SushiK Log #1

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SushiK, modified 1 Year ago.

SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Hello,

Following advise from Niels, I'm starting a log.
Based on my experiences, I think I'm around the three characteristics (Feeling edgy after meditating, more intense pain than usual in neck, trapeze, rhomboid).

27th July, 7pm, Shanghai, 40min:

Started with 10min focusing on the breath in my abdomen. Maybe 3 cycles of counting 10 outbreath. I might have switched to the breath at the nose after a while.
Then noting for the next 30min, sensations were coming really fast so I tried to note most but couldn't label all of it.

Body:Pain, tightness and tension on my back neck, trapeze, romboid. Pulsation and energy fel in my hands and foot. Sweating even with the A/C on (It's 35 in Shanghai). Intense heat at the bottom of  feet, like a burn. Tingling in the face, side and top of the head. Pressure around forehead and eyes. Some itchiness. Muscle spasm coming and going in tights and butt. Tightness in front neck. Sharp pain in the back of my skull for a few sec. 
Thougts: Some, mostly image popping which I noted. Some thought about the practice.
Sound: Sounds of the car in the street, my cat playing around.
Visual field: Nothing particular.
Weird: For most of the sit I felt  like sensations were happening a few cm in front of me.

General feeling: Curious, mostly calm, overwhelmed when the sensation were too many to be noted, puzzled when noticed that sensation were happening slightly outside of me.
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SushiK, modified 1 Year ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
28th July, 6:40am, Shanghai, 60min:

Started with 10min focusing on the breath in my abdomen.
3 cycles of counting 10 outbreath.
I switched to the breath at the nose and did 3 cycles counting 10 outbreath
Then noting for the next 50min, sensations were coming much slower. I was a bit tired and drowsy. Mind wandering quite a bit. I wanted to stop the meditation around 35min in but kept going.

Body: Pulsation and energy fel in my hands and feet. Some tightness and pain in the upper back. Tingling in the face and side of the head. Tingling in the arm. Spasm in the butt and right thigh.
Thougts: Quite a lot. Lost in thought sometimes. Mostly about the log I was going to write. The dream I had last night. Work thoughts. Wanting to stop the meditation. Wanting to keep going.
Sound: Sounds of the car in the street.
Visual field: Variation in luminosity (White light).
Weird: My timer ring every 10min, some rounds felt really long while one felt very short. At some point felt like my left nostril was bigger than the right, flow of air was stronger. My body slightly collapsed on the right side without intention to.

General feeling: Tired, drowsy but manage to sit it through. A bit of mind wandering but not that bad considering the tiredness. Happy that I kept going and finished the 60min.
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SushiK, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
28th July, 6:50pm, Shanghai, 20min:

Tried to practice concentration by focusing only on the breath.
Breath in the abdomen at first then switched to the breath at the tip of the nose.

Felt like ring of relaxation going from my shoulders and concentrating in a sphere in my abdomen.
Quite enjoyable.

I felt some pressure in my upper chest which is unusual for me, I tried to not look at it much and focus only on the breath.
No struggle coming from the thoughts but after a while I was bothered by my throat (Coughing, swallowing saliva).

Ending the session with a though coming about all the "mini programs" running "me" and what a release it would be if those could be off sometimes. 


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SushiK, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
29th July, 6:50am, Shanghai, I was planning 50min but my gf interrupted at 35:

Started with 10min focusing on the breath in my abdomen. 
3 cycles of counting 10 outbreath. 
I switched to the breath at the nose and did 3 cycles counting 10 outbreath
Already I wasn't feeling the usual relaxation, pleasurable sensations I usually feel.

Then noting for the next 25min.
I wasn't as tired/drowsy as yesterday (Had a coffee and a shower before) but my mind felt really dull.
Mindfulness was low and I was slow to notice sensations.
I feel more efficient in my evening practice.

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in my hands and feet. Tingling face/side head. Tension in my neck/upper back.
Thougts: Logging thoughts, work thoughts, random image coming in, memories.
Feeling: Feeling glad whenever I managed to concentrate a bit and note correctly for a while. Being upset that all sitting couldn't be more consistent in term of mindfulness and concentration. Anger when my gf interrupted the session. All those were noticed and passed quickly
Sound: Cars, cat's water fountain (Felt very loud and present this time), cicada.
Visual field: Nothing noticable.
Weird: Nothing noticable.

General feeling: Dull mind, low mindfulness. It felt like a wasted sit but this need to be accepted as it is :-)
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SushiK, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
30th July, 6:50am, Shanghai, 40min:

Started with 15min focusing on the breath in my abdomen. 
4 cycles of counting 10 outbreath. 
I switched to the breath at the nose and did 3 cycles counting 10 outbreath
Some feeling of relaxation and pleasure.

Then noting for the next 25min.
Mindfulness was middle/low, I tried to bring more resolution around 30min but then became low/very low around 35min in.
Sensations were slow to appear

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in hands and feet. Vibration in hands and forearms. Tension in thighs. Tension in neck/upper back. Pain in lower back. some spasms. Moisture in ears. A bit of tingling in lower face. Some tightness in the throat. Feeling of heat building up with the session

Thougts: Logging thoughts, thoughts about the logging thought, doubt about my technique (
(some confusion about anchoring at the breath and noting whatever happens)

Feeling: Anxiety about not having a "good" meditation, happiness whenever I felt I was doing it "right" and having a "good" meditation, anxiety about my logging.

Sound: Cars, neighbors, cat's water fountain, cicada.

Visual field: Variation in light, some black dots with a white halo.

Weird: Nothing noticable.

General feeling: Neutral, felt a bit automatic to sit, I didn't feel the noting was efficient (Therefore the anxiety about my technique) and I actually enjoyed more the Samatha part this time when usually it's the opposite.


Tim Farrington, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
30th July, 6:50am, Shanghai, 40min:

Started with 15min focusing on the breath in my abdomen. 
4 cycles of counting 10 outbreath. 
I switched to the breath at the nose and did 3 cycles counting 10 outbreath
Some feeling of relaxation and pleasure.

Then noting for the next 25min.
Mindfulness was middle/low, I tried to bring more resolution around 30min but then became low/very low around 35min in.
Sensations were slow to appear

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in hands and feet. Vibration in hands and forearms. Tension in thighs. Tension in neck/upper back. Pain in lower back. some spasms. Moisture in ears. A bit of tingling in lower face. Some tightness in the throat. Feeling of heat building up with the session

Thougts: Logging thoughts, thoughts about the logging thought, doubt about my technique (
(some confusion about anchoring at the breath and noting whatever happens)

Feeling: Anxiety about not having a "good" meditation, happiness whenever I felt I was doing it "right" and having a "good" meditation, anxiety about my logging.

Sound: Cars, neighbors, cat's water fountain, cicada.

Visual field: Variation in light, some black dots with a white halo.

Weird: Nothing noticable.

General feeling: Neutral, felt a bit automatic to sit, I didn't feel the noting was efficient (Therefore the anxiety about my technique) and I actually enjoyed more the Samatha part this time when usually it's the opposite.


Wow, you are a systematic and rigorous log keeper!

SushiK

General feeling: Neutral, felt a bit automatic to sit, I didn't feel the noting was efficient (Therefore the anxiety about my technique) and I actually enjoyed more the Samatha part this time when usually it's the opposite.

lol, i don't think the point of noting is to be efficient, which implies a standard of Something To Be Accomplished In A Certain Way. You are becoming more aware of your own mind's working, at a pace wholly dictated by your mind's development in self knowledge and skill. This is subject to nearly infinite factors of mood, biochemistry, alignment of planets, social context, etc. "Efficient" has no room in such a complex web, i think; it is best to take every day at its own real pace.

Enjoying Samatha, lol, careful, very slippery slope to bliss there.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 12 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Wow, you are a systematic and rigorous log keeper!

Thanks. Trying my best to be rigorous. Not my strongest skills but I'm taking inspiration from other logs for the template.
lol, i don't think the point of noting is to be efficient, which implies a standard of Something To Be Accomplished In A Certain Way. You are becoming more aware of your own mind's working, at a pace wholly dictated by your mind's development in self knowledge and skill. This is subject to nearly infinite factors of mood, biochemistry, alignment of planets, social context, etc. "Efficient" has no room in such a complex web, i think; it is best to take every day at its own real pace.

I'm mentally aware that there is no successful or failed sit, but the feeling at the end of the session was of not making a lot of progress. I'm still in a stage where I hope something will happen during each sit...and still get slightly frustrated when it doesn't.

I don't have much control over those feelings, they come, stay a bit and go.
Just to be noted like all the rest.
Enjoying Samatha, lol, careful, very slippery slope to bliss there.
Ahaha, or so I heard. No warning signals but the smell of fresh-baked cookies.

Thanks for the feedback
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
3rd August, 6:40am, Shanghai, 50min:

Started with 10min focusing on breath in the abdomen then 10min focusing on breath at the tip of the nose.
I don't think I missed any breath when focusing on the abdomen, while some thoughts were interruption for the nose phase.

Then 30min of noting.
Mindfulness was middle, sometime low/middle.
Around the middle of the session I was making some weird stories related to noting and was caught in it for a few seconds before noticing it.

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in hands and feet but on a lighter scale. Some pain and tension on the left shoulder/neck. Some spasms in hands. Moisture in ears. Tingling on the left side mostly but on a lighter scale as well. Some tightness in the throat. Pressure on the thorax and behind the eyes.

Thougts: Logging thoughts, image popping out, creating some stories about noting. Interistingly, I had an experience/(Insight?) about the impermanence of my nose, feeling the impermanence of the sensations and then a thought pop-up like "How can have a nose if I can't feel it all the time?" and then the wave took me to "What about all the rest?" which had a flavor of no-self. It was interesting because the thought didn't feel directed but came really naturally, which led to ....


Feeling: ...A bit of fear when I experienced the impermanence/thought of no-self. Otherwise pretty calm, curious, a bit of aversion about the pains on my left side.
Sound: Cars, cat's water fountain, AC.

Visual field: Variation in light. Some flux of white and black colors absorbing each other, like a white flux circling some black and then contracting into it.

Weird/interesting: Flux of black and white colors, experiencing/witnessing impermance/non-self and feeling associated with it.

General feeling: Felt good doing concentration followed by Vipa. Mostly calm and relax sit except for the strong noticing of impermance (and what it implies) + the colors flux. A bit of story telling but noticed after 10-15 sec.
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
No warning signals but the smell of fresh-baked cookies.
 exactly. This is why meditative path is so tricky.

I have milk, btw, from a shamatha sacred cow.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
4th August, 7:00am, Shanghai, 40min:

A meditation that won't stay in memory...Duuuuuuuull

Started with 10min focusing on breath at tip of the nose, but lost in stories after 5min.
Switched to the breath in the abdomen for 10 more min.

Then 25min of noting.
Mindfulness was low and low/middle at best..
Felt tired, dull and frustrated, I could note it but it was harder to not stay caught within it.

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in hands and feet but very light. Still some tensions on the left side of the neck. Moisture in ears. A few tingling on the face. Some tightness in the throat. Light pressure on the thorax and behind the eyes.
More or less the usual sensations but on a much lighter scale.

Thougts: Logging thoughts, work thoughts, life thoughts, getting lost in stories. 

Feeling: 
Doubt about my practice, doubt about my technique, frustration, light angryness.

Sound: Cat's water fountain, AC.

Visual field: Nothing significant

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant

General feeling: It wasn't like the sit was boring and I wanted to stop it, but I wasn't really present and even when conscious of it it was really hard to stay mindfull. Felt dull and a wasted opportunity, it happens.
Will try to have another shot at it this evening.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
6th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:

(I meditated twice yesterday but it was a shitshow of interruptions so no log)

Started with following the breath in the abdomen and right away got an intense urge to stop the meditation.

