') and sensations of rushing, pressure, coolness, vibrations, and tension were known.

Experience became dull rather quickly. Within a 15-20 minutes, I was falling asleep. Trying my best to note the dreams and the waking.

The last 15-20 minutes, I perked up a bit. Noting body sensations such as pain in my legs, the breath, touching/feeling of muscles tightening or arms placed on legs, clothing, pressure on the cushion, etc. Noted mind states. Noted the way the posture changed as the energy levels increased or decreased. Noted that there was an overall 'okayness' during the sit - aversion wasn't so strong, and impatience was very subtle. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/12/20 6:17 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/12/2020 - Evening session - 45ish sitting, 30ish walking

Sitting portion:

Sat outside and practiced freestyle noting. Would note the breath at the nostrils on occasion, but the predominate experiences noted were sounds (cars, birds, people talking, dogs barking, my roommate lifting weights outside, etc.), body sensations (warmth of the sun, cool air, wind on my face and feet, pressure from the chair, placement of body, muscle twitches, contraction, etc.), thoughts (mental images corresponding to body parts where sensations occured, mental images related to sounds, planning dinner, mapping, etc.), urges (to open my eyes, to look for sources of sounds, or shift my body). 

Walking portion: 

Not proud of this: meant to walk 45 minutes, but cut it short. Walked to a liquor store as I need wine for a recipe tonight, but this wasn't my plan. Attention was really solid at first, noting the sensations of the feet on the ground, but craving took over and lead me to the package store... and now I am enjoying a beer while I write this.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/13/20 2:22 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
And you didn't offer me one! Talk about bad hospitality emoticon 

Cheers mate! Have good one! emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/14/20 6:40 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
Hehe a precept is only with breaking if it would be ruder not to. If we ever cross paths, a pint would be nice emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
5/14/20 6:43 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/13/2020 - Evening sit - 25 minutes outside

Noted the breath, sounds (birds, cars, dogs, people talking, wind), body sensations (wind, coolness, pressure, twitching, etc.), emotions, thoughts, etc.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/14/20 6:54 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/14/2020 - Morning sit - 75 minutes

Noted the breath mostly at the nose, but sometimes in the abdomen and the body ('in/out' or 'rising/falling'). Sensations of rushing, coolness, tension, movement, heaving, strain, were known.

Plenty of thoughts - mental images, planning, fantasizing, songs, planning thoughts, mapping thoughts, narratives, etc.

Sounds and reactions to sounds - associated mental images or aversion/neutrality (dog barking - annoyance - thoughts about owner/dog, truck beeping - annoyance/aversion - mental image).  

Emotions/mind states - slight annoyance, slight boredom, sluggishness, tiredness, motivation, hope, increased effort, holllow/coolness and tingling in the abdomen, guilt.

Overall, a standard sit. Concentration was relatively okay - came back to the breath repeatedly. Occasional mindwandering and associated discouragement/guilt. Sat a bit longer than usual, only slight impatience later in the sit. Late part of the sit became really drowsy and mental imagery became more vivid. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/14/20 6:49 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/14/2020 - Afternoon sits - 45 minutes & 30 minutes

After finishing work for the day, I sat for 45 minutes. Noted the breath at the nostrolis. Within ten minutes I was fast asleep. Would wake up, take note of that, go back to the breath. Repeat until the last 10 minutes of the sit - finally woke up and felt refreshed and was able to note the breath, impatience, and an urge to get up and enjoy the weather outside.


Later on, sat outside in the sun for 30 minutes. Noted the breath, the feeling of warmth, the sounds of birds and cars and people, body sensations, cool air, enjoyment, thinking about practice, etc. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/15/20 6:16 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hello Hector, the birds really are fun to listen to!

I usually meditate with my eyes closed. It depends on my mood that day. Sometimes the visual field is fun to tune into, but other times I prefer to close my eyes.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/15/20 6:28 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/15/2020 - Morning sit - 75 minutes

Mostly let attention rest on the breath at the nostrils in a general way. Less emphasis on breath sensations and more of an emphasis on general awareness of the breath cycle itself. Less labeling today than usual (felt like a lot of effort) in favor of soaking in the sensations. Came back to labeling when it was clear that I was getting off track. 

