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Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?

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Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/14/20 7:38 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Dustin 7/14/20 9:28 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Ricky Lee Nuthman 7/14/20 9:52 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/14/20 10:10 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Hibiscus Kid 7/14/20 10:10 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/14/20 10:20 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 7/14/20 10:48 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Dustin 7/14/20 10:55 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/14/20 11:08 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/14/20 11:13 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 7/15/20 11:57 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/15/20 12:13 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö 7/15/20 1:40 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/15/20 2:46 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Jarrett 7/17/20 8:21 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Jarrett 7/17/20 8:25 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/18/20 5:15 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Jarrett 7/18/20 7:28 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/18/20 10:01 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Siavash 7/18/20 11:23 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Lewis James 7/19/20 7:57 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Jarrett 7/19/20 11:19 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/19/20 11:39 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Jarrett 7/19/20 3:42 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? es pro 7/19/20 11:55 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Ni Nurta 7/20/20 12:54 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Ni Nurta 7/20/20 12:43 AM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Lewis James 7/15/20 12:36 PM
RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me? Ni Nurta 7/14/20 11:23 PM
Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 7:38 PM
Those that visit here probably know my story, but essentially I ended up very unstable, NO EQUANIMITY, cannot feel love or joy anymore, just a black emptiness. Mind is very dark and miserable. Time is not healing, because psychological trauma is recurring, but I lost balance and am resisting it whether I like to or not.
om mani padme hum is supposedly a powerful mantra. Can it help me? My goal is to let go of my VERY strong ego, and open my heart again.
i do know that nobody can do this for us and that salvation is not outside ourselves. But it's been 3.5 months and I haven't been able to save myself, only watch things get worse.
maybe it's just an excuse , cuz everyone tells me I need to discipline my mind, but I don't know if it's as simple as letting go of thoughts. It doesn't take away from the suffering, the apathy I bring to everything I do. Thanks

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 9:28 PM as a reply to es pro.
Hey man, sorry to hear your still going through this. I'm not sure about the mantra solving your problem. I know it's a powerful mantra as I have used it in the past. But not sure it would help. Just cause I haven't done it in harsh situations. Have you ever tried yoga? I went through a terrible time in grief when my father died. I got into yoga about 6 months into it and within weeks I started releasing it. Just a thought.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 9:52 PM as a reply to es pro.
Sounds to me like it is time to do a 10 day retreat. Unfortunately I am not sure what is currently happening with the Goenka retreats with the current pandemic. 

I feel like your solution is going to be hardcore meditation, seeing thoughts as thoughts, feelings as feelings and emotions as emotions. Same advise that Shargrol gave to me when I was in your shoes. Consistent practice got me through it and into EQ. 

Don't take any of these feelings as self, just keep noting what arises and let it go. 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 10:10 PM as a reply to Ricky Lee Nuthman.
Thanks for responding . Thing is my equanimity is so bad I am conditioned to REALLY react. I'll wake up with so much dread so much aversion and get lost in thought. I'd love to do a retreat and heal myself but it's not great if ur mentally super unstable 
thing is about just observing ... EVER since April I noticed mental damage I.e. erratic activity further dissociation etc each day. So just observing the fear with awareness alone is not working , hence trying for weeks and weeks to somehow evoke love and equanimity. I don't feel it's within me I mean it's within every being but I haven't had access to it in months. I'd already say I DO hardcore meditation- I'm so self aware all the time 24/7, but it doesn't allow for much releasing/arising and passing away....just stuck stuck stuck 
i did think about doing yoga well I was doing for a bit but got fed up and didn't think I even had the potential for it to be beneficial, my story is like "one has to have love and equanimity in their hearts and not be so incredibly I. Their ego to release pain" but everyone tells me I should do it so.... maybe I should.... 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 10:10 PM as a reply to es pro.
I'll be blunt with you:

Honestly, you should seek professional help. I haven't read the specifics of your threads these last few weeks, but just based on the titles alone, it's clear that getting stable seems to be the most important thing for you right now. My assumption is that you're in a western country, so use those resources. Get in touch with a mental health professional and describe your curent experience to them without relying on dharma terms. 