I switched to following the breath at the nose and manage to get over it.
Nice feeling for 10min, really felt like the breathing what something of its own, separate from me and my body that I could look at like I look at a flower or a bird outside.

Then 40min of noting.
Mindfulness was stable for once, middle to middle+.

The last 10min were less stable, middle to low/middle.

Felt calm for most of it, no much thought, just noting as it comes, sometimes pretty fast.

Body: Usual energy/pulsation/heat in hands, a little bit around the feet. Pain and tension on the whole left side body (Neck, shoulder, leg, back of the ear). Tingling on the side of the face and top/back of the head. Pressure upper chest, top/behind the eye, and also the side of the head. Moisture and pressure in ears. Muscle spasms in fingers and left leg. Tightness on front neck/throat. Organs in my abdomen felt heavy. A pulse of well being coming from my abdomen (Stomach?) when noting the breath there.

My gf entered the room 5min before the end and the felt sensations became somewhat very different: Unusual spot on my face/arms/legs started to tingle and react.

Thoughts: Wanting to stop the meditation for the first 2 minutes, then very few thoughts: Logging thoughts, work thoughts, day thoughts life thoughts. 

Feeling: Dread for the first 2 min, a bit of anger and shame,  then calm/neutral during most of the noting, well-being, a bit of anger again when gf entered then some compassion for her and curiosity about the new sensations coming in.


Sound: Cat's water fountain, cat walking around, cars, gf entering the room.

Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Very stable mindfulness for 30min - The left side body was more strongly felt than the right side - Interesting shifts of sensations after my gf entered.

General feeling: I'm glad I didn't let the first few minutes of dread and avoidance lead the way. One of my most stable meditation so far. I did the noting work conscientiously and got some interesting experiences at the end even if mindfulness was starting to bail by that time.
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Started with following the breath in the abdomen and right away got an intense urge to stop the meditation.

I switched to following the breath at the nose and manage to get over it.
nice move. I think the effortlessness of the breath at the nose is wonderful, simple, no head involved really.

Nice feeling for 10min, really felt like the breathing what something of its own, separate from me and my body that I could look at like I look at a flower or a bird outside.

This is a variant on no-self, anahata, as experienced through the transient breath. And no dukha, a bonus!

There is no shortage of dukha, don't worry about that, lol. Enjoy this.

Then 40min of noting.
Mindfulness was stable for once, middle to middle+.

The last 10min were less stable, middle to low/middle.

Felt calm for most of it, no much thought, just noting as it comes, sometimes pretty fast.
 Your scrupulous noting is inspirational, you work so hard and clean, on your sits and on this log. Go, go, go! Slowly! lol.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
Started with following the breath in the abdomen and right away got an intense urge to stop the meditation.

I switched to following the breath at the nose and manage to get over it.
nice move. I think the effortlessness of the breath at the nose is wonderful, simple, no head involved really.

Until now I was more drawn to the breath at the abdomen but today it felt natural to switch.
Felt easier to follow and got the same profound and pleasant sensation I usually get with the abdomen breathing


Nice feeling for 10min, really felt like the breathing what something of its own, separate from me and my body that I could look at like I look at a flower or a bird outside.

This is a variant on no-self, anahata, as experienced through the transient breath. And no dukha, a bonus!

There is no shortage of dukha, don't worry about that, lol. Enjoy this.

Interesting, thanks for the explanation

Then 40min of noting.
Mindfulness was stable for once, middle to middle+.

The last 10min were less stable, middle to low/middle.

Felt calm for most of it, no much thought, just noting as it comes, sometimes pretty fast.
 Your scrupulous noting is inspirational, you work so hard and clean, on your sits and on this log. Go, go, go! Slowly! lol.

Really appreciate the kind words friend, I will try to reflect on it as I don't feel it hard and clean most of the time ahaha.
Work in progress, both the log and the sits


love, tim
Have a nice day
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
7th August, 7:10 am, Shanghai, 30min:

Note to self:
I need to arrange my time better so I can have a consistent 45min minimum of sitting uninterrupted in the morning/evening, 30min isn't enough to settle in.

Started with following the breath in the abdomen but the cat throw a tantrum at the same time. Is there any Buddha's talk about cat being an hindrance to liberation? emoticon

I switched to following the breath at the nose for 10min
Nothing particularly profound, manage to follow it and get my mind out of the cat's sounds.

Then 20min of noting.
Mindfulness was stable middle- to low/middle.

A lot of thoughts all related to the sit.

Body: As soon as I started noting I got sensation all over the body, so trying to note very fast but not possible to label for the first few minutes. Lot of tingling in the face/head, pain and stiffness at the junction between left shoulder and neck, pulsation/energy in hands, heat/pain/pressure on left foot, spasms in legs and hands, moisture in ear. Tightness in the throat. An itch on the bottom of the lower lips stayed for a while and a very very intense itch on the left cheek that stayed for most of the sit.

Thoughts: A lot of thought about the itch emoticon:
  • How is it possible than itch (Certainly due to a cat's hair or a drop of water after my shower) can feel like someone splashed acid on my face or is stabbing me with a needle?
  • I can feel the itch, I can see the urge to scratch the itch, I can look at both and not react, is it equanimity?
  • How am I going to log that?
  • Is it really important for the sit? It seems to be conducing to a lot of thoughts so that's not really equanimity. Shouldn't I just scratch it and go back to a more general noting?
Spoiler alert: I did scratch it in the end emoticon

Feeling: Angry at the cat, urge to scratch, wanting to have a more "classic" sit, aversion to the pain at shoulder/neck

Sound: Cat's tantrum at the beginning.

Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: All the pain of Hell can be concentrated in an itch

General feeling: Meh, a lot of thoughts that I was half assing noting.
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Niels Lyngsø, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 326 Join Date: 11/15/19 Recent Posts
I like the level of detail in your log – it is a pleasure to follow you. To me this last sitting seems to be at least three quater assed emoticon, because you noticed both 1) the itch, 2) the urge to scratch it, and 3) the proliferation of thoughts generated by this. Neither the itch, the urge nor the thoughts are you, as I am sure you (who?) know. You were observing not just the cat, but also the mind throwing one of these pointless tantrums that it is conditioned to do. Nice.
Sam Gentile, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1265 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Niels Lyngsø:
I like the level of detail in your log – it is a pleasure to follow you. To me this last sitting seems to be at least three quater assed emoticon, because you noticed both 1) the itch, 2) the urge to scratch it, and 3) the proliferation of thoughts generated by this. Neither the itch, the urge nor the thoughts are you, as I am sure you (who?) know. You were observing not just the cat, but also the mind throwing one of these pointless tantrums that it is conditioned to do. Nice.
I agree with Niels about the level of detail in your logs and glad to be a reader. See my log today for a response to your nice comment,
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Niels Lyngsø:
I like the level of detail in your log – it is a pleasure to follow you. To me this last sitting seems to be at least three quater assed emoticon, because you noticed both 1) the itch, 2) the urge to scratch it, and 3) the proliferation of thoughts generated by this. Neither the itch, the urge nor the thoughts are you, as I am sure you (who?) know. You were observing not just the cat, but also the mind throwing one of these pointless tantrums that it is conditioned to do. Nice.

amen to three-quater-assed meditation! Very advanced, that.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Thanks to the 3 of you for the kind words, really appreciate.

8th July, 9 am, Shanghai, 45min:

Unusual experience so you are more than welcome to comment.

Very stable mindfulness, doing the work as best as I can, noting diligently at a pretty good speed.
Suddenly a memory came in (Nothing significant), I noted it and suddenly all changed.
Very pleasant filling building up and like my whole body/sensations/etc were coming into synchronicity.
10 seconds in I was experiencing it, feeling the momentum growing and then...My gf opened the door to ask me if she could cancel her yoga session emoticon

Now I understand the urge of some for the monastic life emoticon

I wish I had more to say, but only 10sec of reference.
It didn't reach this level but the closest comparison would be when I did Ayahuasca a year ago when at the peak experience I was a sphere of blue/white light over a mountainous green landscape and feeling completely well: no pain, no tension, no worry, nothing unpleasant.
 
9th July, 9 am, Shanghai, 50min + 30min:

No traditional template as I don't recall perfectly.

Pretty good mindfulness but I was expecting something to happen, I noted the expectation and then it was ok. Came back from time to time but wasn't met with anger or any other strong emotion.
Ended after 50min, went for a glass of water, and then felt like going on again for 30min.
Same pretty good mindfulness, relax, curious, neutral.


10th July, 7:10 am, Shanghai, 45min:

Wake up very drowsy but it stopped as soon as I sat.

Started with 10min of Samatha but some stories playing around and I couldn't follow for more than 20 out-breath.
Switched to vipassana and it went away.

Mindfulness from medium to medium+, some variation but no big drop

Body: Could be linked to Saturday 8th experience or could be just the massage I had yesterday but barely any pain in the body today. Still some stiffness in the neck. Fewer tingling in the face. Moisture and itch in ears. Stretching feeling in the legs. Vibration at the solar plexus (That's new). Pleasant sour pain in the lower back (A bit antagonist but I don't know how to describe, it was in the pain category but felt...well). Vibration/energy in hands. Few spasms in legs, arms, back. Tightness at the throat. Pressure over the eye and side of the head. A lot of expansion/compression in the abdomen (more noticeable than usual).

Thoughts: Thoughts, practice thoughts, day thoughts. At some point a lot of random image popping up, I kept noting. 


Feeling: Nothing much, very neutral. Some happiness at the pain being absent maybe but even that felt very light.

Sound: Cat, cars, AC, breath.

Visual field: Nothing significant at first, "fireball" of white light for the last 5 min with flashes of pink/purple.

Weird/interesting: The absence of pain, the solar plexus vibration, the flash of pink/purple, the lightness of it all.

General feeling: Somewhat stable mindfulness, mostly pleasant in the sense that there was very little/no aversion and it all felt neutral and light.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Random mid-day thought:

After reading a few logs and going for my "lunch/walking" break I felt that I might no be completely honest with myself and I am probably missing a fair amount of thoughts/emotions coming in unnoted. Also what I log seem a bit raw, should I look at each sensation more intensely? Should the speed of noting be prioritized over details of the sensation?

I should probably look at everything with more scrutiny and maybe implement a Shargrol split (10min thoughts, 10min emotions, 10min sensations before going to freestyle).

Also some confusion about the 3 characteristics.
Should it come naturally or should it be applied intellectually like a filter? As someone said in another post, I can see the impermanence and I have an intellectual understanding of dissatisfactoriness and no-self but I don't know if I'm seeing it in every sensation that arises. Should it be forced in some way or should I just keep going and it will work it out by itself?

Unrelated but I feel everything is 5% better today, no strong aversion, easier to be mindful outside of the sit, even my vision seems kind of more clear.
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
Random mid-day thought:

After reading a few logs and going for my "lunch/walking" break I felt that I might no be completely honest with myself and I am probably missing a fair amount of thoughts/emotions coming in unnoted. Also what I log seem a bit raw, should I look at each sensation more intensely? Should the speed of noting be prioritized over details of the sensation?

I should probably look at everything with more scrutiny and maybe implement a Shargrol split (10min thoughts, 10min emotions, 10min sensations before going to freestyle).

Also some confusion about the 3 characteristics.
Should it come naturally or should it be applied intellectually like a filter? As someone said in another post, I can see the impermanence and I have an intellectual understanding of dissatisfactoriness and no-self but I don't know if I'm seeing it in every sensation that arises. Should it be forced in some way or should I just keep going and it will work it out by itself?