Many mind states and thoughts/conceptualizations about practice rolled through. Noticing again and again what was dragging the mind off of simply being with the breath. There was quite a bit of physical contraction/stress which then manifested as future thoughts, reacitivity, judgements, planning, etc. Sitting in and being with the discomfort of physical contraction wasn't a big deal, but the thoughts sure were compelling/magnetic. 

The usual states of impatience and boredom and aversion and such arose, but the habit of noticing and going back to the breath was more persistent. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/15/20 7:20 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hector:
Do you have eyes open or closed for the outside sit? I love freestyle noting too, and I noticed a lot of bird songs these days.

They sure are busy at this time of the year emoticon So much to be noted with birds singing. My eyes are open but I meditate indoors and see a bird pass the window occasionally. But I do hear them and notice image impressions of the bushes around our house with a bird on it or on a branch or on the roof, assuming. It's also mostly pleasant feel when I hear the bird singing. Also when it stops then there is anticipation waiting to hear it again maybe.  Etc ... lots of material there. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/15/20 7:38 PM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
Hector, I personally like the bird calls as an object as well. The season of spring is always lovely as an opportunity to sit outside, and the birds provied a show. There are many different bird calls coming from different angles in the stereo field and many of those calls involve rapid staccatos. Unique in their own way. A reminder of the fact that we are only here so long because the birds don't always chirp like this. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/17/20 6:43 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/16/2020 - Did not meditate

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/17/20 6:59 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/17/2020 - Morning sit - 35 minutes

Tired, lots of planning thoughts, restlessness, etc.



5/17/2020 - Evening sit - 60 minutes

Noticed the breath, always going back to the breath at the nose tip or just generally knowing the point in the breath cycle. Fewer labels than usual.

Some drowsiness and head bobbing.

Cravings/desire - just so many cravings (in this case for beer). Contracted body because of cravings: experientially, a giddiness in the abdomen around the sternum. Related physical sensations. Thought loops (bargaining and the like) and expectations accompanying that desire. Again and again and again. Uncomfortable when coming back to it, but when sitting with it, the resistance dies down - this constrictions is what it is. Always coming to the feeling the breath at the nose or at the abdomen and the related physical sentations and mental images with wanting a beer. 

Sat for 60 minutes, but 55 of those minutes were truly concerned with thoughts and feelings about beer. Wow.

Thoughts about "what if I just didn't drink tonight" and related feelings/thoughts of discomfort (what else is there? what else will I do? must we quit today?).

Rode the wave of craving tonight.... and after the sit I gave in to it. Not here to discuss addiction, but my mind was at least able to stay with craving for long periods and just feel the discomfort and stay in touch with that form of reactivity. That's a 'start' (but I also don't know the end haaaa emoticon). I've seen a video of an arahant chewing tons of Betel nuts/leaves so I belive these things aren't so straight forward. Oh well!

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/18/20 3:34 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
"Fewer labels than usual."

Yes, addiction is a motherfucker that thrives on the feeling of guilt. 
Mine is consumption of the Swedish chewing tobacco. 

Online browsing would be another one. Addicted to guitar related gear yet another one. Having late snacks another. Coffee overload another. 

Ah yes emoticon 

No matter what, no matter how many addictions I have and how lost of a motherfucker I seem to be, one thing, that ONE THING, I keep sacred! The sitting practice of minimum of 45 minutes once a day! 

No slacking, no getting lost in guilt thoughts for more than that Labeled Moment. There is a good reason behind both Shinzen and Kenneth talking in high regard about Noting Aloud (yes Shinzen also suggests this so to keep hindrances away and to keep an unbroken stream of noting). 

Instead of asking yourself "can I be without beer today?" ask "can I practice noting aloud without having laps in mindfulness in this one sit?"  Tell yourself that you will get that beer anyway, with or without a guilt trip during the practice. And once your timer goes off enjoy that beer emoticon 

Since I've started incorporating eyes open and noting aloud (even if sensory clarity is strong) the practice has become a different beast. 

I know you know that practice is the only important thing here. It really is. Keeping mindfulness of that unbroken stream of consciousness is very important. I will do any uncool practice to achieve exactly that. Noting Aloud is exactly that. Uncool. Even more uncool if I sit on a normal chair with eyes open. My practice looks nothing like those noble cross legged monks of deep samadhi. But it is of great benefit and that's what matters. 

