Abhishek’s practice log

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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Hi everyone,

I think it's best to put all experiences and questions regarding my practice all at one thread so that I can get suggestions and guidance from this incredible talented people. And I can see how much I improve in future.

I'm Abhishek Sharma , I'm from india, as a Hindu I've been doing meditation, yoga ,chanting mantras from my childhood as it's in our culture. Even at my school , we had to pray ,chant mantras , sit in padmasan do meditation while chanting OM. then further all the lectures starts.. but.. I never know this aspect of meditation and never saw meditation like this and didn't know how profound it is and leave meditation after my highschool. But back in 2018 as fitness instructor I thought It would be good idea to do meditation to build a better mind and muscle connection to build more muscle fibres and so I did scaning  i got succeeded  but I was not consistent. And in this lockdown pandemic force me start once again as stress was building up but now I was serious  and now it's been 3 months continuously I'm doing 3 to 4 hrs daily . And because of which so many things changed now, my attitude my way of seeing every situation means everything.. that's motivating me to  go further and further..  I just want everyone help me in my practice that I'll do everything in a right way!

Back to the practice.. 
doing 2 hrs of practice starting with 5 sets of counting breath 1-10 and then noting with arising and falling of the abdomen as a primary object.

right now While doing noting it's feel like as time passes I attain different states like in the beginning due to piti my concentration become sharp and then after around 30 minutes I can come to second state where increased concentration and quietness seen I can able to see sensation faster and easily and then after 1 to 1.5 hrs I noticed even superior territory where I feel whole body like one white space where my stability, calmness, concentration ahead of second one and like there is no object left for noting like my mind stops working and unable to find any sensation or object  which force me to sit calm without anything noting.. 

In the beginning it's difficult for me note thoughts in an instant but now I can note them faster and I noticed one thing that whenever I perceive thought the after sensation was always seeing , black space in front of my closed eyes. Felt like thoughts have some connection with this space, and other sensations have little gap in between them.. 

Am I going in right direction...? Or have to change something in my practice...?
sorry for my bad english in advance!
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Olivier, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 731 Join Date: 4/27/19 Recent Posts
Good practice, balance mindfulness, concentration and effort ; you might want to keep the factors of enlightenment/spiritual faculties in mind (4th contemplation, dhammanupassana) : "balance and strengthen, strengthen and balance". If you don't know about the five spiritual faculties and seven factors of awakening, read about them in mctb. 
Keep it up !
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Olivier:
Good practice, balance mindfulness, concentration and effort ; you might want to keep the factors of enlightenment/spiritual faculties in mind (4th contemplation, dhammanupassana) : "balance and strengthen, strengthen and balance". If you don't know about the five spiritual faculties and seven factors of awakening, read about them in mctb. 
Keep it up !
Thanks Olivier

I've been trying everything I can. Reading books and articles and everything that come into my sight. Also practice logs here which helps me alot took many hints from them. and yes I've been reading MCTB which helps me alot.
what you meant by "balance and strengthen, strength and balance " are talking about noting or hindrances.
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Olivier, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 731 Join Date: 4/27/19 Recent Posts
I mean strengthen the individual factors and adjust each of them so that they are evenly balanced. As in : lots of curiosity, lots of clarity, lots of enjoyment, AND lots of calm. This is a practice instruction from mctb which echoes the "wings to awakening" taught by the buddha. I found it extremely practical and forward driving ! enjoy !

You could re-read the specific sections i'm talking about from mctb if you don't remember exactly what those lists entail emoticon
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Olivier:
I mean strengthen the individual factors and adjust each of them so that they are evenly balanced. As in : lots of curiosity, lots of clarity, lots of enjoyment, AND lots of calm. This is a practice instruction from mctb which echoes the "wings to awakening" taught by the buddha. I found it extremely practical and forward driving ! enjoy !