Unrelated but I feel everything is 5% better today, no strong aversion, easier to be mindful outside of the sit, even my vision seems kind of more clear.
 Hi Sushi, 

I think the three characteristics are something to simply keep in mind, like a filter you get better at using. Each characteristic will be insistent in its own moment, and knowing them by heart will help with the recognition as they arise. Transience is the most immediately obvious, in meditation; dukha, the dissatisfaction of every worldly comfort in the world, in the long run, will be obvious as misery at times, lol, but you can also intellectually know that various obvious addictions lead to nowhere but misery, and your sense of what leads to nowhere but misery will broaden the more you pay attention to where every transient thing leads. No-self, anatta, is most obvious for me with the breath: no matter what i do or don't do, that new inbreath comes of its own, without my will or knowledge why, without meaning, without self-involvement. Seeing that much, the no-self at the very heart of your life processes, is a big thing. Your heartbeat, ditto. Sit there in emptiness of all, and those process go on without "you." There are other no-slef moments that arise naturally enough as you pactice, and again, the more you are aware of that third characteristic as a working hypothesis for all moments, the more prepared you will be to recognize them as they arise without "you." 

Hope that helps. At the simplest level, don't make dukha out of trying to find dukha every moment in your sits, lol. There's plenty of dukha to go around. That's why we're sitting in the first place. And with your degree of sincere and whole-hearted practice, you'll be seeing plenty of it, as your eyes wake up more and more to its dynamics.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
11th July, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 45min:

Wake up at 6:30 am and procrastinate a bit. Worrying about not being awake enough to meditate.

Started with 12-15min of breathing and the worrying went away.
First breath in the abdomen, I was able to follow it consistently but it led to some dizziness like I had some vertigo and was losing my balance. Like a maelstrom in my head and not really able to tell anymore where was up/down/left/right.
I switch to the breath at the nose but the same dizziness came again.

I switched to nothing for 30-33min.
Mindfulness was steady at medium to medium+, some variation but no big drop.
Very slow noting at first because sensations were taking their time to arise. Around 20min in it got much much faster for a few minutes and I had to drop labeling.

Body: Again no real pain. Stiffness in the neck. Thightness and vibration in the front neck/throat. Very few tingling in the face. Pressure in the eye/forehead/side of the head. Tensions in the legs and lower back which were mostly pleasant/on the edge of painful. Vibration/pulsation in hands. Pressure/heat in left foot. Vibration/pressure in chest. Spasms in hands/arms/legs/back. Moisture in ears. Some itches. Dryness in the mouth

Thoughts: Very few at the beginning, a bit more toward the end but nothing overwhelming: log, day, practice, mental image.


Feeling: Acceptance for whatever happens, calm, relax, a few doubt about my practice, anger at the sounds outside, expectation that something meaningful would happen.

Sound: Cars, AC.

Visual field: Some light variation of white.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant, maybe the absence of pain but might be due to a change in my workout regimen.

General feeling: Mostly stable mindfulness, calm, relaxed.
Sam Gentile, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1265 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Great work! Looks good
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Thanks, Tim for your tips on the 3c and Sam for the encouragement.


12th July, 6:40 am, Shanghai, 60min:

Pre-Meditation:

Wake up at 5:50 am after a dream filled with anger.
I was anxious about going into the meditation, not feeling self-confident about my capacity to do it "well".

Meditation

10min of breath at the abdomen followed by 10min of breath at the nostril.
A lot of stories going on in my head but still following the breath, like I'm 2 separate minds.
However, I still had to come back to counting the breath to 10 to avoid getting lost.

Switched to noting for the remaining 40min.
Mindfulness medium at best then I'm not sure, I would say medium- to low due to the confusion and the difficulty of labeling but I was still noting.

More emotion than usual, some dullness and confusion, sensations slow to arise, and even if I could see the sensation I was slow to label it.

Body: Sensations felt out of tempo: Pain/tension/stiffness in the shoulders. Stiffness back of the neck. Tension in the throat (Where I locate the anger). A bit/vibration of tingling in the face but less than usual. Vibration/energy in hands. Spasms. Pressure/heat/pain in the left foot. Pressure in the chest (Also related to anger). Moisture/hitch in ears. Itch on the scalp. Stretching tension in legs and lower back. Pressure being eyes. Sharp pain top of the head at some point. Some tingling in arms. Feeling variation in temperature. The breath wasn't super smooth on the inhalation at first, like I was inhaling in 2 times.

Thoughts: Not that many: log, dho, day, mental images, memory. Got lost in a story once but didn't last more than a few secs.


Feeling/emotions: Sharp anger at the beginning and it came a few time afterward, confusion at not being able to label efficiently even if I was noticing sensations, dullness, aversion toward the pain/dullness and not being able to label, boredom at feeling the same sensations again and again, wanting to stretch, but still calm in the background. Even if those sensations are not supposed to be "ideal" from a mainstream point of view, I could have kept meditating for longer.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat.

Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Sensations arising out of tempo, more emotions than usual, still calm even if the meditation wasn't remotely close to my ideal.

General feeling: Anger, confusion, being out of sync but still calm.

After-meditation:

A profound feeling of calm and peacefulness.

Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
Thanks, Tim for your tips on the 3c and Sam for the encouragement.


12th July, 6:40 am, Shanghai, 60min:

Pre-Meditation:

Wake up at 5:50 am after a dream filled with anger.
I was anxious about going into the meditation, not feeling self-confident about my capacity to do it "well".

Meditation

10min of breath at the abdomen followed by 10min of breath at the nostril.
A lot of stories going on in my head but still following the breath, like I'm 2 separate minds.
However, I still had to come back to counting the breath to 10 to avoid getting lost.

Switched to noting for the remaining 40min.
Mindfulness medium at best then I'm not sure, I would say medium- to low due to the confusion and the difficulty of labeling but I was still noting.

More emotion than usual, some dullness and confusion, sensations slow to arise, and even if I could see the sensation I was slow to label it.

Body: Sensations felt out of tempo: Pain/tension/stiffness in the shoulders. Stiffness back of the neck. Tension in the throat (Where I locate the anger). A bit/vibration of tingling in the face but less than usual. Vibration/energy in hands. Spasms. Pressure/heat/pain in the left foot. Pressure in the chest (Also related to anger). Moisture/hitch in ears. Itch on the scalp. Stretching tension in legs and lower back. Pressure being eyes. Sharp pain top of the head at some point. Some tingling in arms. Feeling variation in temperature. The breath wasn't super smooth on the inhalation at first, like I was inhaling in 2 times.

Thoughts: Not that many: log, dho, day, mental images, memory. Got lost in a story once but didn't last more than a few secs.


Feeling/emotions: Sharp anger at the beginning and it came a few time afterward, confusion at not being able to label efficiently even if I was noticing sensations, dullness, aversion toward the pain/dullness and not being able to label, boredom at feeling the same sensations again and again, wanting to stretch, but still calm in the background. Even if those sensations are not supposed to be "ideal" from a mainstream point of view, I could have kept meditating for longer.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat.

Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Sensations arising out of tempo, more emotions than usual, still calm even if the meditation wasn't remotely close to my ideal.

General feeling: Anger, confusion, being out of sync but still calm.

After-meditation:

A profound feeling of calm and peacefulness.


I wouldn't touch fruits of meditation like this with a ten foot pole! Waiter, I'll have what Sushi is having.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Ahaha Thanks Tim. Don't hesitate to give me tips, direction or condescending remarks as well, I have an insane amount to learn as you can see with today's log

13th July, 7:20 am, Shanghai, 30min:

Pre-Meditation:

Lot of dreams last night mostly of anxiety and anger from what I recall.
Wake up at 6:30 am with aversion to everything: Not wanting to get up, pain in the body, drowsy, no motivation, not really wanting to look at sensations during the meditation and the classic aversion to the aversion.

I took my time trying to let it dissipate before sitting but it wasn't really succesful.

Meditation

Not much to say.

A few minutes of samatha but a lot of stories in the head (Interesting was a high pitched sound in left ear for a few secs)

Switched to noting and wanted to be more playful with it, trying to linger longer on each sensations (I got some itch and stiffness that became bubbly/fizzy like soda water).
It worked for a while but edginess, confusion, anger and aversion to look at anything was strong.

After-meditation:

I have been working out intensively everyday for the last 2 weeks, so might be physical stress adding up to mental stress.
I will give the big guy a rest and have a physical/mental cheat day.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you end up at 9:30am in your office with a coke and a macha icecream.emoticon.


Anyway, if my inclination changes today I would like to:

- Be more mindful during the day to compensate.

- I have been procrastinating a bit at work and just read that procrastination is actually linked to avoidance of painful emotions.
I'm already watching into that and finding a lack of self-confidence.
Maybe some work on Morality like proposed in this post (1st step: Self-Acceptance) would help.

- Read more about the in and out of Mahasi noting technique. I'm confused about the anchor at the breath:

Should I keep the anchor (Noting the breath in abdomen) at all time and note only whenever a sensation take over or should I note from sensations to sensations and get back to the anchor only if I get lost?

Update:

I might be sick or the 3c coming stronger than usual or both:

- Lower back, hips, legs and neck pain pretty intense.
- Stomach cramping/acting weirdly and almost wanted to puke.
- My whole body shaking/vibrating slightly.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
14/08/2020:

Still felt a bit sick. Probably due to sunstroke on saturday + 3c events.
Meditated for an hour I think and got an intense headache a little bit over middle eyebrow (3rd eye?).
Rest of the day felt like I was noticing sensations at all time whenever my attention wasn't hold by anything.

15/082/2020:

Headache is still here.Meditated an hour I think and it got more concentrated.
I went to workout and it slowly went away as the day went by.

16/08/2020:
Very difficult to do Samatha, mindfullness pretty low. A lot of mental images. Meditated for 40min.


17th July, 7:00 am, Shanghai, Intended to do 50min and stopat 45 after noticing I had been in a story for a few minutes:

Meditation

Samatha has been more difficult for the last few days, the mind don't want to shut up.
I tried to do 15min alternating between the breath at nose tip and abdomen, but I keep noticing sensations elsewhere.
Also found some aversion toward the breath.

Noting for 30min.
Mindfullness started medium- then went to low, at 15min it came back to medium and then settle to mediul-.
For the last few minutes I was deep in a story (About my experience, logging, etc) and stop the meditiation when I noticed.

Again, the path of noting seems slower than usual. It speeds up at some point during meditation but it isn't consistent.

Body: Spasms, vibration/energy in the hands and forearms, vibration/heat in the feet, tension/stiffness in the shoulders/back neck/throat, pressure behind the eye/3rd eye, tingling on the face (But not as much as usual), tingling on the head, itch below the nose, dull pain at lower back (But didn't feel unpleas

Thougts: Logging thoughts, meditation thoughts, experience thoughts, mental images, thinking about why the experience of meditation changed for what seems a downgrade. 


Feeling: Aversion/anger to some sensations (Sounds, breath, pain), no self-confidence, anger at myself for being "lazy" in my noting/labeling, confusion, doubt, some calm and hope when the mindfullness went by to medium, wishing for meditation to get back "on track", afraid I'm losing the path.

Sound: Cars, A/C, cat.

Visual field: Nothing noticable

Weird: Nothing noticable.

General feeling: Confusion, anger, wishing for a better meditation.

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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Another hazard is focusing too much on noting at the expense of being mindful. One version of this is the ‘check-list approach’ to mindfulness – one believes it is enough to simply note an experience. Noting is mostly a slight nudge to encourage mindfulness, so that attentiveness to the felt experience increases - https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/mental-noting/

It might happens to me sometimes, I will reflect on it.
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Niels Lyngsø, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 326 Join Date: 11/15/19 Recent Posts
Noting is a technique with tons of variation, and I think each yogi has to develop their own version of it – and to keep changing it, as practice changes. A solution to the "chek-list-approach" problem is to do one note on each outbreath. Just pick something that seems predominant, doesn't matter what it is, since you with this approach do not have an ambition to note everything. If you haven't done so already, check out shargrol's remarks on noting, they are very helpful:


https://shargrolpostscompilation.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

B
on courage!
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
I read a few of Shargrol's post a month ago but I will deep dive into it once more.