So fuck that beer and guilt about it. Have that beer and enjoy it. Being totally wasted might not be good for practice so doing practice before the tipsy -ness is better. Have the beer later and enjoy it. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/18/20 5:15 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/18/2020 - Afternoon sit - 60 minutes

Noted the breath. Noted sounds and body sensations and light behind the eyes. Noting/labeling was rather consistent andd persistent. 

Overall, I went through the usual practice arc that I go through - starting with motivation and good concentration, eventually that giving away to drowsiness and distracting thoughts, then to impatience and boredom.

Today, that final leg of the sit (boredom and impatience) was fun to explore. Like learning to stand on a surboard. The motivation to practice well was strong throughout the session. Attention stayed close to the breath and to body sensations related to any end-of-sit giddness. Some of these body sensations which are usually uncomfortable started to become blissful. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/18/20 5:18 PM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
I've seen Shinzen mention out loud as well. It's cool to me emoticon 

Regarding the beer: it's less about drinking that bothers me, but the cravings. The cravings are what I need to lean into because at the moment, those cravings are what cause discomfort which in turn drives my behavior!

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/18/20 7:43 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/18/2020 - Evening sit with the local Zen group over Zoom - 60 minutes

I wrote a bit more about this sit, but then the forum malfunctioned when I tried to post it.

Some intense leg pain arose (I usually sit for 60-75 minutes without too much discomfort) during this particular session. Was a lovely opportunity to examine pain and the reactivity/aversion to pain and how that manifested as impatience and such (funny how searing pain in the leg can cause the entire organism to contract). Sat with it for about 10 minutes before deciding to switch positions.

Good session overall with a decent string of mindful awareness.  

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/19/20 6:57 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/19/2020 - Morning sit - 75 minutes

Noted the breath at the nostrils mainly. The sit itself was mostly sleepy/tired. Dullness would creep up, I'd become aware of that and sit up straighter, take a deeper breath, focus a bit more intensely on the sensations at the nostrils, then drop some of the effort.

Many thought loops, mental imagery, dreaminess, dozing, waking up, frustration - repeat cycle.

Last 15 or so minutes were relatively clear and awake. Any impatience or discomfort that arose was manageable. Things were normal, fine, everything in proportion.

Motivation, faith, confidence held up through most of the sit. There was willingness to go back to the breath again and again and to engage with the content of the sit.  

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/20/20 7:42 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/20/2020 - Morning sit - 35 minutes

Couldn't sleep last night but got up at the usual time to sit. Cut the sit early to go back to bed (planned on sitting for 60 minutes). Just way too tired. Noticed the urge to endd the sit, and the desire to keep sitting. Sat with that for a bit. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/21/20 3:31 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/21/2020 - Afternoon sit - 60 minutes

Tired, no motivation, extremely impatient, but stayed sitting.

Noted the breath at the nostrils and felt snesations in my body. Many thoughts. Dozed off here and there. Opened my eyes andd noted out loud for a bit at that point. 

Fidgeted and twitched and bargained with myself to cut the sit short but managed to stay with it, continually going back to the breath and sat the entire session. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/25/20 5:36 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hope you are doing well mate! emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/25/20 7:13 PM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
Hello friend! I've been doing alright, no worries. Haven't been sitting as much these last few days due to schedule and motivation. The short sits that I've managed have been generally challenging ones as I really feel a bit burnt out with life and meditation practice. Really didn't feel like logging anything here as motivation to do that has also been nonexistent. I made sure to take the seat for a little time each day, even if inconsequentially small. 

Feeling a bit more inspired now - we will see what's in store for the coming week. Thank you for checking in and for being really consistent about your daily 45er. It's inspiring stuff! Be well! 

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5/26/20 6:37 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/25/2020 - Evening sit - 60 minutes

Sit with local Zen group via Zoom. Noted the breath at the nostrils. Lots of emotional reactivity. Noted fairly consistently. Dealt with a lot of leg pain towards the end of the sit but did not change positions - good chance to explore/note pain sensations and aversion. 

5/26/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Noted breath at the nostrils. Many scenarios and imaginings. Hunger, drowsiness, headache, stress, planning, aversion, doubts, body sensations, soundsd, etc. Decided to note out loud a little while after falling victim to mind wandering repeatedly. Fairly weak concentration and enthusiasm. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/26/20 6:54 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
emoticon 

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5/27/20 4:25 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/26/2020 - Evening sit - 60 minutes

Worked on concentration at the recommendation of my teacher - following the breath at the nostrils while contacting 7 points in the cycle: beginning, middle, end of the in-breath, & beginning, middle, end of the out-breath & then aware of the body in between breaths.