You could re-read the specific sections i'm talking about from mctb if you don't remember exactly what those lists entail emoticon
Yes I'm in the middle of the book will read all in few days.. thanks Olivier emoticon
Sam Gentile, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 1089 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
From my limited perspective you look to be off to a great start! Seems like you are putting in a good deal of time and effort. Just for curiousity, what style of Noting are you using? Mahasi Sayadaw/MCTB or Kenneth Folk?
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Sam Gentile:
From my limited perspective you look to be off to a great start! Seems like you are putting in a good deal of time and effort. Just for curiousity, what style of Noting are you using? Mahasi Sayadaw/MCTB or Kenneth Folk?


Thanks for replying Sam.
Umm I don't know much which style I've been using , It's kinda mixture I think so hehe.  Because I adjust myself accordingly to what suits me which feels easy to note .like I use hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, thinking, feeling , in which mood I'm, Even sometimes we give priority to some sensations I even note them , I even note If I'm noting in hurry or smoothly , sleepy , types of thoughts, inner talk, and added some more notings in my native language which feels spot on and easy to me . This makes a lot of difference  You can say mixture of english and hindi language . By the way I'm not experienced one If I was wrong then Then I appreciate help from anyone. emoticon
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Jarrett, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 54 Join Date: 6/29/20 Recent Posts
Sounds like great practice!
I highly suggest doing Metta or all four Brahmaviharas (Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity). It'll also help with your concentration.
That will ensure you're "going in the right direction" ;)
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Jarrett:
Sounds like great practice!
I highly suggest doing Metta or all four Brahmaviharas (Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity). It'll also help with your concentration.
That will ensure you're "going in the right direction" ;)

Yes I saw in Sam Harris app 'Waking Up' there is metta practice option but I haven't used them . Today I'll do some metta practice too 
Sam Gentile, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 1089 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Abhishek Sharma:
Jarrett:
Sounds like great practice!
I highly suggest doing Metta or all four Brahmaviharas (Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity). It'll also help with your concentration.
That will ensure you're "going in the right direction" ;)

Yes I saw in Sam Harris app 'Waking Up' there is metta practice option but I haven't used them . Today I'll do some metta practice too 
I use the Sam Harris Waking Up app too! Do you use it to do your main practices? I set it on 60 min meditation #5 where there is almost no talk or direction. 
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Sam Gentile:
Abhishek Sharma:
Jarrett:
Sounds like great practice!
I highly suggest doing Metta or all four Brahmaviharas (Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity). It'll also help with your concentration.
That will ensure you're "going in the right direction" ;)

Yes I saw in Sam Harris app 'Waking Up' there is metta practice option but I haven't used them . Today I'll do some metta practice too 
I use the Sam Harris Waking Up app too! Do you use it to do your main practices? I set it on 60 min meditation #5 where there is almost no talk or direction. 

Yes I did those 60 mins meditation, Sometimes I do these from the app but not always. I've been doing others practices from the app like Metta , Koan, headless way those are very interesting . In main practice right now my main focus is to improve noting.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Added 20 min Metta practice daily . There is some type of stress , don't know why I feel little tense. From past 3 days while meditating so many thoughts like storms of thought are coming and can't able to differentiate that I'm seeing pictures or they are just thoughts. Like thoughts are now in front of my eyes playing like a movie .And the darkness in front of my closed eyes becomes dark blueish of colour now , and that waves of blueish cloud rapidly changing in different shapes which are sharp in details like these waves not going to settle . And because of this that makes me lot difficult to do noting I almost losing my concentration and suddenly I found myself losts in thoughts. Don't know what I did.

I also experiencing a long beep tone while meditating it's just suddenly come for 5 to 10 sec and then vanishes. Don't know what's this

now I started some yoga and pranayam. Will post if any change I'd notice.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
New experience: 
25/July/20

                           Usually do yoga and pranayam before meditation. This routine helping me alot. Today while meditating I was noting It's been an hour and It suddenly feels like my body proportions are changing and then suddenly I was like big like a whole house and then at the same time like I was flat like a coin , don't know how to express this experience in words, it's totally different, and at that time it's feel like I'm not noting the sensations else I'm the sensations, feels like all sensations are at one place and There is not any difference between me and sensations, like there is no body , just sensations,  It's unimaginable, as I'm weak in english so don't know how define this experience and this last for about 20 mins . Can anyone tell me what's this...
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Did 1.5 hrs of 5 session today. As here is lockdown on the weekends, so I've  been utilising this time.

leaving aside the desire of any jhana states ,rapture, or any experiences anything like this , just focus and did noting, and when equanimity arises then I just sit relax did nothing just see sensations come and go . This feels so nice and relaxing. This is how my all sessions last today.