Relying on a mantra or yoga to magically fix a deep issue is wishful thinking. Don't go on a long retreat as those can make things worse - I say this based on personal experience.

Part of being a sane adult is going to seek mental health support when you need it and not relying on meditation/spirituality to somehow fix everything. Address the issue directly: talk to a professional. Get help. Do therapy. Get on meds if necessary. 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 10:20 PM as a reply to Hibiscus Kid.
Hi, thanks for being blunt
the issue is I am in therapy and taking meds and it isn't working. Because the anxiety keeps coming back- since I waited too long to treat, and since ego death causes intense intense emotions- I am unable to heal. If the anxiety stopped I'd really be healing my mind body and heart
hence desperately grasping spirituality for help 
my heart spontaneously opened in therapy yeTerday but shut again since I just went back into the negativity/misery. I have been doing therapy TWICE a week and still haven't made progress my ego is so unrelenting and my heart so hurt and empty
thouggt about adjusting the meds but concerned I'm soooo disconnected from my body right now that it won't even help so ya resorting to mantras to open my heart and generate equanimity assuming the psychological approaches aren't working/won't work
ive tried everything really

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 10:48 PM as a reply to es pro.
There is one things in all this that confuses me. You have been alternatingly talking about having an ego that is too strong and losing your ego and therefore your motivational drive. Which one is it? Both? Does it go back and forth? 

Also, I know that even a short time can feel like an eternity, but 3,5 months is not a long time. By that I mean that it doesn't sound to me like you have to worry about it being chronic at this point. I certainly don't mean to trivialize your experience, just put it into perspective. You are going through a deep crisis, I have no doubts about that, but it isn't objectively a hopeless situation. It is not uncommon for treatments to take a longer time than that to kick in. Still, talk to your therapist and your psychiatrist about your situation. There might be adjustments to make with regard to your treatment.

For what it's worth, I'm here as a fellow traveller. 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 10:55 PM as a reply to es pro.
es pro:
ive tried everything really

Everybody has there own story about how they got free from that one time that was the worst ever. There's some good ideas from everybody who's said something on this thread. The thing that seems clear is that we all keep working to get free. If one doesn't work try another. If that doesn't work try to surrender whatever that looks like. One of my favorite things to think about when life just sucks is from Kenneth Folks book. He says "Having sailed through the all-important fourth ñana and subsequent ñanas five through nine, he hits a wall at the tenth, and can easily spend years there. But even the darkest night ends, and when it does, dawn is sure to follow. The next stop on the Progress of Insight, Knowledge of Equanimity, will make everything that came before it seem worthwhile"
I underlined the bast part. It's not really about being in the dark night. It's about when life sucks I have to remember everything is impermanent. When's it going to end? Nobody knows but we know it will.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 11:08 PM as a reply to Dustin.
Linda, it's like I dissolved the ego structure that is my personality , sense of self etc, the barrier between myself and others, the mental chatter of concepts of past and future, planning, identity etc ie female 26 year old girl who loves this and dislikes this...that is a healthy ego...so ya thinking back to before these episodes I just identified as a fun nice sociable girl who loves sports and connecting with people and is interested in astrology and psychology etc. 
but the OTHER ego is the one that keeps me from being free, the shame, the sense of being inferior/superior to others etc....because I dissolved my ego the other ego kicked in strongly if that makes sense 
this is what terrifies me most. It feels irreversible and nobody can see into my mind and give me direct answers
its not the dissolution that's the main issue, it's the fact that it makes the UNHEALTHY ego kick in full strength. I pray still to wake up with my personality back.
then again though I think my sense of self is largely in my heart ... so when my heart was full I just knew so well who I was...if my heart was full ego death would not be an issue but I'm concerned that I can't move thru these layers to reach my heart again without the HEalthy ego 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 11:13 PM as a reply to es pro.
And thanks Dustin....what my mind would say to that is that the dark night may never end for those who have dissolved their ego structure...I don't know that for a fact though. I don't know anything 
So I'm guessing that is a no, for the mantra working like magic to reopen my heart and restore my sense of self...lol 
everything is impermanent yes... but it isn't a painful sensation I'm stuck in, it's the loss of equanimity/love. I guess the feeling of love and disconnection from it too is impermanent...