Worked on the concentration for about 15 (minutes), then switched to noting for a while (maybe 15 minutes) - sorta switching off between concentration and noting as appropriate. 

Over all, the session follow it's usual arc of: enthusiasm, momentum, drowsiness, dreaminess, distractedness, frustration, other emotional content, to feeling slightly more awake, re focussing, impatience, etc. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/27/20 6:58 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/27/2020 - Morning sit - 90 minutes

There was a 5 minute interruption about 15 minutes into the sit.

Started with focus on the nostrils and the 7 points of the breath cycle. I'd breathe slow and made an effort to contact the points in the breath. Did this a few times (1-5 times) before letting the effort go and letting the mind rest on the breath. I'd repeat this as needed. The first 15 minutes of the sit were building concentration in this way. 

....then had to attend to something.....

Then got back on the cushion, built more concentration repeating the above exercise, and eventually switched to noting. Noted body sensations, and sounds, noticing the width of attention. Noted thoughts, the breath, emotions, odd pressures in the head, hunger pangs, muscle twitching, urges, memories, places, etc. Noting speed was rather fast.

When I felt momentum and focus dwindle, I'd switch back to the 7 point breath exercise. When concentration was increased, back to noting.

At some point, the mind got really dull and dreamy and I switched to noting aloud for a short period of a few minutes until the dullness subsided somewhat and wasn't as much of an issue.

Finished the last few minutes with minor boredom, minor impatience, relatively good mindfulness to catch aforementioned hindrances, and a sense of ease. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/27/20 7:04 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
That some fine shit there emoticon love how you navigate the terrain and hindrances. Shift up, shift down. 

I do this throughout the sit and use different ways to handle uncertainty or doubt, restlessness, sleepiness etc 

We all are, at the end, creating our own personal method and our own map in accordance to our mind's terrain. That's what matters. Not Ingram's Map or Mahasi Map but our own and of course it has similarities with those maps as that seems the way Mind cycles. 

I know of no better "secret source" than Profound Mindfulness as I simply can't be mindful in the past or future. Just now, right now emoticon I can't choose my terrain but I certainly can apply some strength to the mindfulness in form of Intent, Effort, Acceptance. I can see the hindrance and apply more or less of the above. One day it's like milk and honey, another day is pure shit emoticon It's the name of the game. But you know all this already. Stil nice to get reminder once in a while. We all need that. 

Good stuff! 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/27/20 7:42 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
I've always wanted to keep it simple and not have to switch tactics during a sit, but it seems that I am running into walls.

Slowly learning what may need adjusting when responding to hindrances so that the clarity and continuity of mindfulness is supported.

This learning process will take a while, I am sure. 

Thank you for the enouragement and pointers Papa Che. It's just as nourishing as milk and honey emoticon

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/27/20 5:04 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/27/2020 - Early evening sit - 60 minutes

Tried to start with the 7 point breath exercise, but within 30 seconds it was clear that this sit was going to be primarily dozing off. Tight focus was not going to work.

Quickly switched to noting to open up the scope of attention, and shortly after that swtiched to noting out loud. Noting became slow. I'd note a sensation, but barely experience the sensation as the dullness was so strong. Watched mental images and thoughts become immersive and vivid as I drifted off into sleep. Watched the body as it sank down. I'd still be noting out loud and the sound of my voice would wake me back up. At one point, a dream figure asked me a question and I answered out loud instead of saying a label.

Only felt slightly more awake during the last few minutes of the sit. A bit of impatience and wondering how much time I had left in the sit as it became hard to gauge time with all the noddding off. 

Overall, huge lack of clarity and inability to be intimate with experience, however, noting was reasonable persistent given the extreme hindrance. 

Besiddes that, noted the breath, body sensations, sounds, the inside of my eyelids, and thoughts.

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/28/20 7:37 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/28/2020 - Morning sit - 90 minutes

Sat down with the intention of practicing the 7 point breath exercise, but the mind wasn't having it. Switched noting to settle in a bit and tried again. Still unsuccessful: concentration flagging within seconds of turning to the breath. The points were not clear, thoughts disrupting the ability to even see the end of the in-breath or out-breath. Switched back to noting.