I think I tried to go too fast too soon without building a strong foundation first.

Thanks a lot Niels,

P.S: What gave my Frenchness away? emoticon
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Niels Lyngsø, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 326 Join Date: 11/15/19 Recent Posts
Si tu es français, eh bien, I had no idea emoticon. Guess it was my own frenchness (I work as a translator from French).
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
18th July, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:

Pre-Meditation:

Noticed a leak in my bathroom...

Meditation

I followed Shargrol organized noting.

3 sets of counting the outbreath to 10 in a relax way.
Then a few min noting one physical sensation at each out breath, then a few minute doing the same with emotion, then a few minute doing the same with thought.
Finally freestyle, with slow noting at first and some speed burst when mindfulness was strong enough.

Mindfullness was varying between medium-, medium and medium+

Body: No pain. A lot of small spasms, vibration in the hands, feet, legs. Stiffness at back of the neck. Tingling in face and top of head mostly, some in the arms. Some itches. Light pressure between the eyes. Tension in the throat which increased at some point, like something solid was inside and blocking the way.

Thoughts: Not that many and noticed mostly all of it. Mental images, logging thoughts, planning thoughts and related to the leak, practice thoughts.


Feeling/emotions: Alternance between calm, relax, acceptance, doubt/anger/aversion? toward myself.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat.

Visual field: Increase in white light as the mindfulness became stronger.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: It was ok. A good meditation to get back on track
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
18th July, 7:20 am, Shanghai, 30min:

Pre-Meditation:

Difficulty to fall asleep 60min+, so wake up a bit later and didn't have time for a longer session.

Meditation

3 sets of counting the out-breath to 10 in a relaxed way.
Then 25min of freestyle noting.

Mindfulness was stable at medium
.
Speed of noting was average, a few sensations per sec, sometimes a bit lower to clearly see the 3C
I tried to cultivate calmness in my noting and make it playful by not assuming sensations were a given in order to clearly notice their appearance in mindfulness.

Body: No pain. Spasms. Vibration/pulsing/heat in hands and feet. Tingling appearing and disappearing at different parts of the face. Pressure behind the eyes. Light stiffness in the throat and back of the neck. Pleasant "pain" in right lower back. Itch at the corner of the right eye and below the noise. Moisture and pressure in the left ear. Stretch sensation at the knee joint

Thoughts: A few, mostly noticed all except lost in a work thought for 20sec: log thoughts, practice thought, 1 mental image.


Feeling/emotions: Mostly calm and curiosity, relaxation, anger when I fall in the one story and anger/aversion when I heard the tea kettle that I forgot to stop

Sound: Cars, Air filter, high pitched sound in the left ear, sound of the tea kettle.

Visual field: Increase in white light when mindfulness was better.

Weird/interesting: The high pitched sound which actually has been here for the last few days (Sometimes both ears, sometimes stronger in one specific)

General feeling: It was good. Calm noting of every sensation coming into mindfulness and trying to see the 3c in al of them. A good base to work from, from that I will increase the speed a little.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
20th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:

Pre-Meditation:

I blocked a muscle in my top right back yesterday during a workout.
It was really painful yesterday and was still lock in the morning.
I was a bit worried it would affect the meditation but it didn't

Meditation

I started with a couple of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
Really soon afterward I felt like my body was shrinking. Like my head was much closer to my stomach but I think I was still sitting straight and not collapsing. It was an unusual feeling but it didn't stress me out and I stayed calm about it.

Then I tried to note for the next 42-45min.
The mindfulness was very strong at first (The strongest I had), sensations were noticed but were coming somewhat slowly and were very subtle. At some point I didn't really felt the need to label, just noticing was enough. I think I might have switched to open awareness for a bit before going back to noting when the mindfulness dropped a little.

The experience again was pretty unusual, my body was still shrinked and I suddenly felt like I was slightly facing to the right (When in fact I didn't move at all). All was very calm and I wasn't moving at all.
After more or less 25min in this state I started to have some thought about the experience and my mindfulness drop a little to middle+ then middle.

Body: Sensations felt more subtle than usual. No pain. Spasms. A pressure started on the right side of my face, climbed up and reached the middle of my forehead before disappearing slowly. Vibration/pulsing in hands and feet. A few tingling/vibrations appearing on the face. Some crack and pop in the head. Pressure behind the eyes. Light stiffness in the throat but the solid ball inside was pulsing lightly this time. Pleasant "pain" in ower back. A few itches and vibrations in the arms/face/legs. 

Thoughts: A few, mostly noticed at first: logging, thoughts about the experience (I missed some toward the end when the mindfulness fall back).


Feeling/emotions: Mostly calmness, light curiosity at the experience (I might have noticed it but didn't label), a bit of excitement (I might have noticed it but didn't label), aversion/anger when I start thinking too much about the experience and miss to note a few thoughts, a bit of sadness when the experience ended and the meditation became more as usual.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat, air-filter, high pitched sound.

Visual field: Some pulsation of the visual field which was some shade of black.

Weird/interesting: Body shrinking and facing the right side.

General feeling: It was good. Unusual experience but really calm and neutral for most of it.

After-meditation:

Still very calm. On my way to work I noticed my eyebrow frowning a few time and calmly released the tension.
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
20th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:

Pre-Meditation:

I blocked a muscle in my top right back yesterday during a workout.
It was really painful yesterday and was still lock in the morning.
I was a bit worried it would affect the meditation but it didn't

Meditation

I started with a couple of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
Really soon afterward I felt like my body was shrinking. Like my head was much closer to my stomach but I think I was still sitting straight and not collapsing. It was an unusual feeling but it didn't stress me out and I stayed calm about it.

Then I tried to note for the next 42-45min.
The mindfulness was very strong at first (The strongest I had), sensations were noticed but were coming somewhat slowly and were very subtle. At some point I didn't really felt the need to label, just noticing was enough. I think I might have switched to open awareness for a bit before going back to noting when the mindfulness dropped a little.

The experience again was pretty unusual, my body was still shrinked and I suddenly felt like I was slightly facing to the right (When in fact I didn't move at all). All was very calm and I wasn't moving at all.
After more or less 25min in this state I started to have some thought about the experience and my mindfulness drop a little to middle+ then middle.

Body: Sensations felt more subtle than usual. No pain. Spasms. A pressure started on the right side of my face, climbed up and reached the middle of my forehead before disappearing slowly. Vibration/pulsing in hands and feet. A few tingling/vibrations appearing on the face. Some crack and pop in the head. Pressure behind the eyes. Light stiffness in the throat but the solid ball inside was pulsing lightly this time. Pleasant "pain" in ower back. A few itches and vibrations in the arms/face/legs. 

Thoughts: A few, mostly noticed at first: logging, thoughts about the experience (I missed some toward the end when the mindfulness fall back).


Feeling/emotions: Mostly calmness, light curiosity at the experience (I might have noticed it but didn't label), a bit of excitement (I might have noticed it but didn't label), aversion/anger when I start thinking too much about the experience and miss to note a few thoughts, a bit of sadness when the experience ended and the meditation became more as usual.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat, air-filter, high pitched sound.

Visual field: Some pulsation of the visual field which was some shade of black.

Weird/interesting: Body shrinking and facing the right side.

General feeling: It was good. Unusual experience but really calm and neutral for most of it.

After-meditation:

Still very calm. On my way to work I noticed my eyebrow frowning a few time and calmly released the tension.

That pesky eyebrow! Stay on it, lol. I get calmer just reading your posts.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
21th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, Planned on 60min but I stop at 50min after the neighbor upstair started drilling his floor...:

Pre-Meditation:

I slept 6h or less.

Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
Then breathing at the tip of the nose for 5min.


Noting for 40min.
The mindfulness was middle, sometimes going to middle- due to dullness/sleepiness.

Body: Were few and slow to arise. A bit of pain at back neck. A few spasms. Vibration/pulsing in hands and feet. Stretch at knee joints. Very few tingling/vibrations appearing on the face. Pressure behind the eyes and around the eye socket. Stiffness in the throat expanding with the anger. Slight pain in the lower back. Tingling in upper abdomen when doubt raised. Moisture in right hear. Some itches. Pleasant sensation in stomach whenever going back to the breath.

Thoughts: Logging thoughts, practice thoughts. I notice that even while noting body sensations, a part of the mind was trying to create stories but it wasn't really making sense or complete. Mental images. I also noted my difficulty to consider my thoughts being "not me", I catch myself a few time thinking that I should not think or that I should not think that (I noted it so might be good enough).


Feeling/emotions: Anger at the cat making noise, doubt about my practice, self-doubting my abilities, frustration at my lack of progress, wanting a "good" meditation, aversion to thoughts, wanting for all sensations/thoughts/feeling to stop and fall into a deep sleep.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat, air-filter, high pitched sound, drilling (You haven't truly lived in China until all your neighbors start refurbishing their apartments at the same time).

Visual field: Some variation in white light.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant

General feeling: Meh, I was mostly mindfull but it wasn't pleasant.

After-meditation:

Drilling + Lack of sleep + My GF coming to bother me = I snapped a few second (I catched myself right away but it was already done).

I guess it's grumpy SushiK today emoticon

P.S: I blame Tim, it seems I always get a "worst" meditation after his praised comment emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
21th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, Planned on 60min but I stop at 50min after the neighbor upstair started drilling his floor...:

Pre-Meditation:

I slept 6h or less.

Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
Then breathing at the tip of the nose for 5min.


Noting for 40min.
The mindfulness was middle, sometimes going to middle- due to dullness/sleepiness.

Body: Were few and slow to arise. A bit of pain at back neck. A few spasms. Vibration/pulsing in hands and feet. Stretch at knee joints. Very few tingling/vibrations appearing on the face. Pressure behind the eyes and around the eye socket. Stiffness in the throat expanding with the anger. Slight pain in the lower back. Tingling in upper abdomen when doubt raised. Moisture in right hear. Some itches. Pleasant sensation in stomach whenever going back to the breath.

Thoughts: Logging thoughts, practice thoughts. I notice that even while noting body sensations, a part of the mind was trying to create stories but it wasn't really making sense or complete. Mental images. I also noted my difficulty to consider my thoughts being "not me", I catch myself a few time thinking that I should not think or that I should not think that (I noted it so might be good enough).


Feeling/emotions: Anger at the cat making noise, doubt about my practice, self-doubting my abilities, frustration at my lack of progress, wanting a "good" meditation, aversion to thoughts, wanting for all sensations/thoughts/feeling to stop and fall into a deep sleep.

Sound: Cars, AC, cat, air-filter, high pitched sound, drilling (You haven't truly lived in China until all your neighbors start refurbishing their apartments at the same time).

Visual field: Some variation in white light.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant

General feeling: Meh, I was mostly mindfull but it wasn't pleasant.

After-meditation:

Drilling + Lack of sleep + My GF coming to bother me = I snapped a few second (I catched myself right away but it was already done).

I guess it's grumpy SushiK today emoticon

P.S: I blame Tim, it seems I always get a "worst" meditation after his praised comment emoticon

well, this was a terrible session and you're obviously all fucked up and wasting your time.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
24th August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:

Pre-Meditation:

Didn't sleep well, a few nightmares.
But no dullness/sleepiness.

Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.

Noting for 45min. I spend a few minutes on body sensations alone, then feelings, then thoughts

The mindfulness was middle to middle ++, went back to middle/middle- at 40min when my gf woke up.

