Hello

I have been lurking for over a month, today is as good as any to make an official introduction:

I discovered meditation around 5 years ago with Headspace.
Not long after I enrolled for a Goenka 10 days retreat in Japan.
The switch from 20min a day to all day long was challenging, especially the first 4 days but then it was mostly great.
I went came back relaxed, calmer, and somewhat changed but I honestly don't think I was ready or understanding the method correctly enough to have a real progression.
A few months after I lost my daily practice (I would do 20min a day for 2 weeks and then stop for a month, on and off).

But last year, I had a few experiences with ayahuasca which were groundbreaking. It led me back into meditation and I became even more regular after starting MCTB2 a few months ago (40% but not going fast, it's a bit dry to read about the path when one is not there yet...Sorry Dan ;-)

I now try to meditate at least 30min a day and aiming for 60min:
- 5 to 10min on the breath to calm.
- Then trying to note most sensations/feelings/thoughts.

I have had some interesting experiences but I now feel edgy on the day I meditate (Maybe aftermath of noting which make me aware of every little sensation during the day), like feeling energy inside me and not knowing how to release or do something with it.
Unfortunately, my usual ways to deal with that energy (Which I assimilate with stress) in the past were nails bitting/food / booze / drugs (alcohol is mostly under control (only on weekend) and I didn't touch drugs for years).

If anyone has any advice about that I'm all hear :-)

And finally, being based in Shanghai, I would be very happy to connect with any Dharma aficionados passing by or living in the city.

Have a nice day,

Hey Sushi

Nice to meet you.

Edgyness in – or as a result of – meditation is not uncommon. It is present in the stage known as 3. nana or The Three Caracteristics, and again in the later set of states informally known as The Dark Night. I recommend that you read the FAQ section and orient yourself a bit to the maps of the territory. I can point you to some other – shorter – ressources than Ingram's book, if you're interested. Another recommendation is to give precise phenomenological descriptions of what exactly goes on in your meditation, maybe even set up a practice log. In that way it is easier for other members of DhO to help you out with comments and advice.

Good luck!
Niels

Hi Niels,

Thanks for your feedback.

I re-read the part on the 3 characteristics on MCTB2.
I'm probably there indeed: Strong back and shoulder pain, edgyness, weird muscle spasms etc.

I followed your advised and just posted my first logs, and followed more or less the template of yours ;-)

Have a nice day
SushiK

Hi Sushi, and welcome to the DharmaOverground sangha. I see that Niels has given you some great basics to begin with, and second his recommendations wholeheartedly. I note that you have already started your practice log too, on his recommendation, and look forward to readin that more closely.

The edginess as you describe it is something that will come with the territory a lot of the time, as Niels noted. You are somply becoming more aware of things that have been outside the light of self-knowledge. You begins with your environment, awakening to aspects and perturbations, and when it turns inward, you start deepening your self-knowledge in the same way, awakening to stuff you never realized was going on in you. It can bee unnerving, but strong practice and an attitude of unhurried faith in the Dharma will carry you through in the long run. And it is for the long run that we all practice here.

In the short run, and the long run, glad to have to with us!

love, tim

Thanks for your comments and welcoming attitude Tim.

Have a nice day,

Thank you, Sushi, but I'm afraid I am incapable of having nice days anymore, lol. Years of meditation have fucked me up completely. I am lucky to have days at all.

love, tim