Today on my first session  I was noting and suddenly my head drops like l felt asleep but don't know how as I was in good concentration but noticed that instant I was in equanimity, It's very different one, not any energy , any visuals, nor anything just plain simple equanimity  and that was very best session so far.. After meditation when I stand up there is some type of desire in me to sit with the nature to spend some time just by glaring the stars, sky, clouds, noticing every aspect of nature and smiling just by noticing all these thing happening, I feels so positive, full of happiness, don't know what suddenly change happens to me, to my behaviour, wanna enjoys every moment. Feels like something gonna happen.. let's see
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Doing 2 hrs daily 
  
In my sessions I mainly do noting and in the last part of sessions just sit relax and note without labelling them just enjoy in equanimity.

While meditating I've been experiencing  forming of colourful structures in that black space. Sometimes I don't have to note every sensations it's like all the sensations become whole one in the shape of my body like there is not any difference between me and sensations we both are one. That one is very good experience.


Session 2 while sleeping in which I  do nothing just see the sensations arises ,passes while lying and that pushed me into jhanas then just enjoy the raptures and enjoy the meditation and then sleeps come automatically. 

yes sometimes I experienced that in the night sessions when I'm in half sleep half awake state where I don't able to sense my physical body It becomes difficult to me where am I. 
Martin, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 294 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
Abhishek Sharma:
New experience: 
25/July/20

                           Usually do yoga and pranayam before meditation. This routine helping me alot. Today while meditating I was noting It's been an hour and It suddenly feels like my body proportions are changing and then suddenly I was like big like a whole house and then at the same time like I was flat like a coin , don't know how to express this experience in words, it's totally different, and at that time it's feel like I'm not noting the sensations else I'm the sensations, feels like all sensations are at one place and There is not any difference between me and sensations, like there is no body , just sensations,  It's unimaginable, as I'm weak in english so don't know how define this experience and this last for about 20 mins . Can anyone tell me what's this...
I think your English is great. I can't say what you are experiencing but I can say that I have experienced similar things and I hear them described quite often.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Martin:
Abhishek Sharma:
New experience: 
25/July/20

                           Usually do yoga and pranayam before meditation. This routine helping me alot. Today while meditating I was noting It's been an hour and It suddenly feels like my body proportions are changing and then suddenly I was like big like a whole house and then at the same time like I was flat like a coin , don't know how to express this experience in words, it's totally different, and at that time it's feel like I'm not noting the sensations else I'm the sensations, feels like all sensations are at one place and There is not any difference between me and sensations, like there is no body , just sensations,  It's unimaginable, as I'm weak in english so don't know how define this experience and this last for about 20 mins . Can anyone tell me what's this...
I think your English is great. I can't say what you are experiencing but I can say that I have experienced similar things and I hear them described quite often.
That means I'm going in right direction...
Martin, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 294 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
Abhishek Sharma:
That means I'm going in right direction...