Body: Were few and mostly subtle. No pain. Vibration in hands/forearms/lower back/knee. Vibration/heat/pressure in the left foot. A few spasms. The usually solid thing in my throat was pulsing and disappeared completely at some point. The bottom of the throat still felt a little bit obstructed but by a lighter thightness. Stiffness on the outer part of the neck. Very few tingling in the face and top of the head. Pressure morphing toward pulsation behind the eyes.  Pleasant vibration/pulsation in the stomach. Moisture in the left ear. Light feeling of a void/emptiness (?) just on top of the solar plexus (like when you are falling in a rollercoaster), I associate it with the few anxiety feeling I had.

Thoughts: Very few. Mental images, experience, logging, thinking about thinking.


Feeling/emotions: A bit of anxiety and doubt rise at the beginning but didn't stay long. Anxiety was about not having a "good" meditation. A light wish for the tightness at the throat to go away like the solid thing did but it quickly switched to acceptance. Then a lot of calm, felt absorbed into the meditation, very neutral to everything happening, acceptance. 

Sound: Water fountain, cat, birds, cars, AC.

Visual field: Nothing I noticed.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant

General feeling: Really calm, accepting (Should I dare say equanimity?)

After-meditation:

I'm a bit confused about my situation. A few weeks ago I had most symptoms of the 3c (A lot of sensations, a lot of them painful, speed noting, etc) but now sensations are slower to arise (But I'm pretty sure I'm not missing much) and here and there session have a really calm/equanimus taste.

I'm not really wishing to go back to the painful state but at least my situation on the path was clearer emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
General feeling: Really calm, accepting (Should I dare say equanimity?)

After-meditation:

I'm a bit confused about my situation. A few weeks ago I had most symptoms of the 3c (A lot of sensations, a lot of them painful, speed noting, etc) but now sensations are slower to arise (But I'm pretty sure I'm not missing much) and here and there session have a really calm/equanimus taste.

I'm not really wishing to go back to the painful state but at least my situation on the path was clearer emoticon

Sushi, yes, this calm slow state is catastrophic, a complete fiasco, a sign of terrible practice. Just try to hang in there with your current practice until it turns completely to shit, no matter how long that takes. Tough it out, stick with your technique and your practice regimen, and ignore these lovely states, lol.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
emoticon
General feeling: Really calm, accepting (Should I dare say equanimity?)

After-meditation:

I'm a bit confused about my situation. A few weeks ago I had most symptoms of the 3c (A lot of sensations, a lot of them painful, speed noting, etc) but now sensations are slower to arise (But I'm pretty sure I'm not missing much) and here and there session have a really calm/equanimus taste.

I'm not really wishing to go back to the painful state but at least my situation on the path was clearer emoticon

Sushi, yes, this calm slow state is catastrophic, a complete fiasco, a sign of terrible practice. Just try to hang in there with your current practice until it turns completely to shit, no matter how long that takes. Tough it out, stick with your technique and your practice regimen, and ignore these lovely states, lol.

love, tim

Thanks man, tough place to be in...Can't wait to meet the darkness emoticon 

Truth is I have an anxious personality and no strong self-confidence it seems. So even if the meditation felt natural  (A bit of anxiety at first but it went away), after meditation the mind wires back and is telling me "Maybe you are just doing it wrong".

Anyway, I want to avoid intelectualising it too much and will keep investigating the experience.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
You are on the right path, discovering new mind states, new terrains. If you are Noting it, you ARE doing it right emoticon I used this vid by Kenneth Folk many times to peptalk me out of negativity or doubt  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1UK5_692eo&t=
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Papa, I will have a look whenever the Great Firewall will let me be or my VPN will start functionning.

No meditation today as I slept poorly again. I can't wait for the temperature to lower a bit so I can add a lunchbreak meditation outside.

Yesterday I had my 2nd session of acupuncture for my insomnia.
So far no real improvement and each session is pretty pessimistic: I apparently have arrhythmia (My hearth beat has been below 54 for years but it's because I'm pretty fit and workout often I think), my hearth meridian is weak, my kidneys aren't great, 1st session I had too much fire and this time I had some cold as well emoticon

Anyway, everything is taken with acceptance these days.

An interesting thing during the session, I didn't have any needle on my left arm but could feel/see the energy in my hand and the vibrations were a lot more precise/define than when I do my usual meditation (During meditation my hand are on top of each other on my lap, so the sensations are more raw).

Impermanence was as clear as water for once.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
26th August, 7:10 PM, Shanghai, 35min:

Pre-Meditation:

3rd night in a row with very poor sleep so I switched the morning meditation to a evening one.
On my way back from work I was a bit down.
Feeling that most part of my day is meaningless and feeling alive only during intense workout and some social interraction. 

Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.

Noting for 30min.

Mindfulness was medium/medium-.

Body: The usual suspects. I don't remember much except that I had a lot of spasms and electricity in my hairs/scalp.

Thoughts: A lot of mental images flashing, mostly sci-fi stuff, it wasn't photo-realist more like sketch/drawing/painting/cgi.


Feeling/emotions: A bit of sadness, loneliness, self-pity but I was ok with all of it and was feeling pretty good and calm in the background (Not sure if it was equanimity, being detached from it or just giving up).

Sound:
The usual suspects. I don't remember much.

Visual field: Nothing significant

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant

General feeling: Felt like I was the spectator of a show: Sensations/thoughts/emotions being the show. So I was seeing it but can of detached.
It was a weird show with the hundreds of crazy mental images popping.

I was ready to meditate much longer (Clock setup on 60min) as I was feeling really fine but gf came back from work.

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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
27th August, 7:10 am, Shanghai, 40min:


Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
In the end, I kept on the abdomen breathing for 10min but I felt a bit dizzy like I was going to fall.

Noting for 30min

The mindfulness was middle but broke to middle - after 20min (When pain appeared) and was low for the last 3min of the session.

Body: Weird experience in the first few minutes. I was feeling like a whirlpool/vortex "inside me" which was going counter-clockwise for a few mins. I felt (But I wasn't moving) that my whole position and mindfulness was forced slightly toward the left. Then the whirlpool/vortex went clockwise for a few second (Forcing my mindfulness to the right) and then stabilize to a normal position.

Sensations were few and slow to arise. Heat/flux/vibration in hands/feet. Vibration in knees. Pleasant vibrating pain in the lower back. Few tingling in the face and electricity on my scalp. A few spasms. Pinching sensation at shoulders. EDIT: Forgot to log the sharp pain on my lower left abdomen I felt (And still coming and going now) at 35min which led to low mindfulness.

Thoughts: A few but each was 2-3sec max before being noticed: experience, logging, planning thoughts.


Feeling/emotions: I would say nothing but is it really possible? Just curious about the weird experience at the beginning then calm, equanimity (But I'm concerned it could be borderline indifference).

Sound: Water fountain, cat, birds, cars, AC.

Visual field: Nothing I noticed.

Weird/interesting: dizziness, feeling like falling, vortex/whirlpool

General feeling: Calm, slow, mostly pleasant.

After-meditation:

I'm leaving for Anji for a teambuilding until Sunday.
I will practice there, write my log on paper and post it on Monday.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
My plan of using the teambuilding to sit went a bit to shit.

I sat on Friday and Saturday (Less than 30min for both sit) but it was very difficult to stay mindful, lot of stories during the samatha part.
My mindset wasn't "right" and I was facing unconfortable aspect of my self and my views.
I know this should actually be confronted but motivation and strength to do it weren't there.

I noticed I arranged my life around a routine made of what I consider good momentum (Meditating, working out, reading, socializing) but as soon as I loose the structure of my routine, some of my flaws start peaking...And it's unconfortable.

I think the structure is a way to keep me busy and not acknowledge the ugly.

31st August, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 42min:


Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
Then 3 rounds of nose breathing noting the out-breath until 10.

The first 2 rounds I felt a lot more space than usual in my mindfulness. I could notice the sensation of my breath at the abdomen but the spatial location wasn't important, it could be felt without being consciously located.
After a while some stories came and I lost the non-location, the sensation of the breath was felt and located each time.

Noting for 32min

The mindfulness was middle for 20min and then collapsed to middle-/low

Body: Slow to arise and slow noting. The usual vibration in hands/forearms/feet/knees. Vibration of the solid thing in the throat. Pressure behind the eyes, I try to look at it more precisely, it disappeared and morph into a pain in the shape of an inverted T  with the leg of the T like a needle which was moving around my forehead. Tingling/vibration on the side of my face/scalp. Moisture in the ears. Itch below the left nostril. Spasms. Pain/vibration in lower back.

Thoughts: Log, mental images, a few stories.


Feeling/emotions: Jealousy, sleepiness/dullness, telling myself I'm aiming too high with this enlightenment thing, that I'm not made of the material to reach it, that it's for other but me I'm not skilled/smart enough to do it.
Again a part of me in the background was ok with that, but it felt more indifference than equanimity.

Sound: Water fountain, cat, neighbors talking, cars.

Visual field: Nothing specific

Weird/interesting

General feeling: Meh. I need to re-build confidence in myself and momentum.
Tim Farrington, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
My plan of using the teambuilding to sit went a bit to shit.

I sat on Friday and Saturday (Less than 30min for both sit) but it was very difficult to stay mindful, lot of stories during the samatha part.
My mindset wasn't "right" and I was facing unconfortable aspect of my self and my views.
I know this should actually be confronted but motivation and strength to do it weren't there.




this is one of those prickly, uncomfortable log entries that can seem fruitful in retrospect, as time and practice roll over the thoughts and emotions. "When things go to shit" is not a bad translation for "dukkha." So the basic Three Characteristics apply here classically: our plans and hopes and best wishful thinking are as transient as anything else; things go to shit sometimes; and where is the self that could control and manage this shit? Where is the self whose mindset could be "right" enough for things to never go to shit? 

Also, immersed in an intense social situation like a teambuilding exercise, of course the stories will be stirred up a lot. Your human brain is built largely to get the social stuff right, and social stuff is always relatively out of control, and requires endless story-telling to sustain. No one likes it when things go to shit, and much of society is built on stories of why the way our things go to shit is preferanble to the way other people's things go to shit. This eventually becomes so obvious that it collapses under its own weight, with practice and courage. Then it all looks like shit for a while. Then, the grace of aceptance, and right action. A few sentences there, for years of work.
I noticed I arranged my life around a routine made of what I consider good momentum (Meditating, working out, reading, socializing) but as soon as I loose the structure of my routine, some of my flaws start peaking...And it's unconfortable.

I think the structure is a way to keep me busy and not acknowledge the ugly.

Personal and social structure is "dissipative," to use chaos theory terms: it is a dynamic balance between utter unstructured experience and a crystallized rigidity that is death to actual life experience. It forms spontaneously, and it gets ragged, and it falls apart completely sometimes, for unnerving periods. It is necessary, and it is transient, and the balance is never anything but fine and vulnerable, however set in stone it may appear at any given moment when things have NOT gone to shit for a minute or two. It is no flaw to appreciate a state of the art structure that is more or less working. But the knowledge of transience, dukkha, and no-self, deepened through your practice, will enable you to see that the structure itself is vulnerable, is ad hoc, is transient. And as Leonard Cohen sings, in "Anthem," "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

I think you're doing just fine with acknowledging the ugly. You mentioned your sense that such things should be "confronted," but that is a strong and very active word here, and can lead in my experience to its own endless loops of backlash, the paradoxes of being too hard on ourselves for being too hard on ourselves, or such things, making more trouble with our reaction that with the primary phenomenon. "Acknowledged" is, i think, a more fruitful approach: you were aware of the ugly, which is as it should be, you owned it, you didn't blink. what more do you need? the ugly is as transient, dukkha-ridden, and non-self as the rest. It's grist for the mill. It's part of your practice.