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/14/20 11:23 PM as a reply to es pro.
Perhaps after your Dark Night is gone and you experience EQ and then path moment the view on the process that lead to these experiences will be seen in a good light. If it is any consolation, after enlightenment all DN and bad mind states do not even seem that bad and even worst periods seem kinda fun for what they are worth.

Your struggle reminds me of me also struggling with trying all sorts of techniques, methods, trying to somehow make things better and just going deeper in to depths of my own misery. Later I somehow started seeing all these seemingly futile attempts at taking a breath as pure gold. Despite I have not felt this at the time it all made me see how strong I am. I realized that even if this was to happen again I would make through it.

The most important thing is to not give up. Learn to surrender to reality and what is happening but at the same time never give up the fight to make your world and whole world for everyone better. You deserve to be happy and something tells me you will make through it just fine.

As for mantra... it is a method/technique alright. There are many methods, many techniques, a lot of things which can be done. It might not be the one which will bring your liberation but never the less it is something that when you learn to do will be in your tool box and it might do you some good when you do it.

Metta to you emoticon

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/15/20 11:57 AM as a reply to es pro.
es pro:
Linda, it's like I dissolved the ego structure that is my personality , sense of self etc, the barrier between myself and others, the mental chatter of concepts of past and future, planning, identity etc ie female 26 year old girl who loves this and dislikes this...that is a healthy ego...so ya thinking back to before these episodes I just identified as a fun nice sociable girl who loves sports and connecting with people and is interested in astrology and psychology etc. 
but the OTHER ego is the one that keeps me from being free, the shame, the sense of being inferior/superior to others etc....because I dissolved my ego the other ego kicked in strongly if that makes sense 
this is what terrifies me most. It feels irreversible and nobody can see into my mind and give me direct answers
its not the dissolution that's the main issue, it's the fact that it makes the UNHEALTHY ego kick in full strength. I pray still to wake up with my personality back.
then again though I think my sense of self is largely in my heart ... so when my heart was full I just knew so well who I was...if my heart was full ego death would not be an issue but I'm concerned that I can't move thru these layers to reach my heart again without the HEalthy ego 
Thanks for clarifying! Hm, sounds like a defense mechanism because something in you doesn't feel safe. Turning that part of you into an enemy won't help. It's just scared shitless and uses strategies that you learned as a small child. Can you relate to that? Have you consciously felt that kind of fear? What would have made you feel safe? Can you imagine providing that kind of safety for the scared little child in you? 

As for practices, apart from what I suggested above, I'd say that any practice that helps you get through the day is a great practice. I find that the basic practices taught by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche at Ligmincha International are soothing in times of crisis, such as the warrior seed syllables: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLay6yCfl1qk_hKxxbzxxvwPYrS1TWiF2A
If you find that a mantra soothes you, that's great. Just go with whatever you like and find that you are able to go through with. 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/15/20 12:13 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
It's hard to not make it an enemy, when it is blocking me off from my own heart and from others. I don't know really how to make myself feel safe. I guess right now the forums/obsessions with my mental state are my way of doing this
thanks for the practice suggestion emoticon I'm looking for something magical that can open my heart and dissolve my ego haha

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/15/20 12:36 PM as a reply to es pro.
A personality or ego isn't a single thing, you could say that we all have multiple selves. They're always changing. They follow action, information, etc. Particular actions, views, sense experiences, and subconscious drives can trigger these selves. Every time they flip to a new 'self', they all say 'hey, it's me the ego! The one ego that exists!'.

Part of the cause and effect insights when it comes to life practice, is noticing what stimuli trigger what type of self. Angry, bitter, sad? Excited, sporty, sociable? I imagine if someone took you to a football field and started kicking a ball around with you, the sporty self would get activated to some degree or another. Being taken to a party might feel uncomfortable at first, but going to a few and getting used to them, the sociable self starts arising.

