Dark Night?

Just Is, modified 10 Years ago.

Dark Night?

Posts: 6 Join Date: 9/7/10 Recent Posts
Hi all,

Previous highs and ecstacy then bliss and equanimity and motivation to practice non-stop have well and truly died away. Feeling scatter-brained, listless and hard to concentrate on anything at times, in and out of formal practice, and not finding enjoyment or sense of connection in much - like a sense of 'going through the motions'. Similar to depression, which I've previously had, but with a sense of there being something different about it and very much aware of its impermanence and a degree of detachment towards it. Other times the noting and awareness is automatic. Yesterday there was general irritability towards people, whether they were physically proximate or them or their actions were recalled. All noted.

Sitting consists of the entire body thumping/pulsing/vibrating all over, asynchronously, too quickly to note each sensation, and other phenomena. Breathing is solid - no discernment of beginning of rising or falling, just awareness of it 'being there' then ending. The rising and falling of abdomen is sometimes barely discernible if at all, and concentration doesn't last there very long without forcing it. Pretty much the case with all of the sensations. Tingling and thumping can be perceived to varying degrees when not sitting.

No motivation to sit this morning. Compared to the utter focus of a few days ago this feels pretty crap.

Dissolution/Dark Night?
Bruno Loff, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Dark Night?

Posts: 1094 Join Date: 8/30/09 Recent Posts
yes, I thinks so.
Just Is, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Dark Night?

Posts: 6 Join Date: 9/7/10 Recent Posts
Ok now I can't work out if I'm in 3rd or 5th nana:

- 45 minute sit
- Rising and falling of abdomen kept varying in quality. Faint and barely distinct. At times it was simply not discernible, feeling only the very light brushing of clothing on 'something' as there was rising and falling, and a feeling of contraction around the solar plexus. Awareness was from there not being rising to rising leading towards the end of the rising, a short gap, then falling leading towards the end of falling.
- Asynchronous thumping/vibrating all over the body started a few seconds in, then stopped after around 10 mins.
- Body started rocking gently but could only discern the end points of forward and back motion, unable to catch the moving from forward to back and vice versa. 'Forward', 'backward' noted.
- Sense of warmth arose in upper body. 'warm, warm' noted.
- Suddenly had visions of smashing head forward into the wall, or damaging the eyes on a nearby corner table. Some fear arose, noted as 'fear, fear', then acknowledged the visions themselves 'imagining, imagining' and the quickly passed.
- Then started to hear a low tone in the right ear. If there wasn't direct attention or listening out for it, it was there as part of the sphere of awareness. As soon as attention turned to it, it vanished and I couldn't investigate it. 'Tone, tone'. Stopped after a few minutes (not sure if phenomenal or acoustic due to flat - never had it before though either way).
- Then a strange feeling swept through the upper body from the stomach to the head and it started to feel like it wasn't there at all. Hard to describe. There was still a general awareness of pressure of the buttocks of the cushion, and pressure of the palms resting on the lap, but the upper body felt like it was light to non-existent. Couldn't think of a suitable note so was simply 'sensation, sensation'.
- Concentration was generally pretty poor - didn't stay on the breath for long and felt vague in the middle when it did, and either wandered into thought, to sensations occurring or became vaguely aware there was any sense of the noting of 'rising, falling', which seemed to fade away on occasion as there didn't seem to be correlating physical sensations on which to base the noting.

Can't work out whether this was all 3rd stage or 5th - has the hallmarks of both but more of the 5th. Also acutely aware I need to stop worrying about which it is and just get on with it, but a pointer would be helpful. Thought it was Dissolution per initial post after this sit, not sure sure it was not just 3rd and me being pissy yesterday!
Mike L, modified 10 Years ago.

RE: Dark Night?

Posts: 74 Join Date: 5/13/09 Recent Posts
Just Is:
Also acutely aware I need to stop worrying about which it is and just get on with it, but a pointer would be helpful.

"stop worrying about which it is and just get on with it" ;-)