Feeling/emotions: Jealousy, sleepiness/dullness, telling myself I'm aiming too high with this enlightenment thing, that I'm not made of the material to reach it, that it's for other but me I'm not skilled/smart enough to do it. 
Again a part of me in the background was ok with that, but it felt more indifference than equanimity.

Sound: Water fountain, cat, neighbors talking, cars.

Visual field: Nothing specific

Weird/interesting

General feeling: Meh. I need to re-build confidence in myself and momentum.

Steady, regular practice, through every weather. You're doing the work. Your "confidence" in yourself and your momentum will get its ass kicked many more times on this path, and it will gradually become faith, even as your notions of self and "momentum" evolve. 

Not to screw you up, of course, by implying you're doing well, or even fine. You're clearly the most screwed up person who ever sat to meditate. Except for me, lol. And everyone else.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Wise words Tim. Some gold to dig there, I will come back to it more than a few times.

Thanks a lot friend.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
"General feeling: Meh. I need to re-build confidence in myself and momentum."

emoticon Yah, ehm, well ... emoticon this one is a tricky bastard as we all fall into it every now and then. Look at it as "what goes around comes around" kind of thing and might be with you for a while on this whole Path journey thingy. So get a "right view" about now so to be of help (less frustration) later! 

right view as;

ALL STUFF POPS INTO EXPERIENCE ON ITS OWN, HAS A HIGH PEAK IN EXPERIENCE AND THEN PASSES AWAY! emoticon  ... and yes, it will come around again just to be replaced by something more pleasant which aslo will pass away just to be replaced by something unpleasant and so on and so forth. ACCEPTING this impermanent nature of all experience is freeing.

BTW, I would suggest, if you find it interesting that is, to find one day a week and do just one session of say 45 minutes of freestyle noting aloud. See how that feels, to aloud note 1 sensation a second, anything from body sensations, feeling tones (pleassant, neutral, unpleasant) and mind states (doubt, helplessness, happy, worry, hope, restlessness, ...). I prefer eyes open (for more alertness) fixed on a spot of my choosing , but certainly goes with eyes closed.
I find that noting aloud aids in not getting lost in any midn state for too long which can strenghten hindrances. As soon a sensation is acknowledged it usually passes very fast and get replaced by another. Sure thing it will follow the usual "what goes around comes around" but still it kind of looses its strenght after a few Mind Loops emoticon 

Its just a suggestion. If you feel its not for you then ignore it of course. 
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Trying to convert me to the Church of Loud Noting? Ahaha

I saw some of your posts and considered it but didn't get attracted...without actually trying.
I will give it a try later this week and let you know :-)

Thanks for your comment and advise Papa.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
SushiK:
Trying to convert me to the Church of Loud Noting? Ahaha

I saw some of your posts and considered it but didn't get attracted...without actually trying.
I will give it a try later this week and let you know :-)

Thanks for your comment and advise Papa.

LOL emoticon not at all. I do get it though. Its such a ridiculous looking and sounding practice. I laughed at it back in my Shamatha days and just thought of it as the most un-cool meditation. And yet both Shinzen and Kenneth Folk advocate it.

It was just a suggestion to try it out as just another yogi tool, and see how long those mind states like "doubt, self-pitty, sadness" last when you do noting aloud 1 sensation a second. 

No converting on my part, just sharing my experience which I find worked for me but might be a total miss for you. 
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
31st August, 6:50 pm, Shanghai, 30min:


I don't remember much about the phenomenology. Just tried to have a pleasant sit and it was.
Mostly noting.

For the last 15min I did loud noting but it was more like a whisper emoticon
It was ok, might use it again if I struggle to stay mindful.
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SushiK, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
1st September, 7:00 am, Shanghai, 50min:


Meditation

I started with 3 rounds of abdomen breathing noting the out-breath until 10.
I did it twice because I was edgy playing with the AC and didn't manage to focus.

I might benefit from some more concentration practice because I don't focus easily anymore.
Became more like a routine I have to do before vipassana but I'm not really putting myself in it anymore.

Noting for 40min

The mindfulness was middle for 10min then was really really low 20min in. It went back to middle and then became low again after a personal insight at 35min.

Body: Slow to arise and slooooooow noting. Pulsation in hands. Vibration of the solid thing in the throat. Pressure behind the eyes. Tingling/vibration on the face. Spasms. Itch below the nostrils. Some pain arising and going away. Stiffness on the inner side of the throat.

Thoughts: Log, mental images, a few stories.
Then suddenly a personal insight poped in my head concerning my attraction to routine/structure, it came crystal clear it was because I'm indecisive and without a routine I wouldn't know what to do and/or would go back to instinct activities (Alternating between eating/resting/dulling my mind).


Feeling/emotions: Frustration, aversion to slow noting/arising  and less clear sensations, aversion to outside sounds, dullness.  

Sound: Water fountain, cat, cars.

Visual field: Nothing specific

Weird/interesting

General feeling: Wasn't bad and wasn't great. I need to put more effort in both the concentration and insight. Recently some sits look like a routine that I'm half assing.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
You can build focus/alertness by starting with noting and then when you feel it being strong drop it and join the pleasant sensations to go into absorptions like Shri is doing.

"Evening, noting + breath, 60’

  • Simple labeling led to a very calm state.
  • Could not find any aversion or greed, and soon piti built up.
  • Just felt like taking rest with the breath and I dropped the noting as it felt a little slightly unpleasant to break the nice whole body breath awareness.
  • Piti came in waves of buzzing and stayed for a good amount of time, once cycle every 3-4 seconds
  • For a short while I was able to be chill and notice the sensations. But attention soon “jumped into” the piti sensation.
  • "
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
2nd September, 7:00 AM, Shanghai, 50min:

Pre-Meditation:

Yesterday I read some part of AlohaDharma (Got it from Dharma Warehouse I don't know who created this repository but thanks a lot).

Based on my reading, I think I was controlling the attention during my noting and "forcing" the attention to move to certain place instead of letting the mind do what it does and just observing/noting what it currently is looking at.

Also I reconsidered saying my intention before each sit thanks to posts of Niels, Shargrol, Linda, etc.

Meditation

I started  by placing an intention.

5min of concentration on the breath at the tip of the nostril followed by 5min of the breath in the stomach.

Noting for 40min.

Mindfulness was medium++ and fluctuate after 20min to medium/medium+

Body: Sensations were more clear and coming at a faster path, I would say the right path (Nothing manic and nothing to sluggish). Vibration in hands/forearms/feet/knees. Pulsation in hands. The solid thing in my throat fluctuated between solid, pulsation, vibrating, disappearing in circles. Tingling on the right side of my face mostly. Some itch and spasms popping here and there. Pain in the lower back that went from fairly pleasant to neutral to slightly displeasant. Pressure on top of the eye and tension at 3rd eye. Electricity in scalp. Horizontal ondulation (? difficult to describe) on lower back. At some point i felt like most of my body was vibrating (But mostly my back from my hips to my plexus) in a rhythm of 3 (Again difficult to describe, something like tap tap tap .....tap tap tap), it lasted a minute maybe. 

Thoughts: Planning, logging, experience, mental images


Feeling/emotions: Not really noticeable, difficult to find anything. A bit of self-confidence, content with the practice, interest.

Sound: Cars, AC, high pitching sound in ears, cat.


Visual field: Some fluctuation in white light and at some point small white line coming very slowly toward me which gave the illusion I was slowly moving forward

Weird/interesting: Full body vibration, white light.

General feeling: Felt good and structured. I didn't have any aversion toward the duration (No boredom, not wanting to be anywhere or doing something else).

After-Meditation:

On my ride to work, I tried to keep following the breath most of the time and to release the tensions in my face when I noticed it (My eyebrow and cheeks have a tendency to contract most of the time).

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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
3rd September, 6:20 AM, Shanghai, 60min:

Pre-Meditation:

I wake up at 4am from a nightmare, so got around 5h of sleep.

Meditation

I started  by placing an intention.

10min samatha on the abdomen breathing. Pleasant sensation and felt a bit specially distabilized, like I didn't really know where was up/down/left/right anymore.

Noting for 50min.

Mindfulness was really strong for the first 30min. Then energy fall of a bit and I got a lot of mental images popping out, followed by short ultra realistic movies (I wasn't sleeping as I could still feel and note sensations).

Then suddenly an image/painting of a orange/fire humanoid figure (But not a human) popped up for half a second and it brought me back to the meditation with a very very strong energy.

But I was a bit startled by the experience so mindfulness was medium- after that (I could spend 10sec+ without noting).

Body: Sensations were more define than usual, some had a granular aspect. Vibration/pulsation in hands/arms/feet/legs/lower-back(new). Light tingling in face/scalp/upper-arms/torso. Pressure behind the eyes. Itch popping and disappearing, one persisted on the nose.

Thoughts: Planning, logging, experience, mental images, ultra-realist movie ( Duration of less than 5sec for each).


Feeling/emotions: Jealousy and self-pity about my bad sleep. Content and pleasure about the meditation. Sleepiness/low energy half-way. Excited and curious about the experience. Strong energy. Happy to discover a new range of physical sensation. Aversion toward the loud sounds when it was coupled with a lot of physical sensations. Sadness at wasting the energy at the end by being caught up with the experience instead of noting.

Sound: Cars, loud truck, high pitching sound in ears, cat, water fountain.


Visual field: Some white light pattern moving after the experience + a few second of a black and white tapistry of butterfly.

Weird/interesting: Image experience / White light

General feeling: Felt good to have a very strong mindfulness at the beginning and discovering a new range of physical sensations. The experience was fun even if it led to a lower mindfulness toward the end

After-Meditation:

I'm not really tending toward woohoo thing, so my interpretation of the figure appearing leading to energy is that a part of my mind was scared by the apparition and put me back in fight or flight mode.
So the surge of energy was probably adrenaline
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
4th September, 7:10 AM, Shanghai, 30min:

Pre-Meditation:

Another really poor night. Couldn't fall asleep for a while, feeling vibration/pulsation in most of my body. Wake up at 2am for a while and then wake up every hour until 6:50am.

Meditation

3 rouds counting the outbreath at the stomach to 10.

Noting for 25min

Mindfulness was really strong for the first 15min then medium and ended on low.

Body: Sensations were again more precise and for the first 15min I was noting really fast. Almost no latency between the pop of the sensation and the noticing. Vibration/pulsation in hands/forearms/knees/lower-back. Tingling on left side of the face and scalp. Pressure forehead and behind eyes. Sharp pain on the right temple. Pressure in ears. Itches coming and going instantly.Tension in back neck. Solidity inside the throat.

Thoughts: Planning, logging, Dho, very few mental images, stock-market (:unsureemoticon...


Feeling/emotions: Aversion toward the sounds, it went away until my cat started making a fuss. Calm. Some anxiety coming and going depending on the thoughts coming.

Sound: Cars, Cat, water-fountain, coffee pot, high pitch sound in both ears but more intense in right side.


Visual field: A small black dot at the beginning.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: First 15min felt powerful, then I was a bit caught up in my thought, I didn't feel sleepy per say but difficulty remembering I was supposed to stay mindful.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
7th September, 7:10 AM, Shanghai, 33min (Planned 45min but gf wake up earlier):

Life:

I noticed that I had dreams linked to the 3c over the last 10 days. A very clear anatta feeling when I was half awake/dreaming, and another very clear about anicca. For Dukkha...well i have had a lot more nightmare than usual the last few weeks.

What's funny is that I don't spend much time actively thinking or reading about it. Even during meditation, I don't force myself to see it in every sensation.