By the way, have you ever taken time to figure out your values? For example: https://www.think2perform.com/our-approach/values/new

Having defined values that you can mentally consult is helpful when we start to notice that identification with egoic perception isn't necessary. Instead of the selves struggling over "hey let's do this", "no I wanna do that", one can just consult their values and see what action best aligns.

When you talk about getting your personality back, I feel like what you want is for your mind to feel healthier and more aligned with something greater. There are a couple of books I've read that have good practices for this type of struggle: "Feeding Your Demons" by Lama Tsultrim Allione, and "Core Transformation" by Connirae Andreas. At the end of the day we all have these shitty sides to ourselves that we find it difficult to accept and love, and so they kick up a fuss in our minds and make things hellish until we do. Then they can become allies and work in our favour.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/15/20 1:40 PM as a reply to es pro.
es pro:
It's hard to not make it an enemy, when it is blocking me off from my own heart and from others. I don't know really how to make myself feel safe. I guess right now the forums/obsessions with my mental state are my way of doing this

What if the "bad" ego is just the same sets of mechanisms as your own heart but under the specific conditions of not feeling safe? If you make it feel safe, maybe you'll notice that? Most small children feel safe if a grown-up with a confident and friendly body posture holds them and talks to them in a very soft voice and tells them that everything is going to be allright. I'm not kidding. I once had a fruition as a result from doing that. I lay down in my bed under a soft blanket, closed my eyes, held my hands on my heart and talked to all the different Pollys that were feeling unsafe. I told them in a soft voice that they were all welcome to express themselves and prayed for them to feel safe enough to let go. I did that over and over again until I felt it enough to let go of the talking. Then I just kept imagining it until all tensions dissolved and thoughts stopped and they let go. The shift resulting from that was amazing. It was such a great relief and so much energy that was released from all the tensions and all the repression that had been there. 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/15/20 2:46 PM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
Thank you this is beautiful. Yeah if I REALLY KNEW it was going to be ok I know I'd break down into tears. This Buddhist nun with the ability to kinda intuit into others minds, she told me today I would find the answer, that was the hardest I broke down in a while. It is very hard to convince myself it will be ok, I spend most of the time thinking I'm fucked. But the second I feel I'll be ok, the weight lifts. I'll try telling myself otherwise
i remember during my last DN the grey cloud was characterized by the constant worry I'd be sick forever. When a psychiatrist or therapist told me it was just anxiety, I'd burst into tears of relief. But watching things get "worse" keeps me certain I'm fucked. I need to believe otherwise, it's such a trap

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/17/20 8:21 AM as a reply to Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö.
YES Linda!

This is powerful practice. 

Es Pro, if doing this practice informally is difficult for you, I highly recommend Internal Family Systems work.


Richard Schwarz (the founder of this system) has some fantastic lectures / guided meditations on youtube. 

Maybe ask your therapist if they do / are familiar with any psychologists who practice IFS.


Very powerful practices that I (almost) guarantee are gonna help you open up in a safe way.

Much love,

jarrett

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/17/20 8:25 AM as a reply to Jarrett.
 also, i could see it being very helpful for you (as it was for me) to have some sessions with a bodyworker who does awareness-based interactive work. someone who you trust and someone with whom the vibe feels right.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/18/20 5:15 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
Thank you... I do have a body worker now. I was just introduced to IFS yesterday. I wonder if it can be helpful. I feel quite trapped in the mind at the moment

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/18/20 7:28 PM as a reply to es pro.
IFS can be very helpful and i don't think it's a coincidence you heard about IFS yesterday, and i posted about it, and it happened to resonate with you.  i had posted about it on one of your threads a couple weeks ago and it went overlooked.  

trust the resonance. it is a real thing!