Noted the thoughts, body sensations, sounds, the overall sense of ease, but also felt unwell. Noticed aversion, desire, mindstates and motivations: senses of frustration related to poor concentration as well as guilt related to what I'd report to my teacher. Doubt was strong. Life frustrations popped up in my mind causing the abdomen to react with myriad of sensations: uncomfortable coolness and tingling, contraction, quick flashes like electrical impulses which the mind wanted to turn away from. 

Tried the breath exercise with poor results. Back to noting. Eventually drowsiness and the associated body sensations and vivid mental images started to arise. Swtiched to noting out loud. Kept this up until drowsiness subsided. 

Motivation was low. With about 25 minutes left, got to a place of relative calm with little impatience and frustration. Reminding myslef again and again to come back to the moment no matter how unsatsifying. Looking for areas of discomfort and aversion. Seeing what in the body and mind caused me to get off the breath.

The last few minutes of the sit, there was quite a bit of leg pain. Noted accordingly as well as the aversion. Seeing how the body slightly tensedd up to change position and relieve pain. Relaxed back into the posture, noticing the breath and the pain. Urges arose to check the timer and shift my position, but I stayed put and try to be receptive to the physical and mental discomfort.

Overall, a challenging sit, but not the worst one by far.  

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/28/20 9:28 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Try to notice "inability to perceive clearly" or "dullness" or "intent to perceive the in and out breath" or "desire to be alert". 

You have many Mind States arising and I'm sure they all have some Feeling Tone to it. Is the Inability unpleasant? Is the dullness unpleasant? Is the Intent unpleasant? Is the Desire unpleasant? 

When sensory clarity is not there I find it's best just to contact as many body sensations or mind states or feelings as possible. Just touch them and move on to the next arising. If even this seems like "Uncertain if I'm really noting correctly" then I use the label Certain or Uncertain with each Noting like ; 
Coolness-Certain, hearing-certain, listening-certain, eyesight blip-uncertain ... and soon I realize that there is more certainty than not emoticon 

Also when Restlessness arises try to hunt down the image in the mind; is there an image of your timer in your mind after you notice restlessness. If so keep watching this and see if there is some unpleasant body sensation there that's happening but is not being noticed. One can certainly connect these dots. 

All this can be done when sensory clarity is not that sharp. When it is sharp then going deeper into each sensation is much easier. 

What can I do with today's mind terrain? How does this terrain look like, feel like? Is it clear or muddy, sharp or dull? Deep or shallow? 
If I'm sleepy then full on noting as fast as possible will fire up stuff, all while yawning emoticon 

It really helps to realize that mind terrain changes all the time and certain approach suits better one terrain than another. It's good to be curious about the terrain so not to get frustrated or fall prey to hindrances. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/28/20 9:53 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
All good advice: I'll read this again and be sure to investigate more. I do some of this to a degree, but it is still developing. Thank you Papa Che! 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/28/20 6:26 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/28/2020 - Evening sit - 60 minutes

Before the sit, I took a nap and went for a run so I was a bit refreshedd and energized for the part of my day where my energy levels are lowest.

The sit itself:
The 7 point breath practice still was not appealing. Tried a few rounds and then let go. Usually I breath much more slowly and deeply when trying to see the different points in the breath, which means the pattern of sensations at the nose tip is different when compared to normal breathing.

After going back to normal breathing, the sensations at the nose - especially the out-breath - were extremely vivid. There was a vibration akin to the hum of bees on a honeycomb. Usually the in-breath is more apparent, but it was reversed during this session. 

My intention was to keep attention loosely focused on the nose whilst letting in other sensations and noting appropriately.

There were body sensations and sounds and thoughts and emotions and mindstates interspersed with the breath sensations. 
Occasionally I'd get lost in thought, but for very short periods. The usual period of dreaminess did come up after about 20 minutes, but it was not so strong that I had to switch to noting allowed.

Lot of stress and guilt every time the mind wandered. (This is my fault - I vented to my teacher this week [in addition to this forum] about progress and she upped the ante - the idea being that I need to practice more each day and also work on concentration so that no session is half-assed. This means I feel a certain sense of accountability and that mind wandering is a small failure. Then again, wandering is what the mind does so I'll just have to get used to the new sense of responsibility while being easy.)