Or we are all going in the wrong direction :-)
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: My practice

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Now my meditation time increases to 120 min from 90 min naturally , I never used any timer . Just sit until I feel satisfied.
                         starts with taking deep breaths. Then following breath in abdomen the arises and falling. Took me just 2 to 3 min to feels like in first jhana. Then starts noting. I don't force myself to go or to note any sensations intentionally, just follow my awareness, look who is aware, who is following, who is this person that is following sensations , I can feel like there is one person whome I can't control who is doing thing on his on way. I can even see if there is some tension or some confusion and try to look who is in tension or confusion, who is feeling these emotions, these sensations ,.. very interesting. One very major change is that now my all raptures , bliss waves or sensations that were their before are now converted into something very different thing, they are now sharp icy very cool mint sensations, which can explod from any part of body . Don't know why those raptures and bliss waves converted into these..I can see the difference between  the cool feel I feels from AC and these icy sensation. And when these icy cool sensations begins to burst I can see I'm entering to an interesting state where my field of view becomes wide like ummm lying oval shape which have orange yellow bright light and in between is that black space which looks like universe with millions of starts blinking . After that I can see voilet colour flames coming out of cracked ground in the view field. And then after 100 min passes i think so , there is again burst of that icy cool sensations and also pressure on my chest which then give rises to that oval shape bright light into my view filed again and the field is so widen up and then sudden urge of rolling up of eyes I don't know ,how, why but this happens automatically and there is flickering blinking of eyelids and that is another level of experience like something gonna happen to me and can't express or describe into words ummmm It was like I'm spinning or pressure or some beeppppp sound, ummm don't have words.. and then whole body is shaking or trembling at the same time, but when I look carefully I can see that these are all movements, sensations those are happening rapidly very quickly which looks like trembling, this goes for 3 min to 5 min and then It was like I'm not seeing that widen dark space although I can feel I'm into it that dark space which is grasping me from all over from front and from behind like I dark cloud and I can feel the space and It's difficult on that moment to feel body or can sense what I'm normally it's very different experience from previous ones . This same happened again the following next day.

can someone have something to say ? Is this bad or what?
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Doing 2 to 2.5 hrs session where I first start with following abdomen breath for 5 min then noting for an hour then hour of self inquiry then just surrender doing nothing.

From past days I've been experiencing mini-me 24x7. Feels like I'm not body Else I'm looking from the body that body is just a tool to interact with people . I can see the emotions,mood , every thing like an image in front of mini-me . So I was trying to observe that mini-me as I aware it's not real 'l' . So I was observing this thing this sensation behind my eyes and I did so many things while meditating , try to locate that 'l' by asking who is looking , who sent awareness to that corner , trying to be aware of awareness. And then there was a moment where I literally forgot about the body and It's became hard to feel and locate the physical body and then suddenly I feel I was in this black thick space where their was no feel no sense like emptyness, this space can be feel but still it's nothing.. can't able to describe. At that moment I can see only sensations shaking and making sound like my body was not real before , it's really made up of sensations, amd then fear comes, this experience triggered  fear  I don't know how but their was urge to go back to normal because of fear,it's unimaginable. Wow. Then I came back to normal self. And i opens my eyes ,their was tingling sensations all over body for some time then everything becomes normal.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Doing noting + surrender for 2 hrs daily morning and at night.

When I tried to turn back awareness to myself and tried to look who is aware of everything and look into that 'l' that who is observing that mini-me then there was a point where I feel something and I suddenly started crying and their were tears in my eyes and I was amazed that why what happening why I'm crying and when I realised that for whom I was working hard to look was already their then at the same moment I was laughing hehe .. what a moment though... and then after that now I don't feel any mini-me sitting behind my eyes their is just feeling of myself which is always their always me. How could I didn't able to see that. Looks like a wall or filter just melt away. 
And on my further sessions when look into this true self tried to turn back awareness to myself I saw that their is nothing, not a thing , just empty space , gap, then I realised that this space in front of us where we are in bith are same , that self is not a thing or object or anything it's nothing., looking from a place that impossible to find out. But don't know how go further then this. I'm trying , experimenting in self enquiry, let's see, what I gonna realise further reality 
n0nick, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 17 Join Date: 6/12/20 Recent Posts
The eyes rolling up is shambhavi mudra. Could be related to past life yogic practices. The laughing and crying are repressed emotions stored in physical/subtle bodies. Body trembling are kundalini kriyas releasing muscular tensions from the body. Good luck in your jeourney.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Really past life? Is there any connection or involvement of past life in our meditation journey?
yes I can feel the releasing of tension . 
n0nick, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 17 Join Date: 6/12/20 Recent Posts
You will find out on your own as you move ahead in the meditation jeourney. I see the body as a bag of karma . I try to consiously feel whatever emotions come up during meditation. Helps release them. 
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 6 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
It's been a long time writing about my experiences.

