Just had a very productive mediation session (thanks Nick!) and something happened that I'd like to discuss. While there are many things I could say about this particular session, there is one thing that stands out: I had another "OMG, something's happening" event.

The "OMG, something's happening" event was clearly caused by something. I saw something; Not visual, but in the mind. I saw something for one mind moment, got a feeling of seeing it, then saw it the next mind moment, making the feeling of seeing it stronger, and then once again seeing it in the next mind moment, the feeling of seeing it got even stronger and then knowing something's about to happen, and BOOOM! extreme fear, and it's all gone.

I meditated for 2 hours after that, trying to get it back. There's something to be said about the fact that this thing always catches me entirely off-guard; It has happened at least once before, as reported on this forum. The meditation session was purely dedicated to cultivating the jhanas, but ended up with me seemingly moving several times through the stages and also ending with dumping me into Fear - which I was clearly not in when I started the session.

While in the process of perceiving this something in the mind, my visual field did something interesting which might point to what it was that I was seeing. My whole visual field got less and less "important". I was zooming out, both in meaning of importance and attachment - I was separating from the visual field. And I am this sure that if I hadn't feared out, something very interesting would have happened.

About the "OMG, something's happening" event: It has to be something legitimate given that several others have reported the same thing. I'm thinking it's the elimination of self - whatever that means. In addition to people on this forum reporting this thing happening to them, there are plenty others reporting extreme events very closely preceding their complete awakening. My theory is that some people somehow manage to not be paralyzed in the face of elimination of the self - regardless of their position on the maps - while others abort the process unless they find themselves in a cultivated state of equanimity.

Awakening is an event waiting to happen at any one moment - whether or not the person is ready when it is triggered.

If this is true then teaching awakening can the thought of as two-fold: cultivating the triggering of awakening and cultivating the state in which triggering will be successful.

something interesting did happen, and it's called an A&P Event...


You might like to read that whole chapter again.

Standard advice: don't chase after it/try to get it again; dark night follows; keep practicing; you might feel like you are making less progress even though you are making more progress; etc...


do you have stream entry? maybe it was A&P of the next path. cycling several times might be review, and Fear that you ended up in might be Fear of the next path.

Ah, yes - makes sense. It's that extreme fear that throws me off. I expect the A&P to be pleasant, and I just posted somewhere:



I just read the A&P sticky thread, and while there are some points that does not match up, such is the nature of the A&P.

I don't think that I have stream entry. Some things suggest I do, some things suggest I don't.

I've had many, many A&P's. So many, and so small, that I rarely pick up on them. This one was very big compared to the usual suspect. The one that I picked up on before this one, was simply noticing the two first piano notes of Patsy Clines Crazy.

This A&P being "bigger" than the usual ones might mean it was a next path A&P, but then again - as outlined in the A&P sticky thread - it might just be one more of them.

And I do understand that cycling is supposed to only happen post stream entry. Hmmm... I don't know if I agree with that

Edit:



On second thought, this might make a lot of sense. I especially noticed going through some strange muscle tensions and unpleasantness a la Three Characteristics, at least twice, and for the first time in meditation a very mild nausea, and that damn bastard Fear kept popping up. When writing the post yesterday, after the meditation, I saw twisted creatures in the reflection of the windows in the house, had a constant but weak feeling of fear, accompanied by a fear of being in Fear.

On waking up today, I am totally fine, mildly happy.

I find it strange that a meditation session purely dedicated to cultivating the jhanas ended up with me seemingly moving several times through the stages and also dumping me into Fear.