Last 15 minutes were restless. Cravings for a beer. Leg pain. Uncomfortable sensations in the abdomen. Mental images. Intentions to turn attention to the breath. To observe the pain. To observe the aversion. To see the mind jumping between the these various experiences. Confusion with regards to what the 'proper' object of observations should be. Questioning. Doubts. Intentions to shift the leg, intentions to hold off, finally giving in and moving the leg and for a moment the pain got even worse. 

Besides the last 15 minutes of this sit, it was reasonably calm and somewhat enjoyable even if the mind didn't always want to play along. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/29/20 4:48 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/29/2020 - Afternoon sit - 45 minutes

Lazy sit marked primarily by mind wandering/forgetting, lack of motivation/interest/engagement, impatience, planning, and exhaustion. 

That's all I'll be doing today. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/31/20 10:13 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/31/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Practiced coming back to the breath and the nostrils again and again while noting the wider field of experience.

Overall, there was little motivation to practice today, lots of restlessness and planning. Confusion. Grogginess. Future thoughts. Not much enjoyment. Check the timer a few times. Concentration and patience were weak. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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5/31/20 6:36 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
5/31/2020 - Evening sit - 60 Minutes

Sat on my cushion outside in the evening sun. Noted mostly sounds and body sensations. 

The sit went through the usual arc - motivated and on the ball, losing momentun, sleepy, tired, dozy, wandery, then slightly more awake, renwed effort, slight impatience, leg pain, feeling really plain for the rest of the sit etc.

This sit seemed really smooth in that I wasn't really 'caught up'. Discomfort was allowed to be discomfort, pain was allowed to be pain, mindstates were allowed to do their things and there was a sense of nonattachment. Just simple and alright. I got that sense that, although my leg was in pain and there I was wondering how much longer the sit was, I could have continued to sit like that for a while. Concentration wasn't particularly strong, but everything was fine just as it was.

Good sit overall! 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 6:36 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
6/1/2020 - Morning sit - 60 minutes

Woke up at 3 am and coulddn't sleep.

Decided to get up , check the news, and have some coffee, etc.

Finally got around to sitting down. Focussed on the breath at the nostrils. After a few minutes, fell asleep. Vivid mental imagery when entering the dream space. Spent most of the sit just asleep, waking up here and there and quickly drifting off again. No chance to meditate properly. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 8:10 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
NOTE; Do tell me to shut up if my replies seem unnoying emoticon At times we might just feel to practice and log and not have many tips and tricks being thrown at us. I will respect this big time.

HK Im not pushing anything at you mate and think that you should practice the way you choose is best for you but for some reason I felt to show you this video. You only have to hear it from the start to 2:23 , and hear at the end of that part what Shinzen sais about himself when practicing (in this vid he aslo mentions the importance of not breaking the stream of noting)
Im sure you have seen this one but please do take time and just hear these 2:23 minutes of it. If necessery re-listen as I know from my own experience I have the tendency not to hear stuff thats of importantce even if hearing it emoticon 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StBTuX0tqU8

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 8:28 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
You're never annoying and always welcome to comment on this log! 

Rereading my report above, I realize that I didn't mention that I was noting with labels. A good 95% of my practice involves the use of labels as I am attached to the 'feedback mechanism' aspect of the technique. 

Good to hear Shinzen practices this way, I'll be sure to watch the video in full. emoticon

Thank you for looking out for me! 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 8:44 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
You are welcome emoticon 

I must admit that I have a few favorite (noting) videos of Shinzen and Kenneth that I listen to every day or two just to remind me of the "KISS beginner mind" emoticon That really pays off in my view as we can get the tendency to fly too high just to fall very low emoticon 

As ALL seems to be in the Mind it really is a slippery terrain to navigate and very easy to slip without noticing it (unless we ARE noticing it, constantly ... well, during the sit at least).

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6/1/20 8:50 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
Oh yes, I agree that Kenneth's videos are really awesome - short and sweet. When I find myself overcomplicating things, it's nice to rewatch those videos. 

Shinzen is also has quite a bit of great content on youtube and I am a fan of his 'concentration, sensory clarity, and equanimity' model. That has been helpful. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 9:01 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Ha! emoticon Shin and Ken vids are my dhamma porn emoticon 

Honestly as soon as I catch myself pressing the Refresh on You Tube too many times I know its time to find those vids by Shin and Ken and let that do the work in my mind instead. Dhamma talks are very important and these are my favorite Dhamma "Neo-suttas" as is some of Michael Taft's podcast stuff.