I also had mental insight coming to me the last few days. When I was having aversion toward my yoga teacher's voice (:unsureemoticon, and instantly automatically shifted to "It's just a sensation, you can't help it, you don't have to act on it. It just is".

Another one was when I was day dreaming about my future life (Hopefully) in Lombok Indonesia. I was picturing myself surfing and thinking "then I will be happy", and instantly anicca/dukkha came to mind.
Surfing/living "The" life won't make me happy forever, I will still experience suffering.

Meditation

Breathing at the abdomen for 5-7min.

Noting for 25min

Mindfulness was medium+ and shifted to medium/medium-

Body: Pulsation/vibration at hands/knees/feet/lowerback. Tingling around the mouth/side of the face/scalp. Some tingling rising from lower back. Pain at temples. Stiffness back/side neck. Weight in the throat. Pleasant feeling with the outbreath in the abdomen. Pressure behind the eyes and eyes flickering.

Thoughts: Few. Planning, mental images, logging.


Feeling/emotions: Strong sadness toward the end of the samatha related to the extra suffering every human is putting on him/herself and on other. Then mostly calm and a bit of irritation when the meditation was cut short.

Sound: Cars, water-fountain, AC, high pitch sound in both ears but more intense in right side.


Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: Nothing particular, it was good enough for a Monday emoticon Also I had a very profound 60min meditation on Saturday but don't remember enough to log
Nav T, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 59 Join Date: 8/10/20 Recent Posts
[quote= "then I will be happy", and instantly anicca/dukkha came to mind. 
]
Thats a classic one emoticon amazing how the mind thinks perceived hapiness is always at a different point in time, never now. 

I notice this in my meditation itself when the mind is constantly strategizing to make the next moment better, never content with the present. 

Basically we are screwed emoticon 

Acceptance is where its at emoticon easy to say hard to practise.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Indeed a classic one. What was interesting in this case is the insight came rushing naturally. No logic/reasoning behind it, it was just there and had more of a sensation/feeling than mental aspect.

100% with your last 2 sentences: We are screwed, easier to accept it than fight it emoticon
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
8th September, 7:10 AM, Shanghai:

Pre-meditation:

Electricity went off so no AC for this one

Meditation

Breathing at the abdomen for 10min.

Noting for 30min

Mindfulness was medium at first then went to low then back to medium-

Body: Pulsation/vibration at hands/knees/feet/lower back. Tenderness at the lower back. Tingling around the face/scalp. Stiffness back/side neck and shoulders. Pleasant feeling in the upper legs. Spams and twitching mostly at the left arm around the elbow. Even with no AC I had a cold feeling on my right foot.

Thoughts: Planning, logging, life, a few mental images.


Feeling/emotions: hopelessness, jealousy, anger at first. Then lack of motivation, interest, and energy to rise up my mindfulness but no real aversion toward that. 

Sound: Car, high pitch sound in both ears.


Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: Nothing particular, so-so meditation due to lack of motivation/energy/interest today. Usually, when I'm not really satisfied with my sit I usually try to be extra-careful about morality the rest of the day.

Not starting the day perfectly doesn't mean I have to be an asshole to myself/others emoticon
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
8th September, 10:00 PM, 30min, Shanghai:

A quick evening meditation.
Mindfulness was strong, a lot of vibration/spasms all over my body.

A thought came telling me that nowI was clearly seeing the impermanence of physical sensations.
But I still felt that it was happening to me.
Like I was a solid thing and sensations were foreign things happening on the surface of my shell.

Then came the understanding that I was creating this shell by being tense and contracted most of the time.

After that without conscious decision different parts of my body started moving and readjusting itself: hands, arms, shoulders, neck, jaw and it ended with the inside of the mouth.

It was indeed much more comfortable afterward but it was difficult to let the body do its thing and not taking control, especially went it reached the mouth/tongue.

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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
9th September, 7:00 AM, 45min, Shanghai:


Meditation

Breathing at the abdomen for 10min with 3 rounds of counting to 10.
I was feeling slightly dizzy at the end like I had vertigo and losing my equilibrium.

Noting for 35min

Mindfulness was medium+ at first then drop a bit after 20min. At some points I dropped noting and just keep noticing as there were too many sensations.

Body: A lot of vibration in hands/arms/legs/feet. Pulsation in lower back. Tingling all over the face/scalp. Moisture in ears. Itching coming and going. Pain in forehead that disappeared every time I looked at it and then came back. Eyes flicking and almost opening themselves without my intention to do so. A lot of spasms all over the body but mostly in the left arm around the elbow. Some sharp pains coming and going at the tip of the fingers. Tightness on the back neck. The solid thing in my throat is actually an oval cavity that seem to be closed at both extremity, and it has kind of a weight.

Thoughts: Planning, logging, dho, experience, life.


Feeling/emotions: Aversion to the loud sounds at the beginning, then acceptance of it as more sensations. Otherwise mostly calm but I could feel a bit of sadness and desperation in the background. Also a feeling of wanting to open this damn throat cavity

Sound: Construction in the apartment upstair, Car, cat, AC, high pitch sound in both ears.


Visual field: Shift in white light

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: It was pretty intense in term of physical sensations for the first 15-20min. My emotions are pretty subtle and really not easy for me to notice.
Like they are hidden or blocked by something, and my intuition is that it could be linked to this block I'm noticing in the throat.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
9th September, 7:10 AM, 38min, Shanghai:

Pre-Meditation:

Tired when I wake up. I'm having a lot more nightmares than usual for the last few weeks.
Nothing dramatic but nightmarish enough to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Meditation

Breathing at the abdomen for 10min with 3 rounds of counting to 10.
Ended with a bit of breathing at tips of the nose

Noting for 28min

Mindfulness was medium- to low and back to medium-

Body: Sensations weren't as strong as yesterday. Calmer and slower. Vibration at arms/legs/feet. Pulsation in the lower back. Wave of tingling came late in the sit. Pressure and moisture in ears. Itch on the scalp. Spasms. Stiffness in the neck. Weight in the throat. The body rearranged itself as some point with the shoulders dropping down and the jaws untighting itself.

Thoughts: Planning, work, logging, dho, experience, life, got lost in a story about my working out at some point.


Feeling/emotions: Aversion to the loud sounds that stayed for a while, aversion to my cat trying to climb on me, wanting stronger/faster sensations. At some point, I felt a bubble of anxiety free itself and I could observe the sensations related to it (heaviness in the stomach, faster heart rate) but I didn't have any mental/emotional association with it, I knew it was anxiety being released but it was purely physical. I observed it and then it dissolved after a while.

Sound: Construction in the apartment upstairs, car, cat, AC, high pitch sound in both ears.


Visual field: Shift in white light

Weird/interesting: The bubble of physical anxiety

General feeling: Calmer and slower than what at like. Mindfulness wasn't really up to the task today. The anxiety bubble was interesting tho.

After-Meditation

I'm not sure how to go forward in my progress but just keep going.

I will have a week's holiday first of October so I will try to push for 60min twice a day.
Then the temperature should be lower so I will be able to add a 60min sit at lunchtime during weekdays.
shargrol, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1575 Join Date: 2/8/16 Recent Posts
Yes, gently keep going... nightmares are often a good sign that something unconscious is starting to break up a little. You might have some realizations about your resistances and fears if you gently look at how greed and aversion show up in your sits.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
10th September, 7:00 AM, 40min, Shanghai:

Pre-Meditation:

Multiple wake up during the night after nightmares, but manage to fall asleep pretty fast after each

Meditation

Breathing at the abdomen for  3 rounds of counting to 10.

Noting for 35min

Mindfulness was medium++ at first, went to medium/medium- and decreasing after gf awake around 30min in.

Body: Sensations were fewer and slower. Usual vibration and tingling but lighter. A few spasms. Pressure at temples and forehead. Pulsation in back of the head and the lower back. The solid thing in my throat started pulsing toward the end, it started at the bottom of it and then the whole thing. Toward the end the vibration were felt as one and not as separate hands/legs/core/etc

Thoughts: Planning, logging, DHO (Shargrol post, Niels retreat, Es Pro's struggles), mental images.


Feeling/emotions: Light anger at not finding greed/aversion easily, calm.

Greed: Wanting faster and clearer sensations, wanting for some experiences to happen, wanting to crack the code of this meditation thing, wanting the solid thing in my throat to open, wanting the meditation to end as my mindfulness was decreasing and I didn't want to log a low mindfulness because I want to look like I'm progressing, wanting to appear buddha like when my gf wake up and came to the living room where I was meditating...Damned ego maniac me emoticon 

Aversion: Toward sounds, toward the solid thing in my throat.

Sound: Construction in the apartment upstairs, car, cat, high pitch sound in both ears.


Visual field: Shift in white light

Weird/interesting

General feeling: Strong mindfulness at first but not much to see in term of physical sensations. Difficulty to find greed/aversion, it doesn't come naturally, I have to look for it, seemed a bit forced mentally for some.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Weekend:

Last 2 days have been a bit boozy and going to sleep later than usual.

However Saturday morning sit (50min) as been awesome: Really strong mindfulness, fast noting, interesting experience (Body re-arranging itself to ease tensions in shoulders/face), the solid thing in my throat moved up to come below tongue/jaw and it has been less noticable since -

It also eft me with a very strong and clean energy without edginess (I crushed it at my workout an hour later), I felt really really good for the rest of the day.

Reminder to myself: Write your note on paper during weekend.

14th September, 7:15am, 25min, Shanghai:

Nightmares still going strong almost every night. This time my friend crashed the car into a lake and I was trying to escape when I wake up.
(I remember filling conscious of the danger but still calm in my actions, releasing my sitbelt and then trying to open the door but water pressure was too strong, heartbeat was speeding up tho).

Mindfulness was medium at first but decreased during the whole sit, I was switching between noting and open awareness.
I noticed the mind being interested by itself and its "location" which is new.
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Nightmares still going strong almost every night. This time my friend crashed the car into a lake and I was trying to escape when I wake up.
(I remember filling conscious of the danger but still calm in my actions, releasing my sitbelt and then trying to open the door but water pressure was too strong, heartbeat was speeding up tho).


Maybe a touch of desire for liberation in this dream: the no-exit feeling is often indicative of getting close to an unforeseen release. And the calm is auspicious. 

Either that, or roll down your window when your friend and you are driving near lakes.

Or both, lol, plus more.

love, tim
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
I missed you Tim, thanks for passing by :-)

This, that, or maybe I shouldn't let my friends drive.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't wake up dying in a dream this time, but I made the mistake of assuming I could wake up at 6:30 and go right to sit without coffee - I feel you Sam ;)

Mindfulness was fairly low and nothing much happened out of the usual + a lot of mental images and some part of me trying to start stories based on those but mindfulness was strong enough to see that and stir it away.
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
SushiK:
I missed you Tim, thanks for passing by :-)

This, that, or maybe I shouldn't let my friends drive.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't wake up dying in a dream this time, but I made the mistake of assuming I could wake up at 6:30 and go right to sit without coffee - I feel you Sam ;)

Mindfulness was fairly low and nothing much happened out of the usual + a lot of mental images and some part of me trying to start stories based on those but mindfulness was strong enough to see that and stir it away.

"the mistake of assuming I could wake up at 6:30 and go right to sit without coffee - I feel you Sam ;)"    lol. There is a reason the Ch'an monks in China loved their tea. I am ritualistic about my coffee, it is fully incorporated into my meditative routine. I find it is better than heroin or amphetimines, generally.
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
16th September, 7:15am, 25min, Shanghai + 17th September, 7:00am, 50min, Shanghai:

Wake up with a cold yesterday which affected the sit, lot of coughing and stuff in my throat.
Today was slightly better in term of coughing.

Overall the mindfulness is random and switching fast from medium, to low, to full on stories and back.