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/18/20 10:01 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
Ok. I have tried literally everything though, well not thoroughly
the thing is the woman said part of the family is this worry that my ego is getting stronger, I am getting more disconnected, and fragmented etc which is TRUE, so I always panic and complain and try to stop it. But she encouraged me to nurture this worry instead of feeding it....best case scenario nurturing it long term WILL stop the thing I am preoccupied about, and help me be back in my body and heart.
i will be more mindful and give it a shot and talk to myself more kindly.....
as for the om mani padme hum nobody has addressed this ahaha I am looking for something that will help soften me again and surrender this ego of mine

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/18/20 11:23 PM as a reply to es pro.
That crazy one says:

Talk to yourself kindly in the nature. In a garden, on a mountain, beside a lake. Let the nature show the way to healing. It knows how to do it.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/19/20 7:57 AM as a reply to es pro.
You might want to check out Janusz & Rakhel of Deep Mindfulness Collective, they've been working on integrating IFS into insight meditation practice. For me it's been very powerful.

Janusz does a free livestream on Mondays, Weds and Fridays and talks/guides this material a lot, you're also free to ask any questions there either via text chat, audio or video, whatever your preference is.

Here's a recording of one of the livestreams that introduces the multiple self model:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypY4ysteq6o

It is a little rambly due to the nature of it being a livestream, but you might find some useful stuff there and I would definitely recommend getting in touch with Janusz or Rakhel privately if you're a meditator for whom IFS hasn't quite clicked.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/19/20 11:19 AM as a reply to es pro.
IFS is about cultivating better relationships between these parts of ourselves. when you say "I always panic and complain and try to stop it," it seems to me like that part of your self needs some love and acceptance and recognition.

we can talk about these things all day on a forum, and it isn't gonna help you if you don't do it.  this is about doing the work to change your relationship to phenomena.

as for mantra,

i asked my teacher the same question when i was deep in the dukka nanas.  he told me to stop doing mantra and "rest in the nature of alaya."
using mantra to force away things we don't like is not gonna bring us to where we want to go.  we need to SEE THROUGH the phenomena --  see its emptiness. not look the other way.

don't use mantra to shield yourself from the phenomena you dislike.

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/19/20 11:39 AM as a reply to Jarrett.
I guess the reason I'm so doubtful is because the ship has sailed for me to see through the fear- at least right now anyway, it has more power over me- so it will keep happening and so I'm not sure that working at thought level only, more superficially, will change anything when there's such a deep unconscious process of fragmentation happening. But I don't know that for sure.
a reason why I proposed mantra was to cultivate equanimity and face what is. I know it might seem magical. I just thought maybe ; I read that the mantra can transform a mind into kind and compassionate so I thought ok maybe it can help open my heart so I can face phenomena and not drown in them. Anything but to be with what is haha.
thank you for the responses emoticon 

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/19/20 3:42 PM as a reply to es pro.
a very relevant quote by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche:

"the more advanced, developed way of looking at the situation is not just to be horrified by samsara and the confusion of wordly life, but to look into it and study it. it is to realize it and to understand it. samsara is not that terrifying, if you really examine it, if you put it into your own microscope of discriminating awareness and look at it. so it is not at all the case that you have to abandon it. you do not have to completely leave the whole thing out. in other words, you see that the impure and bad aspects of 'worldly life,' so called, the painful aspects of suffering, misery, and all the rest -- are not particularly bad, but they are very interesting to look into. you have to examine them, and having examined them and worked on them, then you will also see the absence of them.

"from seeing, inspecting, and studying those aspects, you will also realize the absence of them, which is freedom, liberation, peace, and happiness. but if you search for this kind of peace in the same way as you search for peace in the ordinary sense, then you will be caught in the same game always: that you want something safe and permanent. and when you reach that particular peaceful state of mind -- if you do at all --the moment you arrive, you will begin to worry about the consistency of that peace. you will worry about how to preserve that peace and how to secure it, which will lead to more pain and more suffering. you will continuously be involved with suffering."