Gotta be well inspired by the One's emoticon I give them my ear and let them  deliever the goods. I will do the no pain no gain part on me own some emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
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6/1/20 7:38 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
6/1/2020 - Evening sit - 60 minutes

Was supposed to sit with the Zen group over Zoom but Zoom wasn't working so I sat by myself. Almost gave up and did something else instead!

Didn't hang out with the breath as much. Noted mostly various body sensations and sounds along with thoughts and emotions. 

Usual cycle: Normal feeling - gaining momentum - loss of interest - dullness - drowsiness - dreaminess - waking - renewed  vigor - impatience - normalness - okayness.

To get through the stage of dullness and drowsiness, I noted out loud. I'm noticing that I will say notes out loud but I may not be ultra aware of what I just noted. I may reflect for a moment and realize that I don't remember what just happened and that I wasn't quite in touch with it. My mouth spoke, but I am not sure what it might have just said...

Also noticing that I am being a bit lazy in terms of sensate clarity - I may experience some emotion such as impatience or being 'bummed out'. These emotions/mind states have physical components and I can either just note 'impatience' or dig in and note the sensations in the abdomen 'tingling, sharp, coolness, aversion, flash, heavy, lump, nausea'. I feel that I need to get more clear and note the component sensations of the greater whole. I've been less concerned with noting quickly and just trying to be more steady and honest with regards to what is happening. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
6/2/20 6:38 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
6/2/2020 - Morning sit - 75 minutes

Started with noting/labeling the breath, but was mostly aware of (and labeled) thoughts, sounds, and body sensations.

Once again, tired as usual. It was hard to focus on anything in particular or stabilize attention on anything. Dealt with a lot of drowsiness and dullness. Labeled out loud for a good portion of the sit so I wouldn't fall asleep. I never really woke up from the stupor like I usually do. 

The body was mostly calm, but there there was definitely frustration/contraction related to being so tired/dull, frustration due to thoughts about progress, frustration due to weak concentration, etc. The quick speed of noticing that Daniel recommends just wasn't possible. Sorta felt like I was just sitting there. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
6/2/20 7:21 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Ingram suggests 1-10 sensations per second. Meaning 1 sensation per second is sufficient in case of a stage/state that's less clear. 

Shinzen suggests not breaking the stream of labeling during the sit no matter how fast or slow it goes. 

It looks like both of them are suggesting to use noting/labeling as a tool to keep attention in mindful mode throughout the whole sit. 

I know 75 minutes looks like a pro sit emoticon but in all fairness I think you would get more out of it if you sit 45 minutes but do make sure not to break that stream of labeling at all, no matter if you are certain or uncertain if you are noting correctly or not (in this case just note the Uncertainty mind state and move back to the easier sensations like body). 

Im sure you can note aloud 1 sensation a second for 45 minutes today and for the next 2 days. See how this goes and conclude afterwards. 

Going back from 60-75 minutes to 45 minutes is not a downgrade. You can always up the time and you know that. 

Do you try open eyes when sleepiness/dullness arises? One good thing with sleepiness is the change in focus. The focus gets less sharp and wider and more open. Yeps, Jhana-like. Harness this aspect but keep energy up with noting aloud 1 sensation a second and keep at it for the duration of the whole sit. 

Using noting/labeling aloud just during dullness is not enough for me as sooner rather than later I'm in la-la land emoticon I'm not sitting to be in la-la land. 
instead fire up the entire sit with constant stream of labeling aloud then once timer chimes in do what you please emoticon 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
6/2/20 8:01 AM as a reply to Papa Che Dusko.
My teacher wants me to sit more at the moment, I get what you're saying though. 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
6/2/20 8:30 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Copy that! 

RE: Hibiscus Kid's Log #3
Answer
6/2/20 11:44 AM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hibiscus Kid:
The intention of this log is to report phenomenology/direct experience of my meditation sessions. I will not be mapping or reporting any of this in terms of the nanas. 

Less philosophy & conceptualization, more practice & direct reporting. 

I just wanted to say that I just started to read your log and really appreciate the direct reporting. It is so straightforward. I got some ideas for my log emoticon