I'm energized but...It feels like a dark energy in opposition to last Saturday when the energy was really strong but pure.

Whenever mindfulness is up to it, sensations were more difficult to analyse and separate from each other.
I also have a lot of absurd micro story being created, like giving a character to some sensations and giving them intentions...Like they are humans.
It was weird, maybe I was so low in mindfulness that I went into a trance.

I also had memory bubles rising (Litteraly felt like the bubble detached from somewhere, rise to consciousness, is experienced and then pop). Usually memory I'm ashamed of.
Whenever this happens, the visual field filled with intense black.

I feel I have been floating without an anchor for the last few days, even if I kept my usual structure and routine.
But I notice the aversion to make a structured log today.

I don't have a strong aversion toward what is happening per say, just a tiny bit of confusion. Maybe it will become aversion if it stays like that much longer.

On better news, I stopped vaping nicotine since last Saturday and switched to 3 gums a day which I will reduce gradually.
Nav, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 59 Join Date: 8/10/20 Recent Posts
Good work man! i can relate to your logs i feel like i am going through a similar harder phase than a couple of weeks ago. 

Nice job on the nicotine btw. I quit a few years back, best.decision.ever - apart from taking up the path ofcourse emoticon 
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
18th September, 7:10 AM, Shanghai, 35min:

Pre-Meditation:

Another eventful night, wake up around 2am after a nightmare (I was a character and killed someone, then somehow became me again and watched a video of the killing, got really anxious that China's gov would track me watching the video and then I wake up). Then spend a long time in a half dreaming/half awake state.

Edit: I don't know if it was before/after the nightmare but I remember another dream in which I was meditating and suddenly wanted to throw up before puking...My subconscious is definitely trying to bring something up

Meditation

3 rouds counting the outbreath at the stomach to 10.

Noting for 30min

Mindfulness was medium to medium-

Body: Buzzing/vibrations from the feet to the hips and from the fingers to the shoulders. Some vibration appearing at the plexus. spasms. The solid thing inside my throat seemed to have disappear but its "cage" is still present (feels like an empty very stiff bag in the throat). Tenderness at the back of the neck. Moisture in ears. Itching on scalp and face. Pain/headache/pressure slightly over the left eye.

Thoughts: Planning, logging, Dho, very few mental images, experience.


Feeling/emotions: Felt like I was on a playground and enjoying interracting with all the sensations, curious , glad to have a practice and finding the whole experience very interesting, wanting more tho, feeling good and calm.

Sound: I actually didn't notice much sounds, a few cars.


Visual field: Nothing significant.

Weird/interesting: Nothing significant.

General feeling: Feeling good, appreciation for the chance I have to practice, playfulness. 
Sam Gentile, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1265 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Just catching up with your logs. You seem to be right on track. Logging a good amount of detail and being very precise. You're doing great!
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SushiK, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Sam, walking the walk the best I can.
I wish you well in this uneasy period for you

I'm still practicing but I won't log daily anymore.
I will do whenever I feel like it be it for progress, interesting experience or putting a reminder to myself
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SushiK, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
18th November, 6:50 AM, Shanghai, 55min:

Back at it after 2 months without regular meditations.
Hectic time at work made me want to go back at it more regularly BUT without a strong agency.

Meditation

3 rouds counting the outbreath at the stomach to 10.

Noting for 50min

Mindfulness was medium+/Strong

Body: Vibration/buzzing in hands, lower back, upper back. Tingling in face. Pleasurable wave in legs and hips. Stifness in neck. Pain in right shoulder

Thoughts: Few: Planning, dho, experience.


Feeling/emotions: Happiness, confidence in what I was doing, lot of curiosity.

Sound: Cars, water fountain


Visual field: A LOT of white light popping, rushing toward me or making shape with the blackness.

Weird/interesting: The lights

General feeling: It was great. The "sensation not being me" was pretty evident during most of the meditation, and the thought of "who/what is noticing that it isn't me" was here but led to intellectual thought like "This is sensations as well, just more subtle". Glad to be back !
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
I don't know why but I always experience craving for Sushi when I read your posts emoticon 

Best wishes to you! emoticon 
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SushiK, modified 6 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
Back at it for the last 2 weeks, 40min a day sometimes more if I can put an evening session.

2 days ago, reach a moment where the sensations were noticed without being associated with a physical location (No mental image created with the noticing).
I managed to stay in this state for 15-20sec.

Afterward, I had a few interesting moment/insight the rest of the day:

- Most things were seen without the usual very rigid concept I put around. I remember looking at a building and seeing the whole thing, without putting the concept of building on it and what it was constitued of. I could extend that to multiple building or the city landscape. Made everything more beautiful somehow.

- I remember feeling that there was no distance between me and what I was seeing. 0 distance. That the depth of my vision was there yes, but that it wasn't a real distance, like watching TV with your eye stuck to the screen.

- Time had a similar feeling of not actually existing

Anyway that wasn't a mind breaking day but everything felt 10% better.
No clinging but it would be nice to find that again...If that's useful to the path

Questions:

1/ I'm back to square 1 with mental image/localisation popping up anytime I notice a sensation, should I try to cultivate the experience I had? If yes, any tips?

2/ I still have some doubts coming and going about my notice practice especially about the breath has an anchor (never really grasp the concept). I mostly practiced the number 2 below, is that correct?
  • Notice every sensation popping up, going back to the breath if it's going too strong/I get lost in thought:
    • Ex: Vibration in hands, bliss in legs, spasm, itching, energy lower back, spasm, tingling, rising, falling, etc
  • Notice every sensation popping up, trying to not miss the breath as well:
    • Ex: Rising, vibration in hands, bliss in legs, falling, spasms, itching, rising, energy lower back, spasm, falling, etc
  • Notice a sensation and staying there until it pass away then moving to another one:
    • Ex: itching, itching, itching, (dissolves), tightness, tightness, tightness (dissolves), etc

I put physical sensations in the example because that's the bulk of what I notice these days. Thoughts are few and noticed, emotions are even fewer (Or might be very subtle and I'm missing it)
Tim Farrington, modified 6 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 2470 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
Hi Sushi, and thank you for the practice update. I'm with Papa Che, can't read your log without craving raw fish wrapped in rice, lol.

Questions:

1/ I'm back to square 1 with mental image/localisation popping up anytime I notice a sensation, should I try to cultivate the experience I had? If yes, any tips?
Most of the leaps and shifts in practice happen spontaneously, as your experience of locationless sensation did. I just think of them as something having ripened, but ripening can't be hurried. I tend to lean toward cultivating the practice that led to the spontaneous shift, so back to square one every time. Often trying to recreate a particular shift/effect will get you into a dead end of greed, trying to make something happen, which is just going to bog your practice down. Think of such things as fruits, sweet when they ripen, but no good green, and un-hurry-able in the ripening. The real cultivation is of what bore that fruit, your primary practice. 

2/ I still have some doubts coming and going about my notice practice especially about the breath has an anchor (never really grasp the concept). I mostly practiced the number 2 below, is that correct?
  • Notice every sensation popping up, going back to the breath if it's going too strong/I get lost in thought:
    • Ex: Vibration in hands, bliss in legs, spasm, itching, energy lower back, spasm, tingling, rising, falling, etc
  • Notice every sensation popping up, trying to not miss the breath as well:
    • Ex: Rising, vibration in hands, bliss in legs, falling, spasms, itching, rising, energy lower back, spasm, falling, etc
  • Notice a sensation and staying there until it pass away then moving to another one:
    • Ex: itching, itching, itching, (dissolves), tightness, tightness, tightness (dissolves), etc
I put physical sensations in the example because that's the bulk of what I notice these days. Thoughts are few and noticed, emotions are even fewer (Or might be very subtle and I'm missing it)

Using the breath as an anchor in your noting practice is a particular technique, a formula, a protocol: step A (note breath, for example), step B (note any other sensation "popping up"). Any formula for meditation is re-iterative: there is the formula itself, the steps of the technique, and then there is a trigger to renew the formula, call it step C, here, from your examples ("
going back to the breath if it's going too strong/I get lost in thought"), to start the next iteration: step A, step B, step C. step A. So begin by reviewing how you're formulating your formula. All three of your examples sound to me like nuances within normal practice, potentially. Example 1 sounds like your basic formulation of your technique, by the letters: A. note breath, B. note sensations, C. return to breath upon becoming aware of [these conditions]. In example 2, "trying not to miss the breath" may be oversteering, if you're using the breath as a doorway to noting. Once you're noting, it ain't broke, and you will note the breath naturally as part of your flow of noting, and if you miss noting any particular breath because the entire universe exploded into radiance or because of a strong spasm in your back or a tickle in your scalp, no big deal. The breath is useful mainly because it will always be there when you bring your attention "home," for whatever reason. It is where you start, in your technique. It keeps you from getting lost; there is always the next breath to refresh your intention and attention. And your example 3, again, is a nuance: some sensations hold our attention, and we end up noting their transience and changeableness under sustained attention. And when in doubt, there's always the next breath to note, to renew the universe, and your attention, after it explodes into radiance, for example.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing great. Trust your technique. You've got the conscientiousness, and the commitment, and it sounds like you have some good momentum in your practice right now. Thanks as always for sharing here!



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SushiK, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 127 Join Date: 6/11/20 Recent Posts
I have been sitting consistently for a month+.
Usually 45-60min in the morning and 30-40min in the evening.

Some sit with very intense piti and the firework of white light
Some very calm, relaxing, and pleasant equanimity (Could spend hours in there).
Some with sensations in HD, clearly seen, very distinct, almost like a physical object (usually it feels very crisp/fresh/almost icy).
Some with very fast noticing, building up to a climax...which explodes half-baked (Due to the anticipation of the climax I think).
Some sit are sparkled with flashes of strong anger/rage.
Some sit are a lot more reasonable, with just good old noting of a few sensation/mind state/thought per sec.

So far so good but I'm noticing a disinterest to understand what's happening on an intellectual level.
Just sitting, noticing, experiencing...and enjoying it.
Not sure if it's a good move or if it's going to slow inisght.

I'm reading the 7 treasures of Awakening by Joseph Goldstein (On Abre advise), good and easy read.
I like it a lot.

I will try to come back and log more regularly :-)
George S, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1890 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
SushiK
So far so good but I'm noticing a disinterest to understand what's happening on an intellectual level.
Just sitting, noticing, experiencing...and enjoying it.
Not sure if it's a good move or if it's going to slow inisght.


I think that's probably a GOOD THING. Intellectual interest is often a disguised form of ill will. emoticon
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1985 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Best wishes friend emoticon 
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Brandon Dayton, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 480 Join Date: 9/24/19 Recent Posts
Welcome to Team Abre!

Fun to read your logs as I am seeing much of the territory that I have been treading myself. Reading your logs on nightmares brings me back to most of 2020. That shit can be a real grind, but it does tranform over time.

 I remember feeling that there was no distance between me and what I was seeing. 0 distance. That the depth of my vision was there yes, but that it wasn't a real distance, like watching TV with your eye stuck to the screen.

I've had this same insight. I've been in the mountains hiking, looked at vista that stretched out into the horizon and felt like it could have been right in front of my face.  The sense of space is not visual! This is something I knew intellectually from studying art -- we really only see in 2 dimensions and then extrapolate depth from that info -- but that actual sense of depth is entirely mental.

The real revelation comes from sitting with your eyes closed and feeling a transforming sense of space with no visual cues at all, but I've even felt it extending beyond a solid wall that was right in front of me. Still working on developing that. At some point it should become infinite...or so they say. 
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: SushiK Log #1

Posts: 1265 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Oh, you went wit with Abre. Welcome to Team Abre!

P.S.  You may want to start SushiK Log #2. This is getting long and hard to read.

May you practice well!

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