Hello Folks!

I have been sitting for 45 minutes with a self-chosen "kasina," once a day. I have been trying to follow the instructions on kasina practice to a T, as laid out in MCTB (e.g. staying with the chosen object for the entire duration, resting all of my attention on it and attempting to stabilize it, etc.).

I believe I have Access Concentration because I am able to stay with the kasina for 45 minutes (my attention would lapse maybe 5 - 6 times during the sit, but only for brief periods), and am largely unperturbed by phenomena that is occurring around it.

I am not sure if I have 1st jhana yet primarily because of the following reasons:

[indent][/indent]1) My attention does not exactly "narrow in" on the object. From reading the book (where the experience is described as looking at a very small part of the page the reader is on), I'm imagining that it's something akin to having literal tunnel-vision?
[indent][/indent]2) I hardly feel any bliss or rapture. There are times when there's a very, very pleasant mindfulness going on, but it does not have that "narrowly focused" quality to it. It's more like a pleasant state of energized abiding with the kasina -- with some energetic interplay between my mind/source of my attention and it. My attention is not entirely widened-out -- it is resting on the area around the kasina, but, like I said, it is certainly not narrowly focused. I generally do not have any complaints when I hit this spot and just try to stay there, hoping that staying there will eventually lead to the jhanas. In fact, any idea of trying to "push it" seems ridiculous and unnatural, as though I already have stabilized my attention and it's naturally in a restful (yet alert) state, but I'd rather try to forcibly disrupt it and narrow it down onto a very small area (and pull myself out of the meditative state).

The reasons due to which I think I might have 1st jhana are as follows:
[indent][/indent]1) I definitely feel that I'm putting in conscious effort -- "applied and sustained effort" -- to stay centered on/present with that area (around and including the kasina).
[indent][/indent]2) My attention is at least centered on an area that is not too wide a field (about 2 - 3 feet). If I weren't worried about my attention needing to be narrowly focused, then I'd be more or less content with that state where I can just gently stay with the kasina (and the area surrounding it).
[indent][/indent]3) The fact that the style of effort I need to put in to staying present is subtle, and gentle, I'm tempted to think that it's something more than Access Concentration (like I said, there's a weird sort of satisfaction to it that I wouldn't exactly call bliss or rapture, but is more like being "into" a state that is neither blissful, nor bland and uninteresting).

Sorry if I'm being far too anal about this, but it's important to me to know where I am, or if I'm on the right track.

Any thoughts?

Also, post-sit, I sometimes feel very alert, mindful, and energetically evened-out -- sometimes even blissful/"happy."

But there are also times when I feel as though I have "harnessed" a lot of energy, and if I don't consciously try to "reign it in," then I'll suffer/experience energetic discomfort. When it's bad, it feels as though there's this huge disconnect between my mind and body, and I have to do a lot of yoga-style movements to bring the two into alignment.

Also, another thing I feel I ought to mention is that sometimes I feel that I'm totally with the object, not too narrowly focused and not too widely, but what I experience is a sort of pain/suffering that is psychic/energetic (as opposed to bodily). It's as though I'm acutely aware of the fact of not being Awake/Liberated, and I'm just "feeling" the pain of that reality for myself. It's like a subtle and painful sort of vibration which appears as the "baseline" of my sense of existence, and I have no choice but to stay with it (if I wish to keep sitting).