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/19/20 11:55 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
That is so profound....that happiness and peace and love are the ABSENCE of suffering, resistance, struggle...knowing that though, my ego does not like to hear it, cuz it means she cannot GET any of it, and since she is in full control here , those things are ever elusive....so....a trap. My schemes to pray for peace and love to infiltrate me will not work....om mani padme hum who knows....
the thing is, looking at these aspects isn't WORKING for me. I have awareness but not equanimity. So I'm just looking and they're just grinding my mind again and again.....not really providing insight, just keeping me down....maybe I'm impatient here. I mean I've been in this similar thing before but it hasn't worsened. Like how long do I have to look at these aspects before experiencing the absence of them!? Haha
Seriously though! Conventional spiritual principles should work for everyone . But if we don't have access to our inner hearts then sometimes we just "can't " sit with the unpleasant thoughts and feelings, they drown us..

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/20/20 12:43 AM as a reply to Jarrett.
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche:

from seeing, inspecting, and studying those aspects, you will also realize the absence of them, which is freedom, liberation, peace, and happiness. but if you search for this kind of peace in the same way as you search for peace in the ordinary sense, then you will be caught in the same game always: that you want something safe and permanent. and when you reach that particular peaceful state of mind -- if you do at all --the moment you arrive, you will begin to worry about the consistency of that peace. you will worry about how to preserve that peace and how to secure it, which will lead to more pain and more suffering. you will continuously be involved with suffering.
I kinda agree with worrying being an issue but my own investigation showed me that worrying is not the cause for worrying so it is not what breaks feeling good. It is the thought about liberation from suffering. I could be in best mind state of my life but if I generate such thought then the suffering starts. Even if at first is subtle it then it might start process of worrying in mind which might fuel more thoughts about liberation from suffering but not even then worrying is an issue but liberation from suffering which by its own generate more of itself.

Thus including word of any "liberation" is imho unskillful.
When there is pain you get it fixed by struggle. It is good to struggle, it is even good to worry, be mad, be whatever. It is wrong to try to experience liberation from suffering and it is the source of moving focus from what is being experienced. When mind is on the experience and there is anything wrong with it eg. you are mad or worry, then mind will naturally process it and find solutions to it. When mind is caught in liberation from suffering it will be constantly trying to experience this liberation and to experience it more meanigfully it will strenghten suffering.

This whole liberation from suffering just sells. Want to sell your bullshit then say people will experience liberation from suffering with your shit. Do opposite and say liberation is the issue and be thus gone from everyone's mind emoticon

RE: Ok.... can om mani padme hum save me?
Answer
7/20/20 12:54 AM as a reply to es pro.
es pro:
That is so profound....that happiness and peace and love are the ABSENCE of suffering, resistance, struggle...knowing that though, my ego does not like to hear it, cuz it means she cannot GET any of it, and since she is in full control here , those things are ever elusive....so....a trap. My schemes to pray for peace and love to infiltrate me will not work....om mani padme hum who knows....
the thing is, looking at these aspects isn't WORKING for me. I have awareness but not equanimity. So I'm just looking and they're just grinding my mind again and again.....not really providing insight, just keeping me down....maybe I'm impatient here. I mean I've been in this similar thing before but it hasn't worsened. Like how long do I have to look at these aspects before experiencing the absence of them!? Haha
Seriously though! Conventional spiritual principles should work for everyone . But if we don't have access to our inner hearts then sometimes we just "can't " sit with the unpleasant thoughts and feelings, they drown us..
This is what I am talking about.
Looking at aspects just to experience absence of them. It will never work.
You look not to experience absence but to know what you are looking at. When you look at something you look at it to see it clearly what it is now, whatever "now" means in respect to this thing. You can notice begining of a thought, its lifetime and end but if you look at thought just to see it ending, liberation from it to get off on it then it will arise again, even strongly just so you can experience this end more strongly. Of course then you won't experience end of it but just suffering.

BTW. Struggle is not unskillful. I would even say it is very good. Struggle with all your might. Mind knows what is good and what it wants and it should struggle to get it. If current state of things is unfavourable then struggle is the way to go. Ego is also not an issue, if it is there then let it be, apparently it wants to be there. As soon as it is experienced it will do its thing and won't be there next moment. If you you however want ego gone, be liberated from it then it will neither properly experienced nor will it be gone, you will just experience suffering.