there are lots of stuff that I understand now,

I think concentration practices are not a good idea to realise  the ultimate truth thus it's a good thing for beginners but actually it's not a  meditation (dyan) , and why I'm saying this because the inner self (chit) is not a static thing , we don't have to focus or try to hold ourself  to something by focusing on a particular area because this is not a stable or static thing it's a dynamic like a water flowing in river, it's like a river ,  whereas we all called the first path 'stream' entry.  That's why Vipassana is the ultimate technique to get stream entry. 

and in dukkha nana What I realised is it's better to dive deep into whatever tension and dukkas you're going into just face them and see what they look like how they feel like what changes they are doing in your body in your mood , just see them as a sensation and when you see them they will eventually comes down to normal. And what I realised is that bad feeling or good feelings whatever it is , they are just a sensation, there is not any difference between very pleasant or disgusting sensation all are just same it's just made up of our mind.

and I think the most enlightened being would be a new born baby who has no past experiences and doesn't have any imagination behind any sensations , a baby can see any sensation as it is in their real form not like us where there it is some type of imagination, thinking, any mind made up things which keeping us away from realisation. It's like our thoughts are just sticking behind everything.

Now I can see the mind made up things in every sensation like the real truth is hiding behind these imaginations , thoughts and when you dissect through them you would be able to see the real truth. 

In experiences wise ,I don't do any type of jhana practice now , they just happen to me automatically while meditating, It's now normal to me to have different experiences but some are rare like yesterday when I was sleeping suddenly I woke up and I can see myself my body is sleeping  but still I was conscious and there was a feeling like all the sensations around my body just moving toward a center and became one. And then suddenly there was a electrical impulse  like sensation all over my body especially in my brain and I can feel every neurone spreads allover like a web in my brain and I can feel every single stem of them and It's just amazed me how's this possible but at the same time I fear alot because I thought that this electrical signals gonna burst my brain they were so intense and the every neurone were bursting with lots of electrical energy. And this goes for 15 mins i think so. I still have some tightness into my brain hehe don't know when it'll become normal. That's it. that's the all stuff I experienced in this last month.
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Abhishek Sharma, modified 6 Months ago.

RE: Abhishek’s practice log

Posts: 33 Join Date: 7/8/20 Recent Posts
Suddenly able to access formless realms, this was a perplexing experience. 
From past one week I'm trying to be always aware of everything into my daily life, like everything , how I'm earing, seat onto the chair, hold anything, in what way i washing my hand, everything. And which helps me alot i think , after doing this , within two days I was ablt to experience my first formless realm. And after that so many things happened and still happening. 
WHILE MEDITATING: it's like focusing on nothing in your attention, and there is no feeling of your physical body, you're no where and but still feel the presence of space ,the feel of spaciousness and the more your attention is on nothingness like you are just aware but of nothing, the more you able to go deep. Sometimes i feel some fragments of my body , sometimes not, like I'm dissolved in that empty space, just sounds only were heard. And changing of shape of body , like sometimes my body is get pulled from both side from bottom and top that I can't able to tell where is the bottom of my body. 
and therr is one moment when Suddenly I got flipped to right side and I saw my face from right side and I can see the sounds from outer environment going toward my ear , And there was also a change in the frequency of the sound .. really that's scared me hell out of me.. after that day I feels totally changed now.

OFF CUSHION: My daily life and perception is changed don't know why. Always feel so spaceous like I'm no where not in body nor out of it, it's like mixed feeling, like light and spaciousness, like living headlessly. Became so calm, and able to access nothingness just after instant after closing my eyes. Feels like my view field is become little wide. Feeling the space everytime. I feel so good now hahaha. It's a very pleasant feeling

can anyone tell me what's going on...